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General InformationEdit

Title "The Pineapple Incident"
Format SubRip
Extension .srt
Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pineapple_Incident

SubtitlesEdit

1
00:00:00,743 --> 00:00:04,384
Now I remember a lot of stories from back in the days before I met your mother.

2
00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:06,590
But there's one story I don't remember.

3
00:00:06,921 --> 00:00:10,197
Uncle Marshall still refers to it as "The Pineapple Incident."

4
00:00:10,622 --> 00:00:12,484
The night started like any other.

5
00:00:12,584 --> 00:00:14,131
We were downstairs at the bar.

6
00:00:14,239 --> 00:00:15,408
On the house.

7
00:00:16,620 --> 00:00:17,934
It's my own concoction.

8
00:00:18,023 --> 00:00:19,440
I call it the Red Dragon.

9
00:00:19,525 --> 00:00:22,175
- Wow! Thanks!
- That was really sweet.

10
00:00:22,577 --> 00:00:24,594
- We're not really doing shotre we?
- I Hope not.

11
00:00:25,078 --> 00:00:27,539
These look kind of like blood.

12
00:00:28,199 --> 00:00:31,914
Okay, I know that you've all dismissed this theory before.

13
00:00:32,049 --> 00:00:34,524
But is there any chance that Carl is a vampire?

14
00:00:35,658 --> 00:00:37,951
No, you guys, I'm serious. Think about it.

15
00:00:38,022 --> 00:00:39,175
He always wears black.

16
00:00:39,249 --> 00:00:41,673
We never see him in the daylight, only after dark.

17
00:00:41,696 --> 00:00:42,827
Oh, my God.

18
00:00:42,923 --> 00:00:44,911
That does describe a vampire...

19
00:00:45,007 --> 00:00:47,359
or, you know, a bartender.

20
00:00:49,108 --> 00:00:50,301
I should go get dressed.

21
00:00:50,388 --> 00:00:51,864
Where you going, buddy? Hot date?

22
00:00:51,965 --> 00:00:54,489
I'll say. She's going out with a billionaire.

23
00:00:54,574 --> 00:00:56,409
Lily, I told you not to call him that.

24
00:00:56,488 --> 00:00:58,013
Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire?

25
00:00:58,083 --> 00:01:00,057
He's not a billionaire. He's a hundred-millionaire.

26
00:01:00,132 --> 00:01:01,847
Why do people always round up?

27
00:01:02,191 --> 00:01:05,066
So, uh, where's Thurston Howell taking you?

28
00:01:05,134 --> 00:01:05,949
A charity dinner.

29
00:01:06,019 --> 00:01:08,012
Yeah, $2,000 a plate.

30
00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:10,303
$1,500. Stop rounding up.

31
00:01:10,493 --> 00:01:11,995
And it's for Third World hunger.

32
00:01:12,081 --> 00:01:13,224
You gonna put out?

33
00:01:13,968 --> 00:01:14,719
What?

34
00:01:14,814 --> 00:01:16,559
There's only one reason he's taking her to this dinner,

35
00:01:16,638 --> 00:01:19,976
and it's not so little Mutu can get his malaria pills.

36
00:01:21,185 --> 00:01:24,263
I think my soul just threw up a little bit.

37
00:01:24,933 --> 00:01:26,052
Well, I'm gonna be late.

38
00:01:26,133 --> 00:01:27,104
You guys have fun.

39
00:01:27,211 --> 00:01:28,224
- Bye.
- See ya.

40
00:01:28,295 --> 00:01:29,226
- Bye.
- See ya.

41
00:01:30,342 --> 00:01:31,111
You okay?

42
00:01:31,199 --> 00:01:32,382
Sure. Why?

43
00:01:32,485 --> 00:01:33,691
Oh, I don't know.

44
00:01:33,786 --> 00:01:36,211
Girl of your dreams dating a billionaire.

45
00:01:36,291 --> 00:01:38,958
Okay, first of all, hundred-millionaire.

46
00:01:39,382 --> 00:01:42,338
And second, she's not the girl of my dreams.

47
00:01:42,411 --> 00:01:43,581
We're just friends.

48
00:01:43,679 --> 00:01:45,383
Look, it would not be smart if we got together.

49
00:01:45,461 --> 00:01:48,331
I mean, I'm looking to settle down, she's looking for...

50
00:01:49,932 --> 00:01:51,691
Wha...? You done? Great.

51
00:01:52,357 --> 00:01:55,869
Check out table number four.

52
00:01:56,256 --> 00:01:58,181
See that little hottie on the end?

