FANDOM


General InformationEdit

Title "The Wedding"
Format SubRip
Extension .srt
Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wedding_(How_I_Met_Your_Mother)

SubtitlesEdit

1
00:00:12,875 --> 00:00:15,425
When you're single, and your friends start to get married,

2
00:00:15,510 --> 00:00:19,367
every wedding invitation presents a strange moment of self-evaluation:

3
00:00:19,650 --> 00:00:22,563
"Will you be bringing a guest, or will you be attending alone?"

4
00:00:22,893 --> 00:00:24,533
What it's really asking is,

5
00:00:24,648 --> 00:00:26,555
"Where do you see yourself in three months?

6
00:00:26,713 --> 00:00:29,873
Sitting next to your girlfriend, or hitting on a bridesmaid?"

7
00:00:30,374 --> 00:00:32,808
I always checked that I was bringing a guest.

8
00:00:33,324 --> 00:00:34,287
I was an optimist.

9
00:00:37,228 --> 00:00:38,726
Who the hell am I gonna bring to this wedding?

10
00:00:38,909 --> 00:00:41,326
Ted, have you ignored all my teachings?

11
00:00:41,420 --> 00:00:42,682
For the most part, yeah.

12
00:00:42,770 --> 00:00:44,143
No, you don't bring a date to a wedding.

13
00:00:44,233 --> 00:00:46,687
That's like bringing a deer carcass on a hunting trip.

14
00:00:46,795 --> 00:00:49,529
Oh, Ted. Oh, Ted. No-- no date.

15
00:00:49,663 --> 00:00:52,241
Deer carcass? Really? That's the metaphor you're going with here?

16
00:00:52,341 --> 00:00:53,858
Ted, it's a simile.

17
00:00:54,061 --> 00:00:56,180
Well, it's too late now. If I don't bring a date,

18
00:00:56,279 --> 00:00:59,330
a $200 piece of chicken/salmon will go uneaten.

19
00:00:59,411 --> 00:01:00,991
I got to bring someone, but who?

20
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:02,916
Of course, I knew who I wanted to bring.

21
00:01:03,106 --> 00:01:06,594
Robin-- the big unanswered question in my life.

22
00:01:06,685 --> 00:01:10,234
Problem was, she was dating this really rich guy named Derek.

23
00:01:11,178 --> 00:01:12,058
Derek.

24
00:01:13,297 --> 00:01:15,792
Well, Derek and I just broke up.

25
00:01:15,902 --> 00:01:18,317
Oh, no, that's terrible! Are you okay?

26
00:01:18,382 --> 00:01:19,842
Yeah, do you need a drink or something?

27
00:01:19,948 --> 00:01:21,666
Nah... We never really clicked.

28
00:01:21,785 --> 00:01:23,668
I felt bad, though. He was pretty bummed.

29
00:01:23,781 --> 00:01:25,143
Ah, don't beat yourself up.

30
00:01:25,258 --> 00:01:27,692
He'll be fine. I mean, the guy's, like, a billionaire.

31
00:01:27,807 --> 00:01:31,508
He can put his platinum card on a fishing line and reel in ten chicks hotter than you.

32
00:01:31,929 --> 00:01:33,926
Thanks. I feel a lot better.

33
00:01:34,051 --> 00:01:35,815
I think I'll get that drink now.

34
00:01:38,073 --> 00:01:39,989
Okay, guys, I got to say something.

35
00:01:40,657 --> 00:01:43,594
I think my feelings for Robin may be resurfacing.

36
00:01:45,082 --> 00:01:48,345
Oh, please-- they were buried in a shallow grave.

37
00:01:48,345 --> 00:01:50,496
Not again. Come on. Dude?

38
00:01:50,608 --> 00:01:52,115
We all know how this movie ends.

39
00:01:52,224 --> 00:01:56,542
Ted falls in love, love kicks Ted in the sprouts, roll credits.

40
00:01:56,677 --> 00:01:59,240
No, you guys just have to look at the whole picture.

41
00:01:59,401 --> 00:02:00,315
Fact:

42
00:02:00,597 --> 00:02:02,683
Robin was into me when we first met.

