FANDOM


1

00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:10,444

This is unbelievable!

It's been half an hour.



2

00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:14,214

If this was a cartoon,

you'd look like a ham about now.



3

00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:16,350

There's the waitress.

Excuse me!



4

00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:20,654

- Hello, miss?

- It's Phoebe!



5

00:00:22,222 --> 00:00:24,391

Okay, will that be all?



6

00:00:24,658 --> 00:00:27,094

Wait, wait.

What are you doing here?



7

00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:28,495

I was over there...



8

00:00:28,762 --> 00:00:31,899

...then you said, "Excuse me, miss."

So now I'm here.



9

00:00:32,165 --> 00:00:34,535

How come you're working here?



10

00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:39,173

Because it's close to where I live,

and the aprons are really cute.



11

00:00:39,439 --> 00:00:40,407

Can we start over?



12

00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:43,477

Okay, great.

I'm gonna be over here.



13

00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:47,548

The One With the Two Parts - Part I



14

00:01:31,325 --> 00:01:34,261

I don't know if he's testing me

or just acting out...



15

00:01:34,528 --> 00:01:38,832

...but my monkey is out of control!



16

00:01:39,166 --> 00:01:42,636

He keeps erasing

the messages on my machine.



17

00:01:42,903 --> 00:01:45,672

Supposedly by accident.



18

00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:49,243

Yeah, I've done that.



19

00:01:51,078 --> 00:01:54,781

And three days in a row, he got

to the newspaper before I did...



20

00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:57,718

...and peed all over the crossword!



21

00:01:57,985 --> 00:02:01,021

I've never done that.



22

00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:04,892

And then last night, I don't know what he did, but there were capers everywhere.



23

00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:10,664

Allright now look at her and tell me she

doesn't look exactly like her sister.



24

00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,033

I'm saying I see a difference.



25

00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,535

They're twins.



26

00:02:14,401 --> 00:02:19,640

I don't care.

Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's hot.



27

00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:22,543

You know that thing

when we talk about things?



28

00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:26,280

Let's not do that anymore.



29

00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:30,150

Hey, Pheebs.

Guess who we saw today?



30

00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:31,952

Oh, fun!



31

00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:33,554

- Liam Neeson.

- No.



32

00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,289

Morley Safer.



33

00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:37,257

The woman who cuts my hair!



34

00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,626

This could be a really long game.



35

00:02:39,860 --> 00:02:41,295

Your sister, Ursula.



36

00:02:41,562 --> 00:02:42,930

Oh, really?



37

00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,331

She works at that place...



38

00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:45,732

Riff's. Yeah, I know.



39

00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:50,437

You do? She said you guys

haven't talked in years.



40

00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:56,743

So is she fat?



41

00:02:57,377 --> 00:03:00,013

Not from where I was standing.



42

00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:03,317

Where were you standing?



43

00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:08,188

Pheebs, so you guys

just don't get along?



44

00:03:08,455 --> 00:03:11,058

It's mostly just dumb

sister stuff, you know?



45

00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:16,196

Everyone always thought of her

as the pretty one.



46

00:03:16,530 --> 00:03:18,298

She was the first to walk...



47

00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:22,436

...even though I did it

later that same day.



48

00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:28,108

To my parents, by then it was,

"Yeah, what else is new?"



49

00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:31,278

I'm sorry. I've gotta go.

I've got Lamaze class.



50

00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:36,517

And I've got earth science,

but I'll catch you in gym?



51

00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:40,320

Is this just gonna be you and Carol?



52

00:03:40,587 --> 00:03:42,289

Susan will be there too.



53

00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:47,461

We've got dads, we've got lesbians.

The whole parenting team.



54

00:03:47,694 --> 00:03:49,596

Isn't that gonna be weird?



55

00:03:49,863 --> 00:03:51,899

It might have been at first...



56

00:03:52,132 --> 00:03:53,700

...but now I'm comfortable

with the situation.



57

00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:54,668

Ross, that's my jacket.



58

00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,638

I know.



59

00:04:05,179 --> 00:04:06,480

We're the Rostens.



60

00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:09,616

I'm J.C. And he's Michael.



61

00:04:09,883 --> 00:04:13,720

And we're having a boy and a girl.



62

00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:18,058

Good for you!

Alrighty, next?



63

00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,595

I'm Ross Geller.



64

00:04:21,829 --> 00:04:24,097

And that's my boy in there.



65

00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:30,437

And this is Carol Willick,

and this is Susan Bunch.



66

00:04:30,204 --> 00:04:34,641

Susan is Carol's...



67

00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:41,582

Who's next?



68

00:04:42,182 --> 00:04:43,250

Sorry I didn't get it, Susan is...?



69

00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,519

- Susan is Carol's friend.

- Life partner.



70

00:04:45,786 --> 00:04:48,088

Like buddies.



71

00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:49,556

Like lovers.



72

00:04:49,823 --> 00:04:53,694

You know how close women can get.



73

00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:55,596

- Susan and I live together.

- I was married to her.



74

00:04:55,863 --> 00:04:58,532

- Carol, not me.

- It's a little complicated.



75

00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,702

- But we're fine.

- Absolutely.



76

00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,570

So, twins!



77

00:05:03,837 --> 00:05:06,673

That's like two birds.



78

00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,485

- To you too, Helen!



79

00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:21,288

Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.



80

00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:25,092

Okay, send her in.



81

00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:32,366

- Come on in.

- You wanted to see me?



82

00:05:32,633 --> 00:05:34,368

I was just going over your data.



83

00:05:34,635 --> 00:05:37,137

You've been postdating

your Friday numbers.



84

00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:39,306

Which is bad, because...?



85

00:05:39,540 --> 00:05:42,543

It throws my WENUS out of whack.



86

00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:44,111

Excuse me?



87

00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:45,546

WENUS.



88

00:05:45,812 --> 00:05:47,948

Weekly Estimated

Net Usage Statistics.



89

00:05:48,182 --> 00:05:50,017

Right. Gotcha, gotcha.



90

00:05:50,284 --> 00:05:54,154

Won't happen again. I wouldn't

want to do anything to hurt your...



91

00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:57,057

...WENUS.



92

00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:09,236

It's not just that she's cute, okay?

It's just that...



93

00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:12,105

...she's really, really cute.



94

00:06:12,139 --> 00:06:15,409

It doesn't matter. You don't dip

your pen in the company ink.



95

00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:20,647

God, even I know that, and I'm pretty much unemployable.



96

00:06:22,583 --> 00:06:23,584

Ross.



97

00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:27,554

Your little creature's

got the remote again.



98

00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:31,792

Marcel, give Rossy the remote.



99

00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:34,294

Marcel!



100

00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:38,565

Marcel, you give Rossy

the remote right now!



101

00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:43,036

You give Rossy the remote...



102

00:06:43,270 --> 00:06:47,307

- Great.

- Relax. I'll fix it.



103

00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:49,042

Oh, cool.



104

00:06:49,309 --> 00:06:50,177

Urkel...



105

00:06:50,444 --> 00:06:54,615

...in Spanish is Urkel.



106

00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:58,018

How did he do this?



107

00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,487

Is leaving the Christmas lights up...



108

00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:03,290

...your plan to keep us

merry all year long?



109

00:07:03,490 --> 00:07:06,727

Someone was supposed to take

them down around New Year's...