53
00:01:58,256 --> 00:02:02,795
She's short, but has an ample bosom. I love it. She's, like, half boob.

54
00:02:03,069 --> 00:02:03,792
Let's go.

55
00:02:03,890 --> 00:02:06,522
Yeah, and say what? What's our big opening line?

56
00:02:06,763 --> 00:02:08,347
I... uh...

57
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,267
Daddy's home.

58
00:02:11,430 --> 00:02:15,376
Daddy's home? Okay, you want us to go over there right now

59
00:02:15,437 --> 00:02:18,271
and say to those girls, "Daddy's home"?

60
00:02:18,387 --> 00:02:20,431
Really think about that, Barney.

61
00:02:21,823 --> 00:02:23,460
Yeah, I think it's pretty solid.

62
00:02:24,290 --> 00:02:26,029
Okay, think about this.

63
00:02:26,111 --> 00:02:29,812
Is there even a single item on the menu that has garlic in it?

64
00:02:30,138 --> 00:02:31,813
Garlic fries.

65
00:02:32,278 --> 00:02:33,711
Okay, well, I'll get back to you.

66
00:02:34,797 --> 00:02:37,126
Oh, Daddy's back.

67
00:02:37,209 --> 00:02:39,432
See, if you'd taken a moment to think about that...

68
00:02:39,483 --> 00:02:44,656
Then Daddy wouldn't have gotten this seven-digit Father's Date Card from Amy.

69
00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:46,963
That worked?

70
00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:47,961
I hate the world.

71
00:02:48,050 --> 00:02:50,696
Ted, your problem is all you do is think, think, think.

72
00:02:50,781 --> 00:02:52,931
I'm teaching you how to do, do, do.

73
00:02:53,013 --> 00:02:54,818
- Doo-doo.
- Totally.

74
00:02:55,222 --> 00:02:59,397
So I think a lot. I happen to have a very powerful brain. It can't be helped.

75
00:02:59,464 --> 00:03:01,183
Oh, yes, it can.

76
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,620
Interesting.

77
00:03:03,711 --> 00:03:06,176
Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason.

78
00:03:06,260 --> 00:03:09,426
It's like the universe was saying, "Hey, Barney, there's this dude-- he's pretty cool--

79
00:03:09,501 --> 00:03:12,008
but it's your job to make him awesome."

80
00:03:12,390 --> 00:03:14,617
Your brain screws you up, Ted. It gets in the way.

81
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,196
It happened with Robin, it happened with Half Boob,

82
00:03:17,353 --> 00:03:23,741
and it's gonna keep on happening until you power down that bucket of neuroses inibriation style.

83
00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:26,398
So, what, you want me to do a shot?

84
00:03:26,473 --> 00:03:27,476
Oh, no.

85
00:03:27,546 --> 00:03:29,662
I want you to do five shots.

86
00:03:30,175 --> 00:03:32,055
More interesting.

87
00:03:32,197 --> 00:03:34,720
Barney, I think you've officially...

88
00:03:34,751 --> 00:03:37,029
No, don't think. Do.

89
00:03:37,109 --> 00:03:39,526
Ted, he's right: you overthink.

90
00:03:39,616 --> 00:03:41,825
Maybe you should overdrink.

91
00:03:41,912 --> 00:03:44,780
- Drink, drink...
- Drink, drink, drink...

92
00:03:44,860 --> 00:03:47,015
Uh, Lily, will you tell these guys how stupid they're being?

93
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:51,504
Guys, you are being immature and moronic, and drink, drink...

94
00:03:52,102 --> 00:03:55,471
Drink, drink, drink...

95
00:03:55,725 --> 00:03:56,962
Yeah!

96
00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:58,857
Drink, drink, drink...

97
00:03:58,933 --> 00:04:01,426
Let me tell you something about this dream, okay?

98
00:04:01,935 --> 00:04:03,158
Drink!

99
00:04:03,521 --> 00:04:06,014
Pure alcohol cannot stop this brain.

100
00:04:06,109 --> 00:04:07,363
Drink, drink, drink...

101
00:04:07,409 --> 00:04:08,769
I love it! I love it! I love it!

102
00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:11,994
This brain, dear mortals, is no ordinary brain.

103
00:04:12,093 --> 00:04:13,803
Drink, drink, drink...

104
00:04:13,970 --> 00:04:15,721
This is a super brain.

105
00:04:15,893 --> 00:04:17,393
Drink, drink, drink...

106
00:04:17,482 --> 00:04:19,863
This brain is unstoppable.

107
00:04:19,953 --> 00:04:21,056
This brain...

