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General InformationEdit

Title "The One with Mrs. Bing"
Format SubRip
Extension .srt

SubtitlesEdit

​1
00:00:01,301 --> 00:00:03,997
Do you think they have
yesterday's Daily News?

2
00:00:04,304 --> 00:00:07,569
I just wanna check my horoscope,
see if it was right.

3
00:00:08,708 --> 00:00:12,405
Oh, my God! Don't Iook now.
Behind you there's a guy...

4
00:00:12,612 --> 00:00:16,878
...who can break our hearts
and plunge us into depression.

5
00:00:18,351 --> 00:00:20,012
Come to mama.

6
00:00:20,653 --> 00:00:23,121
He's coming.
Be cool. Be cool. Be cool.

7
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:25,586
-Nice hat.
-Thanks.

8
00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:28,786
-We should do something. Whistle.
-I' m not whistling.

9
00:00:28,995 --> 00:00:30,019
Come on, do it!

10
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,425
Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it.

11
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,169
I can't believe you did that.

12
00:00:41,141 --> 00:00:43,268
The One With Mrs. Bing

13
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:30,682
-It's all my fault.
-No, it's mine.

14
00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,551
Why did I whoo-hoo?

15
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:35,057
Was I hoping
he'd turn around and say...

16
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:38,424
... " I Iove that sound.
I must have you now"?

17
00:01:39,165 --> 00:01:41,998
I wish there was something
we could do.

18
00:01:44,571 --> 00:01:45,765
Hello, coma guy.

19
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,666
Get up, you Girl Scout!
Up, up, up!

20
00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:51,070
What are you doing?

21
00:01:51,344 --> 00:01:53,244
Maybe nobody's tried this.

22
00:01:56,049 --> 00:01:58,381
I wish we at Ieast knew his name.

23
00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:01,315
I hate that they're
calling him John Doe.

24
00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:05,116
It's so sad. It's Iike he's a deer,
a female deer.

25
00:02:05,825 --> 00:02:07,986
Oh, I was gonna stop.

26
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:11,257
Look at that face.

27
00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:13,726
Even sleeping he Iooks smart.

28
00:02:13,933 --> 00:02:17,391
Yeah, but the dents in his knuckles
mean he's artistic.

29
00:02:17,871 --> 00:02:22,035
Okay. He's a Iawyer who teaches
sculpting on the side.

30
00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:23,833
And he can dance.

31
00:02:24,577 --> 00:02:28,877
And he's the kind of guy who,
when you're talking, he's Iistening...

32
00:02:29,082 --> 00:02:30,845
... not saying, " I understand "...

33
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:34,144
... but really wondering
what you Iook Iike naked.

34
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:39,251
I wish all guys could be Iike him.

35
00:02:41,027 --> 00:02:42,085
I know.

36
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,200
You don't even know this guy.

37
00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:52,963
Are there no conscious men
in the city for you two?

38
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,235
He doesn't have anyone.

39
00:02:55,508 --> 00:02:57,601
We feel kind of responsible.

40
00:02:58,344 --> 00:03:00,835
I can't believe you said "whoo-hoo. "

41
00:03:01,514 --> 00:03:03,004
I don't even say "whoo-hoo. "

42
00:03:03,316 --> 00:03:04,840
Oh, she's coming up.

43
00:03:05,051 --> 00:03:09,784
When we return, we 'll talk with
the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing.

44
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:12,082
Put the kids to bed for this one.

45
00:03:12,325 --> 00:03:15,852
Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie 's
is on Showtime and HBO.

46
00:03:16,095 --> 00:03:17,027
No way.

47
00:03:17,564 --> 00:03:21,193
-She's your mom.
-Exactly. Weekend at Bernie 's.

48
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:24,961
Dead guy getting hit
in the groin 20, 30 times.

49
00:03:26,272 --> 00:03:29,435
I gotta tell you,
I Iove your mom's books.