110

00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:09,129

...but obviously someone forgot!



111

00:07:09,329 --> 00:07:11,598

Someone was supposed to write:



112

00:07:11,865 --> 00:07:17,304

"Rach, take down the lights"

and put it on the refrigera...



113

00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:21,475

How long has that been there?



114

00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,179

Where you been?



115

00:07:25,379 --> 00:07:28,949

I went to Riff's. I think Ursula likes me.

All I ordered was coffee.



116

00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:34,388

She brought me a tuna melt

and four plates of curly fries.



117

00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,724

Score.



118

00:07:37,825 --> 00:07:40,294

She is so hot!



119

00:07:40,561 --> 00:07:43,096

Okay, before you do

anything Joey-like...



120

00:07:43,363 --> 00:07:47,134

...you might want to run it by...



121

00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,771

Pheebs?



122

00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:53,507

Would it be okay

if I asked out your sister?



123

00:07:53,740 --> 00:07:57,811

Why? Why would you

want to do that? Why?



124

00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:02,583

So that if we went out on a date,

she'd be there.



125

00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:09,423

Well, I mean, I'm not

my sister's, you know...



126

00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:12,493

...whatever.



127

00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:16,330

And I mean, it's true,

we were one egg once.



128

00:08:16,563 --> 00:08:19,299

But, you know,

we've grown apart, so...



129

00:08:19,533 --> 00:08:21,335

I don't know. Why not?



130

00:08:21,602 --> 00:08:24,404

Cool. Thanks.



131

00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:27,741

You okay?



132

00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,910

Yeah, I'm fine.



133

00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:34,348

Do you wanna watch

"Laverne y Shirley"?



134

00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,797

Sorry.



135

00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,233

Sorry I'm late.

Where's Carol?



136

00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:56,670

Stuck at school.

Some parent-teacher thing.



137

00:08:56,937 --> 00:09:00,140

You can go.

I'll get the information.



138

00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:04,912

No, I think I should stay.

We should both know what's going on.



139

00:09:05,179 --> 00:09:06,380

Oh, good.



140

00:09:06,647 --> 00:09:08,015

This will be fun.



141

00:09:08,248 --> 00:09:12,686

We're gonna start with some basic

third-stage breathing exercises.



142

00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,688

Mommies, get on your back.



143

00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:20,360

And, coaches, you should be

supporting Mommy's head.



144

00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:26,800

- What?

- What?



145

00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:28,702

I'm supposed to be the mommy?



146

00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:33,907

Okay, I'm gonna play

my sperm card one more time.



147

00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:38,011

I have to miss out on the coaching

training because I'm a woman?



148

00:09:38,278 --> 00:09:40,080

So what do you propose to do?



149

00:09:40,314 --> 00:09:42,516

- I'll flip you for it.

- Flip me for it?



150

00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,685

Heads, heads, heads!



151

00:09:44,952 --> 00:09:48,522

On your back, Mom!



152

00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:56,597

All right, Mommies, take

a nice, deep, cleansing breath.



153

00:09:58,699 --> 00:09:59,466

Good.



154

00:09:59,733 --> 00:10:02,603

Now imagine your vagina is opening...



155

00:10:02,836 --> 00:10:06,406

...like a flower.



156

00:10:15,549 --> 00:10:17,584

Mr. Dee! How's it going, sir?



157

00:10:17,851 --> 00:10:19,453

It's been better.



158

00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:23,323

The Annual Net Usage

Statistics are in.



159

00:10:23,590 --> 00:10:24,992

It's pretty ugly.



160

00:10:25,225 --> 00:10:29,663

We haven't seen an ANUS

this bad since the '70s.



161

00:10:29,897 --> 00:10:31,131

What's it mean?



162

00:10:31,365 --> 00:10:33,700

We'll be laying off people.



163

00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:37,638

I know I was late last week.

I slept funny and my hair was snarly.



164

00:10:37,905 --> 00:10:39,373

Not you.



165

00:10:39,606 --> 00:10:42,609

Relax.



166

00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:45,379

Ever have to fire anyone?



167

00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:49,016

No, but that's not a problem sir, that's why my name's on the door.



168

00:10:50,617 --> 00:10:52,820

By the way, do you know when I'm getting my name on the door?



169

00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,590

I don't know. I... put it in "the thing".



170

00:10:57,391 --> 00:11:01,128

So... who's it gonna be?



171

00:11:01,228 --> 00:11:03,564

Nina...



172

00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:05,532

Nina.



173

00:11:07,234 --> 00:11:08,969

Nina?



174

00:11:10,604 --> 00:11:12,239

Ninaaaa....



175

00:11:12,372 --> 00:11:14,775

Are you okay?



176

00:11:15,042 --> 00:11:18,412

Yes. Yes, I am.



177

00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:22,716

Listen, the reason that

I called you in here today was...



178

00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:24,985

Please don't hate me.



179

00:11:25,252 --> 00:11:27,588

What?



180

00:11:28,222 --> 00:11:32,059

Would you like

to have dinner sometime?



181

00:11:36,330 --> 00:11:39,132

So Pheebs, what do you want

for your birthday?



182

00:11:39,333 --> 00:11:45,105

What I really want is for my mom

to be alive and enjoy it with me.



183

00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:52,813

Let me put it this way.

Anything from Crabtree & Evelyn?



184

00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,781

Bath salts would be nice!



185

00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,518

Good.



186

00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:06,260

What is this place?



187

00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:09,129

You're cold, I have to pee,

and there's coffee.



188

00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,265

How bad could it be?



189

00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:15,068

I think we have an answer.



190

00:12:15,235 --> 00:12:16,436

What's she doing here?



191

00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:20,374

This could be God's way

of telling us to eat at home.



192

00:12:20,641 --> 00:12:24,511

- Think she got fired at Riff's?

- No, we were there last night.



193

00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:27,414

She kept bringing swordfish.

Are you gonna go...?



194

00:12:27,681 --> 00:12:29,850

I'll wait until we order.

It's her, right?



195

00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:32,519

It looks like her.



196

00:12:32,786 --> 00:12:35,088

Excuse me?



197

00:12:35,322 --> 00:12:38,325

Hi, it's us!



198

00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:44,298

Right. And it's me!



199

00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:47,067

So you're here too?



200

00:12:47,334 --> 00:12:49,303

As much as you are.



201

00:12:49,503 --> 00:12:51,672

Your turn.



202

00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,040

We know what we want.



203

00:12:53,307 --> 00:12:55,209

That's good.



204

00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:58,345

- Two caffe lattes.

- And some biscotti cookies.



205

00:12:58,579 --> 00:13:01,415

Good choice.



206

00:13:03,750 --> 00:13:07,287

It's definitely her.



207

00:13:13,694 --> 00:13:14,862

I can't believe you.



208

00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:18,799

You still haven't told that girl

she doesn't have a job?



209

00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:22,803

You still haven't taken down

the Christmas lights.



210

00:13:23,070 --> 00:13:27,107

Congratulations! I think you found

the world's thinnest argument.



211

00:13:27,341 --> 00:13:29,309

Trying to find the right moment.



212

00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:33,780

That shouldn't be so hard,

now that you're dating.



213

00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:39,953

"Sweetheart, you're fired. But how

about a quickie before I go to work?"



214

00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:50,430

Once you're inside,

you don't have to knock anymore.