108
00:04:21,146 --> 00:04:22,752
And that's all I remember.

109
00:04:22,969 --> 00:04:25,371
Except for a few hazy memories.

110
00:04:36,943 --> 00:04:40,571
But really, the next thing I remember was waking up the following morning.

111
00:04:56,546 --> 00:04:59,030
So there were some unanswered questions.

112
00:04:59,115 --> 00:05:00,666
How much did I drink?

113
00:05:00,766 --> 00:05:02,309
How did I sprain my ankle?

114
00:05:06,503 --> 00:05:08,471
And who was this girl in my bed?

115
00:05:09,767 --> 00:05:11,729
There's our rock star.

116
00:05:11,831 --> 00:05:14,761
Okay, uh... What the hell happened last night?

117
00:05:14,859 --> 00:05:17,474
You really don't remember, Superbrain?

118
00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:20,624
So Uncle Marshall and Aunt Lilly filled me in.

119
00:05:20,866 --> 00:05:22,790
And how did you guys like the shots?

120
00:05:22,874 --> 00:05:25,282
I drank all five, bitch.

121
00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:28,179
I love Drunk Ted.

122
00:05:28,281 --> 00:05:30,076
Marshall thinks you're a vampire.

123
00:05:32,687 --> 00:05:36,278
If he pukes, one of you guys cleans it up.

124
00:05:36,928 --> 00:05:37,941
No dibs.

125
00:05:38,149 --> 00:05:39,877
No d... Damn it!

126
00:05:40,324 --> 00:05:41,968
How quickly you all forget.

127
00:05:42,052 --> 00:05:43,451
I haven't puked since high school.

128
00:05:43,536 --> 00:05:46,286
I am vomit-free since '93.

129
00:05:46,386 --> 00:05:48,617
Vomit-free since '93.

130
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,866
That's funny. I'm funny!

131
00:05:50,990 --> 00:05:51,972
Who are you calling?

132
00:05:52,065 --> 00:05:52,691
Robin.

133
00:05:52,776 --> 00:05:54,306
Oh, bad idea jeans.

134
00:05:54,402 --> 00:05:57,173
No, no, it's a great idea. That's the whole point of getting drunk.

135
00:05:57,256 --> 00:05:59,543
You do things you'd never do if you were sober.

136
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,998
Says every girl you've ever slept with.

137
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:03,434
Say what?

138
00:06:05,676 --> 00:06:07,166
Hello, Robin. It's Ted.

139
00:06:07,246 --> 00:06:08,273
Oh, hi, Ted.

140
00:06:08,355 --> 00:06:10,137
Hello, Robin. It's Ted.

141
00:06:10,345 --> 00:06:11,722
Hi, Ted.

142
00:06:11,818 --> 00:06:13,214
Sounds like you're having fun.

143
00:06:13,296 --> 00:06:17,949
Robin, have I ever told you that I am vomit-free since '93?

144
00:06:18,730 --> 00:06:21,011
Listen, Ted, I can't really talk right...

145
00:06:21,142 --> 00:06:22,434
'93?

146
00:06:22,804 --> 00:06:24,370
Dude, that's impressive.

147
00:06:24,454 --> 00:06:28,599
Robin, I don't say this enough, but you're a great woman, and a great reporter.

148
00:06:28,678 --> 00:06:30,519
You should be on 60 Minutes.

149
00:06:30,615 --> 00:06:32,833
You should be one of the minutes.

150
00:06:33,508 --> 00:06:35,956
That's sweet... and odd.

151
00:06:36,038 --> 00:06:37,410
But I'm kind of on a date right now.

152
00:06:37,507 --> 00:06:39,145
Yeah, and I disagree with Barney.

153
00:06:39,231 --> 00:06:42,884
Just 'cause this guy's spending a lot of money doesn't mean you have to put out.

154
00:06:42,969 --> 00:06:46,421
Take it slow, Robin. Take it slow.

155
00:06:47,015 --> 00:06:48,536
Slow...

156
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:49,692
Bye, Ted.

157
00:06:49,793 --> 00:06:51,516
Slow...

158
00:06:51,626 --> 00:06:54,826
Wow, right. That's why we don't do shots.

159
00:06:54,964 --> 00:06:57,386
Friends don't let friends drink and dial.

160
00:06:57,471 --> 00:06:58,514
I need that phone back.

161
00:06:58,598 --> 00:07:00,655
You'll get this back at the end of class.

162
00:07:00,736 --> 00:07:04,537
Ding. Class dismissed. Here you go, kid. You call whoever you want.