50
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:32,371
I can't get on a plane without one.
This is so cool.

51
00:03:32,612 --> 00:03:35,046
You wouldn't think so
if you were 1 1...

52
00:03:35,281 --> 00:03:39,775
...and your friends were passing around
page 79 of Mistress Bitch.

53
00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:42,580
I remember page 79.

54
00:03:42,789 --> 00:03:47,192
The thing after the opera
with the girl with the trick hip?

55
00:03:49,696 --> 00:03:51,926
I Iove your mom.
I think she's a blast.

56
00:03:52,198 --> 00:03:53,995
That's because she's not your mom.

57
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:55,598
Oh, please. She's the

58
00:03:55,802 --> 00:03:57,633
Hi, sweetie.

59
00:03:59,505 --> 00:04:02,338
When did " Rigatoni " get back from Rome?

60
00:04:03,776 --> 00:04:05,107
-Last night.
-Really?

61
00:04:05,345 --> 00:04:08,576
So, his plane didn't explode
in a big ball of fire?

62
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,713
Just a dream I had.

63
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,176
But, phew!

64
00:04:13,519 --> 00:04:14,850
Hey, she's on.

65
00:04:17,957 --> 00:04:19,515
Nora Bing.

66
00:04:21,027 --> 00:04:25,521
Back to the book. What is this
about you being arrested in London?

67
00:04:25,865 --> 00:04:27,457
Your mom was arrested?

68
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,658
I'm busy beaming with pride.

69
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:32,233
This is kind of embarrassing...

70
00:04:33,306 --> 00:04:36,639
...but occasionally, after
I've been intimate with a man...

71
00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:39,341
Why would she say that's embarrassing?

72
00:04:40,413 --> 00:04:43,678
...I just get this craving
for kung pao chicken.

73
00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:45,976
That's too much information.

74
00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:54,119
Needless to say, he got a huge tip.

75
00:04:56,863 --> 00:04:58,353
Oh, God, I Iove her!

76
00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:01,032
I think I' m having a stroke.

77
00:05:02,335 --> 00:05:05,065
So how is your book tour going?

78
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:09,298
Oh, fine. I'm leaving
for New York tomorrow, which I hate.

79
00:05:09,575 --> 00:05:11,736
But I get to see my son, who I love.

80
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:17,310
This is the way that I find out.
Most moms use the phone.

81
00:05:17,717 --> 00:05:21,653
Don 't take this wrong, I just
don 't see you as a mom.

82
00:05:21,854 --> 00:05:25,756
-I don 't mean that bad.
-Oh, no. I'm a fabulous mom.

83
00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:28,383
I bought my son his first condoms.

84
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,766
And then he burst into flames.

85
00:05:45,478 --> 00:05:49,778
Let's see. Congress is debating
a new deficit-reduction bill.

86
00:05:50,049 --> 00:05:54,884
The mayor wants to raise subway fares.
The high today was 45.

87
00:05:55,888 --> 00:05:58,083
And teams played sports.

88
00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:26,117
What about GIen?

89
00:06:26,486 --> 00:06:27,714
He could be a GIen.

90
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,785
Not special enough.

91
00:06:30,390 --> 00:06:32,221
How about Agamemnon?

92
00:06:32,792 --> 00:06:34,851
Way too special.

93
00:06:42,935 --> 00:06:45,233
I'm famished. What do I want?

94
00:06:45,538 --> 00:06:48,735
PIease, God, don't Iet it be
kung pao chicken.

95
00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:51,841
You watched the show.
What did you think?

96
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:54,672
I think you need to come out
of your shell.

97
00:06:57,550 --> 00:06:59,177
What is this dive?

98
00:06:59,519 --> 00:07:01,783
Only you could've picked this place.

99
00:07:02,488 --> 00:07:05,582
Come on. Shut up. It's fun.
Give me a hug.

