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General InformationEdit

Title "The One with the List"
Format SubRip
Extension .srt

SubtitlesEdit

​1
00:00:04,071 --> 00:00:05,163
Ross kissed me.

2
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:08,804
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

3
00:00:09,076 --> 00:00:10,441
It was unbelievable!

4
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:13,738
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

5
00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:15,313
Let's hear everything.

6
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:18,151
Monica, get the wine
and unplug the phone.

7
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:21,850
Rachel, does this end well
or do we need to get tissues?

8
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,347
It ended very well.

9
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:28,360
Do not start without me!
Do not start without me!

10
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:31,190
Okay. All right.
Let's hear about the kiss.

11
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,798
Was it a soft brush
against your lips...

12
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:37,697
...or was it a "I gotta have you now"
kind of thing?

13
00:00:38,138 --> 00:00:42,268
Well, at first it was really intense,
you know? And then....

14
00:00:42,476 --> 00:00:45,843
Oh, God. And then we just
sort of sunk into it.

15
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:49,641
So was he holding you?
Or were his hands on your back?

16
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:53,341
No, actually, first
they started out on my waist...

17
00:00:53,621 --> 00:00:56,181
...and then they slid up
and were in my hair.

18
00:00:59,526 --> 00:01:00,493
And...

19
00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:02,025
...then I kissed her.

20
00:01:02,229 --> 00:01:03,059
Tongue?

21
00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:05,059
-Yeah.
-Cool.

22
00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:08,693
The One With the List

23
00:01:52,013 --> 00:01:54,106
All right, check out this bad boy!

24
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:57,681
Twelve megabytes of RAM,
500-megabyte hard drive...

25
00:01:57,952 --> 00:01:59,715
... built-in spreadsheet capabilities...

26
00:01:59,954 --> 00:02:03,754
...and a modem that transmits
at over 28,000 BPS.

27
00:02:04,125 --> 00:02:05,854
What will you use it for?

28
00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,457
Games and stuff.

29
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,958
There are no jobs.
There are no jobs for me.

30
00:02:13,267 --> 00:02:14,928
Oh, wait, here's one.

31
00:02:15,770 --> 00:02:19,934
-Would you be willing to cook naked?
-There's an ad for a naked chef?

32
00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:24,874
No, but if you'll cook naked, then
you might be willing to dance naked.

33
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,545
And then....

34
00:02:30,284 --> 00:02:32,411
So how'd you make out last night?

35
00:02:36,290 --> 00:02:38,781
That is funny.
That is painfully funny.

36
00:02:38,993 --> 00:02:40,392
No, wait, wait.

37
00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:42,925
Yeah, that's just painful.

38
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:46,258
Wait a minute.
I thought last night was great.

39
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,331
Yeah, it was.
But I get home...

40
00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:51,730
...and I see Julie's saline solution
on my night table...

41
00:02:52,106 --> 00:02:54,438
...and I think,
"My God! What am I doing?"

42
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:57,543
Here I am with Julie,
this incredible, great woman...

43
00:02:57,745 --> 00:03:00,441
...who I care about
and who cares about me...

44
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,774
...and I'm just
throwing all that away?

45
00:03:03,351 --> 00:03:05,410
You got all that
from saline solution?

46
00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:11,010
I'm the same way.Show me a bottle of wine.
and I'm like, Wow, who am I?

47
00:03:13,254 --> 00:03:16,553
Wait. We're talking about Rachel.
You and Rachel.

48
00:03:16,758 --> 00:03:19,727
I've been dreaming about
me and Rachel for 10 years.

49
00:03:19,927 --> 00:03:21,656
But now I'm with Julie.

50
00:03:21,896 --> 00:03:24,763
So it's like, me and Julie,
me and Rachel.

51
00:03:24,999 --> 00:03:27,092
Me and Julie, me and Rach

52
00:03:27,735 --> 00:03:28,895
Rachel! Rachel.

53
00:03:30,104 --> 00:03:32,231
-Hey, you.
-How are you?

54
00:03:32,540 --> 00:03:33,939
Good. How are you?

55
00:03:34,208 --> 00:03:35,197
Good.

56
00:03:35,610 --> 00:03:38,078
-Hi, honey.
-Hi, Julie. Hi, Julie?

57
00:03:39,013 --> 00:03:39,843
Julie!

