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General InformationEdit

Title "The One After the Superbowl"
Format SubRip
Extension .srt
Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_One_After_the_Superbowl

SubtitlesEdit

1
00:00:08,142 --> 00:00:10,542
Can't get the monkey off your back?

2
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:14,040
Then put it in your mouth...

3
00:00:14,281 --> 00:00:15,908
... with Monkeyshine Beer!

4
00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:18,751
Get it, monkey

5
00:00:19,920 --> 00:00:21,820
Get it, get it, monkey

6
00:00:23,958 --> 00:00:25,323
Monkey, monkey

7
00:00:25,559 --> 00:00:26,651
Monkeyshine Beer.

8
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:29,288
Because it's a jungle out there!

9
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:32,157
That commercial always
makes me so sad.

10
00:00:32,466 --> 00:00:35,663
But then the guy opens his beer
and girls run at him...

11
00:00:35,903 --> 00:00:37,803
...so everything works out okay.

12
00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:41,273
I meant because the monkey
reminds me of Marcel.

13
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:42,567
I can see that.

14
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:47,440
Because they both have those big
brown eyes and the little pouty chin.

15
00:00:47,782 --> 00:00:50,342
And the fact that
they're both monkeys?

16
00:00:51,285 --> 00:00:53,913
I wonder if I did the right thing,
giving him away.

17
00:00:54,121 --> 00:00:58,353
Ross, you had to. He was
humping everything in sight.

18
00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:02,426
My Malibu Barbie will no longer
be wearing white to her wedding.

19
00:01:05,032 --> 00:01:07,296
Remember when he'd borrow your hat...

20
00:01:07,501 --> 00:01:11,301
...and when you got it back,
there'd be monkey raisins in it?

21
00:01:13,706 --> 00:01:17,369
When he did it, it was funny.
When I did it to my boss's hat....

22
00:01:18,844 --> 00:01:21,711
Suddenly, I had this big
"attitude problem."

23
00:01:22,314 --> 00:01:24,339
The One With the Super Bowl

24
00:02:10,830 --> 00:02:13,162
Hey, check it out!
Guess what I got?

25
00:02:13,399 --> 00:02:14,593
Rhythm?

26
00:02:15,701 --> 00:02:17,760
No. My first fan mail!

27
00:02:19,738 --> 00:02:21,399
"Dear Dr. Ramoray:

28
00:02:21,774 --> 00:02:24,743
I love you and would do
anything to have you."

29
00:02:24,944 --> 00:02:28,505
My gosh! "Your not-so-secret
admirer, Erika Ford."

30
00:02:29,548 --> 00:02:30,606
Oh, wait.

31
00:02:30,916 --> 00:02:35,353
"P.S. Enclosed, please find
14 of my eyelashes."

32
00:02:36,789 --> 00:02:39,917
In Crazy World, that means
you're married.

33
00:02:42,628 --> 00:02:46,894
It's not addressed to Days Of Our
Lives. This came to your apartment.

34
00:02:47,099 --> 00:02:48,589
She was in our building.

35
00:02:48,868 --> 00:02:50,233
Oh, my God.

36
00:02:50,970 --> 00:02:52,904
I got my very own stalker!

37
00:02:55,304 --> 00:02:58,304
You are so lucky, I'm gonna share mine.

38
00:03:00,304 --> 00:03:05,304
Joey, remember we talk about good thing and bad thing.
This is a bad thing.

39
00:03:08,810 --> 00:03:10,368
Where are you off to?

40
00:03:10,578 --> 00:03:13,274
There's a paleontology
conference in L.A.

41
00:03:13,548 --> 00:03:17,541
So I figured I'd go and drive down
to the zoo and surprise Marcel.

42
00:03:17,752 --> 00:03:21,051
He will be surprised.
Till he realizes he's a monkey...

43
00:03:22,824 --> 00:03:25,418
...and isn't capable of that emotion.

44
00:03:27,629 --> 00:03:30,257
Phoebe? That really cute guy
is here again.

45
00:03:31,566 --> 00:03:32,897
Okay, so everyone...

46
00:03:33,134 --> 00:03:36,433
... pretend I'm telling you a story
and it's really funny.

47
00:03:36,638 --> 00:03:38,731
So everyone just laugh. Now!

48
00:03:40,642 --> 00:03:42,109
I know, I know!

49
00:03:45,747 --> 00:03:46,736
I'm Rob Donan.

50
00:03:47,115 --> 00:03:48,139
Hi, Rob Donan.

51
00:03:48,416 --> 00:03:52,512
I don't know anything about music,
but I think you're really great.

52
00:03:55,423 --> 00:03:59,325
Anyway, I schedule performers
for children's libraries.

53
00:03:59,594 --> 00:04:04,258
And I was thinking, have you thought
about playing your songs for kids?

54
00:04:04,499 --> 00:04:06,933
I would love to have kids...

55
00:04:10,471 --> 00:04:13,838
...hear me play the songs
that I will write for them.

56
00:04:16,010 --> 00:04:17,602
What do we do for dinner?

57
00:04:17,812 --> 00:04:19,803
We could cook for ourselves.

58
00:04:26,955 --> 00:04:27,853
It's Erika.

59
00:04:28,489 --> 00:04:29,717
My God. The stalker!

60
00:04:29,991 --> 00:04:31,151
Never mind. It's open.

61
00:04:33,861 --> 00:04:36,227
Hitting her with a frying pan
is a good idea.

62
00:04:36,497 --> 00:04:40,058
But we want a backup plan,
just in case she isn't a cartoon!

63
00:04:41,502 --> 00:04:43,163
Let's get out of here!

64
00:04:46,341 --> 00:04:48,400
The one time they're not home!

65
00:04:50,144 --> 00:04:52,009
We'll leave.
When we pass her...

66
00:04:52,313 --> 00:04:54,679
...she won't know me,
because we never met!

67
00:04:56,551 --> 00:04:58,644
That's how radio stars
escape stalkers!

68
00:05:00,688 --> 00:05:02,178
She's coming!

69
00:05:08,096 --> 00:05:09,495
It's me.

70
00:05:10,264 --> 00:05:13,062
This is it.
This is how we're gonna die.

71
00:05:14,235 --> 00:05:15,167
You ready?

72
00:05:15,503 --> 00:05:16,993
Wait, wait, wait!

73
00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:26,772
Erika!

74
00:05:37,025 --> 00:05:38,515
-Mr. Geller?
-Yes, hi.

75
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:41,422
Dean Lipson, zoo administrator.

76
00:05:41,696 --> 00:05:43,357
You had a question?

77
00:05:43,965 --> 00:05:47,628
I can't find the monkey I donated
last year. He's a capuchin...

78
00:05:47,869 --> 00:05:50,099
...answers to the name Marcel?

79
00:05:50,872 --> 00:05:53,932
I'm afraid I have some bad news.

80
00:05:54,142 --> 00:05:56,474
Marcel has passed on.

81
00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,873
Oh, my God. What happened?

82
00:06:01,149 --> 00:06:03,709
He got sick,
and then he got sicker...

83
00:06:03,951 --> 00:06:05,885
...and then he got a little better.

84
00:06:06,554 --> 00:06:08,112
But then he died.

85
00:06:10,658 --> 00:06:12,091
I can't believe this!