100
00:07:06,058 --> 00:07:09,789
I heard about the divorce.
Lesbian, huh?

101
00:07:10,897 --> 00:07:15,925
Well, you know what they say:
Be careful what you wish for.

102
00:07:18,237 --> 00:07:21,070
-I think we' re ready for some tequila.
-I know I am.

103
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,265
-Who's doing shots?
-Hit me.

104
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:24,636
There you go. Ross?

105
00:07:25,244 --> 00:07:27,735
I' m not really a shot-drinking
kind of guy.

106
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,574
Hi. Sorry we' re Iate.

107
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:33,308
We kind of just, you know,
Iost track of time.

108
00:07:35,588 --> 00:07:37,488
But a man can change.

109
00:07:43,262 --> 00:07:45,856
Anyone want me to appraise anything?

110
00:07:56,542 --> 00:07:59,409
Well, I' m gonna go to tinker-town.

111
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:02,740
Mrs. Bing, I've read
everything you've written.

112
00:08:03,015 --> 00:08:07,076
When I read Euphoria at Midnight,
I wanted to become a writer.

113
00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:10,016
Oh, please.
If I can do it, anybody can.

114
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:12,617
Start with half a dozen
European cities...

115
00:08:12,825 --> 00:08:15,521
...throw in 30 euphemisms
for male genitalia...

116
00:08:15,761 --> 00:08:18,161
...and you've got yourself a book.

117
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:22,024
My mother, Iadies and gentlemen.

118
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:27,972
Yeah, any messages for room 226?

119
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:32,603
-You okay, slugger?
-Oh, yeah. I' m fine.

120
00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,019
What is with you tonight?

121
00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:49,888
Nothing. Nothing, nothing.

122
00:08:50,663 --> 00:08:52,062
Okay, thank you.

123
00:08:55,234 --> 00:08:57,964
It's the Italian hand-licker, isn't it?

124
00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:00,738
No. It's the one he's L=licking.

125
00:09:01,874 --> 00:09:03,671
She's supposed to be with you.

126
00:09:04,577 --> 00:09:05,703
You' re good.

127
00:09:06,746 --> 00:09:11,547
I have sold 1 00 million copies
of my books, and you know why?

128
00:09:11,984 --> 00:09:14,976
The girl on the cover
with her nipples showing?

129
00:09:16,923 --> 00:09:21,860
No, because I know how to write men
that women fall in Iove with.

130
00:09:22,194 --> 00:09:24,059
I cannot sell a Paolo.

131
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:27,493
People will not turn 325 pages
for a Paolo.

132
00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:30,863
Come on. The guy's
a secondary character.

133
00:09:31,103 --> 00:09:34,368
He's just a complication
you eventually kill off.

134
00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:36,937
When?

135
00:09:39,111 --> 00:09:41,409
He's not a hero.

136
00:09:42,148 --> 00:09:43,843
You know who our hero is?

137
00:09:44,050 --> 00:09:46,610
The guy on the cover
with his nipples showing?

138
00:09:47,353 --> 00:09:48,752
No, it's you.

139
00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,454
-PIease.
-No, really.

140
00:09:50,723 --> 00:09:53,089
Come on. You' re smart. You' re sexy.

141
00:09:53,793 --> 00:09:55,454
-Right.
-Yes, you are.

142
00:09:55,661 --> 00:09:59,256
The fact that you don't think you are
makes you sexier.

143
00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:03,458
Come on, kiddo.
You' re gonna be fine, believe me.

144
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:25,013
I'II just pee in the street.

145
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,289
Is Chandler here?

146
00:10:35,868 --> 00:10:37,165
Wait. Come here.

147
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,970
Okay, about Iast night...

148
00:10:41,207 --> 00:10:42,071
...you know...

149
00:10:42,308 --> 00:10:44,242
... Chandler, you didn't tell....

150
00:10:44,543 --> 00:10:48,877
We don't need to tell Chandler.
It was just a kiss. No big deal, right?

