FANDOM


General InformationEdit

Title "The One with Two Parts"
Format SubRip
Extension .srt

SubtitlesEdit

1
00:00:06,708 --> 00:00:09,444
This is unbelievable!
It's been half an hour.

2
00:00:09,711 --> 00:00:13,214
If this was a cartoon,
you'd look like a ham about now.

3
00:00:13,448 --> 00:00:15,350
There's the waitress.
Excuse me!

4
00:00:15,617 --> 00:00:19,654
- Hello, miss?
- It's Phoebe!

5
00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:23,391
Okay, will that be all?

6
00:00:23,658 --> 00:00:26,094
Wait, wait.
What are you doing here?

7
00:00:26,361 --> 00:00:27,495
I was over there...

8
00:00:27,762 --> 00:00:30,899
...then you said, "Excuse me, miss."
So now I'm here.

9
00:00:31,165 --> 00:00:33,535
How come you're working here?

10
00:00:33,768 --> 00:00:38,173
Because it's close to where I live,
and the aprons are really cute.

11
00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:39,407
Can we start over?

12
00:00:39,641 --> 00:00:42,477
Okay, great.
I'm gonna be over here.

13
00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:46,548
The One With the Two Parts - Part I

14
00:01:30,325 --> 00:01:33,261
I don't know if he's testing me
or just acting out...

15
00:01:33,528 --> 00:01:37,832
...but my monkey is out of control!

16
00:01:38,166 --> 00:01:41,636
He keeps erasing
the messages on my machine.

17
00:01:41,903 --> 00:01:44,672
Supposedly by accident.

18
00:01:44,939 --> 00:01:48,243
Yeah, I've done that.

19
00:01:50,078 --> 00:01:53,781
And three days in a row, he got
to the newspaper before I did...

20
00:01:54,048 --> 00:01:56,718
...and peed all over the crossword!

21
00:01:56,985 --> 00:02:00,021
I've never done that.

22
00:02:00,021 --> 00:02:03,892
And then last night, I don't know what he did, but there were capers everywhere.

23
00:02:06,261 --> 00:02:09,664
Allright now look at her and tell me she
doesn't look exactly like her sister.

24
00:02:09,931 --> 00:02:12,033
I'm saying I see a difference.

25
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,535
They're twins.

26
00:02:13,401 --> 00:02:18,640
I don't care.
Phoebe's Phoebe. Ursula's hot.

27
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:21,543
You know that thing
when we talk about things?

28
00:02:21,776 --> 00:02:25,280
Let's not do that anymore.

29
00:02:26,481 --> 00:02:29,150
Hey, Pheebs.
Guess who we saw today?

30
00:02:29,384 --> 00:02:30,952
Oh, fun!

31
00:02:31,219 --> 00:02:32,554
- Liam Neeson.
- No.

32
00:02:32,787 --> 00:02:34,289
Morley Safer.

33
00:02:34,556 --> 00:02:36,257
The woman who cuts my hair!

34
00:02:36,491 --> 00:02:38,626
This could be a really long game.

35
00:02:38,860 --> 00:02:40,295
Your sister, Ursula.

36
00:02:40,562 --> 00:02:41,930
Oh, really?

37
00:02:41,696 --> 00:02:43,331
She works at that place...

38
00:02:43,565 --> 00:02:44,732
Riff's. Yeah, I know.

39
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:49,437
You do? She said you guys
haven't talked in years.

40
00:02:51,706 --> 00:02:55,743
So is she fat?

41
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:59,013
Not from where I was standing.

42
00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:02,317
Where were you standing?

43
00:03:03,651 --> 00:03:07,188
Pheebs, so you guys
just don't get along?

44
00:03:07,455 --> 00:03:10,058
It's mostly just dumb
sister stuff, you know?

45
00:03:10,325 --> 00:03:15,196
Everyone always thought of her
as the pretty one.

46
00:03:15,530 --> 00:03:17,298
She was the first to walk...

47
00:03:16,865 --> 00:03:21,436
...even though I did it
later that same day.

48
00:03:21,703 --> 00:03:27,108
To my parents, by then it was,
"Yeah, what else is new?"

49
00:03:27,308 --> 00:03:30,278
I'm sorry. I've gotta go.
I've got Lamaze class.

50
00:03:30,512 --> 00:03:35,517
And I've got earth science,
but I'll catch you in gym?

51
00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:39,320
Is this just gonna be you and Carol?

52
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,289
Susan will be there too.

53
00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:46,461
We've got dads, we've got lesbians.
The whole parenting team.

54
00:03:46,694 --> 00:03:48,596
Isn't that gonna be weird?

55
00:03:48,863 --> 00:03:50,899
It might have been at first...

56
00:03:51,132 --> 00:03:52,700
...but now I'm comfortable
with the situation.

57
00:03:52,734 --> 00:03:53,668
Ross, that's my jacket.

58
00:03:53,935 --> 00:03:56,638
I know.

59
00:04:04,179 --> 00:04:05,480
We're the Rostens.

60
00:04:05,747 --> 00:04:08,616
I'm J.C. And he's Michael.

61
00:04:08,883 --> 00:04:12,720
And we're having a boy and a girl.

62
00:04:12,954 --> 00:04:17,058
Good for you!
Alrighty, next?

63
00:04:19,027 --> 00:04:20,595
I'm Ross Geller.

64
00:04:20,829 --> 00:04:23,097
And that's my boy in there.

65
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:29,437
And this is Carol Willick,
and this is Susan Bunch.

66
00:04:29,204 --> 00:04:33,641
Susan is Carol's...

67
00:04:37,679 --> 00:04:40,582
Who's next?

68
00:04:41,182 --> 00:04:42,250
Sorry I didn't get it, Susan is...?

69
00:04:42,317 --> 00:04:44,519
- Susan is Carol's friend.
- Life partner.

70
00:04:44,786 --> 00:04:47,088
Like buddies.

71
00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:48,556
Like lovers.

72
00:04:48,823 --> 00:04:52,694
You know how close women can get.

73
00:04:52,393 --> 00:04:54,596
- Susan and I live together.
- I was married to her.

74
00:04:54,863 --> 00:04:57,532
- Carol, not me.
- It's a little complicated.

75
00:04:57,799 --> 00:05:00,702
- But we're fine.
- Absolutely.

76
00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:02,570
So, twins!

77
00:05:02,837 --> 00:05:05,673
That's like two birds.

78
00:05:15,183 --> 00:05:17,485
- To you too, Helen!

79
00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:20,288
Nina Bookbinder is here to see you.

80
00:05:20,522 --> 00:05:24,092
Okay, send her in.

81
00:05:28,363 --> 00:05:31,366
- Come on in.
- You wanted to see me?

82
00:05:31,633 --> 00:05:33,368
I was just going over your data.

83
00:05:33,635 --> 00:05:36,137
You've been postdating
your Friday numbers.

84
00:05:36,371 --> 00:05:38,306
Which is bad, because...?

85
00:05:38,540 --> 00:05:41,543
It throws my WENUS out of whack.

86
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:43,111
Excuse me?

87
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:44,546
WENUS.

88
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:46,948
Weekly Estimated
Net Usage Statistics.

89
00:05:47,182 --> 00:05:49,017
Right. Gotcha, gotcha.

90
00:05:49,284 --> 00:05:53,154
Won't happen again. I wouldn't
want to do anything to hurt your...

91
00:05:53,421 --> 00:05:56,057
...WENUS.

92
00:06:04,833 --> 00:06:08,236
It's not just that she's cute, okay?
It's just that...

93
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:11,105
...she's really, really cute.

94
00:06:11,139 --> 00:06:14,409
It doesn't matter. You don't dip
your pen in the company ink.

95
00:06:15,977 --> 00:06:19,647
God, even I know that, and I'm pretty much unemployable.

96
00:06:21,583 --> 00:06:22,584
Ross.