215

00:13:50,697 --> 00:13:53,667

I'll get it.



216

00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:57,671

Hi, Mr. Heckles.



217

00:13:57,938 --> 00:13:58,939

You're doing it again.



218

00:13:59,206 --> 00:14:00,674

We're not doing anything.



219

00:14:00,941 --> 00:14:04,111

We're just sitting around

talking quietly.



220

00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:07,915

I can hear you through the ceiling.



221

00:14:08,282 --> 00:14:11,919

My cats can't sleep.



222

00:14:12,052 --> 00:14:13,754

You don't even have cats.



223

00:14:13,987 --> 00:14:17,491

I could have cats.



224

00:14:17,491 --> 00:14:18,659

Goodbye, Mr. Heckles.



225

00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:22,996

We'll try to keep it down.



226

00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:28,502

Phoebe, can you do me a favor?



227

00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:30,604

Try this on to make sure it fits.



228

00:14:30,838 --> 00:14:34,775

My first birthday present!

Oh, this is really...



229

00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:39,813

No no no, it's for Ursula.

I just figured, you know, size-wise.



230

00:14:41,248 --> 00:14:42,549

Sure. Yeah.



231

00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:45,219

Okay, it fits.



232

00:14:46,019 --> 00:14:47,221

Are you seeing her again?



233

00:14:47,454 --> 00:14:49,890

Yep, Ice Capades.



234

00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:51,124

This is serious.



235

00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:56,230

I've never known you to pay money

for any kind of "capade".



236

00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:58,732

I don't know. I like her.



237

00:14:58,932 --> 00:15:02,236

She's different.

There's something about her...



238

00:15:02,503 --> 00:15:06,373

That you like.

We get it. You like her.



239

00:15:06,807 --> 00:15:09,309

Phoebe, I asked you

and you said it was okay.



240

00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:13,046

Well, maybe now it's not okay.



241

00:15:13,881 --> 00:15:18,819

Well, maybe now I'm not okay

with it not being okay.



242

00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:26,226

Knit, good woman.

Knit! Knit!



243

00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:42,509

And that's the Chrysler Building

right there.



244

00:15:42,709 --> 00:15:44,545

Mr. Douglas.



245

00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:47,381

Cool tie.



246

00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:50,784

She's still here.



247

00:15:51,018 --> 00:15:53,554

Yes. Yes, she is.



248

00:15:53,787 --> 00:15:55,088

Didn't I memo you?



249

00:15:55,355 --> 00:16:00,227

After I let her go, I got a call

from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen...



250

00:16:00,494 --> 00:16:03,597

...Dr. Flanan, Dr. Flan.



251

00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:07,501

And he informed me that

she took the news rather badly.



252

00:16:07,734 --> 00:16:11,238

In fact, he mentioned

the word "frenzy".



253

00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:12,739

She seems so...



254

00:16:13,006 --> 00:16:16,410

Oh, no, no.

Nina? She's...



255

00:16:16,910 --> 00:16:19,012

In fact, if you asked her now...



256

00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:23,217

...she'd have no recollection

of being fired at all.



257

00:16:23,484 --> 00:16:24,618

That's unbelievable.



258

00:16:24,852 --> 00:16:26,987

And yet believable.



259

00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:29,256

So I decided not to fire her again...



260

00:16:29,523 --> 00:16:33,560

...until I'm sure she will be

of no threat to herself or others.



261

00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:38,432

I see. You never really know what's

going on inside a person's head.



262

00:16:38,699 --> 00:16:43,837

Well, I guess that's why

they call it psychology, sir.



263

00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:47,741

The sound Mom and Dad

will never forget.



264

00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:51,278

For this, after all,

is the miracle of birth.



265

00:16:51,545 --> 00:16:52,846

Lights, please.



266

00:16:53,113 --> 00:16:54,615

And that's having a baby.



267

00:16:54,882 --> 00:16:58,685

Next week is our final class.



268

00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,855

Susan, go deep.



269

00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,661

It's impossible.

It's just impossible.



270

00:17:07,928 --> 00:17:09,029

What is, honey?



271

00:17:09,263 --> 00:17:11,064

What that woman...



272

00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:13,200

...did.



273

00:17:13,467 --> 00:17:16,170

I am not doing that!



274

00:17:16,403 --> 00:17:19,606

It'll have to stay in, that's all.

Everything will be the same.



275

00:17:19,840 --> 00:17:22,843

- It'll just stay in.

- Carol, honey.



276

00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:25,779

- Everything will be all right.

- What do you know?



277

00:17:26,013 --> 00:17:28,916

No one's saying to you,

"Hi, is that your nostril?



278

00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:32,719

Mind if we push

this pot roast through it?!"



279

00:17:32,986 --> 00:17:34,588

Carol, sweetie.



280

00:17:34,888 --> 00:17:37,391

Cleansing breath.



281

00:17:37,658 --> 00:17:40,794

I know it's frightening.

But big picture:



282

00:17:41,028 --> 00:17:43,630

The birth part is just one day...



283

00:17:43,897 --> 00:17:48,468

...and when it's over, we'll all

be parents for the rest of our lives.



284

00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:51,338

I mean, that's what

this is all about, right?



285

00:17:51,572 --> 00:17:53,740

Ross?



286

00:17:53,974 --> 00:17:55,409

Ross.



287

00:17:55,676 --> 00:17:58,579

I'm gonna be a father.



288

00:17:58,812 --> 00:18:02,115

- This is just occurring to you?

- I knew I was having a baby.



289

00:18:02,082 --> 00:18:05,619

I just never realized

the baby was having me.



290

00:18:05,886 --> 00:18:07,821

You're gonna be great.



291

00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:09,456

How could you say that?



292

00:18:09,723 --> 00:18:13,360

I can't even get Marcel

to stop eating the bathmat.



293

00:18:13,627 --> 00:18:15,262

How am I gonna raise a kid?



294

00:18:15,529 --> 00:18:17,764

You know, some scientists

are now saying...



295

00:18:17,798 --> 00:18:22,769

...that monkeys and babies

are actually different.



296

00:18:24,705 --> 00:18:26,740

You might wonna look into it...



297

00:18:28,742 --> 00:18:29,910

- Where are you going?

- Out.



298

00:18:30,144 --> 00:18:31,011

With...?



299

00:18:31,912 --> 00:18:33,113

Yes!



300

00:18:33,747 --> 00:18:36,717

Alright, can I just ask you one question?



301

00:18:36,984 --> 00:18:41,488

Have you two, you know,

like, you know?



302

00:18:41,588 --> 00:18:43,423

You know?



303

00:18:43,657 --> 00:18:45,325

Yet?



304

00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:47,561

Well, not that it's any

of your business, but...



305

00:18:47,794 --> 00:18:51,098

...no, we haven't. Okay?



306

00:18:55,269 --> 00:18:58,906

You meant sex, right?



307

00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:12,519

- Do you have a sec?

- Sure, Nina. What's up?



308

00:19:12,786 --> 00:19:15,956

I don't know, for the past couple of days,

people have been avoiding me...



309

00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:18,926

...and giving me strange looks.



310

00:19:19,159 --> 00:19:22,830

Oh, well, maybe that's because...



311

00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:24,765

...they're jealous of us.



312

00:19:24,998 --> 00:19:26,300

Maybe.



