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General InformationEdit

Title "The One with the Butt"
Format SubRip
Extension .srt

SubtitlesEdit

​1
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:07,803
Oh, look! There's Joey's picture!

2
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:09,270
This is so exciting!

3
00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:12,568
You can spot someone who's
never seen his plays.

4
00:00:12,779 --> 00:00:16,237
Notice, no fear.
No sense of impending doom.

5
00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:22,147
"The role of man number three
will not be played by Vic Shapiro. "

6
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,653
We came on the wrong night.

7
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:28,492
I can't believe I forgot a magazine.

8
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,687
-Come on, this might be good.
-I don't know.

9
00:00:31,898 --> 00:00:36,733
The exclamation point scares me.
It's not just Freud, it's Freud!

10
00:00:37,904 --> 00:00:39,769
Magic is about to happen!

11
00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:42,364
Well, Eva...

12
00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:46,237
...we've done
some excellent work here.

13
00:00:47,514 --> 00:00:49,243
And I would have to say...

14
00:00:49,783 --> 00:00:53,514
...your problem is quite clear.

15
00:00:55,355 --> 00:00:58,586
All you want is a dinkle

16
00:00:58,958 --> 00:01:01,825
What you envy's a schwang

17
00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:05,429
A thing through which you can tinkle

18
00:01:05,632 --> 00:01:08,260
To play with or simply let hang

19
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:25,246
The One With the Butt

20
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:24,877
I feel violated.

21
00:02:25,578 --> 00:02:28,911
Did anybody else feel like
peeling their skin off...

22
00:02:29,115 --> 00:02:31,583
...to have something else to do?

23
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:32,773
Ross, 1 0:00.

24
00:02:33,019 --> 00:02:34,748
Is it? It feels like 2.

25
00:02:36,089 --> 00:02:39,650
-No, 1 0:00!
-What?

26
00:02:39,859 --> 00:02:44,159
There's a beautiful woman
at 8, 9, 1 0:00!

27
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:47,093
Hello!

28
00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:52,964
She's amazing! She makes the women l
dream about look like fat, bald men.

29
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:55,073
Go over.
She's not with anyone.

30
00:02:55,275 --> 00:02:58,733
And what would my opening line be?
Excuse me....

31
00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:03,714
Come on, she's a person.
You can do it.

32
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,886
Could she be more out of my league?
Back me up.

33
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:10,612
He couldn't get a woman
like that in a million years.

34
00:03:12,091 --> 00:03:15,891
You always see these beautiful
women with "nothing" guys.

35
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:18,654
You could be one of those guys.

36
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:20,966
-You could do that.
-You think?

37
00:03:21,234 --> 00:03:22,531
Absolutely!

38
00:03:22,735 --> 00:03:25,067
I can't believe
I'm considering this.

39
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:27,796
-l' m very aware of my tongue.
-Come on.

40
00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:29,837
Here goes.

41
00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:33,206
Stand back, everyone.
Incoming ego shrapnel.

42
00:03:33,413 --> 00:03:35,904
All right, I can do this.

43
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,782
-Yes?
-Hi.

44
00:03:43,323 --> 00:03:45,314
Okay, next word would be...

45
00:03:45,592 --> 00:03:46,581
... Chandler.

46
00:03:47,794 --> 00:03:50,422
Chandler is my name and....

47
00:03:50,964 --> 00:03:52,727
Hi!

48
00:03:54,033 --> 00:03:55,466
Yes, you said that.

49
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:58,671
Yes! Yes, I did.
But what I didn't say....

50
00:03:58,938 --> 00:04:00,963
What I wanted to say was...

51
00:04:01,174 --> 00:04:04,905
...would you like to go out with me?
Thank you. Good night.

52
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:06,305
Chandler?

53
00:04:09,882 --> 00:04:13,147
-I didn't know you could dance!
-You were in a play!

54
00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:15,253
What'd you think?

55
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:18,887
-I didn't know you could dance!
-You were in a play!

56
00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:21,685
It wasn't that bad.
I was the lead.