58
00:03:41,849 --> 00:03:42,713
How are you?

59
00:03:42,917 --> 00:03:44,111
Good.

60
00:03:44,585 --> 00:03:45,950
So everybody's here.

61
00:03:47,121 --> 00:03:48,748
Everybody's good.

62
00:03:49,748 --> 00:03:52,248
Good, Great, and here!

63
00:03:54,426 --> 00:03:56,621
Were you gonna play something?

64
00:03:56,895 --> 00:03:58,920
-Well, actually
-Play it!

65
00:04:01,033 --> 00:04:02,295
All right.

66
00:04:02,901 --> 00:04:05,631
-Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses.
-What?

67
00:04:07,973 --> 00:04:09,440
Okay. Hi.

68
00:04:09,741 --> 00:04:12,266
Hello. Hi. Okay.

69
00:04:13,779 --> 00:04:16,839
This is a song about a love triangle...

70
00:04:17,082 --> 00:04:19,073
... between three people I made up.

71
00:04:22,955 --> 00:04:25,617
It's called
"Two of Them Kissed Last Night."

72
00:04:29,194 --> 00:04:32,857
There was a girl
We'll call her Betty

73
00:04:33,098 --> 00:04:36,363
And a guy
Let's call him Neil

74
00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:40,936
Now I can't stress
This point too strongly

75
00:04:41,140 --> 00:04:43,370
This story isn't real

76
00:04:46,545 --> 00:04:51,278
Now our Neil must decide
Who will be the girl that he casts aside

77
00:04:51,550 --> 00:04:53,711
Will Betty be the one
Who he loves truly

78
00:04:53,952 --> 00:04:57,285
Or will it be the one
Who we'll call Loolie

79
00:05:00,926 --> 00:05:03,224
He must decide
He must decide

80
00:05:03,462 --> 00:05:06,829
Even though I made him up
He must decide

81
00:05:10,569 --> 00:05:13,003
Well, this is a nice resume.

82
00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:15,573
Nice, nice, nice.

83
00:05:16,074 --> 00:05:17,769
Muy impressivo.

84
00:05:18,769 --> 00:05:20,269
Shame! It not all true.

85
00:05:22,269 --> 00:05:23,269
Forget it.

86
00:05:24,269 --> 00:05:27,269
No, it's all true.
I'm just a little nervous, that's all!

87
00:05:27,769 --> 00:05:29,577
I am fine now.

88
00:05:29,577 --> 00:05:33,513
Mr. Rastatter, what does this
job entail? The ad wasn't clear.

89
00:05:34,816 --> 00:05:36,181
Macholate.

90
00:05:36,985 --> 00:05:38,282
-I'm sorry?
-Macholate.

91
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,750
It's a synthetic chocolate substitute.

92
00:05:43,992 --> 00:05:45,584
Go ahead, try a piece.

93
00:05:45,794 --> 00:05:48,820
We think Macholate is
even better than chocolate.

94
00:05:49,030 --> 00:05:50,019
All right.

95
00:05:59,341 --> 00:06:01,206
I love how it crumbles.

96
00:06:01,876 --> 00:06:04,777
-You see, chocolate doesn't do that.
-No, ma'am.

97
00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:08,815
We should be getting
our FDA approval any day now.

98
00:06:10,452 --> 00:06:12,943
Hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving.

99
00:06:13,154 --> 00:06:15,622
The way we see it,
chocolate dominates...

100
00:06:15,857 --> 00:06:20,658
...your major food-preparation holidays.
Easter, Christmas, what have you.

101
00:06:20,895 --> 00:06:22,954
But given the right marketing...

102
00:06:23,198 --> 00:06:25,689
...we can make Thanksgiving
the Macholate holiday.

103
00:06:27,235 --> 00:06:28,167
Wow.

104
00:06:29,170 --> 00:06:31,035
Aren't you gonna swallow that?

105
00:06:31,740 --> 00:06:34,174
Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.

106
00:06:34,376 --> 00:06:35,809
Isn't that great?

107
00:06:38,346 --> 00:06:39,643
Well, anyhow...

108
00:06:39,881 --> 00:06:43,339
...we're looking for chefs
who can create Thanksgiving recipes.

109
00:06:43,585 --> 00:06:44,813
You interested?