43
00:02:03,166 --> 00:02:04,079
Fact:

44
00:02:04,182 --> 00:02:07,420
Even though she didn't want a relationship, we had an amazing kiss on the roof.

45
00:02:07,808 --> 00:02:08,864
Fact:

46
00:02:08,975 --> 00:02:11,518
On New Year's Eve, we kissed again.

47
00:02:11,712 --> 00:02:12,639
Fact:

48
00:02:12,796 --> 00:02:14,425
I need a date to this wedding.

49
00:02:14,507 --> 00:02:15,577
Wish me luck.

50
00:02:16,841 --> 00:02:20,229
What I don't get is why is Claudia marrying Stuart?

51
00:02:20,336 --> 00:02:22,014
She's way hotter than him.

52
00:02:22,046 --> 00:02:23,192
How way?

53
00:02:23,365 --> 00:02:24,905
Way way.

54
00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:28,812
This wedding does sound pretty amazing, though.

55
00:02:29,197 --> 00:02:31,013
Fancy hotel ballroom,

56
00:02:31,245 --> 00:02:32,708
everybody all dressed up...

57
00:02:32,803 --> 00:02:34,491
Oh, here we go.

58
00:02:34,608 --> 00:02:35,089
What?

59
00:02:35,192 --> 00:02:37,045
We can't get anywhere with our wedding plans

60
00:02:37,145 --> 00:02:40,204
because I want it to be fun and Marshall wants it to be lame.

61
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:42,691
Oh, yeah. Okay, that's a pretty fair assessment of our two arguments.

62
00:02:42,778 --> 00:02:43,584
I thought so.

63
00:02:44,146 --> 00:02:46,852
You know what? Excuse me if I don't want to get married

64
00:02:46,942 --> 00:02:50,802
barefoot in the woods next to Lake No-One's-Going-To-Drive-That-Far.

65
00:02:51,006 --> 00:02:53,021
Yes. I want a ballroom,

66
00:02:53,137 --> 00:02:55,738
and I want a band, and I want shoes.

67
00:02:55,978 --> 00:02:58,733
I've been dreaming about this day since I was, like...

68
00:02:58,839 --> 00:03:00,398
A little girl?

69
00:03:00,942 --> 00:03:01,913
What up!

70
00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,866
Okay. I'm just saying that it's my wedding, too, and I should have a say in it.

71
00:03:05,959 --> 00:03:07,944
Yes, but I'm the bride, so I win.

72
00:03:08,074 --> 00:03:11,302
Well, I thought marriage was about two equal partners sharing a life together.

73
00:03:11,398 --> 00:03:13,389
Right, but I'm the bride, so I win.

74
00:03:14,341 --> 00:03:17,128
I mean, seriously-- Claudia and Stuart?

75
00:03:17,247 --> 00:03:20,840
I mean, I've hooked up with the odd lass who was beneath my level of attractiveness,

76
00:03:20,949 --> 00:03:22,485
but, you know, I was drunk.

77
00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:25,304
There's no way Claudia has been drunk for three years.

78
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:29,916
You know, I've always found that the best way to get over a failed relationship

79
00:03:30,021 --> 00:03:32,308
is to celebrate someone else's successful one.

80
00:03:32,406 --> 00:03:33,951
Oh, it makes sense.

81
00:03:34,303 --> 00:03:37,191
So, with that in mind, uh, our friends Claudia and Stuart

82
00:03:37,275 --> 00:03:39,624
are having this crazy black-tie wedding on Saturday.

83
00:03:39,727 --> 00:03:41,388
You want to be my plus one?

84
00:03:41,525 --> 00:03:44,813
Ooh... "Plus one." You make it sound so romantic.

85
00:03:44,986 --> 00:03:45,918
Fine.

86
00:03:47,547 --> 00:03:49,033
You want to be my date?

87
00:03:49,455 --> 00:03:50,713
Your date?

88
00:03:51,656 --> 00:03:52,823
I'd love to.

89
00:03:53,512 --> 00:03:55,225
How fancy are we talking about here?