57
00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:26,160
It was better than the troll thing.
At least you got to see my head.

58
00:04:26,366 --> 00:04:28,527
-You're right.
-We saw your head.

59
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:31,002
How about that accent?

60
00:04:31,204 --> 00:04:35,971
Yeah. All of your W's were V's.

61
00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:38,909
She said yes!

62
00:04:40,346 --> 00:04:44,214
Awful play, man!

63
00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:48,911
Her name's Aurora. She's ltalian
and she pronounces my name " Chandler. "

64
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,188
I like that better.

65
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:54,121
The usher gave me this.

66
00:04:54,427 --> 00:04:57,521
-What is it?
-The Estelle Leonard T alent Agency.

67
00:04:57,730 --> 00:05:00,460
An agency left its card.
They wanna sign me!

68
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,225
Based on this play?

69
00:05:04,337 --> 00:05:06,430
Based on this play!

70
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:08,800
Look! There's a note on the back.

71
00:05:09,008 --> 00:05:12,569
"Loved your work. Call me a sap. "

72
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:16,948
She was obviously very moved!

73
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:19,641
You should call her fairly quickly.

74
00:05:19,852 --> 00:05:22,412
Yeah! As soon as possible!

75
00:05:25,591 --> 00:05:27,149
Come in!

76
00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:30,761
Hi. I'm here to see Estelle Leonard.

77
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:34,421
Just a moment, let me see
if she's in.

78
00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:37,266
Hello.

79
00:05:38,805 --> 00:05:40,670
-You' re Estelle?
-I know...

80
00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:45,333
...you weren't expecting someone
so fantastically beautiful.

81
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:52,744
Love lump. T ake a load off already,
darling. Sit already.

82
00:05:53,052 --> 00:05:56,283
I can't tell you how excited
I am to be here.

83
00:05:56,489 --> 00:05:58,389
Why not?

84
00:05:59,492 --> 00:06:03,758
-What I meant was
-You don't mind if I eat, do you?

85
00:06:09,001 --> 00:06:09,990
Joey...

86
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:13,400
...sweetheart, let me ask you
a question.

87
00:06:13,606 --> 00:06:17,269
Did you ever see the movie
Sleepless in Seattle?

88
00:06:17,477 --> 00:06:20,776
-Wow! Do you represent those actors?
-No.

89
00:06:21,247 --> 00:06:24,683
But you know the end,
where they' re happy?

90
00:06:24,884 --> 00:06:27,512
That's gonna be you and me.

91
00:06:28,454 --> 00:06:30,354
You mean you wanna sign me?

92
00:06:30,556 --> 00:06:35,892
No, I wanna go to the top of the
Empire State Building and make out.

93
00:06:36,763 --> 00:06:38,822
Of course I wanna sign you!

94
00:06:39,599 --> 00:06:42,033
-Miss Leonard, I'm so
-Oh, boy.

95
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:45,068
-Ride them, cowboy.
-l' m sorry!

96
00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:58,309
I don't see it!

97
00:06:59,886 --> 00:07:03,049
-T ry to look through it.
-Unfocus your eyes.

98
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:05,816
Focus? There's nothing to focus on.

99
00:07:06,492 --> 00:07:09,950
-It's the Statue of Liberty!
-Right!

100
00:07:10,163 --> 00:07:13,030
-Where's the Statue of Liberty?
-There.

101
00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:14,995
I can't not see it now.

102
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:18,027
Hey, kids!

103
00:07:18,237 --> 00:07:20,603
Come here. Do you see anything here?

104
00:07:20,807 --> 00:07:24,208
-lt looks like a boat.
-A boat.

105
00:07:24,410 --> 00:07:27,277
Right in front of
the Statue of Liberty.

106
00:07:29,148 --> 00:07:33,676
It's been seven seconds, and you
haven't asked me how my date went.

107
00:07:33,886 --> 00:07:36,150
How was your date, Chandler?

108
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:37,652
It was unbelievable!