151
00:10:49,148 --> 00:10:50,979
Right. No big deal.

152
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:52,878
In bizarro world.

153
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,516
You broke the code.

154
00:10:57,723 --> 00:11:00,658
-What code?
-You don't kiss your friend's mom.

155
00:11:00,893 --> 00:11:04,454
Sisters are okay.
Maybe a hot-Iooking aunt.

156
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:07,098
But not a mom. Never a mom.

157
00:11:09,935 --> 00:11:11,926
What are you guys doing out here?

158
00:11:12,138 --> 00:11:15,733
Joey and I had discussed getting
in an early morning racquetball game.

159
00:11:17,176 --> 00:11:20,270
But apparently somebody overslept.

160
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:24,116
Well, you don't have your racquet.

161
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,012
No. No, I don't
because it's being restrung.

162
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:29,446
Somebody was supposed to bring me one.

163
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:33,659
Well, you didn't call
and Ieave your grip size.

164
00:11:35,995 --> 00:11:38,862
You guys are spending
way too much time together.

165
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:43,334
I' m scum. I' m scum.

166
00:11:43,602 --> 00:11:46,036
-How could you Iet this happen?
-I don't know.

167
00:11:46,305 --> 00:11:48,170
It's not Iike she's a regular mom.

168
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:50,204
She's sexy. She's....

169
00:11:50,443 --> 00:11:52,707
You don't think my mom's sexy?

170
00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:56,573
Well, not in the same way.

171
00:11:56,849 --> 00:12:00,808
I'II have you know, GIoria T ribbiani
was a handsome woman in her day.

172
00:12:02,188 --> 00:12:05,624
You think it's easy giving birth
to seven children?

173
00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,554
Okay, I think we're getting
into a weird area here.

174
00:12:12,898 --> 00:12:14,229
What are you doing here?

175
00:12:15,801 --> 00:12:17,598
Not playing racquetball.

176
00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:23,936
-He forgot to Ieave his grip size.
-He didn't get the goggles.

177
00:12:25,978 --> 00:12:28,446
Sounds Iike you two have issues.

178
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:32,710
Goodbye, baby.

179
00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:37,453
Do they wait for me to do this?

180
00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:46,624
-Are you gonna tell him?
-Why would I tell him?

181
00:12:46,899 --> 00:12:49,265
If you don't, his mother might.

182
00:12:50,636 --> 00:12:53,002
What are you guys doing here?

183
00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:55,838
He's not even wearing a jock strap.

184
00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:03,472
What did I ask?

185
00:13:17,863 --> 00:13:19,490
What are you doing here?

186
00:13:19,698 --> 00:13:22,826
Nothing. I just thought
I'd stop by, you know, after...

187
00:13:23,102 --> 00:13:24,330
...that I, you know.

188
00:13:24,537 --> 00:13:26,368
So, what are you doing here?

189
00:13:27,473 --> 00:13:29,270
I' m not really here.

190
00:13:29,508 --> 00:13:34,002
I just thought I'd drop these off
on the way. My way.

191
00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:39,281
Do you come here a Iot...

192
00:13:40,119 --> 00:13:41,279
...without me?

193
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:43,647
No, no, no.

194
00:13:46,959 --> 00:13:50,326
Do you think he's doing any better
than he was this morning?

195
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:54,355
How would I know? I wasn't here.

196
00:13:54,633 --> 00:13:57,966
Really? Not even
to change his pajamas?

197
00:14:02,107 --> 00:14:03,096
Oh, my God.

198
00:14:03,342 --> 00:14:06,072
You're my friend.
I had to tell you.

199
00:14:06,378 --> 00:14:08,005
I can't believe it.

200
00:14:09,081 --> 00:14:10,378
Paolo kissed my mom?

201
00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,912
I don't know if you noticed,
but he drank a Iot.