110
00:06:45,019 --> 00:06:45,883
Abso-...

111
00:06:47,322 --> 00:06:48,414
... -lutely!

112
00:06:50,325 --> 00:06:53,817
I love creating recipes,
I love Thanksgiving, and now...

113
00:06:54,062 --> 00:06:55,222
... I love Macholate.

114
00:06:55,497 --> 00:06:56,521
Really?

115
00:06:56,765 --> 00:06:59,427
Especially that aftertaste.
I tell you...

116
00:06:59,667 --> 00:07:01,692
...that'll last you till Christmas.

117
00:07:06,274 --> 00:07:07,741
How about Macholate mousse?

118
00:07:08,243 --> 00:07:09,403
It's not...

119
00:07:09,677 --> 00:07:11,235
...very Thanksgiving-y.

120
00:07:11,713 --> 00:07:14,238
How about Pilgrim Macholate mousse?

121
00:07:15,250 --> 00:07:16,410
What makes it Pilgrim?

122
00:07:16,785 --> 00:07:18,582
We'll put buckles on it.

123
00:07:22,123 --> 00:07:23,351
Did Ross call?

124
00:07:23,591 --> 00:07:25,252
No, I'm sorry.

125
00:07:25,693 --> 00:07:27,593
Why didn't he call?

126
00:07:28,029 --> 00:07:29,621
He's gonna stay with Julie.

127
00:07:29,864 --> 00:07:31,957
He's gonna stay with her
and she'll be:

128
00:07:32,233 --> 00:07:34,463
"Hi, I'm Julie. Ross picked me.

129
00:07:34,736 --> 00:07:38,797
We'll get married and have lots
of kids and dig up stuff together!"

130
00:07:40,475 --> 00:07:43,137
No offense, but that
sounds nothing like her.

131
00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:50,073
What am I gonna do?
This is like a complete nightmare!

132
00:07:50,318 --> 00:07:54,448
I know. This must be so hard.
"Oh, no! Two women love me!

133
00:07:55,790 --> 00:07:59,055
They're both gorgeous,
my wallet's too small for my 50s...

134
00:07:59,260 --> 00:08:01,751
...and my diamond shoes are too tight!"

135
00:08:03,164 --> 00:08:06,759
-Here's a thought
-Don't ever touch the computer.

136
00:08:08,169 --> 00:08:10,967
Ross, listen.
I got two words for you:

137
00:08:11,239 --> 00:08:12,399
Threesome.

138
00:08:18,399 --> 00:08:20,599
You still have another word if you have not use.

139
00:08:21,899 --> 00:08:25,399
Hey, I think I know what is it, HELP!

140
00:08:25,644 --> 00:08:28,408
Let's get logical about this.
We'll make a list.

141
00:08:28,614 --> 00:08:31,048
"Rachel and Julie: Pros and Cons."

142
00:08:35,254 --> 00:08:37,984
We'll put their names
in different fonts...

143
00:08:38,223 --> 00:08:40,657
...and I can use different
colors for each column.

144
00:08:41,093 --> 00:08:42,287
Can't we use a pen?

145
00:08:42,594 --> 00:08:44,425
No, Amish boy.

146
00:08:46,398 --> 00:08:50,061
Let's start with the cons
because they're more fun.

147
00:08:50,335 --> 00:08:51,165
Rachel first.

148
00:08:52,171 --> 00:08:53,331
I don't know.

149
00:08:53,839 --> 00:08:55,067
I mean....

150
00:08:55,274 --> 00:08:59,802
All right, I guess you can say
she's a little spoiled sometimes.

151
00:09:00,245 --> 00:09:01,940
You could say that.

152
00:09:03,816 --> 00:09:07,775
I guess, sometimes
she's a little ditzy, you know?

153
00:09:08,153 --> 00:09:11,088
And I've seen her be a little
too into her looks.

154
00:09:11,757 --> 00:09:13,816
And Julie and I have
a lot in common...

155
00:09:14,092 --> 00:09:16,959
... because we're both
paleontologists, right?

156
00:09:17,196 --> 00:09:19,027
But Rachel's just a waitress.

157
00:09:19,264 --> 00:09:20,663
Waitress.

158
00:09:21,200 --> 00:09:23,191
Got it.
You guys want to play Doom?