86
00:06:12,293 --> 00:06:17,060
I'm sorry, Mr. Geller.
But you know, there's an old saying:

87
00:06:17,298 --> 00:06:19,892
"Sometimes monkeys die."

88
00:06:21,502 --> 00:06:23,936
It's not a great saying...

89
00:06:25,073 --> 00:06:27,303
... but it certainly is fitting today.

90
00:06:27,508 --> 00:06:30,409
-Someone should've called me.
-I'm sorry.

91
00:06:30,611 --> 00:06:33,478
Look, I know this can't
bring him back...

92
00:06:33,681 --> 00:06:35,672
... but here, it's just a gesture.

93
00:06:37,585 --> 00:06:38,779
Zoo dollars?

94
00:06:39,020 --> 00:06:43,252
Yes, and come see the bird show
at 4. The macaws wear hats.

95
00:06:44,859 --> 00:06:47,953
It's a lot cuter
if your monkey hasn't just died.

96
00:06:56,703 --> 00:06:58,068
I know.

97
00:06:59,606 --> 00:07:02,404
I can't believe Joey's having
lunch with his stalker!

98
00:07:02,609 --> 00:07:04,076
What is she like?

99
00:07:04,277 --> 00:07:06,711
You remember Kathy Bates in Misery?

100
00:07:06,946 --> 00:07:10,040
Well, she looks
the exact opposite of that.

101
00:07:11,117 --> 00:07:13,017
And she's not crazy?

102
00:07:13,253 --> 00:07:15,278
Oh, no, no.
She's a total whack-job.

103
00:07:15,889 --> 00:07:20,019
She thinks that Joey is
actually Dr. Drake Ramoray.

104
00:07:20,260 --> 00:07:21,784
Oh, my God!

105
00:07:22,228 --> 00:07:23,889
And he's going out with her?

106
00:07:24,097 --> 00:07:25,792
He cannot pursue this.

107
00:07:26,065 --> 00:07:29,523
Just because this woman sees Joey
through the magical box...

108
00:07:29,736 --> 00:07:32,261
...in her living room
doesn't mean she's not a person.

109
00:07:32,539 --> 00:07:35,940
Does she not deserve happiness?
Does she not deserve love?

110
00:07:37,143 --> 00:07:41,239
Why are you looking at me? He's
the one who wants to boff the maniac!

111
00:07:42,482 --> 00:07:43,608
Are you okay?

112
00:07:43,883 --> 00:07:45,817
No. I'm just nervous.

113
00:07:46,052 --> 00:07:49,283
Maybe if I just picture them all
in their underwear....

114
00:07:49,556 --> 00:07:53,652
That's not a good idea. That's
the reason the last guy got fired.

115
00:07:57,497 --> 00:07:59,931
I'm used to playing for grownups.

116
00:08:00,266 --> 00:08:03,235
Grownups drink their coffee
and do their grownup thing.

117
00:08:03,803 --> 00:08:04,997
And kids...

118
00:08:05,238 --> 00:08:06,330
...Iisten.

119
00:08:07,574 --> 00:08:10,270
It's just a huge responsibility.

120
00:08:10,510 --> 00:08:11,670
What?

121
00:08:12,078 --> 00:08:13,807
Are you gonna kiss me?

122
00:08:15,081 --> 00:08:17,015
I was thinking about it.

123
00:08:21,287 --> 00:08:23,915
Alrighty! Let's play some tunes!

124
00:08:25,915 --> 00:08:26,915
Ok! Let's find some seats.

125
00:08:27,315 --> 00:08:28,715
Chandle, we gonna find our seats.

126
00:08:28,915 --> 00:08:30,115
Hold on a second.

127
00:08:31,915 --> 00:08:32,915
He thinks he can.

128
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,915
He thinks he can.

129
00:08:37,915 --> 00:08:39,315
Oh, what the hell.

130
00:08:39,915 --> 00:08:41,259
He can.

131
00:08:43,859 --> 00:08:47,795
-Hi, everybody. I'm Phoebe.
-Hi, Phoebe!

132
00:08:50,833 --> 00:08:54,530
I'm gonna play some songs
about grandparents, okay?

133
00:08:57,039 --> 00:09:00,304
Now Grandma's a person
Who everyone likes

134
00:09:00,509 --> 00:09:03,501
She bought you a train
And a bright shiny bike

135
00:09:03,779 --> 00:09:06,680
But lately she hasn't
Been coming to dinner

136
00:09:06,949 --> 00:09:10,282
And last time you saw her
She looked so much thinner

137
00:09:11,387 --> 00:09:14,686
Now your mom and your dad said
She moved to Peru

138
00:09:14,957 --> 00:09:18,324
But the truth is she died
And someday you will too

139
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:23,324
I will have the great seven, and the doctor, will have the resertal.

140
00:09:36,672 --> 00:09:40,130
-Oh, Drake, isn't it amazing?
-Yeah, it is.

141
00:09:41,643 --> 00:09:42,871
What?

142
00:09:43,779 --> 00:09:46,441
Well, here we sit, devil-may-care...

143
00:09:46,682 --> 00:09:50,982
...and a while ago you were
reattaching Simone's spinal cord.

144
00:09:51,219 --> 00:09:52,447
That was a tricky one.

145
00:09:54,356 --> 00:09:55,345
In reality...

146
00:09:55,624 --> 00:09:59,685
...that operation takes 10 hours.
But they only showed it for 2 minutes.

147
00:10:00,629 --> 00:10:01,459
Who's "they"?

148
00:10:04,066 --> 00:10:05,624
No one.

149
00:10:07,069 --> 00:10:11,233
Drake, you are so talented.
Let me see those hands.

150
00:10:11,506 --> 00:10:13,906
Oh, these hands,
these beautiful hands.

151
00:10:14,910 --> 00:10:16,844
I could just eat them.

152
00:10:17,145 --> 00:10:18,407
But I won't.

153
00:10:19,648 --> 00:10:21,479
Otherwise my watch would fall off.

154
00:10:27,589 --> 00:10:28,578
No, seriously.

155
00:10:30,425 --> 00:10:31,255
These hands...

156
00:10:31,526 --> 00:10:34,154
...these miracle, magical,
life-giving hands.

157
00:10:34,429 --> 00:10:38,365
Just to be near them, touch them,
maybe even lick one?

158
00:10:39,668 --> 00:10:41,863
All right. Just one.

159
00:10:51,413 --> 00:10:53,210
You're good at that.

160
00:10:55,050 --> 00:10:57,041
Oh, my God! Someone!
He's choking!

161
00:10:57,252 --> 00:10:59,243
Is anyone here a doctor?

162
00:11:00,622 --> 00:11:02,613
Yes, the best doctor in Salem!

163
00:11:02,924 --> 00:11:04,687
Dr. Drake Ramoray!

164
00:11:20,708 --> 00:11:24,872
Meet me in the nocturnal
house in 15 minutes.

165
00:11:27,715 --> 00:11:31,742
Hey, look. I don't really enjoy
being with other men that way.

166
00:11:33,221 --> 00:11:35,189
But, zoo dollars?

167
00:11:36,424 --> 00:11:38,415
It's about your monkey!

168
00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:40,989
It's alive.

169
00:11:55,667 --> 00:11:58,830
I don't understand.
Why didn't you help that man?

170
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:01,930
Because I'm a neurosurgeon...