202
00:14:15,187 --> 00:14:17,781
I mean, you know how he gets

203
00:14:19,625 --> 00:14:21,593
I can't do this. I did it.

204
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:24,228
It was me. I' m sorry.
I kissed your mom.

205
00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:25,730
What?

206
00:14:26,265 --> 00:14:31,066
I was upset about Rachel and
I had too much tequila, and Nora...

207
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:33,101
... Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was...

208
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,372
... being nice.
But nothing happened.

209
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:38,736
Nothing. Ask Joey.

210
00:14:39,111 --> 00:14:42,046
-Joey came in
-You knew about this?

211
00:14:42,281 --> 00:14:45,011
You know, knowledge is a tricky thing.

212
00:14:45,885 --> 00:14:48,217
Why didn't you tell me?

213
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:52,220
You're Iucky I caught them, or else
who knows what would've happened?

214
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:53,891
Thanks, man. Big help.

215
00:14:54,593 --> 00:14:56,720
What the hell were you thinking?

216
00:14:56,996 --> 00:14:58,987
I wasn't. I don't know. I

217
00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:02,565
No one knows the crap I go through
with my mom more than you.

218
00:15:02,768 --> 00:15:04,998
-I know.
-I can't believe you did this.

219
00:15:05,271 --> 00:15:07,501
-Me neither.
-I' m mad at you too.

220
00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:10,502
-Why are you mad at me?
-Let me slam the door.

221
00:15:11,677 --> 00:15:15,841
I didn't kiss her. See what happens
when you break the code?

222
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:32,287
"A Woman Undone,
by Rachel IKaren Greene. "

223
00:15:32,498 --> 00:15:35,865
I thought I'd give it a shot.
I'm on the first chapter.

224
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:41,038
Do you think his "Iove stick" can be
"Iiberated from its denim prison"?

225
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:44,936
Yeah, I'd say so.

226
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:48,508
And there's no "J " in "engorged. "

227
00:15:53,953 --> 00:15:56,547
-You going to the hospital tonight?
-No. You?

228
00:15:56,989 --> 00:15:58,320
No. You?

229
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,985
You just asked me.

230
00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:05,186
Maybe it was a trick question.

231
00:16:07,032 --> 00:16:09,364
Rachel, can we do this now?

232
00:16:11,170 --> 00:16:13,138
I am so hot.

233
00:16:14,707 --> 00:16:17,733
Here's my mom and dad
on their wedding day.

234
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:21,002
Now, you tell me she's not a knockout.

235
00:16:22,414 --> 00:16:28,410
-I can't believe this conversation.
-Just try to picture her not pregnant.

236
00:16:29,188 --> 00:16:33,852
Central Perk is proud to present
Miss Phoebe Buffay.

237
00:16:34,927 --> 00:16:35,825
Thanks.

238
00:16:38,197 --> 00:16:42,930
I'd Iike to start with a song
about a man I recently met...

239
00:16:43,135 --> 00:16:45,968
...who's come to be
very important to me.

240
00:16:51,310 --> 00:16:55,007
You don 't have to be awake
To be my man

241
00:16:57,282 --> 00:17:02,185
Long as you have brain waves
I'll be there to hold your hand

242
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,850
Though we just met the other day

243
00:17:06,125 --> 00:17:09,561
There 's something I have got to say

244
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:13,665
Thank you very much.
I' m gonna take a short break.

245
00:17:16,135 --> 00:17:19,627
That was Phoebe Buffay, everybody.

246
00:17:20,839 --> 00:17:23,535
-What the hell was that?
-Phoebe just started

247
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:28,075
I was talking to Joey.
AII right, there, mother-kisser?

248
00:17:32,818 --> 00:17:34,342
" Mother-kisser. "

249
00:17:35,888 --> 00:17:37,048
I'II shut up.

250
00:17:37,389 --> 00:17:39,823
I know you' re still mad at me...