163
00:07:04,627 --> 00:07:05,865
Thank you, kind sir.

164
00:07:05,956 --> 00:07:10,017
At least someone appreciates the fact that I am doing and not thinking.

165
00:07:10,093 --> 00:07:14,408
And now, I don't think I won't not go to the bathroom.

166
00:07:15,855 --> 00:07:19,187
Was that necessary? He is not making smart decisions.

167
00:07:19,226 --> 00:07:23,217
Exactly. It's like, what's he gonna do next? I don't know, but I want to find out.

168
00:07:28,101 --> 00:07:29,256
Cheap Trick?

169
00:07:30,038 --> 00:07:31,222
Oh, Ted.

170
00:07:34,032 --> 00:07:35,417
Hello again, Ted.

171
00:07:35,858 --> 00:07:39,462
# Hey, it's me again #

172
00:07:41,037 --> 00:07:44,033
# Plain to see again #

173
00:07:45,954 --> 00:07:50,854
# Please, can I see you every day #

174
00:07:50,889 --> 00:07:53,058
I love everyone in this bar!

175
00:07:53,136 --> 00:07:55,381
We love you, Drunk Ted!

176
00:07:56,144 --> 00:07:59,788
# I'm a fool again #

177
00:08:00,909 --> 00:08:02,367
# I fell in lo... #

178
00:08:04,176 --> 00:08:05,189
Ted?

179
00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:07,366
Well, that explains the ankle.

180
00:08:07,461 --> 00:08:09,720
Then we brought you home and put you to bed.

181
00:08:09,928 --> 00:08:12,411
Was there anyone else in there with me?

182
00:08:23,873 --> 00:08:26,222
- There's a girl in there!
- I know.

183
00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,188
- And a pineapple.
- I know.

184
00:08:28,227 --> 00:08:30,257
- Who is she?
- I don't know.

185
00:08:32,675 --> 00:08:34,492
What the hell happened to my jacket?

186
00:08:34,594 --> 00:08:35,784
Whoa.

187
00:08:36,764 --> 00:08:39,366
That girl in there is alive, right?

188
00:08:40,851 --> 00:08:43,156
I should call Barney. Maybe he knows what happened.

189
00:09:02,013 --> 00:09:03,075
Hello.

190
00:09:03,196 --> 00:09:04,851
Why are you sleeping in our tub?

191
00:09:04,941 --> 00:09:07,582
Uh, the porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling.

192
00:09:09,012 --> 00:09:12,325
Wait, were you here when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night?

193
00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:14,310
Don't worry. I slept through it.

194
00:09:15,291 --> 00:09:17,298
I totally didn't sleep through it.

195
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:21,287
Oh, and wow, for a little girl, you got a big tank.

196
00:09:22,693 --> 00:09:25,451
How did you get in here anyway? We put Ted to bed around 1:00.

197
00:09:25,535 --> 00:09:27,947
Oh, you put Ted to bed, all right.

198
00:09:28,186 --> 00:09:30,310
You guys take care of me.

199
00:09:30,406 --> 00:09:32,120
You guys are the best.

200
00:09:32,332 --> 00:09:34,443
I love you guys so much.

201
00:09:34,993 --> 00:09:36,187
Good night, Ted.

202
00:09:36,272 --> 00:09:37,505
Love you, too, buddy.

203
00:09:39,908 --> 00:09:42,375
I'm back, baby doll!

204
00:09:42,594 --> 00:09:44,526
Hey! Hey! Hey!

205
00:09:44,613 --> 00:09:46,161
He rallies!

206
00:09:46,245 --> 00:09:48,167
And the night begins now!

207
00:09:48,347 --> 00:09:51,286
All right. Game face on. Carl, two more.

208
00:09:51,563 --> 00:09:53,498
All right, what do we think of this one?

209
00:09:53,667 --> 00:09:57,409
- I think she...
- Trick question. No thinking.

210
00:09:57,508 --> 00:10:02,013
You know what time it is? It's do o'clock. Let's ride. Bring it!

211
00:10:03,452 --> 00:10:04,263
Hi.

212
00:10:05,026 --> 00:10:06,956
Have you met Ted?

213
00:10:10,563 --> 00:10:11,657
Excuse me.

214
00:10:14,498 --> 00:10:15,894
You're calling Robin.

215
00:10:16,028 --> 00:10:17,307
I'm calling Robin.

216
00:10:17,401 --> 00:10:21,874
Ted, as your mentor and spiritual guide, I forbid you from calling her.

217
00:10:22,015 --> 00:10:23,161
Oh, yeah?