97
00:06:22,884 --> 00:06:26,554
Your little creature's
got the remote again.

98
00:06:26,821 --> 00:06:30,792
Marcel, give Rossy the remote.

99
00:06:31,059 --> 00:06:33,294
Marcel!

100
00:06:32,861 --> 00:06:37,565
Marcel, you give Rossy
the remote right now!

101
00:06:39,667 --> 00:06:42,036
You give Rossy the remote...

102
00:06:42,270 --> 00:06:46,307
- Great.
- Relax. I'll fix it.

103
00:06:47,108 --> 00:06:48,042
Oh, cool.

104
00:06:48,309 --> 00:06:49,177
Urkel...

105
00:06:49,444 --> 00:06:53,615
...in Spanish is Urkel.

106
00:06:54,249 --> 00:06:57,018
How did he do this?

107
00:06:57,285 --> 00:06:59,487
Is leaving the Christmas lights up...

108
00:06:59,721 --> 00:07:02,290
...your plan to keep us
merry all year long?

109
00:07:02,490 --> 00:07:05,727
Someone was supposed to take
them down around New Year's...

110
00:07:05,994 --> 00:07:08,129
...but obviously someone forgot!

111
00:07:08,329 --> 00:07:10,598
Someone was supposed to write:

112
00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:16,304
"Rach, take down the lights"
and put it on the refrigera...

113
00:07:17,071 --> 00:07:20,475
How long has that been there?

114
00:07:22,977 --> 00:07:24,179
Where you been?

115
00:07:24,379 --> 00:07:27,949
I went to Riff's. I think Ursula likes me.
All I ordered was coffee.

116
00:07:28,183 --> 00:07:33,388
She brought me a tuna melt
and four plates of curly fries.

117
00:07:33,955 --> 00:07:36,724
Score.

118
00:07:36,825 --> 00:07:39,294
She is so hot!

119
00:07:39,561 --> 00:07:42,096
Okay, before you do
anything Joey-like...

120
00:07:42,363 --> 00:07:46,134
...you might want to run it by...

121
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:49,771
Pheebs?

122
00:07:50,004 --> 00:07:52,507
Would it be okay
if I asked out your sister?

123
00:07:52,740 --> 00:07:56,811
Why? Why would you
want to do that? Why?

124
00:07:57,078 --> 00:08:01,583
So that if we went out on a date,
she'd be there.

125
00:08:05,453 --> 00:08:08,423
Well, I mean, I'm not
my sister's, you know...

126
00:08:08,690 --> 00:08:11,493
...whatever.

127
00:08:11,826 --> 00:08:15,330
And I mean, it's true,
we were one egg once.

128
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:18,299
But, you know,
we've grown apart, so...

129
00:08:18,533 --> 00:08:20,335
I don't know. Why not?

130
00:08:20,602 --> 00:08:23,404
Cool. Thanks.

131
00:08:25,573 --> 00:08:26,741
You okay?

132
00:08:27,008 --> 00:08:28,910
Yeah, I'm fine.

133
00:08:29,177 --> 00:08:33,348
Do you wanna watch
"Laverne y Shirley"?

134
00:08:47,195 --> 00:08:49,797
Sorry.

135
00:08:50,031 --> 00:08:52,233
Sorry I'm late.
Where's Carol?

136
00:08:52,500 --> 00:08:55,670
Stuck at school.
Some parent-teacher thing.

137
00:08:55,937 --> 00:08:59,140
You can go.
I'll get the information.

138
00:08:59,374 --> 00:09:03,912
No, I think I should stay.
We should both know what's going on.

139
00:09:04,179 --> 00:09:05,380
Oh, good.

140
00:09:05,647 --> 00:09:07,015
This will be fun.

141
00:09:07,248 --> 00:09:11,686
We're gonna start with some basic
third-stage breathing exercises.

142
00:09:11,953 --> 00:09:13,688
Mommies, get on your back.

143
00:09:13,955 --> 00:09:19,360
And, coaches, you should be
supporting Mommy's head.

144
00:09:24,799 --> 00:09:25,800
- What?
- What?

145
00:09:26,034 --> 00:09:27,702
I'm supposed to be the mommy?

146
00:09:27,969 --> 00:09:32,907
Okay, I'm gonna play
my sperm card one more time.

147
00:09:33,241 --> 00:09:37,011
I have to miss out on the coaching
training because I'm a woman?

148
00:09:37,278 --> 00:09:39,080
So what do you propose to do?

149
00:09:39,314 --> 00:09:41,516
- I'll flip you for it.
- Flip me for it?

150
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,685
Heads, heads, heads!

151
00:09:43,952 --> 00:09:47,522
On your back, Mom!

152
00:09:49,991 --> 00:09:55,597
All right, Mommies, take
a nice, deep, cleansing breath.

153
00:09:57,699 --> 00:09:58,466
Good.

154
00:09:58,733 --> 00:10:01,603
Now imagine your vagina is opening...

155
00:10:01,836 --> 00:10:05,406
...like a flower.

156
00:10:14,549 --> 00:10:16,584
Mr. Dee! How's it going, sir?

157
00:10:16,851 --> 00:10:18,453
It's been better.

158
00:10:18,720 --> 00:10:22,323
The Annual Net Usage
Statistics are in.

159
00:10:22,590 --> 00:10:23,992
It's pretty ugly.

160
00:10:24,225 --> 00:10:28,663
We haven't seen an ANUS
this bad since the '70s.

161
00:10:28,897 --> 00:10:30,131
What's it mean?

162
00:10:30,365 --> 00:10:32,700
We'll be laying off people.

163
00:10:32,934 --> 00:10:36,638
I know I was late last week.
I slept funny and my hair was snarly.

164
00:10:36,905 --> 00:10:38,373
Not you.

165
00:10:38,606 --> 00:10:41,609
Relax.

166
00:10:42,210 --> 00:10:44,379
Ever have to fire anyone?

167
00:10:44,479 --> 00:10:48,016
No, but that's not a problem sir, that's why my name's on the door.

168
00:10:49,617 --> 00:10:51,820
By the way, do you know when I'm getting my name on the door?

169
00:10:53,354 --> 00:10:55,590
I don't know. I... put it in "the thing".

170
00:10:56,391 --> 00:11:00,128
So... who's it gonna be?

171
00:11:00,228 --> 00:11:02,564
Nina...

172
00:11:03,231 --> 00:11:04,532
Nina.

173
00:11:06,234 --> 00:11:07,969
Nina?

174
00:11:09,604 --> 00:11:11,239
Ninaaaa....

175
00:11:11,372 --> 00:11:13,775
Are you okay?

176
00:11:14,042 --> 00:11:17,412
Yes. Yes, I am.

177
00:11:17,545 --> 00:11:21,716
Listen, the reason that
I called you in here today was...

178
00:11:21,983 --> 00:11:23,985
Please don't hate me.

179
00:11:24,252 --> 00:11:26,588
What?

180
00:11:27,222 --> 00:11:31,059
Would you like
to have dinner sometime?

181
00:11:35,330 --> 00:11:38,132
So Pheebs, what do you want
for your birthday?

182
00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:44,105
What I really want is for my mom
to be alive and enjoy it with me.

183
00:11:48,710 --> 00:11:51,813
Let me put it this way.
Anything from Crabtree & Evelyn?

184
00:11:52,046 --> 00:11:53,781
Bath salts would be nice!

185
00:11:54,048 --> 00:11:56,518
Good.

186
00:12:03,725 --> 00:12:05,260
What is this place?

187
00:12:05,493 --> 00:12:08,129
You're cold, I have to pee,
and there's coffee.

188
00:12:08,396 --> 00:12:10,265
How bad could it be?

189
00:12:10,498 --> 00:12:14,068
I think we have an answer.

190
00:12:14,235 --> 00:12:15,436
What's she doing here?