90
00:03:55,330 --> 00:03:56,977
Oh, you're going to want to bring your "A" game.

91
00:03:57,063 --> 00:03:58,173
Oh, I'll bring it.

92
00:03:58,273 --> 00:04:01,585
I'll bring it so hard, the bride's going to look like a big white bag of crap.

93
00:04:03,246 --> 00:04:05,302
Lily? I need a dress.

94
00:04:05,396 --> 00:04:07,138
You're going? That's awesome!

95
00:04:07,227 --> 00:04:09,031
Oh, my God-- four days to find a dress?

96
00:04:09,129 --> 00:04:10,704
I know, it's a suicide mission.

97
00:04:10,807 --> 00:04:14,697
Well, if we leave now... we can still have a fighting chance. Let's do it!

98
00:04:14,867 --> 00:04:15,816
Bye, babe.

99
00:04:17,155 --> 00:04:19,642
Whoa! Did you see how fired up she was?

100
00:04:19,738 --> 00:04:21,236
I don't know, there's something there.

101
00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:24,747
And, come Saturday, a little music, a little dancing, a lot of champagne...

102
00:04:24,783 --> 00:04:25,504
Who  knows?

103
00:04:25,607 --> 00:04:28,145
Wow. Ted, you're going to have to find another gender for yourself,

104
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:30,627
'cause I'm revoking your "dude" membership.

105
00:04:30,765 --> 00:04:33,195
Yeah... how was that manicure yesterday?

106
00:04:34,039 --> 00:04:35,427
Invigorating, thanks.

107
00:04:36,892 --> 00:04:39,511
Okay, I wasn't going to say it in front of the guys,

108
00:04:39,618 --> 00:04:42,205
but  back then I really thought that's how it worked.

109
00:04:46,809 --> 00:04:50,334
You put yourself and a girl you like in some romantic setting...

110
00:04:53,123 --> 00:04:54,490
the stars line up...

111
00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:56,961
and shazam.

112
00:04:59,552 --> 00:05:01,951
I know now that life is never that simple.

113
00:05:02,077 --> 00:05:03,090
Hey, Claudia!

114
00:05:04,063 --> 00:05:07,753
Yes, I want Tahitian Vanilla! You wrote it down wrong?

115
00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:09,296
No, no, no, no, listen to me--

116
00:05:09,429 --> 00:05:11,936
if I go to my wedding and the cake is not Tahitian Vanilla,

117
00:05:12,030 --> 00:05:14,359
I will come down there and burn your little shop to the ground!

118
00:05:14,522 --> 00:05:16,258
Do you want to find out if I'm kidding?

119
00:05:16,393 --> 00:05:17,171
Yeah, good-bye.

120
00:05:18,849 --> 00:05:19,746
Hey!

121
00:05:21,247 --> 00:05:22,287
How's it going?

122
00:05:22,513 --> 00:05:24,864
My wedding is in two days, that's how it's going.

123
00:05:24,961 --> 00:05:27,418
Oh, don't worry, it's going to be great. I'm so excited.

124
00:05:27,542 --> 00:05:29,311
Well, you should be-- lots of single girls.

125
00:05:29,417 --> 00:05:34,098
Oh, well, yeah, I'm... bringing a date, so I'll be off the market.

126
00:05:34,230 --> 00:05:34,941
What?

127
00:05:35,051 --> 00:05:36,200
I'm bringing a date.

128
00:05:36,332 --> 00:05:37,700
You're not bringing a date.

129
00:05:37,793 --> 00:05:39,420
Uh... yes, I am.

130
00:05:39,591 --> 00:05:41,648
Uh, no, you're not.

131
00:05:41,767 --> 00:05:42,635
I checked "plus one."

132
00:05:42,724 --> 00:05:43,798
No, you didn't.

133
00:05:44,228 --> 00:05:46,016
Claudia, I'm pretty sure I checked...

134
00:05:46,125 --> 00:05:47,763
Ted, you did not check "plus one"!

135
00:05:47,860 --> 00:05:49,656
You are not bringing a date to my wedding!

136
00:05:53,349 --> 00:05:55,159
Wait, I've already invited someone.