218
00:10:23,345 --> 00:10:24,790
What you gonna do?

219
00:10:26,563 --> 00:10:30,264
If you complete that call, I will set your coat on fire.

220
00:10:31,507 --> 00:10:32,864
You're bluffing.

221
00:10:35,557 --> 00:10:37,244
Hello, Robin. It's Ted.

222
00:10:37,339 --> 00:10:40,073
- Ted, for the last time, stop...
- Ow!

223
00:10:41,622 --> 00:10:42,382
Ted?

224
00:10:42,492 --> 00:10:44,919
You set me on fire.

225
00:10:45,088 --> 00:10:46,984
Real suede wouldn't have gone up so fast.

226
00:10:47,069 --> 00:10:48,575
You got robbed. This is a blend.

227
00:10:49,955 --> 00:10:52,705
You set me on fire.

228
00:10:53,204 --> 00:10:55,045
And who's the girl in my bed?

229
00:11:05,769 --> 00:11:07,296
There's a girl in your bed.

230
00:11:07,955 --> 00:11:11,704
And a pineapple. Am I the only one who's curious about the pineapple?

231
00:11:12,149 --> 00:11:13,013
Who is she?

232
00:11:13,105 --> 00:11:14,573
I have no idea.

233
00:11:14,683 --> 00:11:15,799
Nice.

234
00:11:16,419 --> 00:11:17,776
You really don't know who that is?

235
00:11:17,863 --> 00:11:20,927
No. After I hosed you down with the beverage gun, I brought you back here.

236
00:11:21,019 --> 00:11:22,735
I better not have gotten burned.

237
00:11:26,368 --> 00:11:28,192
Did any of you write that?

238
00:11:28,414 --> 00:11:31,952
"Hi. I'm Ted. If lost, please call..."

239
00:11:32,297 --> 00:11:33,990
Whose number is that?

240
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:36,170
I don't know.

241
00:11:36,257 --> 00:11:38,602
Dude, call it.

242
00:11:38,874 --> 00:11:40,498
Ooh, hold on, I'm gonna make some popcorn.

243
00:11:44,674 --> 00:11:46,677
Ooh. Okay, you can call now.

244
00:11:46,758 --> 00:11:49,041
God, this is intense. I love it.

245
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:53,235
Hello?

246
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:55,759
Uh... hi. Who's this?

247
00:11:55,850 --> 00:11:57,530
You called me. Who's this?

248
00:11:57,870 --> 00:11:59,620
It's Ted.

249
00:11:59,724 --> 00:12:01,641
It's Carl from the bar.

250
00:12:02,323 --> 00:12:04,038
And then Carl filled us in.

251
00:12:04,117 --> 00:12:06,332
Barney, you've always taken care of me.

252
00:12:06,423 --> 00:12:08,912
You are a gentlemen and a scholar.

253
00:12:09,097 --> 00:12:11,883
Go into my stable and take my finest stallion.

254
00:12:11,941 --> 00:12:14,688
He's yours. His name is Windjammer.

255
00:12:15,997 --> 00:12:17,483
Sleep it off, bro.

256
00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:22,495
- I'm back, baby doll!
- Yeah.

257
00:12:23,853 --> 00:12:27,936
And I... am gonna throw up.

258
00:12:29,534 --> 00:12:30,854
I threw up?

259
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:32,558
Oh, my streak is over.

260
00:12:32,642 --> 00:12:35,402
Vomit-free since '05 doesn't sound good.

261
00:12:36,276 --> 00:12:37,648
Sorry, Carl. Go on.

262
00:12:38,882 --> 00:12:45,108
Carl... did you know the word "karaoke" is Japanese for "empty orchestra"?

263
00:12:45,216 --> 00:12:47,557
Isn't that hauntingly beautiful?

264
00:12:48,364 --> 00:12:50,187
Are you a vampire?

265
00:12:50,806 --> 00:12:52,383
All right, I'm cutting you off.

266
00:12:52,473 --> 00:12:54,076
Go home and get some sleep, Ted.

267
00:12:54,170 --> 00:12:56,498
Yeah, the sun's gonna come up soon.

268
00:12:56,593 --> 00:12:59,137
Wouldn't want to be around for that, would we?

269
00:13:00,365 --> 00:13:02,680
Hey, how easy do you think it would be to sneak into the zoo?

270
00:13:02,757 --> 00:13:05,089
I have to see some penguins, like, right now.

271
00:13:05,484 --> 00:13:06,672
All right, give me your arm.

272
00:13:07,308 --> 00:13:08,343
Okay.