191
00:12:15,703 --> 00:12:19,374
This could be God's way
of telling us to eat at home.

192
00:12:19,641 --> 00:12:23,511
- Think she got fired at Riff's?
- No, we were there last night.

193
00:12:23,778 --> 00:12:26,414
She kept bringing swordfish.
Are you gonna go...?

194
00:12:26,681 --> 00:12:28,850
I'll wait until we order.
It's her, right?

195
00:12:29,117 --> 00:12:31,519
It looks like her.

196
00:12:31,786 --> 00:12:34,088
Excuse me?

197
00:12:34,322 --> 00:12:37,325
Hi, it's us!

198
00:12:39,861 --> 00:12:43,298
Right. And it's me!

199
00:12:44,165 --> 00:12:46,067
So you're here too?

200
00:12:46,334 --> 00:12:48,303
As much as you are.

201
00:12:48,503 --> 00:12:50,672
Your turn.

202
00:12:50,905 --> 00:12:52,040
We know what we want.

203
00:12:52,307 --> 00:12:54,209
That's good.

204
00:12:54,475 --> 00:12:57,345
- Two caffe lattes.
- And some biscotti cookies.

205
00:12:57,579 --> 00:13:00,415
Good choice.

206
00:13:02,750 --> 00:13:06,287
It's definitely her.

207
00:13:12,694 --> 00:13:13,862
I can't believe you.

208
00:13:14,128 --> 00:13:17,799
You still haven't told that girl
she doesn't have a job?

209
00:13:18,032 --> 00:13:21,803
You still haven't taken down
the Christmas lights.

210
00:13:22,070 --> 00:13:26,107
Congratulations! I think you found
the world's thinnest argument.

211
00:13:26,341 --> 00:13:28,309
Trying to find the right moment.

212
00:13:28,576 --> 00:13:32,780
That shouldn't be so hard,
now that you're dating.

213
00:13:33,047 --> 00:13:38,953
"Sweetheart, you're fired. But how
about a quickie before I go to work?"

214
00:13:45,126 --> 00:13:49,430
Once you're inside,
you don't have to knock anymore.

215
00:13:49,697 --> 00:13:52,667
I'll get it.

216
00:13:54,502 --> 00:13:56,671
Hi, Mr. Heckles.

217
00:13:56,938 --> 00:13:57,939
You're doing it again.

218
00:13:58,206 --> 00:13:59,674
We're not doing anything.

219
00:13:59,941 --> 00:14:03,111
We're just sitting around
talking quietly.

220
00:14:03,344 --> 00:14:06,915
I can hear you through the ceiling.

221
00:14:07,282 --> 00:14:10,919
My cats can't sleep.

222
00:14:11,052 --> 00:14:12,754
You don't even have cats.

223
00:14:12,987 --> 00:14:16,491
I could have cats.

224
00:14:16,491 --> 00:14:17,659
Goodbye, Mr. Heckles.

225
00:14:17,892 --> 00:14:21,996
We'll try to keep it down.

226
00:14:24,732 --> 00:14:27,502
Phoebe, can you do me a favor?

227
00:14:27,735 --> 00:14:29,604
Try this on to make sure it fits.

228
00:14:29,838 --> 00:14:33,775
My first birthday present!
Oh, this is really...

229
00:14:34,042 --> 00:14:38,813
No no no, it's for Ursula.
I just figured, you know, size-wise.

230
00:14:40,248 --> 00:14:41,549
Sure. Yeah.

231
00:14:41,282 --> 00:14:44,219
Okay, it fits.

232
00:14:45,019 --> 00:14:46,221
Are you seeing her again?

233
00:14:46,454 --> 00:14:48,890
Yep, Ice Capades.

234
00:14:49,157 --> 00:14:50,124
This is serious.

235
00:14:50,391 --> 00:14:55,230
I've never known you to pay money
for any kind of "capade".

236
00:14:55,930 --> 00:14:57,732
I don't know. I like her.

237
00:14:57,932 --> 00:15:01,236
She's different.
There's something about her...

238
00:15:01,503 --> 00:15:05,373
That you like.
We get it. You like her.

239
00:15:05,807 --> 00:15:08,309
Phoebe, I asked you
and you said it was okay.

240
00:15:08,576 --> 00:15:12,046
Well, maybe now it's not okay.

241
00:15:12,881 --> 00:15:17,819
Well, maybe now I'm not okay
with it not being okay.

242
00:15:21,990 --> 00:15:25,226
Knit, good woman.
Knit! Knit!

243
00:15:37,071 --> 00:15:41,509
And that's the Chrysler Building
right there.

244
00:15:41,709 --> 00:15:43,545
Mr. Douglas.

245
00:15:43,811 --> 00:15:46,381
Cool tie.

246
00:15:48,416 --> 00:15:49,784
She's still here.

247
00:15:50,018 --> 00:15:52,554
Yes. Yes, she is.

248
00:15:52,787 --> 00:15:54,088
Didn't I memo you?

249
00:15:54,355 --> 00:15:59,227
After I let her go, I got a call
from her psychiatrist, Dr. Flanen...

250
00:15:59,494 --> 00:16:02,597
...Dr. Flanan, Dr. Flan.

251
00:16:03,431 --> 00:16:06,501
And he informed me that
she took the news rather badly.

252
00:16:06,734 --> 00:16:10,238
In fact, he mentioned
the word "frenzy".

253
00:16:10,471 --> 00:16:11,739
She seems so...

254
00:16:12,006 --> 00:16:15,410
Oh, no, no.
Nina? She's...

255
00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:18,012
In fact, if you asked her now...

256
00:16:18,246 --> 00:16:22,217
...she'd have no recollection
of being fired at all.

257
00:16:22,484 --> 00:16:23,618
That's unbelievable.

258
00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:25,987
And yet believable.

259
00:16:26,254 --> 00:16:28,256
So I decided not to fire her again...

260
00:16:28,523 --> 00:16:32,560
...until I'm sure she will be
of no threat to herself or others.

261
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:37,432
I see. You never really know what's
going on inside a person's head.

262
00:16:37,699 --> 00:16:42,837
Well, I guess that's why
they call it psychology, sir.

263
00:16:43,671 --> 00:16:46,741
The sound Mom and Dad
will never forget.

264
00:16:47,008 --> 00:16:50,278
For this, after all,
is the miracle of birth.

265
00:16:50,545 --> 00:16:51,846
Lights, please.

266
00:16:52,113 --> 00:16:53,615
And that's having a baby.

267
00:16:53,882 --> 00:16:57,685
Next week is our final class.

268
00:16:57,685 --> 00:17:00,855
Susan, go deep.

269
00:17:04,325 --> 00:17:06,661
It's impossible.
It's just impossible.

270
00:17:06,928 --> 00:17:08,029
What is, honey?

271
00:17:08,263 --> 00:17:10,064
What that woman...

272
00:17:10,331 --> 00:17:12,200
...did.

273
00:17:12,467 --> 00:17:15,170
I am not doing that!

274
00:17:15,403 --> 00:17:18,606
It'll have to stay in, that's all.
Everything will be the same.

275
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:21,843
- It'll just stay in.
- Carol, honey.

276
00:17:22,110 --> 00:17:24,779
- Everything will be all right.
- What do you know?

277
00:17:25,013 --> 00:17:27,916
No one's saying to you,
"Hi, is that your nostril?

278
00:17:28,216 --> 00:17:31,719
Mind if we push
this pot roast through it?!"

279
00:17:31,986 --> 00:17:33,588
Carol, sweetie.

280
00:17:33,888 --> 00:17:36,391
Cleansing breath.

281
00:17:36,658 --> 00:17:39,794
I know it's frightening.
But big picture:

282
00:17:40,028 --> 00:17:42,630
The birth part is just one day...

283
00:17:42,897 --> 00:17:47,468
...and when it's over, we'll all
be parents for the rest of our lives.