313

00:19:26,567 --> 00:19:30,437

But that doesn't explain why

they keep taking my scissors.



314

00:19:30,671 --> 00:19:35,642

Well, maybe that's because

you're getting a big raise!



315

00:19:35,909 --> 00:19:38,045

- I am?

- Sure. Why not?



316

00:19:38,278 --> 00:19:41,582

Oh, my God!

You're amazing!



317

00:19:41,849 --> 00:19:44,418

Oh, you don't know.



318

00:19:44,651 --> 00:19:48,355

Helen, make sure we do the paperwork

on Miss Bookbinder's raise.



319

00:19:48,622 --> 00:19:53,627

You still want me to send her

psychological profile to personnel?



320

00:19:53,861 --> 00:19:55,929

Helen drinks.



321

00:19:56,163 --> 00:19:59,500

Will you marry me?



322

00:20:04,571 --> 00:20:08,175

- After the proposal, I kind of unreveled.



323

00:20:08,208 --> 00:20:12,179

Right, because you were really in control up untill then.



324

00:20:14,148 --> 00:20:17,518

- Yeah, well, I ended up telling her everything.

- Oh, how'd she take it?



325

00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:19,987

Pretty well.

Except for the stapler thing.



326

00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:22,990

Little tip. If you're ever

in a similar situation...



327

00:20:23,023 --> 00:20:27,895

...never, ever leave

your hand on the desk.



328

00:20:28,162 --> 00:20:32,633

Okay, I think I get how to do this.



329

00:20:36,370 --> 00:20:39,006

Can we turn this off?

Can we make them go away?



330

00:20:39,206 --> 00:20:41,175

Because I can't watch.



331

00:20:41,408 --> 00:20:43,811

They're gone.



332

00:20:43,844 --> 00:20:45,546

Are you all right?



333

00:20:45,813 --> 00:20:49,783

Yeah. It's just this whole

stupid Ursula thing.



334

00:20:50,050 --> 00:20:51,451

Okay Pheebs, can I ask...?



335

00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:55,355

So he's going out with her.

Is it really so terrible?



336

00:20:55,622 --> 00:20:58,058

Yeah.



337

00:20:58,225 --> 00:21:01,361

I mean, I'm not saying

she's evil or anything.



338

00:21:01,628 --> 00:21:05,098

She's just, you know,

she's always breaking my stuff.



339

00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:08,602

When I was 8, I wouldn't let her

have my Judy Jetson thermos...



340

00:21:08,869 --> 00:21:11,538

...so she threw it under the bus.



341

00:21:10,771 --> 00:21:16,009

And then when I was twelve and she broke my colar bone.



342

00:21:16,009 --> 00:21:18,846

Alright, she didn't mean to do it.

But I think it still counts.



343

00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,049

And then there's Randy Brown...



344

00:21:22,282 --> 00:21:24,017

...who was like...



345

00:21:24,251 --> 00:21:28,789

Have you ever had a boyfriend

who was your best friend?



346

00:21:31,258 --> 00:21:33,494

Well, but that's what he was for me.



347

00:21:33,727 --> 00:21:36,296

And she, you know,

kind of stole him away...



348

00:21:36,530 --> 00:21:40,000

...and then broke his heart.



349

00:21:40,267 --> 00:21:42,903

And then he wouldn't

even talk to me anymore.



350

00:21:43,170 --> 00:21:49,076

He didn't want to be around anything

that looked like either one of us.



351

00:21:51,445 --> 00:21:56,550

I mean, I know Joey's not

my boyfriend or my thermos...



352

00:21:56,817 --> 00:21:58,218

...or anything, but...



353

00:21:58,452 --> 00:22:01,622

- You won't lose him.

- You gotta talk to Joey.



354

00:22:01,889 --> 00:22:02,789

Yeah, okay.



355

00:22:03,056 --> 00:22:06,160

He doesn't know this stuff.

If he knew how you felt...



356

00:22:06,393 --> 00:22:08,028

He's falling in love with her.



357

00:22:08,295 --> 00:22:10,297

They've been going out a week.



358

00:22:10,597 --> 00:22:16,470

They haven't even slept together yet.

I mean, that's not serious.



359

00:22:42,229 --> 00:22:44,798

May we help you?



360

00:22:52,005 --> 00:22:55,309

What are you doing? It's freezing!

Would you come inside?



361

00:22:55,542 --> 00:22:57,344

No, no, no.



362

00:22:57,611 --> 00:23:00,280

You wanted me to take them down...



363

00:23:00,514 --> 00:23:04,685

...so I'm taking them down, okay?



364

00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:07,788

Rachel!



365

00:23:08,021 --> 00:23:11,024

I'm okay. I'm okay.



366

00:23:11,291 --> 00:23:13,227

Mr. Heckles?



367

00:23:13,460 --> 00:23:17,164

Mr. Heckles,

could you help me, please?



368

00:23:17,431 --> 00:23:22,202

This is just the kind of thing

I was talking about.



369

00:23:30,377 --> 00:23:32,528

My friend was taking down

our Christmas lights...



370

00:23:32,563 --> 00:23:36,056

...and she fell off the balcony

and may have broken her ankle.



371

00:23:36,288 --> 00:23:40,138

My God, you still have

your Christmas lights up?



372

00:23:40,955 --> 00:23:42,745

Fill this out and bring it back to me.



373

00:23:42,980 --> 00:23:45,547

Here you go.



374

00:23:49,319 --> 00:23:50,486

All right.



375

00:23:50,719 --> 00:23:52,001

Name...



376

00:23:52,237 --> 00:23:54,842

...address...



377

00:23:54,056 --> 00:23:56,304

Okay, are you currently on any medication?



378

00:23:56,339 --> 00:23:59,451

No.

Oh, wait wait yes!



379

00:23:59,486 --> 00:24:00,503

Blistex.



380

00:24:01,702 --> 00:24:03,592

Ah, NO!



381

00:24:04,728 --> 00:24:06,878

In case of emergency, call...?



382

00:24:07,123 --> 00:24:08,580

You.



383

00:24:08,824 --> 00:24:11,134

Really?



384

00:24:11,740 --> 00:24:14,867

Oh, that is so sweet!



385

00:24:15,435 --> 00:24:17,502

Oh, gosh. I love you.



386

00:24:17,743 --> 00:24:19,248

Okay, insurance?



387

00:24:19,491 --> 00:24:23,425

Yeah, check it.

Definitely gonna want some of that!



388

00:24:23,666 --> 00:24:24,926

You don't have insurance?



389

00:24:25,168 --> 00:24:27,208

Why? How much is this gonna cost?



390

00:24:27,253 --> 00:24:30,590

I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be

a couple hundred dollars!



391

00:24:30,331 --> 00:24:34,319

- What'll we do?

- There's not much we can do.



392

00:24:35,315 --> 00:24:39,055

Unless I use yours.



393

00:24:40,635 --> 00:24:41,799

Now wait a second.



394

00:24:42,048 --> 00:24:45,413

Who did I just put as my

"in case of emergency" person?



395

00:24:45,660 --> 00:24:48,778

That's insurance fraud.



396

00:24:48,943 --> 00:24:53,765

All right then, forget it.

Might as well just go home.



397

00:24:55,300 --> 00:25:00,247

- Okay, come here. I hate this.

- Thank you. I love you.