171
00:12:02,173 --> 00:12:05,404
...and that was clearly a case of...

172
00:12:06,110 --> 00:12:07,270
... "foodal chokage."

173
00:12:12,950 --> 00:12:14,508
I gotta tell you something

174
00:12:15,420 --> 00:12:17,285
You don't have to tell me anything.

175
00:12:17,588 --> 00:12:19,920
You don't have to
explain yourself to me.

176
00:12:20,124 --> 00:12:23,116
Who am I to question
the great Dr. Drake Ramoray?

177
00:12:23,394 --> 00:12:25,385
I should be happy to be near you.

178
00:12:25,697 --> 00:12:26,686
Hey, l

179
00:12:30,635 --> 00:12:32,068
Hey what?

180
00:12:32,370 --> 00:12:34,770
That's it. Just hey!

181
00:12:35,473 --> 00:12:37,805
Like at the end of a dance. Hey!

182
00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:47,146
There'll be times when you get older

183
00:12:47,418 --> 00:12:49,079
When you'll want to sleep with people

184
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,585
Just to make them like you
But don't!

185
00:12:54,025 --> 00:12:54,957
'Cause...

186
00:12:55,159 --> 00:12:57,059
... that's another thing...

187
00:12:57,261 --> 00:12:59,695
... that you don't wanna do
Everybody!

188
00:12:59,964 --> 00:13:04,765
That's another thing
That you don't wanna do

189
00:13:06,337 --> 00:13:08,202
-Excellent!
-Very informative!

190
00:13:08,439 --> 00:13:10,930
Not at all inappropriate!

191
00:13:11,342 --> 00:13:15,301
Thank you for coming, everybody!
There are cookies in the back.

192
00:13:16,714 --> 00:13:18,204
That was great.

193
00:13:18,483 --> 00:13:20,542
The kids loved you.

194
00:13:20,852 --> 00:13:22,843
Yea! I rock!

195
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:26,387
And you know why?
Because you told the truth.

196
00:13:26,657 --> 00:13:28,716
Nobody ever tells kids the truth.

197
00:13:29,127 --> 00:13:30,617
You were incredible!

198
00:13:32,029 --> 00:13:32,961
But...?

199
00:13:33,564 --> 00:13:36,795
-How'd you know there was a "but"?
-I sense these things.

200
00:13:37,001 --> 00:13:39,299
It was either "but" or "butter."

201
00:13:41,172 --> 00:13:43,470
The thing is, I think
some of the parents...

202
00:13:43,741 --> 00:13:45,368
...they were hoping that...

203
00:13:45,710 --> 00:13:48,406
...you'd play more songs
about barnyard animals.

204
00:13:48,713 --> 00:13:50,044
I can do that.

205
00:13:50,248 --> 00:13:51,215
Really?

206
00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:54,350
Because that would be fantastic!

207
00:13:55,353 --> 00:13:57,753
What? You wanna kiss me?

208
00:13:58,022 --> 00:13:59,717
I'm thinking about it.

209
00:14:03,717 --> 00:14:06,717
So by the libery car carticuler, we still have some time.

210
00:14:11,717 --> 00:14:14,717
What, I'm unemploy.

211
00:14:20,160 --> 00:14:21,718
The bat.

212
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:24,353
Ambassador of darkness.

213
00:14:24,831 --> 00:14:28,597
Flitting out of his cave
like a winged messenger.

214
00:14:28,935 --> 00:14:32,336
Sightless specter of the macabre.

215
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:34,766
Buddy, my monkey?

216
00:14:35,708 --> 00:14:37,005
Oh, yeah, right.

217
00:14:38,845 --> 00:14:39,903
There was a break-in...

218
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:42,774
...a few months back.
Inside job.

219
00:14:43,016 --> 00:14:44,449
Your monkey was taken.

220
00:14:53,717 --> 00:14:56,049
The zoo told me
that my monkey was dead!

221
00:14:56,620 --> 00:14:58,019
The zoo!

222
00:14:58,422 --> 00:15:00,913
You believe everything
the zoo tells you?

223
00:15:03,460 --> 00:15:06,759
That's the only thing
the zoo's ever told me.

224
00:15:07,131 --> 00:15:10,532
Of course they'll say that!
They don't want the bad publicity.

225
00:15:10,734 --> 00:15:12,463
It's all a great big cover-up.

226
00:15:12,736 --> 00:15:16,137
Do you have any idea
how high up this thing goes?

227
00:15:16,540 --> 00:15:18,201
That guy Lipson?

228
00:15:18,709 --> 00:15:20,643
Lipson knows?

229
00:15:20,643 --> 00:15:24,643
-Do you have idea who else knows?
-I only know Lipson.

230
00:15:25,879 --> 00:15:27,813
Lipson knows, huh?

231
00:15:28,648 --> 00:15:30,138
Hello, Mr. Possum.

232
00:15:30,483 --> 00:15:34,249
Enigma of the trees,
upside-down denizen of the night.

233
00:15:34,454 --> 00:15:37,389
-Taunting gravity
-Buddy, my monkey. My monkey?

234
00:15:39,392 --> 00:15:41,223
Word on the street

235
00:15:41,461 --> 00:15:45,522
When I say "street," I mean those
pretend streets here at the zoo.

236
00:15:45,732 --> 00:15:46,994
Of course.

237
00:15:49,435 --> 00:15:51,926
Your monkey found a new career...

238
00:15:52,138 --> 00:15:55,403
...in the entertainment field.
That's all I know.

239
00:15:56,643 --> 00:15:58,372
This is unbelievable!

240
00:15:58,578 --> 00:16:03,413
So what is this information
worth to you, my friend?

241
00:16:04,284 --> 00:16:06,809
Are you trying
to get me to bribe you?

242
00:16:07,120 --> 00:16:08,314
Maybe.

243
00:16:10,056 --> 00:16:12,547
But you already told me everything.

244
00:16:23,166 --> 00:16:24,064
Check it out.

245
00:16:24,467 --> 00:16:26,935
He actually is
the Monkeyshine monkey!

246
00:16:29,471 --> 00:16:30,631
What'll you do?

247
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:34,069
I'm gonna call the beer company
and try to find him.

248
00:16:34,309 --> 00:16:37,176
That's what I did
when I lost my Clydesdales.

249
00:16:38,347 --> 00:16:39,746
Okay, hi again!

250
00:16:40,048 --> 00:16:42,573
Hi, Phoebe!

251
00:16:43,652 --> 00:16:48,089
Today, we're gonna start with
some songs about barnyard animals.

252
00:16:49,491 --> 00:16:51,425
Oh, the cow in the meadow goes "moo"

253
00:16:51,693 --> 00:16:53,684
Oh, the cow in the meadow goes "moo"

254
00:16:53,895 --> 00:16:56,193
Then the farmer hits him
And grinds him up

255
00:16:56,431 --> 00:16:58,558
And that's how we get hamburgers

256
00:17:01,570 --> 00:17:04,903
Now chickens!

257
00:17:06,241 --> 00:17:08,232
Only you who can save her, Drake!

258
00:17:08,510 --> 00:17:11,070
Damn it! I'm a doctor.
I'm not God!

259
00:17:11,346 --> 00:17:13,405
There goes my whole belief system.

260
00:17:15,784 --> 00:17:17,046
It's Erika.