284
00:17:47,735 --> 00:17:50,338
I mean, that's what
this is all about, right?

285
00:17:50,572 --> 00:17:52,740
Ross?

286
00:17:52,974 --> 00:17:54,409
Ross.

287
00:17:54,676 --> 00:17:57,579
I'm gonna be a father.

288
00:17:57,812 --> 00:18:01,115
- This is just occurring to you?
- I knew I was having a baby.

289
00:18:01,082 --> 00:18:04,619
I just never realized
the baby was having me.

290
00:18:04,886 --> 00:18:06,821
You're gonna be great.

291
00:18:07,088 --> 00:18:08,456
How could you say that?

292
00:18:08,723 --> 00:18:12,360
I can't even get Marcel
to stop eating the bathmat.

293
00:18:12,627 --> 00:18:14,262
How am I gonna raise a kid?

294
00:18:14,529 --> 00:18:16,764
You know, some scientists
are now saying...

295
00:18:16,798 --> 00:18:21,769
...that monkeys and babies
are actually different.

296
00:18:23,705 --> 00:18:25,740
You might wonna look into it...

297
00:18:27,742 --> 00:18:28,910
- Where are you going?
- Out.

298
00:18:29,144 --> 00:18:30,011
With...?

299
00:18:30,912 --> 00:18:32,113
Yes!

300
00:18:32,747 --> 00:18:35,717
Alright, can I just ask you one question?

301
00:18:35,984 --> 00:18:40,488
Have you two, you know,
like, you know?

302
00:18:40,588 --> 00:18:42,423
You know?

303
00:18:42,657 --> 00:18:44,325
Yet?

304
00:18:44,559 --> 00:18:46,561
Well, not that it's any
of your business, but...

305
00:18:46,794 --> 00:18:50,098
...no, we haven't. Okay?

306
00:18:54,269 --> 00:18:57,906
You meant sex, right?

307
00:19:08,416 --> 00:19:11,519
- Do you have a sec?
- Sure, Nina. What's up?

308
00:19:11,786 --> 00:19:14,956
I don't know, for the past couple of days,
people have been avoiding me...

309
00:19:15,223 --> 00:19:17,926
...and giving me strange looks.

310
00:19:18,159 --> 00:19:21,830
Oh, well, maybe that's because...

311
00:19:22,096 --> 00:19:23,765
...they're jealous of us.

312
00:19:23,998 --> 00:19:25,300
Maybe.

313
00:19:25,567 --> 00:19:29,437
But that doesn't explain why
they keep taking my scissors.

314
00:19:29,671 --> 00:19:34,642
Well, maybe that's because
you're getting a big raise!

315
00:19:34,909 --> 00:19:37,045
- I am?
- Sure. Why not?

316
00:19:37,278 --> 00:19:40,582
Oh, my God!
You're amazing!

317
00:19:40,849 --> 00:19:43,418
Oh, you don't know.

318
00:19:43,651 --> 00:19:47,355
Helen, make sure we do the paperwork
on Miss Bookbinder's raise.

319
00:19:47,622 --> 00:19:52,627
You still want me to send her
psychological profile to personnel?

320
00:19:52,861 --> 00:19:54,929
Helen drinks.

321
00:19:55,163 --> 00:19:58,500
Will you marry me?

322
00:20:03,571 --> 00:20:07,175
- After the proposal, I kind of unreveled.

323
00:20:07,208 --> 00:20:11,179
Right, because you were really in control up untill then.

324
00:20:13,148 --> 00:20:16,518
- Yeah, well, I ended up telling her everything.
- Oh, how'd she take it?

325
00:20:16,551 --> 00:20:18,987
Pretty well.
Except for the stapler thing.

326
00:20:19,954 --> 00:20:21,990
Little tip. If you're ever
in a similar situation...

327
00:20:22,023 --> 00:20:26,895
...never, ever leave
your hand on the desk.

328
00:20:27,162 --> 00:20:31,633
Okay, I think I get how to do this.

329
00:20:35,370 --> 00:20:38,006
Can we turn this off?
Can we make them go away?

330
00:20:38,206 --> 00:20:40,175
Because I can't watch.

331
00:20:40,408 --> 00:20:42,811
They're gone.

332
00:20:42,844 --> 00:20:44,546
Are you all right?

333
00:20:44,813 --> 00:20:48,783
Yeah. It's just this whole
stupid Ursula thing.

334
00:20:49,050 --> 00:20:50,451
Okay Pheebs, can I ask...?

335
00:20:50,718 --> 00:20:54,355
So he's going out with her.
Is it really so terrible?

336
00:20:54,622 --> 00:20:57,058
Yeah.

337
00:20:57,225 --> 00:21:00,361
I mean, I'm not saying
she's evil or anything.

338
00:21:00,628 --> 00:21:04,098
She's just, you know,
she's always breaking my stuff.

339
00:21:04,332 --> 00:21:07,602
When I was 8, I wouldn't let her
have my Judy Jetson thermos...

340
00:21:07,869 --> 00:21:10,538
...so she threw it under the bus.

341
00:21:09,771 --> 00:21:15,009
And then when I was twelve and she broke my colar bone.

342
00:21:15,009 --> 00:21:17,846
Alright, she didn't mean to do it.
But I think it still counts.

343
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:21,049
And then there's Randy Brown...

344
00:21:21,282 --> 00:21:23,017
...who was like...

345
00:21:23,251 --> 00:21:27,789
Have you ever had a boyfriend
who was your best friend?

346
00:21:30,258 --> 00:21:32,494
Well, but that's what he was for me.

347
00:21:32,727 --> 00:21:35,296
And she, you know,
kind of stole him away...

348
00:21:35,530 --> 00:21:39,000
...and then broke his heart.

349
00:21:39,267 --> 00:21:41,903
And then he wouldn't
even talk to me anymore.

350
00:21:42,170 --> 00:21:48,076
He didn't want to be around anything
that looked like either one of us.

351
00:21:50,445 --> 00:21:55,550
I mean, I know Joey's not
my boyfriend or my thermos...

352
00:21:55,817 --> 00:21:57,218
...or anything, but...

353
00:21:57,452 --> 00:22:00,622
- You won't lose him.
- You gotta talk to Joey.

354
00:22:00,889 --> 00:22:01,789
Yeah, okay.

355
00:22:02,056 --> 00:22:05,160
He doesn't know this stuff.
If he knew how you felt...

356
00:22:05,393 --> 00:22:07,028
He's falling in love with her.

357
00:22:07,295 --> 00:22:09,297
They've been going out a week.

358
00:22:09,597 --> 00:22:15,470
They haven't even slept together yet.
I mean, that's not serious.

359
00:22:41,229 --> 00:22:43,798
May we help you?

360
00:22:51,005 --> 00:22:54,309
What are you doing? It's freezing!
Would you come inside?

361
00:22:54,542 --> 00:22:56,344
No, no, no.

362
00:22:56,611 --> 00:22:59,280
You wanted me to take them down...

363
00:22:59,514 --> 00:23:03,685
...so I'm taking them down, okay?

364
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:06,788
Rachel!

365
00:23:07,021 --> 00:23:10,024
I'm okay. I'm okay.

366
00:23:10,291 --> 00:23:12,227
Mr. Heckles?

367
00:23:12,460 --> 00:23:16,164
Mr. Heckles,
could you help me, please?

368
00:23:16,431 --> 00:23:21,202
This is just the kind of thing
I was talking about.

369
00:23:29,377 --> 00:23:31,528
My friend was taking down
our Christmas lights...

370
00:23:31,563 --> 00:23:35,056
...and she fell off the balcony
and may have broken her ankle.

371
00:23:35,288 --> 00:23:39,138
My God, you still have
your Christmas lights up?

372
00:23:39,955 --> 00:23:41,745
Fill this out and bring it back to me.