109
00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:41,486
I've never met anyone like her.
She's had an amazing life!

110
00:07:41,694 --> 00:07:43,525
She was in the Israeli army.

111
00:07:43,729 --> 00:07:48,257
None of the bullets hit the engine,
so we made it to the border.

112
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:51,028
But just barely, and l....

113
00:07:51,237 --> 00:07:55,298
I've been talking about myself
all night long. I'm sorry.

114
00:07:55,508 --> 00:07:57,703
What about you? T ell me a story.

115
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,673
All right, once...

116
00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:02,677
... I got on the subway.

117
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:04,679
And it was at night...

118
00:08:04,884 --> 00:08:08,012
...and I rode it all the way
to Brooklyn.

119
00:08:08,221 --> 00:08:10,519
Just for the hell of it.

120
00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:13,651
We talked until 2:00. It was perfect.

121
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:15,718
More or less.

122
00:08:15,995 --> 00:08:18,395
Suddenly, we realized we were
in Yemen.

123
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:20,390
I' m sorry, so "we" is...?

124
00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:22,498
"We" is me and Rick.

125
00:08:22,702 --> 00:08:23,691
Who's Rick?

126
00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:25,200
Who's Rick?

127
00:08:26,405 --> 00:08:27,429
My husband.

128
00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:33,270
-Oh, so you' re divorced?
-No.

129
00:08:33,479 --> 00:08:37,609
I' m sorry. So you' re widowed?
Hopefully?

130
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:40,285
No, l' m still married.

131
00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:45,583
So, how would your husband feel
about you sitting here with me...

132
00:08:45,791 --> 00:08:51,093
...sliding your foot so far up my leg
you can count the change in my pocket?

133
00:08:52,231 --> 00:08:53,630
Don't worry.

134
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:57,530
He'd be okay with you
because he's okay with Ethan.

135
00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:00,804
Ethan? There's an Ethan?

136
00:09:01,941 --> 00:09:05,377
Ethan is my boyfriend.

137
00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:06,738
What?

138
00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:12,181
What kind of relationship
do you imagine us having...

139
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,354
...if you have a husband
and a boyfriend?

140
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:18,683
I suppose, mainly sexual.

141
00:09:21,627 --> 00:09:23,254
Sorry it didn't work out.

142
00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:26,761
What, not work out?
I'm seeing her again on Thursday.

143
00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:29,594
Didn't you listen to the story?

144
00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:33,304
Didn't you listen? It's twisted!

145
00:09:33,506 --> 00:09:35,736
How could you get involved
with her?

146
00:09:35,942 --> 00:09:39,844
I had trouble with it at first.
But I get the good stuff.

147
00:09:40,046 --> 00:09:43,015
All the fun, all the talking,
all the sex...

148
00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:46,048
...and none of the responsibility.

149
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:49,648
-This is every guy's fantasy!
-That's not true!

150
00:09:49,855 --> 00:09:53,586
-Ross, is this your fantasy?
-No, of course not.

151
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:57,125
Yeah. Yeah, it is.

152
00:09:57,997 --> 00:10:01,558
You'd go out with someone
going out with someone else?

153
00:10:02,034 --> 00:10:04,059
-I couldn't.
-Good for you.

154
00:10:04,303 --> 00:10:06,794
When l' m with a woman,
I need to know...

155
00:10:07,006 --> 00:10:09,941
... I' m going out
with more people than her.

156
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,879
Once, I went out with a guy who
just got divorced.

157
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,447
It was hard. His kids liked me
better than him.

158
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:20,312
What does this have to do
with Chandler?

159
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:22,984
Nothing.

160
00:10:23,322 --> 00:10:25,984
I didn't have anything
on that topic.

161
00:10:26,192 --> 00:10:28,319
So I went another way.

162
00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:33,231
You know, monogamy can be
a tricky concept.

163
00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:36,367
I mean, anthropologically speaking

164
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:39,864
Fine. Now you'll never know.

165
00:10:40,072 --> 00:10:41,699
We' re kidding. T ell us.