261
00:17:17,285 --> 00:17:18,752
Quick! Shut off the TV.

262
00:17:19,021 --> 00:17:20,750
I wanna see what happens!

263
00:17:21,023 --> 00:17:23,253
I get Leslie out of the coma
then we make out.

264
00:17:23,525 --> 00:17:25,857
How can that be?
You were kissing Sabrina!

265
00:17:26,094 --> 00:17:29,928
Rachel, it's a world
where Joey is a neurosurgeon.

266
00:17:33,368 --> 00:17:34,767
Hey, Erika. Come in.

267
00:17:34,970 --> 00:17:38,235
How did you get here so fast?
I just saw you in Salem.

268
00:17:38,540 --> 00:17:41,441
Right, they choppered me in.

269
00:17:41,943 --> 00:17:43,137
What's up?

270
00:17:43,378 --> 00:17:45,369
You're having a little party too!

271
00:17:45,647 --> 00:17:47,911
-ls she here?
-Who?

272
00:17:48,216 --> 00:17:50,377
Sabrina. I know about you two!

273
00:17:50,585 --> 00:17:53,577
I saw you today, kissing
in the doctor's lounge.

274
00:17:55,323 --> 00:17:56,790
It's not what you think

275
00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:59,586
You told me I was the only one!

276
00:18:03,331 --> 00:18:04,992
All right, look.
That's it.

277
00:18:05,267 --> 00:18:07,167
We shouldn't see each other anymore.

278
00:18:07,502 --> 00:18:09,800
I should have told you
a long time ago...

279
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:11,996
... but I am not Drake Ramoray.

280
00:18:12,240 --> 00:18:16,142
I'm not even a doctor. I'm an actor.
I just pretend to be a doctor.

281
00:18:16,411 --> 00:18:19,505
Oh, my God! Do the people
at the hospital know?

282
00:18:23,418 --> 00:18:25,409
Somebody wanna help me out here?

283
00:18:25,654 --> 00:18:27,747
Oh, I know! I know!

284
00:18:28,323 --> 00:18:29,654
Where am I?

285
00:18:29,925 --> 00:18:31,358
University Hospital...

286
00:18:31,626 --> 00:18:34,186
... where you've been
for the last 18 years.

287
00:18:35,630 --> 00:18:37,359
How can you be here and there?

288
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:39,692
Because it's a TV show!

289
00:18:40,502 --> 00:18:42,163
What are you getting at?

290
00:18:43,863 --> 00:18:46,863
Nice girl, not great with concept.

291
00:18:47,806 --> 00:18:49,273
I'm not Drake!

292
00:18:49,574 --> 00:18:52,338
That's right!
He's not Drake. He's...

293
00:18:53,178 --> 00:18:55,339
... Hans Ramoray, Drake's evil twin!

294
00:19:00,852 --> 00:19:01,944
Is this true?

295
00:19:03,288 --> 00:19:05,279
Yes! Yes, it is true!

296
00:19:05,590 --> 00:19:07,285
And I know this...

297
00:19:07,592 --> 00:19:10,857
... because he pretended
to be Drake to sleep with me!

298
00:19:17,302 --> 00:19:20,100
And then he told me
he would run away with me!

299
00:19:20,305 --> 00:19:21,533
And he didn't!

300
00:19:23,642 --> 00:19:26,975
And you left the toilet seat up,
you bastard!

301
00:19:32,217 --> 00:19:33,377
Is all this true?

302
00:19:38,623 --> 00:19:40,454
Yes, I'm afraid it is.

303
00:19:40,859 --> 00:19:42,884
You deserve much better than me.

304
00:19:43,161 --> 00:19:47,393
You deserve to be with the real Drake.
He's the one you fell in love with.

305
00:19:47,966 --> 00:19:50,025
Go to Salem. Find him!

306
00:19:50,335 --> 00:19:52,303
He's the guy for you!

307
00:19:52,504 --> 00:19:54,062
Oh, Hans!

308
00:19:57,008 --> 00:19:57,997
Hans?

309
00:19:58,243 --> 00:19:59,232
Hans!

310
00:20:00,812 --> 00:20:01,801
Yo, evil twin!

311
00:20:03,315 --> 00:20:05,579
Right. Goodbye, Erika.

312
00:20:07,319 --> 00:20:09,150
Good luck in Salem.

313
00:20:10,388 --> 00:20:11,252
Take care.

314
00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:14,051
I'll never forget you, Hans.

315
00:20:19,064 --> 00:20:21,658
All right.
The people who threw the water!

316
00:20:22,867 --> 00:20:23,834
Helping you out!

317
00:20:24,068 --> 00:20:25,433
Fired?

318
00:20:25,836 --> 00:20:27,098
Why?

319
00:20:27,404 --> 00:20:30,771
The library board got a lot
of complaints from parents...

320
00:20:31,008 --> 00:20:32,498
...about the stuff in your songs.

321
00:20:32,710 --> 00:20:35,405
I can't believe this is the libery!

322
00:20:36,405 --> 00:20:40,405
-I mean, books, freespeech, newspapers on sticks.
-I know.

323
00:20:41,405 --> 00:20:42,612
What about the kids.

324
00:20:42,612 --> 00:20:46,776
Did you tell your board that
the kids want to hear the truth?

325
00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:52,709
I see.

326
00:20:52,955 --> 00:20:56,823
Maybe if you just played
some regular kiddy songs?

327
00:20:57,893 --> 00:21:00,293
What do you want me to be?
Like some...

328
00:21:00,495 --> 00:21:04,261
...stupid, big,
like, purple dinosaur?

329
00:21:05,300 --> 00:21:06,767
You don't have to be Barney.

330
00:21:06,969 --> 00:21:08,664
Who's Barney?

331
00:21:32,409 --> 00:21:35,936
I tracked down Marcel and get this.
He's healthy, he's happy...

332
00:21:36,213 --> 00:21:40,115
...and he's in New York filming
Outbreak 2: The Virus Takes Manhattan.

333
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:41,509
You're kidding!

334
00:21:42,085 --> 00:21:43,746
-This is amazing!
-I know.

335
00:21:44,054 --> 00:21:47,353
I finally get a part on TV,
and the monkey's making movies.

336
00:21:49,426 --> 00:21:50,450
Rachel, I'm ready.

337
00:21:55,298 --> 00:21:59,735
Excuse me. Is this where the
singing lady is, who tells the truth?

338
00:22:00,604 --> 00:22:01,798
I guess that's me.

339
00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:05,564
She's here!

340
00:22:13,650 --> 00:22:15,948
Sometimes men love women

341
00:22:16,219 --> 00:22:18,779
Sometimes men love men

342
00:22:19,155 --> 00:22:21,589
Then there are bisexuals

343
00:22:21,791 --> 00:22:24,726
Though some just say
They're kidding themselves

344
00:22:34,938 --> 00:22:37,463
This is exciting! I haven't
seen my monkey in a year.

345
00:22:37,741 --> 00:22:40,141
What, you never
look down in the shower?

346
00:22:41,244 --> 00:22:45,010
I'm not allowed to make one joke
in the "monkey is penis" genre?

347
00:22:45,749 --> 00:22:46,977
Back up, please.

348
00:22:47,250 --> 00:22:48,581
Back up. Come on.