373
00:23:41,980 --> 00:23:44,547
Here you go.

374
00:23:48,319 --> 00:23:49,486
All right.

375
00:23:49,719 --> 00:23:51,001
Name...

376
00:23:51,237 --> 00:23:53,842
...address...

377
00:23:53,056 --> 00:23:55,304
Okay, are you currently on any medication?

378
00:23:55,339 --> 00:23:58,451
No.
Oh, wait wait yes!

379
00:23:58,486 --> 00:23:59,503
Blistex.

380
00:24:00,702 --> 00:24:02,592
Ah, NO!

381
00:24:03,728 --> 00:24:05,878
In case of emergency, call...?

382
00:24:06,123 --> 00:24:07,580
You.

383
00:24:07,824 --> 00:24:10,134
Really?

384
00:24:10,740 --> 00:24:13,867
Oh, that is so sweet!

385
00:24:14,435 --> 00:24:16,502
Oh, gosh. I love you.

386
00:24:16,743 --> 00:24:18,248
Okay, insurance?

387
00:24:18,491 --> 00:24:22,425
Yeah, check it.
Definitely gonna want some of that!

388
00:24:22,666 --> 00:24:23,926
You don't have insurance?

389
00:24:24,168 --> 00:24:26,208
Why? How much is this gonna cost?

390
00:24:26,253 --> 00:24:29,590
I have no idea, but X-rays alone could be
a couple hundred dollars!

391
00:24:29,331 --> 00:24:33,319
- What'll we do?
- There's not much we can do.

392
00:24:34,315 --> 00:24:38,055
Unless I use yours.

393
00:24:39,635 --> 00:24:40,799
Now wait a second.

394
00:24:41,048 --> 00:24:44,413
Who did I just put as my
"in case of emergency" person?

395
00:24:44,660 --> 00:24:47,778
That's insurance fraud.

396
00:24:47,943 --> 00:24:52,765
All right then, forget it.
Might as well just go home.

397
00:24:54,300 --> 00:24:59,247
- Okay, come here. I hate this.
- Thank you. I love you.

398
00:25:00,035 --> 00:25:03,526
I'm gonna need
a new set of these forms.

399
00:25:03,775 --> 00:25:05,728
Why?

400
00:25:05,975 --> 00:25:09,628
I am really an idiot!

401
00:25:09,754 --> 00:25:11,624
I was filling out my friend's form...

402
00:25:11,877 --> 00:25:14,033
...and instead of putting
her information...

403
00:25:14,282 --> 00:25:15,612
...I put mine.

404
00:25:15,862 --> 00:25:18,272
You are an idiot.

405
00:25:18,518 --> 00:25:23,342
Yep, that's me.
I am that stupid.

406
00:25:24,336 --> 00:25:27,918
I had a dream that I was
playing football with my kid.

407
00:25:28,169 --> 00:25:29,544
That's nice.

408
00:25:29,791 --> 00:25:33,000
No, no. With him.

409
00:25:34,669 --> 00:25:39,329
I'm on this field,
and they hike me the baby.

410
00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:44,286
I've gotta do something because the
Tampa Bay team's coming right at me!

411
00:25:44,532 --> 00:25:47,326
Tampa Bay's got a terrible team.

412
00:25:47,574 --> 00:25:49,948
Right, but...

413
00:25:50,197 --> 00:25:55,695
...it is just me and the baby,
so I'm thinking they can take us.

414
00:25:55,982 --> 00:25:57,940
And so, I...

415
00:25:58,191 --> 00:25:59,770
...I just heave it downfield!

416
00:26:00,019 --> 00:26:01,856
What are you, crazy?
That's a baby!

417
00:26:02,105 --> 00:26:05,892
He should take the sack?

418
00:26:07,937 --> 00:26:08,935
Anyway...

419
00:26:09,185 --> 00:26:11,346
...suddenly I'm downfield.

420
00:26:11,597 --> 00:26:15,425
And I realize that I'm the one
who's suppose to catch him, right?

421
00:26:15,676 --> 00:26:18,343
Only I know I'm not gonna
get there in time.

422
00:26:18,593 --> 00:26:20,380
So I am running and I'm running...

423
00:26:20,634 --> 00:26:22,294
...and that is when I woke up.

424
00:26:22,543 --> 00:26:25,877
See, I am so not ready
to be a father.

425
00:26:26,131 --> 00:26:28,001
Hey, you're gonna be fine.

426
00:26:28,250 --> 00:26:33,163
You're one of the most caring,
responsible men in North America.

427
00:26:33,163 --> 00:26:34,993
You're gonna make a great dad.

428
00:26:35,246 --> 00:26:40,368
Yeah, Ross. You and the baby
just need better blocking.

429
00:26:42,910 --> 00:26:45,991
Have you ever been to the
Rainbow Room? Is it expensive?

430
00:26:46,237 --> 00:26:49,445
Only if you order stuff.

431
00:26:49,566 --> 00:26:52,231
I'm taking Ursula tonight.
It's her birthday.

432
00:26:52,481 --> 00:26:57,103
- What about Phoebe's birthday?
- When's that?

433
00:26:57,602 --> 00:26:59,057
Tonight.

434
00:26:59,310 --> 00:27:03,558
Man, what are the odds
of that happening?

435
00:27:04,184 --> 00:27:07,432
You take your time.

436
00:27:11,384 --> 00:27:14,091
There it is!

437
00:27:16,547 --> 00:27:18,093
So,  what are you gonna do?

438
00:27:18,342 --> 00:27:22,209
What can I do? I don't want
to screw it up with Ursula.

439
00:27:22,458 --> 00:27:23,500
And your friend, Phoebe?

440
00:27:23,753 --> 00:27:27,875
If she's my friend, she'll understand.
Wouldn't you guys?

441
00:27:28,120 --> 00:27:29,957
If you tried that on my birthday...

442
00:27:30,204 --> 00:27:34,991
...you'd be staring at
the business end of a hissy fit.

443
00:27:36,133 --> 00:27:40,712
An added pinch of saffron
makes all the difference.

444
00:27:44,587 --> 00:27:45,422
Monica?

445
00:27:45,669 --> 00:27:46,707
Yes?

446
00:27:46,958 --> 00:27:49,416
Yes, she is.

447
00:27:49,663 --> 00:27:51,540
This is my friend, Rachel.

448
00:27:51,791 --> 00:27:53,085
Hi Rachel, I'm Dr. Mitchell.

449
00:27:53,138 --> 00:27:55,000
And I'm his friend, Dr. Rosen.

450
00:27:56,099 --> 00:27:58,668
I'm Okay here.
actually, that's alright.

451
00:27:58,703 --> 00:28:00,845
I don't mind at all, now you can take your break.

452
00:28:07,431 --> 00:28:09,589
Aren't you a little cute
to be a doctor?

453
00:28:09,624 --> 00:28:10,860
Excuse me?

454
00:28:10,895 --> 00:28:13,110
I meant, god, young, young.
I meant young.

455
00:28:13,145 --> 00:28:15,216
Young to be a doctor.

456
00:28:15,251 --> 00:28:17,145
- Good, Rach.
- Thank you.

457
00:28:25,531 --> 00:28:27,790
So he said it was a sprain,
and that was it.

458
00:28:28,039 --> 00:28:30,841
You left out the stupid part.

459
00:28:31,097 --> 00:28:32,118
It's not stupid.

460
00:28:32,374 --> 00:28:36,783
The very cute doctors asked us out
for tomorrow night, and I said yes.

461
00:28:37,044 --> 00:28:40,315
I think it's totally insane.
They work for the hospital.

462
00:28:40,565 --> 00:28:43,924
It's like returning
to the scene of the crime.

463
00:28:44,180 --> 00:28:48,154
- I say we blow off the dates.
- What? Monica, they are cute.

464
00:28:48,205 --> 00:28:52,316
They are doctors. Cute doctors.
Doctors who are cute.