166
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,499
-We wanna know.
-Come on!

167
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:47,543
All right. There's a theory
put forth by Richard Leakey

168
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:01,855
Are we greeting each other
this way now? I like it.

169
00:11:03,496 --> 00:11:05,157
Look! I cleaned!

170
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:07,628
I did the windows.
I did the floors.

171
00:11:07,867 --> 00:11:12,827
I used all the vacuum attachments but
the round one. What's it for?

172
00:11:13,039 --> 00:11:16,236
Nobody knows.
And we're not supposed to ask.

173
00:11:16,442 --> 00:11:17,568
What do you think?

174
00:11:17,810 --> 00:11:21,268
-It's very clean.
-Really, it looks great!

175
00:11:25,117 --> 00:11:27,711
I see you moved the green ottoman.

176
00:11:31,524 --> 00:11:33,082
How did that happen?

177
00:11:34,493 --> 00:11:37,053
I don't know. It looked better there.

178
00:11:37,863 --> 00:11:40,627
And it's an extra seat
around the table.

179
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:42,930
Yeah, it's interesting.

180
00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:46,867
But you know what? Just for fun...

181
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:50,698
...Iet's see what it looked like
in the old spot.

182
00:11:51,510 --> 00:11:53,171
Just to compare.

183
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:54,676
Let's see.

184
00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:57,014
Well, it looks good there too.

185
00:11:57,416 --> 00:11:59,543
Let's leave it there for a while.

186
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,920
I can't believe you moved
the green ottoman.

187
00:12:04,523 --> 00:12:08,960
Be glad you didn't fan the magazines.
She'll scratch your eyes out.

188
00:12:09,161 --> 00:12:12,392
-You guys, I am not that bad!
-Yeah, you are.

189
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:17,291
Remember, I lived with you?
You were a little....

190
00:12:21,474 --> 00:12:22,771
That is so unfair!

191
00:12:22,975 --> 00:12:28,003
When we were kids, yours was the only
Raggedy Ann doll that wasn't raggedy.

192
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:32,110
Okay, so I'm responsible.
I'm organized.

193
00:12:32,351 --> 00:12:34,342
But hey, I can be a kook!

194
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:38,648
All right, you madcap gal!

195
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:41,518
Imagine this.

196
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:45,730
The phone bill arrives,
but you don't pay it right away.

197
00:12:45,931 --> 00:12:48,456
-Why not?
-Because you're a kook!

198
00:12:50,569 --> 00:12:53,367
You wait until they send a notice.

199
00:12:54,106 --> 00:12:55,471
I could do that.

200
00:12:55,674 --> 00:12:59,701
Okay, then you let me
go grocery shopping

201
00:12:59,912 --> 00:13:03,177
-No problem.
-I'm not done yet.

202
00:13:03,716 --> 00:13:08,619
And I buy detergent, but it's not
the one with the easy-pour spout.

203
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,449
Why would someone do that?

204
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:15,059
One might wonder.

205
00:13:15,861 --> 00:13:19,126
But I would be fine with that.

206
00:13:19,331 --> 00:13:24,030
A glass is on the table with no
coaster. A cold drink. A hot day.

207
00:13:24,703 --> 00:13:29,037
Beads of condensation are inching
closer to the wood....

208
00:13:29,241 --> 00:13:30,333
Stop it!

209
00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:35,341
Oh, my God!

210
00:13:35,781 --> 00:13:37,715
It's true. Who am l?

211
00:13:38,250 --> 00:13:40,241
Monica, you' re Mom.

212
00:13:48,627 --> 00:13:49,685
Oh, my God!

213
00:13:52,364 --> 00:13:54,093
Okay, I'll be there.

214
00:13:56,435 --> 00:13:58,027
That was my agent.

215
00:13:59,972 --> 00:14:05,933
My agent has just gotten me a job
in the new Al Pacino movie!

216
00:14:06,145 --> 00:14:08,909
-That's great!
-What's the part?