349
00:22:48,852 --> 00:22:51,343
Excuse me.
Where can we find the monkey?

350
00:22:51,621 --> 00:22:53,020
I'm sorry.
It's a closed set.

351
00:22:53,290 --> 00:22:56,453
I'm sorry, you don't understand.
I'm a friend of his.

352
00:22:56,693 --> 00:22:58,752
We used to live together.

353
00:22:58,995 --> 00:23:02,158
And I have a time share
in the Poconos with Flipper.

354
00:23:05,268 --> 00:23:06,166
There he is!

355
00:23:06,836 --> 00:23:08,531
Hey! Buddy!

356
00:23:08,805 --> 00:23:11,137
Marcel! Marcel!

357
00:23:17,847 --> 00:23:19,178
In the jungle

358
00:23:19,449 --> 00:23:21,280
The mighty jungle

359
00:23:21,518 --> 00:23:24,282
The lion sleeps tonight

360
00:23:27,223 --> 00:23:30,124
In the jungle
The mighty jungle

361
00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:33,193
The lion sleeps tonight

362
00:24:03,625 --> 00:24:04,922
Excuse me, this is a

363
00:24:05,159 --> 00:24:08,458
Closed set. We know.
But we're friends with the monkey.

364
00:24:10,932 --> 00:24:12,160
Good morning.

365
00:24:12,667 --> 00:24:14,066
Look who I brought!

366
00:24:14,268 --> 00:24:16,202
Your old friend, Harry Elafonte!

367
00:24:19,707 --> 00:24:22,767
Whoa, dude. Burn!

368
00:24:23,044 --> 00:24:24,375
I don't get it.

369
00:24:24,612 --> 00:24:26,705
He seemed so happy
to see me yesterday.

370
00:24:26,948 --> 00:24:31,248
Don't take it personal. He's under
pressure, starring in a movie and all.

371
00:24:32,954 --> 00:24:34,945
How big of a star is Marcel?

372
00:24:35,189 --> 00:24:38,181
In human terms? I'd say...

373
00:24:38,559 --> 00:24:40,186
... Cybill Shepherd.

374
00:24:43,364 --> 00:24:47,266
So you guys in the movie
or you just really paranoid?

375
00:24:48,636 --> 00:24:49,625
Hey, Sal?

376
00:24:49,904 --> 00:24:52,031
Jerry wants to know
if the monkey's ready.

377
00:24:52,273 --> 00:24:53,137
Excuse me?

378
00:24:53,441 --> 00:24:56,137
Jerry is the director?
Which one's he?

379
00:24:56,410 --> 00:24:59,906
-The one in the director's chair?
-Gotcha.

380
00:25:00,614 --> 00:25:02,980
Pheebs, walk with me.

381
00:25:04,484 --> 00:25:05,917
Why am I walking with you?

382
00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:09,577
We're just going over here
so that we can get away from...

383
00:25:09,789 --> 00:25:12,314
...the horrible flesh-eating virus!

384
00:25:12,559 --> 00:25:14,925
For the love of God, woman,
listen to me!

385
00:25:15,462 --> 00:25:17,396
Is he looking? Is he looking?

386
00:25:24,084 --> 00:25:26,416
-We've got a problem.
-Tell me.

387
00:25:26,653 --> 00:25:28,018
I can't do Chris' makeup.

388
00:25:28,288 --> 00:25:30,586
She refuses to acknowledge
her mustache.

389
00:25:30,858 --> 00:25:33,986
-ls it bad?
-lt looks like her eyebrow fell down.

390
00:25:34,261 --> 00:25:36,752
Unless we convince her
to let me bleach it...

391
00:25:36,997 --> 00:25:39,465
...Van Damme will be
making out with Gabe Kaplan.

392
00:25:40,601 --> 00:25:42,364
I'll talk to her.

393
00:25:42,870 --> 00:25:44,599
I hate actors.

394
00:25:45,472 --> 00:25:49,431
Nice camouflage. For a minute there,
I almost didn't see you.

395
00:25:52,679 --> 00:25:53,509
Excuse me.

396
00:25:56,850 --> 00:25:58,215
Is your name Chandler?

397
00:25:58,485 --> 00:25:59,679
Yes, it is.

398
00:26:00,154 --> 00:26:01,018
Chandler Bing.

399
00:26:01,655 --> 00:26:04,783
Do you know me or are you
just really good at this game?

400
00:26:05,125 --> 00:26:06,183
I'm Susie Moss.

401
00:26:06,860 --> 00:26:08,794
Fourth grade? Glasses?

402
00:26:09,463 --> 00:26:12,557
I carried a box of
animal crackers like a purse?

403
00:26:12,833 --> 00:26:13,800
Susie Moss!

404
00:26:14,168 --> 00:26:15,999
Right! Yeah! Wow!

405
00:26:16,870 --> 00:26:18,167
You look....

406
00:26:18,639 --> 00:26:20,903
Great job growing up.

407
00:26:21,141 --> 00:26:25,510
It's nice to see you don't still
wear the cap with the mirrors on it.

408
00:26:25,712 --> 00:26:29,239
I graduated fourth grade
and realized I wasn't a pimp.

409
00:26:29,683 --> 00:26:31,310
Remember the class play?

410
00:26:31,518 --> 00:26:35,887
You pulled up my skirt and the
entire auditorium saw my underpants?

411
00:26:37,558 --> 00:26:41,722
Yes. Back then, I used humor
as a defense mechanism.

412
00:26:41,929 --> 00:26:44,329
Thank God I don't do that anymore.

413
00:26:48,329 --> 00:26:50,329
What you have been doing since childhood?

414
00:26:50,729 --> 00:26:53,729
Well, I got a new belt.

415
00:26:54,329 --> 00:26:55,329
I wondered!

416
00:27:00,069 --> 00:27:01,536
-Oh, my God!
-What? What?

417
00:27:02,271 --> 00:27:04,068
It's Jean-Claude Van Damme.

418
00:27:04,273 --> 00:27:06,935
I didn't know he was in
this movie. He is so hot!

419
00:27:07,777 --> 00:27:08,607
You think?

420
00:27:09,111 --> 00:27:12,342
The Muscles from Brussels?
Wham-Bam-Van-Damme?

421
00:27:12,582 --> 00:27:13,879
Did you see Time Cop?

422
00:27:14,116 --> 00:27:15,549
No. Was he any good in it?

423
00:27:15,785 --> 00:27:18,447
Rachel, he totally changed time!

424
00:27:20,556 --> 00:27:22,547
So why don't you go talk to him?

425
00:27:23,693 --> 00:27:26,719
Go tell him he's cute.
What's the worst that could happen?

426
00:27:27,129 --> 00:27:28,221
He could hear me.

427
00:27:30,032 --> 00:27:32,523
-I'm doing it for you.
-Don't you dare! Don't!

428
00:27:32,869 --> 00:27:33,699
Don't!

429
00:27:34,237 --> 00:27:35,898
Tell him I cook!

430
00:27:37,139 --> 00:27:38,470
Excuse me.

431
00:27:40,743 --> 00:27:43,405
This is gonna sound kind of goofy...

432
00:27:45,081 --> 00:27:47,481
... but my friend over there...

433
00:27:47,917 --> 00:27:50,283
...who cooks, by the way....

434
00:27:50,987 --> 00:27:52,147
She thinks you're cute.