398

00:25:01,035 --> 00:25:04,526

I'm gonna need

a new set of these forms.



399

00:25:04,775 --> 00:25:06,728

Why?



400

00:25:06,975 --> 00:25:10,628

I am really an idiot!



401

00:25:10,754 --> 00:25:12,624

I was filling out my friend's form...



402

00:25:12,877 --> 00:25:15,033

...and instead of putting

her information...



403

00:25:15,282 --> 00:25:16,612

...I put mine.



404

00:25:16,862 --> 00:25:19,272

You are an idiot.



405

00:25:19,518 --> 00:25:24,342

Yep, that's me.

I am that stupid.



406

00:25:25,336 --> 00:25:28,918

I had a dream that I was

playing football with my kid.



407

00:25:29,169 --> 00:25:30,544

That's nice.



408

00:25:30,791 --> 00:25:34,000

No, no. With him.



409

00:25:35,669 --> 00:25:40,329

I'm on this field,

and they hike me the baby.



410

00:25:40,500 --> 00:25:45,286

I've gotta do something because the

Tampa Bay team's coming right at me!



411

00:25:45,532 --> 00:25:48,326

Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.



412

00:25:48,574 --> 00:25:50,948

Right, but...



413

00:25:51,197 --> 00:25:56,695

...it is just me and the baby,

so I'm thinking they can take us.



414

00:25:56,982 --> 00:25:58,940

And so, I...



415

00:25:59,191 --> 00:26:00,770

...I just heave it downfield!



416

00:26:01,019 --> 00:26:02,856

What are you, crazy?

That's a baby!



417

00:26:03,105 --> 00:26:06,892

He should take the sack?



418

00:26:08,937 --> 00:26:09,935

Anyway...



419

00:26:10,185 --> 00:26:12,346

...suddenly I'm downfield.



420

00:26:12,597 --> 00:26:16,425

And I realize that I'm the one

who's suppose to catch him, right?



421

00:26:16,676 --> 00:26:19,343

Only I know I'm not gonna

get there in time.



422

00:26:19,593 --> 00:26:21,380

So I am running and I'm running...



423

00:26:21,634 --> 00:26:23,294

...and that is when I woke up.



424

00:26:23,543 --> 00:26:26,877

See, I am so not ready

to be a father.



425

00:26:27,131 --> 00:26:29,001

Hey, you're gonna be fine.



426

00:26:29,250 --> 00:26:34,163

You're one of the most caring,

responsible men in North America.



427

00:26:34,163 --> 00:26:35,993

You're gonna make a great dad.



428

00:26:36,246 --> 00:26:41,368

Yeah, Ross. You and the baby

just need better blocking.



429

00:26:43,910 --> 00:26:46,991

Have you ever been to the

Rainbow Room? Is it expensive?



430

00:26:47,237 --> 00:26:50,445

Only if you order stuff.



431

00:26:50,566 --> 00:26:53,231

I'm taking Ursula tonight.

It's her birthday.



432

00:26:53,481 --> 00:26:58,103

- What about Phoebe's birthday?

- When's that?



433

00:26:58,602 --> 00:27:00,057

Tonight.



434

00:27:00,310 --> 00:27:04,558

Man, what are the odds

of that happening?



435

00:27:05,184 --> 00:27:08,432

You take your time.



436

00:27:12,384 --> 00:27:15,091

There it is!



437

00:27:17,547 --> 00:27:19,093

So,  what are you gonna do?



438

00:27:19,342 --> 00:27:23,209

What can I do? I don't want

to screw it up with Ursula.



439

00:27:23,458 --> 00:27:24,500

And your friend, Phoebe?



440

00:27:24,753 --> 00:27:28,875

If she's my friend, she'll understand.

Wouldn't you guys?



441

00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:30,957

If you tried that on my birthday...



442

00:27:31,204 --> 00:27:35,991

...you'd be staring at

the business end of a hissy fit.



443

00:27:37,133 --> 00:27:41,712

An added pinch of saffron

makes all the difference.



444

00:27:45,587 --> 00:27:46,422

Monica?



445

00:27:46,669 --> 00:27:47,707

Yes?



446

00:27:47,958 --> 00:27:50,416

Yes, she is.



447

00:27:50,663 --> 00:27:52,540

This is my friend, Rachel.



448

00:27:52,791 --> 00:27:54,085

Hi Rachel, I'm Dr. Mitchell.



449

00:27:54,138 --> 00:27:56,000

And I'm his friend, Dr. Rosen.



450

00:27:57,099 --> 00:27:59,668

I'm Okay here.

actually, that's alright.



451

00:27:59,703 --> 00:28:01,845

I don't mind at all, now you can take your break.



452

00:28:08,431 --> 00:28:10,589

Aren't you a little cute

to be a doctor?



453

00:28:10,624 --> 00:28:11,860

Excuse me?



454

00:28:11,895 --> 00:28:14,110

I meant, god, young, young.

I meant young.



455

00:28:14,145 --> 00:28:16,216

Young to be a doctor.



456

00:28:16,251 --> 00:28:18,145

- Good, Rach.

- Thank you.



457

00:28:26,531 --> 00:28:28,790

So he said it was a sprain,

and that was it.



458

00:28:29,039 --> 00:28:31,841

You left out the stupid part.



459

00:28:32,097 --> 00:28:33,118

It's not stupid.



460

00:28:33,374 --> 00:28:37,783

The very cute doctors asked us out

for tomorrow night, and I said yes.



461

00:28:38,044 --> 00:28:41,315

I think it's totally insane.

They work for the hospital.



462

00:28:41,565 --> 00:28:44,924

It's like returning

to the scene of the crime.



463

00:28:45,180 --> 00:28:49,154

- I say we blow off the dates.

- What? Monica, they are cute.



464

00:28:49,205 --> 00:28:53,316

They are doctors. Cute doctors.

Doctors who are cute.



465

00:28:53,370 --> 00:28:57,786

All right, what have

we learned so far?



466

00:28:58,009 --> 00:29:00,460

Oh, God.



467

00:29:04,985 --> 00:29:07,808

Surprise!



468

00:29:13,913 --> 00:29:18,268

What are you doing?

You scared the crap out of me!



469

00:29:18,476 --> 00:29:20,594

- Was that the cake?

- Yeah.



470

00:29:20,841 --> 00:29:23,292

I got a lemon schmush.



471

00:29:23,542 --> 00:29:25,986

Come on.

She'll be here any minute.



472

00:29:26,236 --> 00:29:29,269

I hope it's okay.



473

00:29:32,049 --> 00:29:35,453

"Happy Birthday, Peehee."



474

00:29:35,912 --> 00:29:38,317

Maybe we can make

a "B" out of a rose.



475

00:29:38,570 --> 00:29:41,884

Yeah, we'll just use

our special cake tools.



476

00:29:42,434 --> 00:29:43,846

- What's going on?

- We just...



477

00:29:44,096 --> 00:29:47,214

Surprise!



478

00:29:48,820 --> 00:29:52,063

This is so great!



479

00:29:52,312 --> 00:29:54,430

This was not at all scary.



480

00:29:55,144 --> 00:30:00,315

Oh look, "happy birthday Peehee".

What a strange new nickname.



481

00:30:00,345 --> 00:30:03,603

I like it!

Oh my god!