465
00:28:52,370 --> 00:28:56,786
All right, what have
we learned so far?

466
00:28:57,009 --> 00:28:59,460
Oh, God.

467
00:29:03,985 --> 00:29:06,808
Surprise!

468
00:29:12,913 --> 00:29:17,268
What are you doing?
You scared the crap out of me!

469
00:29:17,476 --> 00:29:19,594
- Was that the cake?
- Yeah.

470
00:29:19,841 --> 00:29:22,292
I got a lemon schmush.

471
00:29:22,542 --> 00:29:24,986
Come on.
She'll be here any minute.

472
00:29:25,236 --> 00:29:28,269
I hope it's okay.

473
00:29:31,049 --> 00:29:34,453
"Happy Birthday, Peehee."

474
00:29:34,912 --> 00:29:37,317
Maybe we can make
a "B" out of a rose.

475
00:29:37,570 --> 00:29:40,884
Yeah, we'll just use
our special cake tools.

476
00:29:41,434 --> 00:29:42,846
- What's going on?
- We just...

477
00:29:43,096 --> 00:29:46,214
Surprise!

478
00:29:47,820 --> 00:29:51,063
This is so great!

479
00:29:51,312 --> 00:29:53,430
This was not at all scary.

480
00:29:54,144 --> 00:29:59,315
Oh look, "happy birthday Peehee".
What a strange new nickname.

481
00:29:59,345 --> 00:30:02,603
I like it!
Oh my god!

482
00:30:01,591 --> 00:30:03,019
Hi, everybody. Hi, Betty!

483
00:30:03,268 --> 00:30:04,484
Betty, hi!

484
00:30:04,737 --> 00:30:08,058
You found Betty!
Oh, my gosh! This is so great.

485
00:30:08,303 --> 00:30:11,703
Everybody I love is in the same room.

486
00:30:11,954 --> 00:30:15,190
Where's Joey?

487
00:30:16,491 --> 00:30:19,470
Did you see Betty?

488
00:30:28,154 --> 00:30:32,776
I'll tell you one thing, I wouldn't mind having a piece
of this sun-dried tomato business.

489
00:30:33,028 --> 00:30:37,393
Five years ago, if somebody'd said, "Here's
a tomato that looks like a prune"...

490
00:30:37,642 --> 00:30:41,583
...I'd have said,
"Get out of my office!"

491
00:30:43,239 --> 00:30:46,246
Dad, before I was born,
did you freak out at all?

492
00:30:46,298 --> 00:30:48,132
I'm not freaking out!
I'm just saying...

493
00:30:48,188 --> 00:30:51,793
...if someone had come to me
with the idea...

494
00:30:52,041 --> 00:30:55,023
I'm talking about
the whole baby thing.

495
00:30:54,973 --> 00:30:57,873
Did you ever get this sort of...

496
00:30:58,119 --> 00:31:04,253
...panicky, "Oh, my God, I'm gonna
be a father" kind of a thing?

497
00:31:05,005 --> 00:31:08,238
We just had kids back then. We didn't think about it.

498
00:31:08,273 --> 00:31:11,397
What else could the sun dry? I wonder.

499
00:31:14,891 --> 00:31:19,213
Right, look. Your mother really did the work.
I was busy with the business.

500
00:31:19,278 --> 00:31:20,318
I wasn't around that much.

501
00:31:21,587 --> 00:31:22,606
Is that what this is about?

502
00:31:23,927 --> 00:31:25,583
No, no. I was just wondering.

503
00:31:25,540 --> 00:31:28,599
Cause there's time to make up for that.
We can do stuff together.

504
00:31:29,164 --> 00:31:33,886
You always wanted to go to colonial
Williamsburg. How about we do that?

505
00:31:34,150 --> 00:31:36,087
Thanks, Dad, really.

506
00:31:36,350 --> 00:31:39,566
You know, I just, I just...

507
00:31:39,828 --> 00:31:42,214
I just needed to know...

508
00:31:42,476 --> 00:31:46,853
...when did you start
to feel like a father?

509
00:31:46,927 --> 00:31:52,835
Well, I guess it must have been
the day after you were born.

510
00:31:52,392 --> 00:31:55,442
We were in the hospital room,
your mother was asleep...

511
00:31:55,686 --> 00:31:59,443
...and they brought you in
and gave you to me.

512
00:31:59,699 --> 00:32:03,070
You were this ugly little red thing!

513
00:32:03,324 --> 00:32:07,538
And all of a sudden, you grabbed
my finger with your whole fist...

514
00:32:07,786 --> 00:32:09,329
...and you squeezed it...

515
00:32:09,579 --> 00:32:12,830
...so tight.

516
00:32:13,168 --> 00:32:16,585
And that's when I knew.

517
00:32:18,130 --> 00:32:22,593
So you don't want to go
to Williamsburg?

518
00:32:24,388 --> 00:32:27,394
We can go to Williamsburg.

519
00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:30,772
Eat your fish.

520
00:32:33,479 --> 00:32:35,814
Rachel, the cute doctors are here!

521
00:32:36,063 --> 00:32:37,697
Okay, coming.

522
00:32:37,945 --> 00:32:41,575
Hi, come on in.
Hey, Michael, Jeffrey.

523
00:32:41,825 --> 00:32:42,697
Here, we brought wine.

524
00:32:42,951 --> 00:32:47,624
Look at this. It's from the cellars
of Ernest and Tova Borgnine.

525
00:32:47,674 --> 00:32:50,419
- How could we resist?
- Oh, that's great, look at that!

526
00:32:50,667 --> 00:32:54,342
- So, Monica, how's the ankle?
- It's...

527
00:32:55,297 --> 00:32:57,339
Why don't you tell them?

528
00:32:57,591 --> 00:32:59,635
After all, it is your ankle.

529
00:32:59,887 --> 00:33:02,803
You know, what? It's feeling a lot better.
Thank you.

530
00:33:03,055 --> 00:33:08,306
listen, why don't you guys sit down,
and we'll get you some glasses.

531
00:33:08,519 --> 00:33:11,027
Stat!

532
00:33:13,313 --> 00:33:16,612
Okay, listen, I'm thinking why don't we just
tell them who we really are?

533
00:33:16,859 --> 00:33:20,699
- I mean it'll be fine. I really think it will be fine.
- It will not be fine. We'll get in trouble.

534
00:33:20,946 --> 00:33:22,948
Mnica, would you stop being such a wuss!

535
00:33:23,202 --> 00:33:26,996
A wuss? Excuse me
for living in the real world.

536
00:33:27,249 --> 00:33:29,543
- So?
- So they still seem normal.

537
00:33:29,791 --> 00:33:30,958
That's because they are.

538
00:33:31,008 --> 00:33:34,119
Okay, but you have to admit that every time
we go out with women we meet at the hospital it turns into...

539
00:33:34,164 --> 00:33:36,630
Would you relax?
Take a look around.

540
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:40,556
There are no pagan altars.

541
00:33:40,801 --> 00:33:43,640
No piles of bones in the corners.

542
00:33:43,894 --> 00:33:47,606
They're fine. Go like this:

543
00:33:49,936 --> 00:33:53,948
I said we are not going to do it, okay?
Sometimes you can be such a big baby!

544
00:33:54,189 --> 00:33:55,779
- I am not a baby.
- Be serious.

545
00:33:56,032 --> 00:33:58,157
- You get uptight...
- You act like a princess.

546
00:33:58,401 --> 00:34:00,788
You know what? You know what?

547
00:34:01,036 --> 00:34:04,914
Every day you are becoming
more and more like your mother.

548
00:34:05,160 --> 00:34:06,625
Excuse me.

549
00:34:06,872 --> 00:34:09,336
Here we go.

550
00:34:09,585 --> 00:34:11,926
This is a great place.
How long have you lived here?