159
00:09:25,938 --> 00:09:27,997
Or we could keep doing this.

160
00:09:29,775 --> 00:09:30,969
What else?

161
00:09:31,610 --> 00:09:32,941
I don't know.

162
00:09:34,980 --> 00:09:37,471
Oh! Her ankles are a little chubby.

163
00:09:39,318 --> 00:09:40,649
Okay, let's do Julie.

164
00:09:40,953 --> 00:09:42,181
What's wrong with her?

165
00:09:45,891 --> 00:09:47,825
She's not Rachel.

166
00:09:49,996 --> 00:09:52,897
This is pumpkin pie
with a Macholate crust.

167
00:09:53,099 --> 00:09:56,796
This is Macholate cranberry cake,
and these are Macholate-chip cookies.

168
00:09:57,103 --> 00:09:59,128
Just like the lndians served.

169
00:10:02,742 --> 00:10:03,606
Oh, my God!

170
00:10:03,944 --> 00:10:04,842
"Oh, my God" good?

171
00:10:05,111 --> 00:10:08,672
Oh, my God! I can't believe
you let me put this in my mouth.

172
00:10:09,816 --> 00:10:13,411
Sweet Lord!
This is what evil must taste like!

173
00:10:19,526 --> 00:10:21,289
I tell you, it won't print.

174
00:10:22,529 --> 00:10:25,191
I pressed that button, like, 100 times.

175
00:10:25,432 --> 00:10:27,366
For a hotline, you're not so hot.

176
00:10:29,803 --> 00:10:31,532
What is that in the background?

177
00:10:31,805 --> 00:10:33,204
Are you watching Star Trek?

178
00:10:40,614 --> 00:10:42,946
So how was going with Julie. 
Did you break her heart?

179
00:10:44,451 --> 00:10:48,945
It was horrible. She cried, I cried.
She threw things, they hit me.

180
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:53,019
I did the right thing.

181
00:10:53,293 --> 00:10:55,853
So Spock actually hugs his father?

182
00:10:57,897 --> 00:10:59,626
Hey, do you guys have

183
00:11:03,903 --> 00:11:04,801
Where you going?

184
00:11:05,005 --> 00:11:07,405
I just got back...

185
00:11:08,575 --> 00:11:09,837
...from Julie's.

186
00:11:12,512 --> 00:11:13,536
No, no.

187
00:11:13,847 --> 00:11:15,644
It's not what you think.

188
00:11:15,882 --> 00:11:17,509
It's the other thing.

189
00:11:24,491 --> 00:11:27,654
Well, what's the other thing?
What do I think?

190
00:11:29,896 --> 00:11:31,090
Well....

191
00:11:31,364 --> 00:11:32,524
He broke up with Julie!

192
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,328
Well, go hug her, for God's sakes!

193
00:11:38,738 --> 00:11:39,705
Really?

194
00:11:39,906 --> 00:11:40,838
Really.

195
00:11:41,941 --> 00:11:43,841
It's always been you, Rach.

196
00:11:44,077 --> 00:11:45,738
Oh, God.

197
00:11:57,424 --> 00:11:59,016
Oh, this is good.

198
00:11:59,225 --> 00:12:01,284
-This is really good.
-I know. I know.

199
00:12:01,561 --> 00:12:03,085
It's almost....

200
00:12:09,703 --> 00:12:12,797
What do you say we take a walk?
Just us. Not them.

201
00:12:13,039 --> 00:12:15,599
-Let me get my coat.
-Okay. No, hey!

202
00:12:16,476 --> 00:12:17,909
I'll get your coat.

203
00:12:25,285 --> 00:12:28,652
He's going to get my coat.
He's going to get my coat, Joey!

204
00:12:28,955 --> 00:12:33,051
Joey, I can't believe this!
This is unbelievable!

205
00:12:33,293 --> 00:12:35,727
-What's that?
-What? Nothing!

206
00:12:37,897 --> 00:12:41,264
-I saw my name. What is it?
-No, no, see? See?

207
00:12:41,468 --> 00:12:42,298
It's printing!

208
00:12:43,770 --> 00:12:44,600
It's printing!

209
00:12:46,639 --> 00:12:47,901
Let me see!

210
00:12:48,108 --> 00:12:49,735
Hey, someone order a coat?