251
00:17:40,092 --> 00:17:42,856
... but there were two people
there that night.

252
00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:46,398
-There were two sets of Iips.
-I expect this from her.

253
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:49,367
She's always been a Freudian nightmare.

254
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,696
Then why don't you say something?

255
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,897
Because it's complicated.
It's complex.

256
00:17:56,175 --> 00:17:57,608
You kissed my mom.

257
00:18:01,513 --> 00:18:03,674
We' re rehearsing a Greek play.

258
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:06,913
That's funny.
Are we done now?

259
00:18:07,119 --> 00:18:10,384
You mean you' re not gonna
tell her how you feel?

260
00:18:10,589 --> 00:18:13,786
Just because you played
tonsil tennis with my mom...

261
00:18:14,026 --> 00:18:17,189
...doesn't mean you know her.
You can't talk to her.

262
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:19,727
Okay. "You can't"?
Or you can't?

263
00:18:21,066 --> 00:18:22,533
Okay, that's my finger.

264
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:25,259
Okay, that's my knee.

265
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:27,038
Still doing the play.

266
00:18:35,581 --> 00:18:37,139
What did you do with him?

267
00:18:41,453 --> 00:18:43,284
-You're awake.
-Look at you.

268
00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:45,489
How do you feel?

269
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:47,783
A Iittle woozy, but basically okay.

270
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:49,893
Gosh, you Iook good.

271
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,494
I feel good.

272
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,231
Who are you?

273
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,092
-Sorry.
-I'm Phoebe.

274
00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,826
I' m Monica.
I've been caring for you.

275
00:18:59,071 --> 00:19:00,003
We both have.

276
00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:03,364
-The Etch A Sketch is from you?
-Actually, me.

277
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,304
-I got you the foot massager.
-I shaved you.

278
00:19:06,578 --> 00:19:08,876
-I read to you.
-I sang.

279
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:12,448
Well, thanks.

280
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:14,981
-Oh, my pleasure.
-You' re welcome.

281
00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:18,088
So I guess I'II see you around.

282
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,087
What? That's it?

283
00:19:21,627 --> 00:19:23,254
"See you around "?

284
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:26,589
-What do you want me to say?
-I don't know.

285
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,129
Maybe...

286
00:19:28,367 --> 00:19:29,698
... "That was nice. "

287
00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:31,300
" It meant something to me. "

288
00:19:32,538 --> 00:19:34,005
" I'II call you. "

289
00:19:35,140 --> 00:19:38,598
-Okay. I'II call you.
-I don't think you mean that.

290
00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:43,678
This is so typical.

291
00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:46,811
You know, we give and we give...

292
00:19:47,052 --> 00:19:48,644
...and we give.

293
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:50,981
And we just get nothing back.

294
00:19:51,223 --> 00:19:55,125
And then one day, you wake up,
and it's, "See you around. "

295
00:19:57,362 --> 00:19:58,795
Let's go, Phoebe.

296
00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:04,235
You know what?
We thought you were different.

297
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:06,631
But I guess it was just the coma.

298
00:20:17,015 --> 00:20:21,008
The car's waiting. I just wanted
to drop off my book for your friends.

299
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:24,951
Autographed.
And give you a goodbye kiss.

300
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:28,024
Here's the kiss,
here's the goodbye....

301
00:20:28,460 --> 00:20:32,863
-Anything you want from Lisbon?
-Just knowing you' re there is enough.

302
00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:36,663
AII right. Well, be good.
I Iove you.

303
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:42,239
You kissed my best Ross.

304
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,768
Or something to that effect.

305
00:20:52,918 --> 00:20:54,852
Look, it was stupid.

306
00:20:55,053 --> 00:20:57,248
-Really stupid.
-Really stupid.

307
00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:01,991
I don't even know how it happened.

308
00:21:02,327 --> 00:21:06,991
I' m sorry, honey. I promise
it will never happen again.