551
00:34:11,980 --> 00:34:15,299
Thanks. I've been here
about six years.

552
00:34:15,551 --> 00:34:19,470
And Rachel moved in a few months ago.

553
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:22,262
See, I was supposed to get married...

554
00:34:22,513 --> 00:34:26,099
...but I left the guy at the altar.

555
00:34:30,065 --> 00:34:32,773
Yeah, I know
it's pretty selfish, but...

556
00:34:33,023 --> 00:34:36,950
...hey, that's me!

557
00:34:39,743 --> 00:34:41,454
Why don't you try the hummus?

558
00:34:41,710 --> 00:34:43,954
So, Monica, what do you do?

559
00:34:44,208 --> 00:34:46,451
I am a chef at a restaurant uptown.

560
00:34:46,706 --> 00:34:47,495
Good for you.

561
00:34:47,751 --> 00:34:50,250
Yeah, it is.

562
00:34:50,501 --> 00:34:56,974
Mostly because I get to boss people
around, which I just love to do.

563
00:34:57,887 --> 00:34:59,515
Well, this hummus is great.

564
00:34:59,765 --> 00:35:03,014
God bless the chickpea.

565
00:35:06,351 --> 00:35:07,522
Oh, God!

566
00:35:07,775 --> 00:35:11,779
I am so spoiled!

567
00:35:14,487 --> 00:35:17,077
That's it.

568
00:35:17,259 --> 00:35:18,949
I shoplift.

569
00:35:21,808 --> 00:35:26,163
That was years ago and you had no idea that lipstick was in your pocket.

570
00:35:26,198 --> 00:35:30,168
Did I tell you that I think I'm so much cuter than I am?

571
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,714
And have I mentioned that
back in high school...

572
00:35:34,968 --> 00:35:37,803
...I was a cow?

573
00:35:38,574 --> 00:35:41,264
I used to wet my bed.

574
00:35:41,508 --> 00:35:44,348
I use my breasts to get
other people's attention.

575
00:35:44,590 --> 00:35:47,846
We both do that!

576
00:36:00,718 --> 00:36:04,725
Monica and Rachel's apartment.

577
00:36:04,978 --> 00:36:09,238
Just one second.
Rachel, it's your dad.

578
00:36:10,654 --> 00:36:11,861
Hi, Dad.

579
00:36:12,119 --> 00:36:14,911
No, no. It's me.

580
00:36:15,159 --> 00:36:17,832
Listen, Dad,
I can't talk right now.

581
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,127
But there's something...

582
00:36:20,377 --> 00:36:23,677
There's something
I've been meaning to tell you.

583
00:36:23,923 --> 00:36:24,925
Excuse me.

584
00:36:25,177 --> 00:36:27,179
Remember back in freshman year?

585
00:36:27,436 --> 00:36:31,937
Well, Billy Dreskin and I
had sex on your bed.

586
00:36:42,047 --> 00:36:44,000
Daddy...

587
00:36:44,261 --> 00:36:47,198
Daddy, daddy why? Why would I sleep
with Billy Dreskin?

588
00:36:47,454 --> 00:36:49,744
His father tried to put
you out of business!

589
00:36:50,007 --> 00:36:53,071
You are dead!

590
00:36:53,372 --> 00:36:56,480
Hey, Rachel, are these your condoms?

591
00:37:00,236 --> 00:37:05,321
Oh, no. No, that was just Monica.
She's drunk again.

592
00:37:07,289 --> 00:37:10,376
Ah, Pheebs, I don't think scrunchy is a word.

593
00:37:10,411 --> 00:37:13,850
Why not?
If crunchy is a word, why isn't scrunchy?

594
00:37:14,700 --> 00:37:17,703
Well, okay, then I'm using that same argument for fligament.

595
00:37:20,410 --> 00:37:22,641
Ross, he's got the remote again.

596
00:37:22,882 --> 00:37:24,745
Good.

597
00:37:24,986 --> 00:37:27,984
Maybe he can switch it back.

598
00:37:30,372 --> 00:37:33,051
Maybe not.

599
00:37:33,099 --> 00:37:35,482
Okay, daddy, that's the other line.

600
00:37:36,565 --> 00:37:39,025
Okay, no. Not even in my bedroom.

601
00:37:39,681 --> 00:37:43,019
Okay, okay.
Bye-bye.

602
00:37:43,562 --> 00:37:45,370
Hello?

603
00:37:50,108 --> 00:37:53,306
Hold on a second and let me
just check and see if she's here.

604
00:37:53,049 --> 00:37:56,878
It's the woman from the hospital.
There's a problem with the form.

605
00:37:57,127 --> 00:37:58,815
Oh, God, what do we do?

606
00:37:59,063 --> 00:38:00,837
Just find out what they want.

607
00:38:01,081 --> 00:38:03,352
Okay. No, you do it.

608
00:38:03,603 --> 00:38:07,310
Hello. This is Monica.

609
00:38:09,948 --> 00:38:13,121
Yes, we'll be right down.
Thank you.

610
00:38:13,368 --> 00:38:16,500
We forgot to sign one
of the admissions forms.

611
00:38:16,751 --> 00:38:19,554
- You're right, this wasn't worth it.
- Thank you.

612
00:38:19,803 --> 00:38:22,967
Okay, let me just change.

613
00:38:23,971 --> 00:38:24,984
gudje?

614
00:38:25,019 --> 00:38:26,169
- Nautical term.

615
00:38:26,244 --> 00:38:27,865
- Cheating man.
- Okay.

616
00:38:30,586 --> 00:38:33,438
- Hey.
- Hey... Hi.

617
00:38:33,073 --> 00:38:35,187
- She still didn't call?
- No.

618
00:38:35,767 --> 00:38:37,788
Trouble?

619
00:38:38,037 --> 00:38:40,047
Your sister stood me up
the other night.

620
00:38:40,292 --> 00:38:45,313
Oh, no. Don't you hate it
when people aren't there for you?

621
00:38:46,544 --> 00:38:47,663
What is that?

622
00:38:47,998 --> 00:38:49,842
Tushy!

623
00:38:51,413 --> 00:38:54,543
- Well, did you try calling her?
- I've been trying for two days.

624
00:38:54,787 --> 00:38:57,413
When I called the restaurant,
they said she was busy.

625
00:38:57,657 --> 00:39:01,679
I can't believe
she's blowing me off!

626
00:39:17,618 --> 00:39:19,899
Excuse me, we had the two chef salads.

627
00:39:22,525 --> 00:39:25,317
No, we havn't had hem yet.

628
00:39:25,352 --> 00:39:27,551
We're still hoping to have them.

629
00:39:27,986 --> 00:39:29,302
Okay.

630
00:39:36,470 --> 00:39:39,650
- Hey.
- Oh.

631
00:39:41,606 --> 00:39:43,209
You got a minute?

632
00:39:43,454 --> 00:39:46,173
Yeah, I'm just working.

633
00:39:58,214 --> 00:40:00,181
I got you a birthday present.

634
00:40:00,440 --> 00:40:03,395
Wow, you remembered!

635
00:40:07,220 --> 00:40:09,691
It's a Judy Jetson thermos.

636
00:40:09,637 --> 00:40:11,171
Right, ike the kind you...

637
00:40:11,416 --> 00:40:12,983
Right.

638
00:40:13,225 --> 00:40:15,319
Oh, I got something for you too.

639
00:40:15,574 --> 00:40:17,874
How'd you know I was coming?

640
00:40:18,121 --> 00:40:21,580
Yeah, twin thing.

641
00:40:22,521 --> 00:40:24,536
I can't believe you did this.

642
00:40:24,780 --> 00:40:26,543
I can't believe you...

643
00:40:26,786 --> 00:40:29,912
...did this!

644
00:40:30,846 --> 00:40:35,807
So what's the deal
with you and Joey?

645
00:40:36,051 --> 00:40:37,322
Oh, right.