273
00:13:08,731 --> 00:13:11,766
This way, if you pass out in the gutter...

274
00:13:11,868 --> 00:13:13,359
It tickles.

275
00:13:13,931 --> 00:13:17,482
...someone will call me, and I will come get you.

276
00:13:17,574 --> 00:13:18,811
Thanks, Carl.

277
00:13:19,076 --> 00:13:22,713
We can't just be friends. We're attracted to each other, and we both know it.

278
00:13:22,765 --> 00:13:23,989
Excuse me?

279
00:13:24,375 --> 00:13:26,960
Me and Robin, me and Robin.

280
00:13:27,036 --> 00:13:28,477
I have to make one more call.

281
00:13:29,162 --> 00:13:30,427
Yeah, this'll go good.

282
00:13:34,871 --> 00:13:36,757
Hey, it's me again.

283
00:13:37,368 --> 00:13:39,264
Look, who are we kidding?

284
00:13:39,367 --> 00:13:41,101
You and I are both attracted to each other.

285
00:13:41,182 --> 00:13:45,599
We're young, we're drunk-- half of us anyway-- and we only get one life.

286
00:13:45,682 --> 00:13:47,977
So, why don't you come over to my apartment right now,

287
00:13:48,058 --> 00:13:50,636
and we'll think of something stupid to do together?

288
00:13:50,837 --> 00:13:51,899
Really?

289
00:13:52,003 --> 00:13:52,882
Great.

290
00:13:52,968 --> 00:13:54,247
Wait. Really?

291
00:13:54,716 --> 00:13:55,895
Great.

292
00:13:56,424 --> 00:13:57,760
Thanks, Carl.

293
00:13:58,916 --> 00:14:00,167
It's Robin.

294
00:14:00,279 --> 00:14:02,309
That's Robin in there.

295
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,217
Did you guys...?

296
00:14:10,912 --> 00:14:13,074
Oh, come on. You've got to give me this one.

297
00:14:13,143 --> 00:14:16,191
Those five shots got you further with Robin than your brain ever did.

298
00:14:16,290 --> 00:14:17,748
See what happens when you don't think?

299
00:14:17,831 --> 00:14:21,891
You do. More importantly, you do Robin.

300
00:14:22,325 --> 00:14:23,603
Come on.

301
00:14:25,444 --> 00:14:26,857
All right, right over here.

302
00:14:27,907 --> 00:14:30,160
But, uh, still, what does this mean?

303
00:14:30,262 --> 00:14:31,351
Are we dating now?

304
00:14:31,444 --> 00:14:33,920
I-I mean, I never pictured it going down this way, but...

305
00:14:33,998 --> 00:14:35,925
maybe that's how it had to happen. I mean, think about it...

306
00:14:36,003 --> 00:14:38,416
Someone get him a shot. He's thinking again.

307
00:14:38,705 --> 00:14:42,453
You know what? Hold on, man. Maybe it's not such a bad idea to think about this one.

308
00:14:42,523 --> 00:14:46,318
You and Robin went down this road before. You got dinged up really bad.

309
00:14:46,403 --> 00:14:49,929
You know who might have something to say about Ted's future with Robin?

310
00:14:50,018 --> 00:14:50,951
Robin.

311
00:14:51,089 --> 00:14:52,448
Go wake her up.

312
00:14:52,536 --> 00:14:54,368
Wake her up and say what?

313
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:56,024
Daddy's home.

314
00:15:00,159 --> 00:15:01,419
Good luck, buddy.

315
00:15:09,584 --> 00:15:10,535
Hello.

316
00:15:10,653 --> 00:15:12,025
Ted, it's Robin.

317
00:15:16,395 --> 00:15:17,628
Are you sure?

318
00:15:20,997 --> 00:15:24,612
Hey, Robin, how are you?

319
00:15:24,702 --> 00:15:28,366
Ted, I think you and I should have a talk about those phone calls last night.

320
00:15:28,446 --> 00:15:30,956
- Do you mind if I swing by?
- Ask her about the pineapple.

321
00:15:31,118 --> 00:15:32,861
- Uh, yeah, sure, come on over.
- Thanks.

322
00:15:32,958 --> 00:15:34,625
No. Wait, d-d-don't come...

323
00:15:35,125 --> 00:15:36,858
She's coming over. Crap!

324
00:15:36,947 --> 00:15:41,120
Wait. This is killing me. We have to find out who that girl is.

325
00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:42,694
Trudy.

326
00:15:43,819 --> 00:15:46,421
My name is Trudy.