435
00:27:52,655 --> 00:27:54,213
You don't think I'm cute?

436
00:27:55,791 --> 00:27:57,418
I don't know.

437
00:27:57,960 --> 00:27:59,587
Do you think you're cute?

438
00:28:01,964 --> 00:28:05,730
We're getting off the track.
I was supposed to tell you...

439
00:28:06,002 --> 00:28:08,232
... my friend thinks you're cute.

440
00:28:08,738 --> 00:28:09,898
What should I tell her?

441
00:28:10,106 --> 00:28:14,770
You can tell her
I think her friend is cute.

442
00:28:37,652 --> 00:28:40,416
-Makeup!
-That's me. I gotta go.

443
00:28:44,525 --> 00:28:49,155
How many times must I touch you on
the arm before you ask me on a date?

444
00:28:51,132 --> 00:28:53,100
Well, let's try one more.

445
00:28:54,869 --> 00:28:56,860
There you go. Ernie's, 8:00?

446
00:28:57,171 --> 00:28:58,468
I'll be there.

447
00:28:58,673 --> 00:29:01,437
And if things go well,
maybe this time...

448
00:29:01,676 --> 00:29:03,507
... I'll get to see your underwear.

449
00:29:09,650 --> 00:29:11,948
No one was around to hear that?

450
00:29:17,124 --> 00:29:18,614
So what'd he say?

451
00:29:18,893 --> 00:29:20,554
What a jerk!

452
00:29:20,861 --> 00:29:24,228
I kept talking about you,
and he kept asking me out.

453
00:29:26,634 --> 00:29:29,364
Naturally, you know, I said no.

454
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:33,704
Thanks, anyway.

455
00:29:33,908 --> 00:29:35,535
He just kept asking...

456
00:29:35,810 --> 00:29:37,641
...and asking, asking, asking....

457
00:29:38,679 --> 00:29:40,909
If you want to go out
with him, you can.

458
00:29:42,249 --> 00:29:44,479
Sounds like a jerk to me, but

459
00:29:44,719 --> 00:29:47,813
Jean-Claude, she said yes!
I'll see you tonight!

460
00:29:50,491 --> 00:29:51,981
Thank you.

461
00:29:58,532 --> 00:30:01,126
Then Jean-Claude took me
to Crossroads...

462
00:30:01,401 --> 00:30:04,495
...and we hung out
with Drew Barrymore.

463
00:30:04,705 --> 00:30:06,866
Oh, man. She's so smokin'!

464
00:30:07,107 --> 00:30:08,870
She's got the greatest set of

465
00:30:12,713 --> 00:30:14,476
No guys around, huh?

466
00:30:15,982 --> 00:30:18,883
-Does anybody need anything?
-I'll have an espresso.

467
00:30:19,152 --> 00:30:20,050
I'll get it.

468
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:23,448
If I ask you to, you'll end up
drinking it yourself.

469
00:30:26,393 --> 00:30:28,520
-That is so unfair.
-I know.

470
00:30:28,729 --> 00:30:32,665
Like you'd drink her coffee after
what you did to her with Van Damme?

471
00:30:34,468 --> 00:30:36,629
I have to cancel racquetball tonight.

472
00:30:37,003 --> 00:30:40,131
Marcel's trainer will let me
have him for a couple of hours.

473
00:30:40,407 --> 00:30:42,136
You're blowing me off for a monkey?

474
00:30:42,409 --> 00:30:44,070
We can reschedule for Saturday.

475
00:30:45,345 --> 00:30:48,075
Unless you hook up
with a bunch of pigeons.

476
00:30:49,516 --> 00:30:50,915
Stick a fork in me...

477
00:30:51,785 --> 00:30:53,082
... I am done!

478
00:30:54,521 --> 00:30:55,783
Stick a fork what?

479
00:30:56,022 --> 00:30:58,081
Like when you're cooking a steak.

480
00:30:58,291 --> 00:30:59,918
I don't eat meat.

481
00:31:01,828 --> 00:31:03,693
How do you know vegetables are done?

482
00:31:03,964 --> 00:31:06,990
Well, you don't.
You eat them and you can tell.

483
00:31:07,267 --> 00:31:08,928
Okay, then eat me, I'm done!

484
00:31:12,873 --> 00:31:14,465
I've met the perfect woman.

485
00:31:14,674 --> 00:31:17,438
We're sitting on her couch,
fooling around...

486
00:31:17,677 --> 00:31:20,168
...and then she turns to me and says:

487
00:31:20,447 --> 00:31:22,847
"Did you ever want to do it
in an elevator?"

488
00:31:23,950 --> 00:31:24,848
What did you say?

489
00:31:25,118 --> 00:31:27,484
I believe my exact words were....

490
00:31:30,157 --> 00:31:32,352
How do you know if you wanna do that?

491
00:31:32,659 --> 00:31:33,648
You just know.

492
00:31:43,468 --> 00:31:46,130
We gotta go.
Got a reservation in 30 minutes.

493
00:31:48,239 --> 00:31:52,232
What I had planned shouldn't take
more than two, three minutes, tops.

494
00:31:53,645 --> 00:31:56,478
Two hundred seconds of passion!
We gotta go.

495
00:31:58,183 --> 00:31:59,241
But...

496
00:32:00,151 --> 00:32:01,914
... here's an idea.

497
00:32:03,221 --> 00:32:05,917
Have you ever worn women's underwear?

498
00:32:06,891 --> 00:32:09,655
Well, yes, actually...

499
00:32:10,562 --> 00:32:12,587
... but they were my Aunt Edna's.

500
00:32:13,498 --> 00:32:15,489
And there were three of us in there.

501
00:32:16,734 --> 00:32:19,862
I was thinking
it would be kind of sexy...

502
00:32:20,104 --> 00:32:23,232
...if you wore mine tonight
at dinner.

503
00:32:27,879 --> 00:32:30,074
You want me to wear your panties?

504
00:32:30,782 --> 00:32:31,612
Could you?

505
00:32:32,116 --> 00:32:34,744
If I was wearing your underwear...

506
00:32:35,053 --> 00:32:36,884
...then what would you be wearing?

507
00:32:43,795 --> 00:32:45,285
You're swell!

508
00:32:50,285 --> 00:32:52,285
Got the music, got the dinner.

509
00:32:52,899 --> 00:32:55,459
I made Marcel's favorite dish,
banana cake...

510
00:32:56,135 --> 00:32:57,693
...with mealworm.

511
00:33:02,542 --> 00:33:04,066
Candle.

512
00:33:05,245 --> 00:33:08,078
What do you think's
gonna happen here tonight?

513
00:33:14,287 --> 00:33:16,482
Hi, are you on your way over

514
00:33:21,661 --> 00:33:24,391
No, I understand.
A monkey's gotta work.

515
00:33:26,765 --> 00:33:27,993
It's no big deal.

516
00:33:28,233 --> 00:33:32,294
It's not like I had
anything special planned.

517
00:33:53,294 --> 00:33:54,294
-You feel that?
-what?

518
00:33:54,894 --> 00:33:57,894
We passed moment we should stop holding hands.

519
00:34:01,616 --> 00:34:05,382
Rachel, why don't you
start talking first?

520
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:08,247
I feel that this is
totally unjustified.