482

00:30:02,591 --> 00:30:04,019

Hi, everybody. Hi, Betty!



483

00:30:04,268 --> 00:30:05,484

Betty, hi!



484

00:30:05,737 --> 00:30:09,058

You found Betty!

Oh, my gosh! This is so great.



485

00:30:09,303 --> 00:30:12,703

Everybody I love is in the same room.



486

00:30:12,954 --> 00:30:16,190

Where's Joey?



487

00:30:17,491 --> 00:30:20,470

Did you see Betty?



488

00:30:29,154 --> 00:30:33,776

I'll tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece

of this sun-dried tomato business.



489

00:30:34,028 --> 00:30:38,393

Five years ago, if somebody'd said, "Here's

a tomato that looks like a prune"...



490

00:30:38,642 --> 00:30:42,583

...I'd have said,

"Get out of my office!"



491

00:30:44,239 --> 00:30:47,246

Dad, before I was born,

did you freak out at all?



492

00:30:47,298 --> 00:30:49,132

I'm not freaking out!

I'm just saying...



493

00:30:49,188 --> 00:30:52,793

...if someone had come to me

with the idea...



494

00:30:53,041 --> 00:30:56,023

I'm talking about

the whole baby thing.



495

00:30:55,973 --> 00:30:58,873

Did you ever get this sort of...



496

00:30:59,119 --> 00:31:05,253

...panicky, "Oh, my God, I'm gonna

be a father" kind of a thing?



497

00:31:06,005 --> 00:31:09,238

We just had kids back then. We didn't think about it.



498

00:31:09,273 --> 00:31:12,397

What else could the sun dry? I wonder.



499

00:31:15,891 --> 00:31:20,213

Right, look. Your mother really did the work.

I was busy with the business.



500

00:31:20,278 --> 00:31:21,318

I wasn't around that much.



501

00:31:22,587 --> 00:31:23,606

Is that what this is about?



502

00:31:24,927 --> 00:31:26,583

No, no. I was just wondering.



503

00:31:26,540 --> 00:31:29,599

Cause there's time to make up for that.

We can do stuff together.



504

00:31:30,164 --> 00:31:34,886

You always wanted to go to colonial

Williamsburg. How about we do that?



505

00:31:35,150 --> 00:31:37,087

Thanks, Dad, really.



506

00:31:37,350 --> 00:31:40,566

You know, I just, I just...



507

00:31:40,828 --> 00:31:43,214

I just needed to know...



508

00:31:43,476 --> 00:31:47,853

...when did you start

to feel like a father?



509

00:31:47,927 --> 00:31:53,835

Well, I guess it must have been

the day after you were born.



510

00:31:53,392 --> 00:31:56,442

We were in the hospital room,

your mother was asleep...



511

00:31:56,686 --> 00:32:00,443

...and they brought you in

and gave you to me.



512

00:32:00,699 --> 00:32:04,070

You were this ugly little red thing!



513

00:32:04,324 --> 00:32:08,538

And all of a sudden, you grabbed

my finger with your whole fist...



514

00:32:08,786 --> 00:32:10,329

...and you squeezed it...



515

00:32:10,579 --> 00:32:13,830

...so tight.



516

00:32:14,168 --> 00:32:17,585

And that's when I knew.



517

00:32:19,130 --> 00:32:23,593

So you don't want to go

to Williamsburg?



518

00:32:25,388 --> 00:32:28,394

We can go to Williamsburg.



519

00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:31,772

Eat your fish.



520

00:32:34,479 --> 00:32:36,814

Rachel, the cute doctors are here!



521

00:32:37,063 --> 00:32:38,697

Okay, coming.



522

00:32:38,945 --> 00:32:42,575

Hi, come on in.

Hey, Michael, Jeffrey.



523

00:32:42,825 --> 00:32:43,697

Here, we brought wine.



524

00:32:43,951 --> 00:32:48,624

Look at this. It's from the cellars

of Ernest and Tova Borgnine.



525

00:32:48,674 --> 00:32:51,419

- How could we resist?

- Oh, that's great, look at that!



526

00:32:51,667 --> 00:32:55,342

- So, Monica, how's the ankle?

- It's...



527

00:32:56,297 --> 00:32:58,339

Why don't you tell them?



528

00:32:58,591 --> 00:33:00,635

After all, it is your ankle.



529

00:33:00,887 --> 00:33:03,803

You know, what? It's feeling a lot better.

Thank you.



530

00:33:04,055 --> 00:33:09,306

listen, why don't you guys sit down,

and we'll get you some glasses.



531

00:33:09,519 --> 00:33:12,027

Stat!



532

00:33:14,313 --> 00:33:17,612

Okay, listen, I'm thinking why don't we just

tell them who we really are?



533

00:33:17,859 --> 00:33:21,699

- I mean it'll be fine. I really think it will be fine.

- It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble.



534

00:33:21,946 --> 00:33:23,948

Mnica, would you stop being such a wuss!



535

00:33:24,202 --> 00:33:27,996

A wuss? Excuse me

for living in the real world.



536

00:33:28,249 --> 00:33:30,543

- So?

- So they still seem normal.



537

00:33:30,791 --> 00:33:31,958

That's because they are.



538

00:33:32,008 --> 00:33:35,119

Okay, but you have to admit that every time 

we go out with women we meet at the hospital it turns into...



539

00:33:35,164 --> 00:33:37,630

Would you relax?

Take a look around.



540

00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:41,556

There are no pagan altars.



541

00:33:41,801 --> 00:33:44,640

No piles of bones in the corners.



542

00:33:44,894 --> 00:33:48,606

They're fine. Go like this:



543

00:33:50,936 --> 00:33:54,948

I said we are not going to do it, okay?

Sometimes you can be such a big baby!



544

00:33:55,189 --> 00:33:56,779

- I am not a baby.

- Be serious.



545

00:33:57,032 --> 00:33:59,157

- You get uptight...

- You act like a princess.



546

00:33:59,401 --> 00:34:01,788

You know what? You know what?



547

00:34:02,036 --> 00:34:05,914

Every day you are becoming

more and more like your mother.



548

00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:07,625

Excuse me.



549

00:34:07,872 --> 00:34:10,336

Here we go.



550

00:34:10,585 --> 00:34:12,926

This is a great place.

How long have you lived here?



551

00:34:12,980 --> 00:34:16,299

Thanks. I've been here

about six years.



552

00:34:16,551 --> 00:34:20,470

And Rachel moved in a few months ago.



553

00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,262

See, I was supposed to get married...



554

00:34:23,513 --> 00:34:27,099

...but I left the guy at the altar.



555

00:34:31,065 --> 00:34:33,773

Yeah, I know

it's pretty selfish, but...



556

00:34:34,023 --> 00:34:37,950

...hey, that's me!



557

00:34:40,743 --> 00:34:42,454

Why don't you try the hummus?



558

00:34:42,710 --> 00:34:44,954

So, Monica, what do you do?



559

00:34:45,208 --> 00:34:47,451

I am a chef at a restaurant uptown.



560

00:34:47,706 --> 00:34:48,495

Good for you.



561

00:34:48,751 --> 00:34:51,250

Yeah, it is.



562

00:34:51,501 --> 00:34:57,974

Mostly because I get to boss people

around, which I just love to do.



563

00:34:58,887 --> 00:35:00,515

Well, this hummus is great.