217
00:14:09,114 --> 00:14:13,244
Can you believe it? Pacino!
This guy's why I became an actor!

218
00:14:13,452 --> 00:14:19,220
" Out of order? You' re out of order!
This whole courtroom's out of order! "

219
00:14:19,825 --> 00:14:21,588
Seriously, what's the part?

220
00:14:21,794 --> 00:14:25,491
"Just when I thought I was out,
they pull me back in! "

221
00:14:25,764 --> 00:14:28,824
Come on. Seriously, Joey,
what's the part?

222
00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:32,361
You' re.... What?

223
00:14:34,940 --> 00:14:38,171
I' m his butt double, okay?

224
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:44,375
I play Al Pacino's butt.

225
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:49,783
All right? He goes into the shower,
and then...

226
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:52,080
... I' m his butt.

227
00:14:52,458 --> 00:14:53,618
Oh, my God!

228
00:14:53,926 --> 00:14:55,086
Come on, you guys.

229
00:14:55,361 --> 00:14:58,626
It's a real Pacino movie
and that's big!

230
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,492
It's terrific. You deserve this.

231
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:06,535
After years of struggling you've
cracked your way into show business.

232
00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,640
Fine. Make jokes, I don't care.

233
00:15:11,844 --> 00:15:15,336
-This is a big break for me!
-You' re right. It is.

234
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:19,508
So, will you invite us
to the big opening?

235
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:32,263
-I need some moisturizer.
-For what?

236
00:15:32,464 --> 00:15:34,489
T oday's the big day!

237
00:15:37,169 --> 00:15:40,400
You got any tweezers? I think
I have a rogue hair.

238
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,975
God. Go in the bathroom.
Use whatever you want.

239
00:15:44,176 --> 00:15:47,009
Don't ever tell me what you did
in there.

240
00:15:47,212 --> 00:15:48,907
Thank you.

241
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,481
-Joey's mom's on the phone.
-ln the bathroom.

242
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:57,247
-You don't wanna go in there!
-Come on, we' re roommates.

243
00:15:58,557 --> 00:16:01,048
My eyes! My eyes!

244
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,256
I warned you.

245
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,159
Who is being loud?

246
00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:09,129
Oh, that would be Monica.

247
00:16:09,902 --> 00:16:13,030
Can I borrow stuff?
I wanna make Aurora breakfast.

248
00:16:13,238 --> 00:16:15,035
You got the whole night?

249
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,232
Well, I only have 20 minutes
until Ethan, so....

250
00:16:18,444 --> 00:16:20,344
Do I sense resentment?

251
00:16:20,612 --> 00:16:23,672
No. No resentment. Believe me...

252
00:16:23,949 --> 00:16:26,008
...it's worth it, okay?

253
00:16:26,285 --> 00:16:31,052
In a relationship, you have moments
you'll remember the rest of your life.

254
00:16:31,323 --> 00:16:34,554
Every single second is like that
with Aurora.

255
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:37,422
I've just wasted 35 of them
talking to you.

256
00:16:37,629 --> 00:16:40,757
So, Monica, can you
help me with the door?

257
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:44,661
The old Monica would remind you...

258
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:48,897
...to scrub that T eflon pan with
a plastic brush.

259
00:16:49,875 --> 00:16:52,309
But l' m not gonna do that.

260
00:16:58,484 --> 00:17:03,353
Excuse me? Can they warm it up?
I' m concerned about goose bumps.

261
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:04,749
Everybody ready?

262
00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:09,126
I wanna thank you
for this opportunity.

263
00:17:09,328 --> 00:17:14,561
I mean, I know this is just a first
step, but I hope that someday

264
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:15,825
Lose the robe.

265
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:19,762
Right. Okay. Losing the robe!

266
00:17:20,606 --> 00:17:22,631
Okay, and the robe is lost.

267
00:17:23,342 --> 00:17:26,106
I would like to get this in one take.

268
00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:27,676
Let's roll it.

269
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,939
Water's working.

270
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:32,845
And action!