521
00:34:08,523 --> 00:34:11,583
She gave me the green light,
I did nothing

522
00:34:13,895 --> 00:34:16,591
Do you think I can't
see you in the TV set?

523
00:34:20,768 --> 00:34:23,100
If there's something
you'd like to share

524
00:34:23,371 --> 00:34:24,929
You had no right to go out with him!

525
00:34:25,206 --> 00:34:28,198
-That's the most ridiculous
-You sold me out!

526
00:34:28,409 --> 00:34:30,274
-I did not!
-You absolutely

527
00:34:30,478 --> 00:34:32,446
Would you let me talk!

528
00:34:35,383 --> 00:34:37,078
Did you just flick me?

529
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:41,620
Well, you wouldn't let me
finish and I was

530
00:34:43,057 --> 00:34:44,957
That hurt!

531
00:34:45,493 --> 00:34:46,619
Quit flicking!

532
00:34:46,894 --> 00:34:47,883
Stop flicking!

533
00:34:48,563 --> 00:34:49,757
You flicked me first!

534
00:34:56,304 --> 00:34:57,669
Let's not do this!

535
00:35:01,175 --> 00:35:02,142
Happy thoughts!

536
00:35:12,119 --> 00:35:13,814
Now I'm gonna kick some ass!

537
00:35:22,863 --> 00:35:26,629
All right. Now, I will
let go if you both stop.

538
00:35:27,535 --> 00:35:29,833
You want me to stop seeing him?

539
00:35:31,105 --> 00:35:34,438
You want me to just tell him
you're seeing him instead?

540
00:35:34,675 --> 00:35:36,700
Is that what you want?

541
00:35:38,980 --> 00:35:40,880
That's what you want?

542
00:35:43,451 --> 00:35:45,681
-Fine!
-Fine!

543
00:35:45,953 --> 00:35:47,318
There we go.

544
00:35:48,522 --> 00:35:52,185
If we were in prison,
you guys would be, like, my bitches.

545
00:36:00,102 --> 00:36:01,933
Thanks for letting me tag along.

546
00:36:02,237 --> 00:36:03,465
Forget about it.

547
00:36:04,706 --> 00:36:06,537
How you doing there, squirmy?

548
00:36:06,975 --> 00:36:08,567
I'm hanging in.

549
00:36:09,077 --> 00:36:10,271
And a little out.

550
00:36:13,548 --> 00:36:16,312
So assistant to the director?

551
00:36:16,585 --> 00:36:20,453
That's an exciting job. You must
have a ton of responsibilities

552
00:36:20,656 --> 00:36:22,123
I don't do the casting.

553
00:36:22,324 --> 00:36:24,258
So what are you guys gonna eat?

554
00:36:26,161 --> 00:36:30,291
How come all I can think about is
putting that ice in my mouth...

555
00:36:30,499 --> 00:36:33,400
...and licking you all over?

556
00:36:35,304 --> 00:36:39,434
Because I went to an all-boys high
school, and God is making up for it?

557
00:36:48,245 --> 00:36:50,179
I want you right here...

558
00:36:50,381 --> 00:36:52,008
... right now.

559
00:36:52,216 --> 00:36:53,877
Right now, right here?

560
00:36:54,318 --> 00:36:56,912
Don't you think we're in
kind of a public place?

561
00:37:00,057 --> 00:37:01,547
They do have the shrimp.

562
00:37:04,195 --> 00:37:06,220
Meet me in the bathroom.

563
00:37:12,703 --> 00:37:14,603
I'm going to the bathroom now.

564
00:37:33,215 --> 00:37:34,512
Come on.

565
00:37:39,718 --> 00:37:41,117
All right, mister.

566
00:37:41,587 --> 00:37:43,578
Let's see those panties.

567
00:37:44,723 --> 00:37:46,281
Alrighty.

568
00:37:49,928 --> 00:37:53,193
But you know what
would be even sexier?

569
00:37:53,432 --> 00:37:54,421
What?

570
00:37:55,067 --> 00:37:57,968
If you didn't have
your shirt tucked into them.

571
00:38:00,739 --> 00:38:05,267
All right. Now, I would like
to see you wearing nothing but them.

572
00:38:05,477 --> 00:38:07,775
Take your clothes off.

573
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:12,540
I hope you realize this means
we'll miss hearing about the specials.

574
00:38:14,386 --> 00:38:15,318
Come on, hurry!

575
00:38:15,554 --> 00:38:18,455
Do you want this done quick
or done right?

576
00:38:18,957 --> 00:38:22,415
All right, turn around.
I wanna see you from behind.

577
00:38:23,328 --> 00:38:27,492
Somebody's been doing
his Buns of Steel video.

578
00:38:27,733 --> 00:38:31,328
So you want me
to clench anything or...?

579
00:38:34,139 --> 00:38:35,538
Susie?

580
00:38:38,609 --> 00:38:40,770
This is for the fourth grade.

581
00:38:44,215 --> 00:38:46,080
-What do you mean?
-What do I mean?

582
00:38:46,283 --> 00:38:47,341
What do I mean?!

583
00:38:47,551 --> 00:38:50,179
I mean underpants, mister!
That's what I mean!

584
00:38:51,355 --> 00:38:52,788
What? What do you mean?

585
00:38:52,990 --> 00:38:54,184
My skirt...

586
00:38:54,392 --> 00:38:57,225
...you lifted. IKids laughing!

587
00:38:57,495 --> 00:38:59,963
I was Susie Underpants till I was 18!

588
00:39:02,033 --> 00:39:05,298
That was in fourth grade!
How could you still be upset?

589
00:39:06,971 --> 00:39:10,907
Call me in 20 years and tell me
if you're still upset about this.

590
00:39:16,047 --> 00:39:19,483
I hope you realize you're not
getting these underpants back!

591
00:39:29,427 --> 00:39:31,156
I can't believe this.

592
00:39:31,362 --> 00:39:34,695
Just two weeks ago,
I was watching Sudden Death...

593
00:39:34,899 --> 00:39:38,232
...and now I'm on a date
with Jean-Claude Van Damme.

594
00:39:38,602 --> 00:39:40,331
Can you beat up that guy?

595
00:39:42,039 --> 00:39:44,564
-Can you beat up that guy?
-Sure.

596
00:39:44,775 --> 00:39:46,868
This is so wild.

597
00:39:47,411 --> 00:39:52,348
I gotta admit, I was surprised
that you agreed to go on a blind date.

598
00:39:52,683 --> 00:39:54,514
Normally, I would not do it.

599
00:39:56,020 --> 00:39:58,955
What made you make
the exception for me?

600
00:39:59,190 --> 00:40:00,282
Rachel told me...

601
00:40:00,524 --> 00:40:04,255
...you were dying to have a threesome
with me and Drew Barrymore.

602
00:40:04,462 --> 00:40:07,625
By the way, Drew has
some ground rules and....

603
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:11,992
Say you're sorry!

604
00:40:13,802 --> 00:40:14,826
Say it!

605
00:40:15,103 --> 00:40:16,934
No! I'm not gonna!

606
00:40:18,607 --> 00:40:21,098
Say it! Say it!
Great!

607
00:40:23,345 --> 00:40:26,280
Say you're sorry
or your sweater gets it.

608
00:40:27,849 --> 00:40:31,012
That is my favorite sweater!
That is my third-date sweater!