564

00:35:00,765 --> 00:35:04,014

God bless the chickpea.



565

00:35:07,351 --> 00:35:08,522

Oh, God!



566

00:35:08,775 --> 00:35:12,779

I am so spoiled!



567

00:35:15,487 --> 00:35:18,077

That's it.



568

00:35:18,259 --> 00:35:19,949

I shoplift.



569

00:35:22,808 --> 00:35:27,163

That was years ago and you had no idea that lipstick was in your pocket.



570

00:35:27,198 --> 00:35:31,168

Did I tell you that I think I'm so much cuter than I am?



571

00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:35,714

And have I mentioned that

back in high school...



572

00:35:35,968 --> 00:35:38,803

...I was a cow?



573

00:35:39,574 --> 00:35:42,264

I used to wet my bed.



574

00:35:42,508 --> 00:35:45,348

I use my breasts to get

other people's attention.



575

00:35:45,590 --> 00:35:48,846

We both do that!



576

00:36:01,718 --> 00:36:05,725

Monica and Rachel's apartment.



577

00:36:05,978 --> 00:36:10,238

Just one second.

Rachel, it's your dad.



578

00:36:11,654 --> 00:36:12,861

Hi, Dad.



579

00:36:13,119 --> 00:36:15,911

No, no. It's me.



580

00:36:16,159 --> 00:36:18,832

Listen, Dad,

I can't talk right now.



581

00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:21,127

But there's something...



582

00:36:21,377 --> 00:36:24,677

There's something

I've been meaning to tell you.



583

00:36:24,923 --> 00:36:25,925

Excuse me.



584

00:36:26,177 --> 00:36:28,179

Remember back in freshman year?



585

00:36:28,436 --> 00:36:32,937

Well, Billy Dreskin and I

had sex on your bed.



586

00:36:43,047 --> 00:36:45,000

Daddy...



587

00:36:45,261 --> 00:36:48,198

Daddy, daddy why? Why would I sleep

with Billy Dreskin?



588

00:36:48,454 --> 00:36:50,744

His father tried to put

you out of business!



589

00:36:51,007 --> 00:36:54,071

You are dead!



590

00:36:54,372 --> 00:36:57,480

Hey, Rachel, are these your condoms?



591

00:37:01,236 --> 00:37:06,321

Oh, no. No, that was just Monica.

She's drunk again.



592

00:37:08,289 --> 00:37:11,376

Ah, Pheebs, I don't think scrunchy is a word.



593

00:37:11,411 --> 00:37:14,850

Why not?

If crunchy is a word, why isn't scrunchy?



594

00:37:15,700 --> 00:37:18,703

Well, okay, then I'm using that same argument for fligament.



595

00:37:21,410 --> 00:37:23,641

Ross, he's got the remote again.



596

00:37:23,882 --> 00:37:25,745

Good.



597

00:37:25,986 --> 00:37:28,984

Maybe he can switch it back.



598

00:37:31,372 --> 00:37:34,051

Maybe not.



599

00:37:34,099 --> 00:37:36,482

Okay, daddy, that's the other line.



600

00:37:37,565 --> 00:37:40,025

Okay, no. Not even in my bedroom.



601

00:37:40,681 --> 00:37:44,019

Okay, okay.

Bye-bye.



602

00:37:44,562 --> 00:37:46,370

Hello?



603

00:37:51,108 --> 00:37:54,306

Hold on a second and let me

just check and see if she's here.



604

00:37:54,049 --> 00:37:57,878

It's the woman from the hospital.

There's a problem with the form.



605

00:37:58,127 --> 00:37:59,815

Oh, God, what do we do?



606

00:38:00,063 --> 00:38:01,837

Just find out what they want.



607

00:38:02,081 --> 00:38:04,352

Okay. No, you do it.



608

00:38:04,603 --> 00:38:08,310

Hello. This is Monica.



609

00:38:10,948 --> 00:38:14,121

Yes, we'll be right down.

Thank you.



610

00:38:14,368 --> 00:38:17,500

We forgot to sign one

of the admissions forms.



611

00:38:17,751 --> 00:38:20,554

- You're right, this wasn't worth it.

- Thank you.



612

00:38:20,803 --> 00:38:23,967

Okay, let me just change.



613

00:38:24,971 --> 00:38:25,984

gudje?



614

00:38:26,019 --> 00:38:27,169

- Nautical term.



615

00:38:27,244 --> 00:38:28,865

- Cheating man.

- Okay.



616

00:38:31,586 --> 00:38:34,438

- Hey.

- Hey... Hi.



617

00:38:34,073 --> 00:38:36,187

- She still didn't call?

- No.



618

00:38:36,767 --> 00:38:38,788

Trouble?



619

00:38:39,037 --> 00:38:41,047

Your sister stood me up

the other night.



620

00:38:41,292 --> 00:38:46,313

Oh, no. Don't you hate it

when people aren't there for you?



621

00:38:47,544 --> 00:38:48,663

What is that?



622

00:38:48,998 --> 00:38:50,842

Tushy!



623

00:38:52,413 --> 00:38:55,543

- Well, did you try calling her?

- I've been trying for two days.



624

00:38:55,787 --> 00:38:58,413

When I called the restaurant,

they said she was busy.



625

00:38:58,657 --> 00:39:02,679

I can't believe

she's blowing me off!



626

00:39:18,618 --> 00:39:20,899

Excuse me, we had the two chef salads.



627

00:39:23,525 --> 00:39:26,317

No, we havn't had hem yet.



628

00:39:26,352 --> 00:39:28,551

We're still hoping to have them.



629

00:39:28,986 --> 00:39:30,302

Okay.



630

00:39:37,470 --> 00:39:40,650

- Hey.

- Oh.



631

00:39:42,606 --> 00:39:44,209

You got a minute?



632

00:39:44,454 --> 00:39:47,173

Yeah, I'm just working.



633

00:39:59,214 --> 00:40:01,181

I got you a birthday present.



634

00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:04,395

Wow, you remembered!



635

00:40:08,220 --> 00:40:10,691

It's a Judy Jetson thermos.



636

00:40:10,637 --> 00:40:12,171

Right, ike the kind you...



637

00:40:12,416 --> 00:40:13,983

Right.



638

00:40:14,225 --> 00:40:16,319

Oh, I got something for you too.



639

00:40:16,574 --> 00:40:18,874

How'd you know I was coming?



640

00:40:19,121 --> 00:40:22,580

Yeah, twin thing.



641

00:40:23,521 --> 00:40:25,536

I can't believe you did this.



642

00:40:25,780 --> 00:40:27,543

I can't believe you...



643

00:40:27,786 --> 00:40:30,912

...did this!



644

00:40:31,846 --> 00:40:36,807

So what's the deal

with you and Joey?



645

00:40:37,051 --> 00:40:38,322

Oh, right.



646

00:40:38,563 --> 00:40:42,011

He is so great.

But that's over.



647

00:40:42,257 --> 00:40:44,644

- Does he know?

- Who?



648

00:40:44,893 --> 00:40:49,659

Joey. You know, he's really nutsy

about you.



649

00:40:49,898 --> 00:40:51,415

He is? Why?



650

00:40:51,661 --> 00:40:53,512

You got me.



651

00:40:53,762 --> 00:40:54,786

Excuse me...