271
00:17:33,952 --> 00:17:35,476
And cut!

272
00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:38,782
Butt guy, what are you doing?

273
00:17:39,124 --> 00:17:40,489
I'm showering.

274
00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:42,986
No, that was clenching.

275
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:46,892
The way I see it,
the guy's upset here, you know?

276
00:17:47,099 --> 00:17:49,499
His wife's dead,
his brother's missing.

277
00:17:49,701 --> 00:17:52,534
I think his butt would be angry here.

278
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:56,801
I think his butt would like
to get the shot before lunch.

279
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:59,910
Once again, rolling.
Water working.

280
00:18:00,879 --> 00:18:02,813
And action!

281
00:18:04,149 --> 00:18:06,743
And cut! What was that?

282
00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:11,253
I was going for quiet desperation.

283
00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:14,850
But if you have to ask....

284
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:23,031
God, I love these fingers.

285
00:18:23,268 --> 00:18:24,428
Thank you.

286
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:27,764
No, actually, I meant my fingers.

287
00:18:28,340 --> 00:18:31,309
Look at them.
Look at how happy they are.

288
00:18:32,711 --> 00:18:35,703
-Oh, my God, l' m late!
-Oh, no!

289
00:18:35,981 --> 00:18:38,882
-Don't go.
-Okay.

290
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:42,013
-I have to.
-Look, she's leaving.

291
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:45,112
I' m sorry. He'll be waiting for me.

292
00:18:45,324 --> 00:18:49,055
-I thought you talked to Rick.
-It's not Rick.

293
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:51,626
Ethan? He gets the whole day!

294
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,594
No, it's Andrew.

295
00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:00,769
I know there'll be moments...

296
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,602
...when I'll regret asking
the following question, but....

297
00:19:05,310 --> 00:19:07,835
-And Andrew is?
-He's...

298
00:19:08,113 --> 00:19:09,876
... new.

299
00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:14,775
So you' re not completely fulfilled
by Rick, Ethan and myself?

300
00:19:14,987 --> 00:19:17,455
No, that's not exactly what I was

301
00:19:17,656 --> 00:19:19,385
Most women would kill...

302
00:19:19,591 --> 00:19:21,752
...for three guys like us.

303
00:19:23,095 --> 00:19:26,292
-So, what do you want?
-You.

304
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:29,160
-You have me.
-No. Just you.

305
00:19:29,701 --> 00:19:33,159
-What do you mean?
-Lose the other guys.

306
00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:36,765
Like, all of them?

307
00:19:37,309 --> 00:19:40,244
Come on, we' re great together.
Why not?

308
00:19:40,445 --> 00:19:42,504
Can't we have what we have now?

309
00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:45,148
Why can't we talk and make love...

310
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:48,217
...without feeling obligated
to each other?

311
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:52,456
Up until tonight, I thought
that's what you wanted too.

312
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:56,822
Well, part of me wants that...

313
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:01,830
... but it's like l' m two guys.
One guy's saying, "This is great! "

314
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,899
But there's this other guy.

315
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:07,503
The guy who wells up
when the Grinch's heart grows...

316
00:20:07,706 --> 00:20:10,266
...and breaks that measuring device.

317
00:20:10,509 --> 00:20:15,412
He's saying, you know,
"This is too hard. Get out! "

318
00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:18,640
So, which one of the guys
will you listen to?

319
00:20:19,518 --> 00:20:24,512
I have to listen to both.
They don't let each other finish.

320
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:27,390
Which one?

321
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:32,295
The second guy.

322
00:20:32,598 --> 00:20:34,589
I see.

323
00:20:38,503 --> 00:20:41,438
Call me if you change your mind.

324
00:20:49,414 --> 00:20:53,612
Sorry, the first guy runs the lips.

325
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:08,632
Look at it this way. You dumped her!

326
00:21:09,801 --> 00:21:14,135
Right? I mean, this woman was
unbelievably sexy...

327
00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:18,537
...and beautiful, intelligent,
unattainable.