609
00:40:32,654 --> 00:40:35,088
Say you're sorry.

610
00:40:35,924 --> 00:40:38,859
You wanna play?
Okay, let's play.

611
00:40:39,127 --> 00:40:40,185
Let's play.

612
00:40:46,001 --> 00:40:46,990
What'll you do?

613
00:40:47,202 --> 00:40:50,035
Give me back my sweater
or it's handbag marinara.

614
00:40:53,308 --> 00:40:54,605
You don't have the guts.

615
00:40:55,377 --> 00:40:59,143
Yeah? At least I wasn't too chicken
to tell some guy he was cute.

616
00:41:09,358 --> 00:41:12,452
Stop! Stop the madness!

617
00:41:16,131 --> 00:41:17,689
This is crazy!

618
00:41:17,899 --> 00:41:20,891
Who can remember why
you're fighting in the first place?

619
00:41:25,674 --> 00:41:26,971
Yes, that's right.

620
00:41:29,311 --> 00:41:31,006
But still....

621
00:41:31,380 --> 00:41:32,677
Look at your purse!

622
00:41:34,049 --> 00:41:35,983
Look at your sweater!

623
00:41:37,018 --> 00:41:38,918
Look at yourselves!

624
00:41:42,357 --> 00:41:44,382
I'll help you fix your sweater.

625
00:41:44,659 --> 00:41:46,058
I'll help you...

626
00:41:46,328 --> 00:41:48,091
...throw out your purse.

627
00:41:51,765 --> 00:41:54,029
I'm sorry I made you stop seeing him.

628
00:41:55,502 --> 00:41:59,029
I'm sorry I went out with him
when I knew you liked him.

629
00:42:00,940 --> 00:42:03,932
I'm sorry that I borrowed your gloves.

630
00:42:24,631 --> 00:42:25,563
Joey?

631
00:42:25,765 --> 00:42:26,754
Ma?

632
00:42:31,871 --> 00:42:35,238
What are you doing here?
I thought you guys took off.

633
00:42:35,474 --> 00:42:37,408
She took off with my clothes!

634
00:42:40,212 --> 00:42:42,874
-Are you naked in there?
-Well, not exactly.

635
00:42:44,717 --> 00:42:46,548
I'm wearing panties.

636
00:42:50,823 --> 00:42:52,757
You always wear panties?

637
00:42:53,893 --> 00:42:56,987
No, no. This is the first time.

638
00:42:58,064 --> 00:43:00,532
Talk about your bad luck!

639
00:43:01,567 --> 00:43:05,765
The first time you try panties and
someone walks off with your clothes.

640
00:43:07,006 --> 00:43:10,442
I was not trying them out.
Susie asked me to wear them.

641
00:43:11,243 --> 00:43:12,073
Let me see!

642
00:43:12,344 --> 00:43:15,836
No! I'm not letting you
or anybody else see, ever!

643
00:43:16,082 --> 00:43:17,777
All right, all right!

644
00:43:23,122 --> 00:43:25,249
Someone's flossing!

645
00:43:31,097 --> 00:43:33,588
Joey, some people don't like that.

646
00:43:35,434 --> 00:43:37,129
Chandler's wearing panties.

647
00:43:37,403 --> 00:43:38,427
What?

648
00:43:38,871 --> 00:43:41,931
-Let me see!
-You don't have to see!

649
00:43:43,142 --> 00:43:44,700
Hi, tushy!

650
00:43:46,412 --> 00:43:48,778
One of you give me your underpants.

651
00:43:49,648 --> 00:43:51,047
I'm not wearing any.

652
00:43:53,652 --> 00:43:55,483
How can you not be wearing any?

653
00:43:55,754 --> 00:43:59,656
I'm getting heat from the guy
in the hot pink thong.

654
00:44:00,659 --> 00:44:04,720
Look, Ross. I'll give you
$50 for your underpants.

655
00:44:31,990 --> 00:44:34,584
-Can I have the milk?
-I'm almost done with it.

656
00:44:34,827 --> 00:44:36,488
Keep your panties on.

657
00:44:42,801 --> 00:44:44,132
And I'm in the movie!

658
00:44:45,304 --> 00:44:47,795
-What happened?
-A virus victim called in sick...

659
00:44:48,006 --> 00:44:52,170
...so Cathy recommended me and boom!
I'm dying on a gurney!

660
00:44:53,612 --> 00:44:57,571
Marcel just finished his last scene,
if you wanna go say goodbye.

661
00:44:59,084 --> 00:45:03,145
That's okay. He's probably
got parties to go to and stuff.

662
00:45:05,491 --> 00:45:08,983
He's moved on.
That's the way it goes, right?

663
00:45:10,929 --> 00:45:11,827
Oh, my God!

664
00:45:12,698 --> 00:45:13,528
What?

665
00:45:18,770 --> 00:45:21,432
Looks like we made it

666
00:45:22,541 --> 00:45:25,533
Left each other on the way...

667
00:45:25,777 --> 00:45:27,438
... to another love

668
00:45:32,551 --> 00:45:35,349
Looks like we made it

669
00:45:36,522 --> 00:45:39,548
Or I thought so, till today

670
00:45:39,791 --> 00:45:43,522
Until you were there, everywhere

671
00:45:44,129 --> 00:45:48,964
And all I could taste was
Love the way we made it

672
00:45:53,171 --> 00:45:55,571
Looks like we made it

673
00:46:01,571 --> 00:46:05,571
I'm sorry. It has work between you and me. Or you and me.

674
00:46:05,971 --> 00:46:07,971
Drew was very disapoited.

675
00:46:19,571 --> 00:46:21,971
Well, bye for me too.

676
00:46:29,571 --> 00:46:31,571
Okay, we will bye-bye again.

677
00:46:38,571 --> 00:46:40,871
Perhaps the three of us. Just...

678
00:46:43,571 --> 00:46:46,571
Are you sure, I can crush longer with my butt.

679
00:46:47,571 --> 00:46:50,571
No, no, no...Impressive but no.

680
00:46:59,871 --> 00:47:01,871
Bye, Marcel!

681
00:47:02,571 --> 00:47:03,571
See you on the big screen.

682
00:47:05,571 --> 00:47:07,571
You keep people drinking that beer.

683
00:47:08,571 --> 00:47:10,571
I will miss you buddy.

684
00:47:31,978 --> 00:47:35,004
I think I want to write
a song about all this.

685
00:47:36,483 --> 00:47:40,010
Except one of the strings
on my guitar is broken.

686
00:47:40,220 --> 00:47:43,212
Chandler, can I borrow your G-string?

687
00:47:43,423 --> 00:47:46,881
-How long you been waiting to say that?
-About 20 minutes!

688
00:47:53,731 --> 00:47:56,859
Can't you see what's going on here?
This man is dying!

689
00:47:58,970 --> 00:47:59,959
Cut!

690
00:48:00,705 --> 00:48:04,163
Can't you see what's going on here?
This man is dying!

691
00:48:06,077 --> 00:48:07,305
Cut!

692
00:48:08,713 --> 00:48:12,240
Can't you see what's going on here?
This man is dying!

693
00:48:14,152 --> 00:48:15,813
Mommy!

694
00:48:16,721 --> 00:48:19,986
Can't you see what's going on?
This man is dead!