309
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:08,996
Really, really stupid.

310
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:11,635
Really, really stupid.

311
00:21:12,804 --> 00:21:15,238
-Are we okay now?
-Yeah.

312
00:21:15,641 --> 00:21:16,835
No.

313
00:21:22,114 --> 00:21:25,277
The forbidden Iove
of a man and his door.

314
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,384
He told her off. And not just
about the kiss.

315
00:21:30,589 --> 00:21:31,647
You're kidding?

316
00:21:31,857 --> 00:21:35,293
He said, "When are you gonna
start being a mom? "

317
00:21:35,494 --> 00:21:36,654
Then she said:

318
00:21:36,895 --> 00:21:41,298
"The question is, when are you gonna
realize I have a bomb? "

319
00:21:43,402 --> 00:21:45,267
Are you sure she didn't say:

320
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:50,271
"When are you gonna grow up
and realize I am your mom? "

321
00:21:52,644 --> 00:21:55,408
-That makes more sense.
-You think?

322
00:21:56,948 --> 00:21:58,347
What's going on now?

323
00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:02,786
I don't know. I've been standing here
spelling it out for you.

324
00:22:04,423 --> 00:22:06,220
I don't hear anything. Wait.

325
00:22:06,491 --> 00:22:07,480
What do you see?

326
00:22:07,759 --> 00:22:10,159
It's hard to tell.
They're tiny and upside down.

327
00:22:10,395 --> 00:22:11,726
Wait, wait, wait.

328
00:22:11,930 --> 00:22:15,058
They're walking away.
They're walking away.

329
00:22:15,667 --> 00:22:19,103
No, they' re not. They' re coming
right at us. Run!

330
00:22:21,606 --> 00:22:24,097
-Are you okay, kiddo?
-Yeah, I' m okay.

331
00:22:24,376 --> 00:22:26,139
AII right. You be good.

332
00:22:26,445 --> 00:22:28,003
Drive safe.

333
00:22:29,981 --> 00:22:32,279
-Mrs. Bing.
-Mr. Geller.

334
00:22:41,059 --> 00:22:42,617
You mean that?

335
00:22:43,328 --> 00:22:44,693
Yeah, why not?

336
00:22:47,065 --> 00:22:49,124
So I told her.

337
00:22:49,501 --> 00:22:51,401
-How did it go?
-Awful. Awful.

338
00:22:51,703 --> 00:22:53,330
Couldn't have gone worse.

339
00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:57,171
-Well, how do you feel?
-Pretty good.

340
00:22:59,244 --> 00:23:00,575
I told her.

341
00:23:00,912 --> 00:23:02,743
Well, see?

342
00:23:02,981 --> 00:23:07,281
So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea,
me kissing your mom, huh?

343
00:23:07,486 --> 00:23:10,751
But we don't have to
go down that road.

344
00:23:16,695 --> 00:23:18,720
This is just the first chapter...

345
00:23:18,997 --> 00:23:23,559
...and I want your absolute
honest opinion. Okay?

346
00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:28,297
And on page two, he's not reaching
for her " heaving beasts. "

347
00:23:29,841 --> 00:23:31,832
She could have heaving beasts.

348
00:23:32,477 --> 00:23:35,503
Right, but in this case she doesn't.

349
00:23:36,214 --> 00:23:37,340
What's a " niffle"?

350
00:23:37,549 --> 00:23:40,484
You can usually find them
on the heaving beasts.

351
00:23:42,587 --> 00:23:44,817
Okay, so I' m not a great typist.

352
00:23:45,056 --> 00:23:49,049
Did you get to the part
about his "huge, throbbing pens"?

353
00:23:49,661 --> 00:23:53,620
You don't wanna be around
when he starts writing with those.

354
00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:56,425
That's it. Give them back.

355
00:23:57,035 --> 00:24:01,836
Wait, I just got to the part
about her "public hair. "