646
00:40:37,563 --> 00:40:41,011
He is so great.
But that's over.

647
00:40:41,257 --> 00:40:43,644
- Does he know?
- Who?

648
00:40:43,893 --> 00:40:48,659
Joey. You know, he's really nutsy
about you.

649
00:40:48,898 --> 00:40:50,415
He is? Why?

650
00:40:50,661 --> 00:40:52,512
You got me.

651
00:40:52,762 --> 00:40:53,786
Excuse me...

652
00:40:54,032 --> 00:40:58,139
...doesn't this come
with a side salad?

653
00:40:58,217 --> 00:40:59,986
So are you gonna call him?

654
00:41:00,234 --> 00:41:04,173
- You think he likes me?
- No. Joey.

655
00:41:04,423 --> 00:41:08,114
No, no. He is so smart.
He'll figure it out.

656
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:10,491
Do you want some chicken?

657
00:41:10,740 --> 00:41:13,700
No, no.
No food with a face, remember?

658
00:41:13,947 --> 00:41:16,126
You have not changed.

659
00:41:16,365 --> 00:41:19,280
Yeah, you too.

660
00:41:19,808 --> 00:41:22,651
Excuse me. My side salad?

661
00:41:25,193 --> 00:41:27,283
The service in here is horrible.

662
00:41:32,405 --> 00:41:35,431
Hi! Remember us?

663
00:41:35,715 --> 00:41:39,437
You just called about needing
a signature on the admissions form?

664
00:41:39,681 --> 00:41:42,103
Well, it turns out
we need a whole new one.

665
00:41:42,343 --> 00:41:44,629
Because, you see...

666
00:41:44,874 --> 00:41:47,412
...I put the wrong name again.

667
00:41:47,660 --> 00:41:51,419
- Because...
- You're that stupid!

668
00:41:51,663 --> 00:41:54,656
I am. I'm that stupid!

669
00:41:54,897 --> 00:41:57,516
And I'm just gonna pay
for this with a check.

670
00:41:57,761 --> 00:41:59,517
Well, you know your insurance will cover that.

671
00:42:00,161 --> 00:42:03,802
Yeah, I know.
I'm just not that bright either.

672
00:42:08,634 --> 00:42:13,212
Mon, I'm sorry about last night what I said.
I don't think you're anything like your mother.

673
00:42:13,247 --> 00:42:16,495
Oh, that's alright. And I don't think you're selfish running out on Berry.

674
00:42:17,030 --> 00:42:19,951
Oh, and I'm sorry that I said you were a cow in high school.

675
00:42:19,986 --> 00:42:22,859
That's okay. I was a cow.

676
00:42:29,310 --> 00:42:30,837
Okay, worst case scenario:

677
00:42:31,086 --> 00:42:34,274
Say you never feel like a father.

678
00:42:34,523 --> 00:42:38,700
Say your son never feels
connected to you as one.

679
00:42:38,947 --> 00:42:42,514
Say all of his relationships
are affected by this.

680
00:42:42,757 --> 00:42:45,411
Do you have a point?

681
00:42:45,653 --> 00:42:49,089
You know, you'd think I would.

682
00:42:50,671 --> 00:42:53,349
What's up with the simian?

683
00:42:53,603 --> 00:42:57,173
It's just a fur ball.

684
00:42:57,575 --> 00:42:59,071
Whose turn is it?

685
00:42:59,319 --> 00:43:01,425
Yours. I got
43 points for "kidney".

686
00:43:01,676 --> 00:43:04,948
No, you got
zero points for "idney".

687
00:43:05,188 --> 00:43:09,049
I had a "K".
Where's my "K"?

688
00:43:14,548 --> 00:43:17,407
You've got to help me!
My monkey swallowed a "K"!

689
00:43:17,459 --> 00:43:19,102
You have to get that animal out of here!

690
00:43:19,148 --> 00:43:22,747
You don't understand, the animal hospital is way across town.
He's choking! I don't know what else to do!

691
00:43:23,497 --> 00:43:27,176
- What's going on?
- Marcel swallowed a Scrabble tile.

692
00:43:28,154 --> 00:43:29,194
Excuse me.

693
00:43:29,429 --> 00:43:31,403
This hospital is for people!

694
00:43:31,453 --> 00:43:34,269
Lady, he is people!
He has a name, okay?

695
00:43:34,521 --> 00:43:36,088
He watches "Jeopardy!"

696
00:43:36,336 --> 00:43:39,882
...he touches himself
when nobody's watching.

697
00:43:40,135 --> 00:43:41,581
Please have a heart.

698
00:43:41,826 --> 00:43:44,065
- I'll take a look at him.
- Thank you.

699
00:43:44,311 --> 00:43:45,295
- Michael!
- Rachel.

700
00:43:45,542 --> 00:43:48,848
- What?
- Monica.

701
00:44:02,899 --> 00:44:04,304
Urs!

702
00:44:04,542 --> 00:44:07,478
What are you doing here? I've been trying to call you.

703
00:44:07,731 --> 00:44:08,685
Listen...

704
00:44:08,931 --> 00:44:13,931
Oh, no no no, don't say "listen". I know that
"listen". I've said that "listen".

705
00:44:14,173 --> 00:44:15,788
I'm sorry.

706
00:44:16,031 --> 00:44:18,020
I don't get it.
What happened?

707
00:44:18,771 --> 00:44:22,721
What about what
you said under the bridge?

708
00:44:25,273 --> 00:44:27,859
Forget about what
I said under the bridge.

709
00:44:28,101 --> 00:44:32,866
I was talking crazy that night.
I was so drunk.

710
00:44:33,073 --> 00:44:34,575
You don't drink.

711
00:44:34,825 --> 00:44:37,077
That's right, I don't.

712
00:44:37,328 --> 00:44:40,787
But I was drunk on you.

713
00:44:41,501 --> 00:44:43,670
But it's not gonna work.

714
00:44:43,919 --> 00:44:47,593
Why? Is it because
I'm friends with Phoebe?

715
00:44:47,835 --> 00:44:52,185
If it was, would you
stop hanging out with her?

716
00:44:54,066 --> 00:44:57,022
No, I couldn't do that.

717
00:44:57,271 --> 00:45:00,437
Then, yeah, it's because of Phoebe.

718
00:45:00,686 --> 00:45:04,990
So you know, it's either her or me.

719
00:45:06,527 --> 00:45:09,577
Then I'm sorry.

720
00:45:14,418 --> 00:45:17,379
You're gonna be
really hard to get over.

721
00:45:17,627 --> 00:45:20,210
I know.

722
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:29,306
I don't know whether it's just
because we're breaking up or what...

723
00:45:29,555 --> 00:45:31,976
...but you've never
looked so beautiful.

724
00:45:32,227 --> 00:45:34,814
Really?

725
00:46:04,145 --> 00:46:06,928
Pheebs?

726
00:46:16,273 --> 00:46:19,121
He looks so tiny.

727
00:46:19,243 --> 00:46:20,950
- We just got the message.
- Is he okay?

728
00:46:21,195 --> 00:46:23,909
The doctor got the "K" out.

729
00:46:24,164 --> 00:46:28,043
He also found an "M" and an "O".

730
00:46:28,410 --> 00:46:32,797
We think he was trying
to spell out "monkey".

731
00:46:37,596 --> 00:46:42,604
The doctor says he'll be fine.
He's just sleeping now.

732
00:46:42,727 --> 00:46:44,517
So you feel like a dad yet?

733
00:46:44,773 --> 00:46:46,648
No. Why?

734
00:46:46,892 --> 00:46:50,490
Come on, you came through.
You did what you had to do.

735
00:46:50,735 --> 00:46:52,817
That's very "dad".

736
00:46:53,073 --> 00:46:54,035
He's waking up.

737
00:46:54,281 --> 00:46:58,283
Hey, fella.
How you doing?