211
00:12:49,943 --> 00:12:53,276
Chandler wrote something about me
and won't let me see.

212
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:55,345
He won't? He won't!

213
00:12:57,317 --> 00:12:58,909
Because isn't that...

214
00:12:59,152 --> 00:13:01,245
...the short story you were writing?

215
00:13:02,322 --> 00:13:04,517
Yes, it is a short story...

216
00:13:04,791 --> 00:13:06,019
...that I was writing.

217
00:13:06,259 --> 00:13:08,124
And I'm in it?
Let me read it.

218
00:13:08,361 --> 00:13:09,328
No!

219
00:13:11,698 --> 00:13:15,429
-Come on!
-Hey, why don't you read it to her?

220
00:13:25,612 --> 00:13:26,772
All right.

221
00:13:36,656 --> 00:13:38,021
"It was summer.

222
00:13:40,527 --> 00:13:41,892
And it was hot.

223
00:13:42,962 --> 00:13:44,554
Rachel was there.

224
00:13:48,001 --> 00:13:50,060
A lonely gray couch.

225
00:13:52,372 --> 00:13:54,237
'Oh, look!' cried Ned.

226
00:13:55,542 --> 00:13:57,976
And the kingdom was his forever.
The end!"

227
00:14:01,648 --> 00:14:04,913
That's all you wrote?
You're the worst writer in the world!

228
00:14:06,186 --> 00:14:07,813
This isn't funny anymore.

229
00:14:08,054 --> 00:14:12,047
There's something about me
on that paper, and I want to see it.

230
00:14:12,325 --> 00:14:13,383
No, you don't.

231
00:14:15,895 --> 00:14:19,831
All right, fine. If you guys want
to be children, that's fine.

232
00:14:20,033 --> 00:14:21,660
I do not need to see it!

233
00:14:28,341 --> 00:14:29,205
What is this?

234
00:14:29,576 --> 00:14:30,873
That is....

235
00:14:32,512 --> 00:14:33,376
What is this?

236
00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:35,241
-Thank you.
-Good luck.

237
00:14:38,585 --> 00:14:42,021
Okay. Just remember how crazy
I am about you, okay?

238
00:14:42,355 --> 00:14:43,379
"Kind of ditzy"?

239
00:14:44,424 --> 00:14:45,755
"Too into her looks"?

240
00:14:47,126 --> 00:14:48,115
"Spoiled"?

241
00:14:48,394 --> 00:14:51,921
A little spoiled. He was supposed
to type "little," the idiot!

242
00:14:53,433 --> 00:14:55,264
"Just a waitress"?

243
00:14:56,569 --> 00:14:58,298
Now that was....

244
00:14:58,738 --> 00:15:00,865
I mean, as opposed to....

245
00:15:02,375 --> 00:15:04,707
Okay, is this over yet? Rach?

246
00:15:05,478 --> 00:15:08,879
I do not have chubby ankles!

247
00:15:09,082 --> 00:15:10,242
No! I

248
00:15:10,483 --> 00:15:13,611
Okay, look at the other side.
Look at Julie's column.

249
00:15:14,487 --> 00:15:15,954
"She's not Rachem"?

250
00:15:17,423 --> 00:15:18,822
What the hell's a Rachem?

251
00:15:19,125 --> 00:15:21,150
Is that a stupid paleontology word...

252
00:15:21,394 --> 00:15:23,726
... I wouldn't know,
because I'm just a waitress?

253
00:15:24,297 --> 00:15:25,787
Rach, come on!

254
00:15:28,001 --> 00:15:29,832
It's "She's not Rachel"!

255
00:15:30,103 --> 00:15:31,934
She's not....

256
00:15:39,913 --> 00:15:41,278
My diary! Brilliant!

257
00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:45,315
If I'd said it was my diary,
she wouldn't have made me read it.

258
00:15:45,518 --> 00:15:50,080
That's true. You'd be a great person
to have around after an emergency.

259
00:15:51,624 --> 00:15:53,956
I cannot believe Ross
even made this list.

260
00:15:54,193 --> 00:15:56,627
-I know.
-What a dinkus!

261
00:15:57,864 --> 00:16:01,027
Hey, cut him some slack.
It was Chandler's idea.

262
00:16:01,367 --> 00:16:02,664
What?