327
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:52,041
And then, Trudy filled us in.

328
00:15:52,375 --> 00:15:54,533
I'm just surprised you didn't dump him sooner.

329
00:15:54,611 --> 00:15:58,023
I know. It's two years of my life I'm never getting back.

330
00:15:58,374 --> 00:16:02,533
A little part of me wants to just jump the bones of the next guy I see.

331
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:05,057
Daddy's home.

332
00:16:05,901 --> 00:16:07,620
Or the one after that.

333
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:11,302
Okay, fair enough. I've got to prove a point to a friend, so,

334
00:16:11,417 --> 00:16:16,160
you just gave me your number... and your name is Amy.

335
00:16:16,479 --> 00:16:17,469
Ladies.

336
00:16:18,868 --> 00:16:21,439
I love everyone in this bar!

337
00:16:21,924 --> 00:16:24,048
Look at that idiot go.

338
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:25,651
He's kind of cute.

339
00:16:32,970 --> 00:16:35,121
What are you doing in the men's room?

340
00:16:35,946 --> 00:16:38,032
What am I doing in the ladies' room?

341
00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:41,696
All right, I came in here, 'cause I thought I was gonna throw up.

342
00:16:41,777 --> 00:16:42,727
Did you?

343
00:16:44,437 --> 00:16:46,113
I did not.

344
00:16:47,139 --> 00:16:50,524
And the streak continues-- vomit-free since '93.

345
00:16:52,904 --> 00:16:54,289
I'm sorry, Trudy. Go on.

346
00:16:54,667 --> 00:16:56,293
I liked your performance.

347
00:16:56,374 --> 00:16:57,972
What, the karaoke?

348
00:16:58,223 --> 00:17:00,448
Domo arigato.

349
00:17:00,716 --> 00:17:02,108
I wish I had your guts.

350
00:17:02,194 --> 00:17:04,957
Getting up and making a complete idiot of myself.

351
00:17:05,052 --> 00:17:06,408
So, do it.

352
00:17:06,499 --> 00:17:07,746
I don't know.

353
00:17:08,085 --> 00:17:10,885
Still, I've had a pretty serious week.

354
00:17:10,961 --> 00:17:13,342
I could sure stand to do something stupid.

355
00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:15,430
I'm something stupid. Do me.

356
00:17:16,232 --> 00:17:17,434
You're funny.

357
00:17:17,839 --> 00:17:19,569
Hey, can I call you sometime?

358
00:17:19,717 --> 00:17:20,847
Okay.

359
00:17:21,942 --> 00:17:22,983
Here, let me.

360
00:17:25,465 --> 00:17:27,622
Why do they call it karaoke, anyhow?

361
00:17:27,709 --> 00:17:30,451
Was it invented by a woman named Carrie Okey?

362
00:17:30,901 --> 00:17:33,097
These are the kinds of things I think about.

363
00:17:33,317 --> 00:17:37,617
Karaoke is Japanese for "empty orchestra."

364
00:17:39,644 --> 00:17:41,733
That's hauntingly beautiful.

365
00:17:44,636 --> 00:17:46,211
Hey, it works.

366
00:17:46,427 --> 00:17:48,315
Then I guess you're gonna have to call me.

367
00:17:51,118 --> 00:17:52,959
I got to make one more call.

368
00:17:54,463 --> 00:17:55,464
Hello?

369
00:17:55,820 --> 00:17:57,583
Hey, it's me again.

370
00:17:57,673 --> 00:17:58,381
Hey.

371
00:17:58,465 --> 00:18:00,148
Look, who are we kidding?

372
00:18:00,242 --> 00:18:01,981
You and I are both attracted to each other.

373
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,867
We're-We're young, we're drunk--

374
00:18:03,963 --> 00:18:06,646
half of us, anyway-- and we only get one life.

375
00:18:06,732 --> 00:18:09,051
So, I came over here.

376
00:18:09,243 --> 00:18:12,533
And now, I'm really, really embarrassed.

377
00:18:13,882 --> 00:18:16,134
Damn it, Trudy! What about the pineapple?

378
00:18:16,232 --> 00:18:18,117
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry!

379
00:18:21,883 --> 00:18:25,947
Ah, Robin's here. Um, look, Trudy, I need you to hide in my bedroom.

380
00:18:26,049 --> 00:18:27,050
Why? Is that your girlfriend?

381
00:18:27,143 --> 00:18:30,180
Ah, no, that's not my girlfriend. Um, look, it's complicated.

382
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,350
Oh, you're married. Yeah, I know. I can't believe I did this.