328
00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:22,079
T ell me why you did this again?

329
00:21:24,316 --> 00:21:25,749
Movie star!

330
00:21:25,951 --> 00:21:30,786
Wait! Aren't you the guy who plays
the butt in the new Pacino movie?

331
00:21:31,657 --> 00:21:32,817
Nope.

332
00:21:33,025 --> 00:21:35,721
No? What happened, big guy?

333
00:21:35,927 --> 00:21:37,827
Big guy?

334
00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:42,132
It felt like a "big guy" moment.

335
00:21:42,734 --> 00:21:44,725
I got fired!

336
00:21:44,936 --> 00:21:48,133
They said I acted too much with it.

337
00:21:49,408 --> 00:21:51,535
I told everybody about this!

338
00:21:51,743 --> 00:21:54,541
-Everybody's expecting to see me.
-lKnow what?

339
00:21:54,746 --> 00:21:58,443
-No one will be able to tell.
-My mom will.

340
00:22:00,385 --> 00:22:04,446
There's something so sweet
and disturbing about that.

341
00:22:05,724 --> 00:22:08,659
I've done crappy plays
for six years...

342
00:22:08,894 --> 00:22:12,330
...and I finally get my shot,
and I blow it!

343
00:22:12,531 --> 00:22:14,294
Maybe this wasn't it.

344
00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:19,368
I think when it's your shot,
you know it's your shot.

345
00:22:19,571 --> 00:22:22,597
Did it feel like your shot?

346
00:22:23,408 --> 00:22:26,138
Hard to tell. I was naked.

347
00:22:26,345 --> 00:22:30,406
I don't think this was it.
I don't think you just get one.

348
00:22:30,615 --> 00:22:34,016
I believe things are gonna happen
for you. I do.

349
00:22:34,219 --> 00:22:38,121
You've got to think about
the day some kid will go:

350
00:22:38,323 --> 00:22:43,192
"l got the part!
I'm gonna be Joey T ribbiani's ass! "

351
00:22:45,330 --> 00:22:48,390
You think? That's so nice.

352
00:22:53,972 --> 00:22:56,941
I' m sorry, Joey.
I' m gonna go to bed, guys.

353
00:22:57,142 --> 00:22:59,406
-Good night.
-Good night.

354
00:22:59,611 --> 00:23:02,205
You' re gonna leave
your shoes out here?

355
00:23:05,951 --> 00:23:08,852
Really? Just casually
strewn about...

356
00:23:09,054 --> 00:23:12,922
...in that reckless, haphazard manner?

357
00:23:13,258 --> 00:23:17,786
It doesn't matter.
I'll get them tomorrow. Or not!

358
00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:21,164
Whenever.

359
00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:26,166
She is a kook.

360
00:23:37,949 --> 00:23:42,613
If it bothers you that much,
just go out and get the shoes.

361
00:23:43,522 --> 00:23:46,116
No, don 't do this!

362
00:23:46,324 --> 00:23:47,791
This is stupid!

363
00:23:47,993 --> 00:23:51,656
I don 't have to prove anything.
I'm gonna get them.

364
00:23:51,930 --> 00:23:54,763
But then everyone will know.

365
00:23:55,233 --> 00:23:59,670
Unless I get them, then wake up
really early and put them back.

366
00:23:59,871 --> 00:24:02,237
I need help!

367
00:24:05,610 --> 00:24:09,671
-All you want is a dinkle
-Not that song!

368
00:24:09,881 --> 00:24:13,874
-All you envy's a schwang
-Come on, you guys.

369
00:24:14,085 --> 00:24:17,816
A thing through which you can tinkle

370
00:24:18,023 --> 00:24:20,958
Or play with or simply let hang

371
00:24:22,060 --> 00:24:25,860
All you want is a dinkle

372
00:24:26,064 --> 00:24:29,397
What you envy's a schwang

373
00:24:29,601 --> 00:24:33,128
A thing through which you can tinkle

374
00:24:33,338 --> 00:24:37,741
Or play with or simply let hang