263
00:16:02,869 --> 00:16:05,360
Oh, good. I was hoping
that would come up.

264
00:16:06,606 --> 00:16:07,971
This was your idea?

265
00:16:08,207 --> 00:16:12,644
Let's get some perspective here.
These things happen for a reason.

266
00:16:12,845 --> 00:16:14,506
Yeah. You!

267
00:16:15,949 --> 00:16:20,147
Pheebs, back me up. You believe
in that karma crap, don't you?

268
00:16:20,887 --> 00:16:24,220
By the way, good luck
in your next life as a dung beetle.

269
00:16:42,075 --> 00:16:43,064
Rach!

270
00:16:46,012 --> 00:16:48,378
Hey! Open up! Please?

271
00:16:48,715 --> 00:16:52,651
When somebody does not buzz you in,
Ross, that means, "Go away."

272
00:16:52,852 --> 00:16:55,047
It doesn't mean,
"Climb up the fire escape."

273
00:16:55,321 --> 00:16:57,881
I just want to read you
your "Pro List."

274
00:16:58,358 --> 00:16:59,552
Not interested.

275
00:17:01,494 --> 00:17:04,759
"Number one:
the way you cry at game shows.

276
00:17:05,231 --> 00:17:08,758
Number two:
how much you love your friends.

277
00:17:09,002 --> 00:17:12,995
Number three: the way you play
with your hair when you're nervous.

278
00:17:13,239 --> 00:17:17,073
Number four: how brave you are
for starting your life over.

279
00:17:17,343 --> 00:17:20,403
Number five:
how great you are with Ben.

280
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:23,342
Number six: the way you smell."

281
00:17:25,585 --> 00:17:26,677
What are you doing?

282
00:17:27,186 --> 00:17:28,744
You want to open the window?

283
00:17:29,022 --> 00:17:29,886
Oh, yeah.

284
00:17:31,624 --> 00:17:33,956
-What are you doing out there?
-I'm....

285
00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:36,695
You must be freezing.
You know what you need?

286
00:17:36,929 --> 00:17:40,023
How about a nice, steaming
cup of hot Macholate?

287
00:17:44,237 --> 00:17:45,363
Come on, open up.

288
00:17:46,706 --> 00:17:49,641
Rach, come on.
You gotta give me another chance.

289
00:17:50,043 --> 00:17:50,873
No.

290
00:17:51,944 --> 00:17:54,037
-No?
-That's what I said.

291
00:17:54,247 --> 00:17:55,305
Maybe we should go.

292
00:17:55,581 --> 00:17:57,640
You don't have to go.
We're done.

293
00:17:57,884 --> 00:17:59,408
I know how you must

294
00:17:59,619 --> 00:18:01,314
No! You don't, Ross.

295
00:18:01,954 --> 00:18:05,822
Imagine the worst things
you think about yourself.

296
00:18:06,092 --> 00:18:10,290
How would you feel if the person
you trusted most in the world...

297
00:18:10,496 --> 00:18:12,157
... not only thinks them too...

298
00:18:12,398 --> 00:18:16,334
... but actually uses them
as reasons not to be with you.

299
00:18:16,569 --> 00:18:21,006
No, but see, I want to be with you
in spite of all those things.

300
00:18:21,908 --> 00:18:24,502
Well, that's mighty big of you.

301
00:18:24,811 --> 00:18:25,641
I said, don't go!

302
00:18:29,482 --> 00:18:30,744
You know what?

303
00:18:30,950 --> 00:18:35,751
If it were the other way around, there
is nothing you could put on a list...

304
00:18:35,988 --> 00:18:38,650
...that would make me
not want to be with you.

305
00:18:39,425 --> 00:18:42,588
Well, then I guess that's
the difference between us.

306
00:18:42,829 --> 00:18:45,263
See, I'd never make a list.

307
00:19:00,980 --> 00:19:05,508
I never know how long to wait
in this situation before you can talk.

308
00:19:07,653 --> 00:19:09,018
Maybe a little longer.

309
00:19:14,627 --> 00:19:17,687
In these recipes,
the quantities may seem unusual.

310
00:19:17,964 --> 00:19:20,956
Like these coconut Macholate
holiday nut bars?

311
00:19:21,167 --> 00:19:24,261
I've indicated four cups of coconut
and four cups of nuts...