383
00:18:32,431 --> 00:18:36,182
No, no, no, I-I'm not married. Um... I'll explain after you hide.

384
00:18:43,097 --> 00:18:43,929
Hey.

385
00:18:44,055 --> 00:18:44,698
Hi, guys.

386
00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:47,219
- Hey, Robin, top of the morning.
- Hi, Robin. Good sweater.

387
00:18:47,442 --> 00:18:52,267
Um, sorry I kept calling you like that. I was pretty drunk.

388
00:18:52,356 --> 00:18:53,483
Uh, no kidding.

389
00:18:53,571 --> 00:18:55,606
Those calls were really weird.

390
00:18:56,022 --> 00:18:58,272
Look, Ted, maybe we need to talk.

391
00:18:58,687 --> 00:19:01,208
- Let's go get a snack.
- I love to snack.

392
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:02,373
I'm good.

393
00:19:07,013 --> 00:19:09,975
Come on, those calls weren't that weird.

394
00:19:15,934 --> 00:19:18,135
Robin! Come hang out!

395
00:19:18,219 --> 00:19:20,428
Okay, I'm gonna make this sound till you come hang out.

396
00:19:26,996 --> 00:19:29,265
That goes on for three and a half minutes.

397
00:19:29,523 --> 00:19:30,706
Without a breath?

398
00:19:30,787 --> 00:19:32,650
That's got to be some kind of record.

399
00:19:32,758 --> 00:19:35,704
Oh, Ted, you can't do this. Please.

400
00:19:35,784 --> 00:19:38,381
We agreed to be friends, and now you're making it all confusing.

401
00:19:38,455 --> 00:19:41,889
No, I'm not. Look, I-I just turned off my brain for the night.

402
00:19:41,987 --> 00:19:44,381
Nothing's changed. You've moved on. I've moved on.

403
00:19:44,469 --> 00:19:46,691
Really? You've moved on?

404
00:19:46,814 --> 00:19:48,835
Yes. What, you don't believe me?

405
00:19:49,745 --> 00:19:51,681
Oh. Uh, okay.

406
00:19:52,518 --> 00:19:54,590
Trudy, come on out.

407
00:19:54,752 --> 00:19:56,310
You are gonna laugh.

408
00:19:56,391 --> 00:19:58,191
Wait. You were with someone last night?

409
00:19:58,271 --> 00:20:00,616
Yeah, Trudy. She's cool.

410
00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:02,415
Trudy, come on out.

411
00:20:03,340 --> 00:20:05,546
Yeah, seriously, it's okay.

412
00:20:06,632 --> 00:20:08,253
This is so Trudy.

413
00:20:09,027 --> 00:20:10,619
She's really shy...

414
00:20:10,851 --> 00:20:11,922
I think.

415
00:20:12,949 --> 00:20:13,980
Trudy?

416
00:20:20,050 --> 00:20:23,469
Hi, Trudy. I'm Robin. It's nice to meet you.

417
00:20:24,332 --> 00:20:26,075
You're right. She is shy.

418
00:20:26,227 --> 00:20:29,350
I'm not making this up. She-she must have climbed out the fire escape.

419
00:20:29,995 --> 00:20:33,248
Whatever. Whatever! I-I don't care what you think.

420
00:20:33,592 --> 00:20:35,631
Then why'd you hide her from me?

421
00:20:37,052 --> 00:20:38,577
Wow. You're good.

422
00:20:38,725 --> 00:20:40,980
Anyone ever tell you you should be on 60 Minutes?

423
00:20:41,075 --> 00:20:43,394
Yes. You did... last night.

424
00:20:43,487 --> 00:20:44,669
Really?

425
00:20:47,845 --> 00:20:49,223
Get some sleep, Ted.

426
00:20:49,310 --> 00:20:50,601
You had a long night.

427
00:20:51,133 --> 00:20:52,480
And don't feel bad.

428
00:20:52,649 --> 00:20:54,588
I've woken up with worse.

429
00:21:01,184 --> 00:21:04,296
I left Trudy a message, but she never called me back.

430
00:21:04,691 --> 00:21:06,751
That's just how life works sometimes.

431
00:21:06,836 --> 00:21:08,492
You turn off your brain for a night,

432
00:21:08,593 --> 00:21:11,418
and all your left with the next day is a bad hangover,

433
00:21:11,518 --> 00:21:13,007
a sprained ankle...

434
00:21:14,694 --> 00:21:17,718
Oh, we never found out where that pineapple came from,

435
00:21:17,826 --> 00:21:19,428
but it was delicious.