652

00:40:55,032 --> 00:40:59,139

...doesn't this come

with a side salad?



653

00:40:59,217 --> 00:41:00,986

So are you gonna call him?



654

00:41:01,234 --> 00:41:05,173

- You think he likes me?

- No. Joey.



655

00:41:05,423 --> 00:41:09,114

No, no. He is so smart.

He'll figure it out.



656

00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,491

Do you want some chicken?



657

00:41:11,740 --> 00:41:14,700

No, no.

No food with a face, remember?



658

00:41:14,947 --> 00:41:17,126

You have not changed.



659

00:41:17,365 --> 00:41:20,280

Yeah, you too.



660

00:41:20,808 --> 00:41:23,651

Excuse me. My side salad?



661

00:41:26,193 --> 00:41:28,283

The service in here is horrible.



662

00:41:33,405 --> 00:41:36,431

Hi! Remember us?



663

00:41:36,715 --> 00:41:40,437

You just called about needing

a signature on the admissions form?



664

00:41:40,681 --> 00:41:43,103

Well, it turns out

we need a whole new one.



665

00:41:43,343 --> 00:41:45,629

Because, you see...



666

00:41:45,874 --> 00:41:48,412

...I put the wrong name again.



667

00:41:48,660 --> 00:41:52,419

- Because...

- You're that stupid!



668

00:41:52,663 --> 00:41:55,656

I am. I'm that stupid!



669

00:41:55,897 --> 00:41:58,516

And I'm just gonna pay

for this with a check.



670

00:41:58,761 --> 00:42:00,517

Well, you know your insurance will cover that.



671

00:42:01,161 --> 00:42:04,802

Yeah, I know.

I'm just not that bright either.



672

00:42:09,634 --> 00:42:14,212

Mon, I'm sorry about last night what I said. 

I don't think you're anything like your mother.



673

00:42:14,247 --> 00:42:17,495

Oh, that's alright. And I don't think you're selfish running out on Berry.



674

00:42:18,030 --> 00:42:20,951

Oh, and I'm sorry that I said you were a cow in high school.



675

00:42:20,986 --> 00:42:23,859

That's okay. I was a cow.



676

00:42:30,310 --> 00:42:31,837

Okay, worst case scenario:



677

00:42:32,086 --> 00:42:35,274

Say you never feel like a father.



678

00:42:35,523 --> 00:42:39,700

Say your son never feels

connected to you as one.



679

00:42:39,947 --> 00:42:43,514

Say all of his relationships

are affected by this.



680

00:42:43,757 --> 00:42:46,411

Do you have a point?



681

00:42:46,653 --> 00:42:50,089

You know, you'd think I would.



682

00:42:51,671 --> 00:42:54,349

What's up with the simian?



683

00:42:54,603 --> 00:42:58,173

It's just a fur ball.



684

00:42:58,575 --> 00:43:00,071

Whose turn is it?



685

00:43:00,319 --> 00:43:02,425

Yours. I got

43 points for "kidney".



686

00:43:02,676 --> 00:43:05,948

No, you got

zero points for "idney".



687

00:43:06,188 --> 00:43:10,049

I had a "K".

Where's my "K"?



688

00:43:15,548 --> 00:43:18,407

You've got to help me!

My monkey swallowed a "K"!



689

00:43:18,459 --> 00:43:20,102

You have to get that animal out of here!



690

00:43:20,148 --> 00:43:23,747

You don't understand, the animal hospital is way across town.

He's choking! I don't know what else to do!



691

00:43:24,497 --> 00:43:28,176

- What's going on?

- Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile.



692

00:43:29,154 --> 00:43:30,194

Excuse me.



693

00:43:30,429 --> 00:43:32,403

This hospital is for people!



694

00:43:32,453 --> 00:43:35,269

Lady, he is people!

He has a name, okay?



695

00:43:35,521 --> 00:43:37,088

He watches "Jeopardy!"



696

00:43:37,336 --> 00:43:40,882

...he touches himself

when nobody's watching.



697

00:43:41,135 --> 00:43:42,581

Please have a heart.



698

00:43:42,826 --> 00:43:45,065

- I'll take a look at him.

- Thank you.



699

00:43:45,311 --> 00:43:46,295

- Michael!

- Rachel.



700

00:43:46,542 --> 00:43:49,848

- What?

- Monica.



701

00:44:03,899 --> 00:44:05,304

Urs!



702

00:44:05,542 --> 00:44:08,478

What are you doing here? I've been trying to call you.



703

00:44:08,731 --> 00:44:09,685

Listen...



704

00:44:09,931 --> 00:44:14,931

Oh, no no no, don't say "listen". I know that

"listen". I've said that "listen".



705

00:44:15,173 --> 00:44:16,788

I'm sorry.



706

00:44:17,031 --> 00:44:19,020

I don't get it.

What happened?



707

00:44:19,771 --> 00:44:23,721

What about what

you said under the bridge?



708

00:44:26,273 --> 00:44:28,859

Forget about what

I said under the bridge.



709

00:44:29,101 --> 00:44:33,866

I was talking crazy that night.

I was so drunk.



710

00:44:34,073 --> 00:44:35,575

You don't drink.



711

00:44:35,825 --> 00:44:38,077

That's right, I don't.



712

00:44:38,328 --> 00:44:41,787

But I was drunk on you.



713

00:44:42,501 --> 00:44:44,670

But it's not gonna work.



714

00:44:44,919 --> 00:44:48,593

Why? Is it because

I'm friends with Phoebe?



715

00:44:48,835 --> 00:44:53,185

If it was, would you

stop hanging out with her?



716

00:44:55,066 --> 00:44:58,022

No, I couldn't do that.



717

00:44:58,271 --> 00:45:01,437

Then, yeah, it's because of Phoebe.



718

00:45:01,686 --> 00:45:05,990

So you know, it's either her or me.



719

00:45:07,527 --> 00:45:10,577

Then I'm sorry.



720

00:45:15,418 --> 00:45:18,379

You're gonna be

really hard to get over.



721

00:45:18,627 --> 00:45:21,210

I know.



722

00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:30,306

I don't know whether it's just

because we're breaking up or what...



723

00:45:30,555 --> 00:45:32,976

...but you've never

looked so beautiful.



724

00:45:33,227 --> 00:45:35,814

Really?



725

00:46:05,145 --> 00:46:07,928

Pheebs?



726

00:46:17,273 --> 00:46:20,121

He looks so tiny.



727

00:46:20,243 --> 00:46:21,950

- We just got the message.

- Is he okay?



728

00:46:22,195 --> 00:46:24,909

The doctor got the "K" out.



729

00:46:25,164 --> 00:46:29,043

He also found an "M" and an "O".



730

00:46:29,410 --> 00:46:33,797

We think he was trying

to spell out "monkey".



731

00:46:38,596 --> 00:46:43,604

The doctor says he'll be fine.

He's just sleeping now.



732

00:46:43,727 --> 00:46:45,517

So you feel like a dad yet?



733

00:46:45,773 --> 00:46:47,648

No. Why?



734

00:46:47,892 --> 00:46:51,490

Come on, you came through.

You did what you had to do.



735

00:46:51,735 --> 00:46:53,817

That's very "dad".



736

00:46:54,073 --> 00:46:55,035

He's waking up.



737

00:46:55,281 --> 00:46:59,283

Hey, fella.

How you doing?