312
00:19:24,470 --> 00:19:27,564
...and only one tablespoon
of Macholate.

313
00:19:28,875 --> 00:19:30,502
Doesn't matter.

314
00:19:31,410 --> 00:19:33,878
Our FDA approval didn't come through.

315
00:19:34,147 --> 00:19:37,014
Something about laboratory rats.

316
00:19:38,184 --> 00:19:39,208
Gosh, I'm sorry.

317
00:19:39,418 --> 00:19:40,248
Yeah.

318
00:19:41,020 --> 00:19:42,851
Anyhow, here's your check.

319
00:19:44,157 --> 00:19:46,523
Thank you for all the trouble
you went through.

320
00:19:46,993 --> 00:19:51,020
Listen, you didn't eat a lot of it
while you were cooking, did you?

321
00:19:51,230 --> 00:19:52,697
Well, I ate some.

322
00:19:52,932 --> 00:19:55,662
Oh, some is fine.
Some is not a lot.

323
00:19:57,036 --> 00:20:00,005
So it doesn't burn
when you pee, does it?

324
00:20:17,924 --> 00:20:19,221
Is that him again?

325
00:20:19,559 --> 00:20:23,188
Tell him I'd come to the phone,
but my ankles are weighing me down.

326
00:20:25,865 --> 00:20:27,958
I don't think this is the best time.

327
00:20:28,234 --> 00:20:31,101
Look, can you do something for me?

328
00:20:31,370 --> 00:20:32,701
Sure. What?

329
00:20:36,709 --> 00:20:37,698
All right.

330
00:20:41,280 --> 00:20:42,372
Music?

331
00:20:43,082 --> 00:20:43,980
Sure.

332
00:20:51,224 --> 00:20:54,159
The next one's dedicated
to Rachel from Ross.

333
00:20:54,427 --> 00:20:57,260
Rachel, he wants you to know
he's sorry for what he did...

334
00:20:57,496 --> 00:21:00,260
...and he hopes you can forgive him.

335
00:21:00,666 --> 00:21:05,069
See the stones set in your eyes

336
00:21:05,271 --> 00:21:09,332
See the thorn twist in your side

337
00:21:09,809 --> 00:21:13,506
I'll wait for you

338
00:21:18,584 --> 00:21:21,951
Sleight of hand and twist of fate

339
00:21:22,588 --> 00:21:27,252
On a bed of nails she makes me wait

340
00:21:27,526 --> 00:21:31,860
And I'll wait without you

341
00:21:32,164 --> 00:21:36,999
We've just gotten a call from Rachel
and she told us what Ross did.

342
00:21:37,270 --> 00:21:40,205
It's pretty appalling.
And, Ross, if you're listening...

343
00:21:40,473 --> 00:21:43,135
...I don't want to play
your song anymore.

344
00:21:48,881 --> 00:21:51,714
Why don't we devote our time
to a couple that stands a chance?

345
00:21:51,984 --> 00:21:54,418
Avery, Michelle's sorry
she hit you with her car...

346
00:21:54,620 --> 00:21:56,850
...and she hopes you two
will work it out.

347
00:21:57,690 --> 00:22:00,215
There's a room where

348
00:22:00,493 --> 00:22:03,860
I can go

349
00:22:04,130 --> 00:22:08,624
And tell my secrets to

350
00:22:09,869 --> 00:22:12,360
In my room

351
00:22:16,375 --> 00:22:18,969
In my room

352
00:22:30,990 --> 00:22:32,924
Thanks for coming in again.

353
00:22:33,192 --> 00:22:35,922
Not at all. I have no morals,
and I need the cash.

354
00:22:36,495 --> 00:22:38,326
It's like I'm looking in a mirror.

355
00:22:39,532 --> 00:22:42,660
Anyway, they're called Fish-tachios.

356
00:22:43,736 --> 00:22:46,364
They taste exactly
like pistachios...

357
00:22:46,572 --> 00:22:49,564
... but they're made
of reconstituted fish bits.

358
00:22:50,076 --> 00:22:51,668
Here, try one.

359
00:22:52,712 --> 00:22:54,907
-All right.
-You're not allergic to anything?

360
00:22:55,748 --> 00:22:56,578
Cat hair.

361
00:22:56,782 --> 00:22:58,215
Oh, sorry.