137
00:05:55,253 --> 00:05:56,883
You are not bringing a guest, Ted!

138
00:05:56,991 --> 00:05:59,174
The guest list has been closed for months-- months!

139
00:05:59,284 --> 00:06:01,877
But I checked "plus one"! I always check "plus one"!

140
00:06:01,961 --> 00:06:04,139
You absolutely did not check "plus one"!

141
00:06:04,245 --> 00:06:06,431
If you had checked "plus one," I would have called you to get the name of your guest,

142
00:06:06,508 --> 00:06:08,029
so I could have the place cards printed up.

143
00:06:08,111 --> 00:06:09,372
Did I call you to get the name of your guest?

144
00:06:09,450 --> 00:06:11,292
Is there a place card with her name printed on it?

145
00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:13,763
She doesn't need a place card. She knows her name.

146
00:06:13,933 --> 00:06:16,307
What's she eating?! Huh?! You ordered the chicken. What did she order?

147
00:06:16,398 --> 00:06:18,796
Do you see how your story is full of holes?

148
00:06:19,365 --> 00:06:21,406
Come on, Claudia, we go way back.

149
00:06:21,506 --> 00:06:23,392
Isn't there room for just one more person?

150
00:06:23,505 --> 00:06:25,386
Don't make me hurt you, Ted.

151
00:06:26,648 --> 00:06:29,281
I don't believe this! Claudia's crazy!

152
00:06:29,406 --> 00:06:31,243
But, to be fair, she's also hot.

153
00:06:31,380 --> 00:06:33,559
I totally checked "plus one." I'm sure I did.

154
00:06:33,652 --> 00:06:34,845
- Yeah, right.
- I did!

155
00:06:34,938 --> 00:06:37,259
Yeah, I don't think you did. You know why?

156
00:06:37,361 --> 00:06:39,961
Because deep down, you didn't want to show up at this thing with a date.

157
00:06:40,045 --> 00:06:44,783
See, for all your big talk about being ready for a relationship, deep down, you're single.

158
00:06:44,893 --> 00:06:46,553
It's your default setting.

159
00:06:46,689 --> 00:06:49,402
Ted, you know what's in the back of your brain?

160
00:06:49,519 --> 00:06:51,692
Oh, great, here comes the little Barney speech.

161
00:06:51,826 --> 00:06:56,400
Behind a curtain, in a dark little room secretly controlling your every move?

162
00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,624
- A little Barney...
- A little Barney.

163
00:06:58,797 --> 00:07:00,656
A little Barney.

164
00:07:01,682 --> 00:07:03,190
And you know what he said?

165
00:07:03,328 --> 00:07:07,318
"Ted... you will bring no dates to this wedding.

166
00:07:07,404 --> 00:07:12,199
You... will hit on drunk bridesmaids with actual-size Barney."

167
00:07:12,296 --> 00:07:13,999
Wow. Please stop.

168
00:07:14,564 --> 00:07:16,447
I got to call Claudia. If I just explain to her...

169
00:07:16,550 --> 00:07:18,332
Ted, no! Let it go.

170
00:07:18,427 --> 00:07:20,792
She's about to get married, she's got enough to worry about.

171
00:07:20,894 --> 00:07:22,143
Then what am I going to do?

172
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:25,686
The only thing you can do-- tell Robin she can't come.

173
00:07:29,906 --> 00:07:30,982
Just a second!

174
00:07:33,672 --> 00:07:34,953
- Hey!
- Hey. Listen...

175
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:38,819
Wait, two things. First of all... I have been laying groundwork all afternoon.

176
00:07:38,911 --> 00:07:42,108
Totally subtle, totally cool, not pushing, not even nudging, just:

177
00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:44,468
the theme of today is, "Ted rocks."

178
00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:46,314
And she's picking up what I'm laying down.

179
00:07:46,410 --> 00:07:47,565
- Lily, there's a problem...
- Wait, no.

180
00:07:47,603 --> 00:07:49,641
Thing number two: the dress.

181
00:07:49,846 --> 00:07:51,205
We got a dress.

182
00:07:53,990 --> 00:07:54,693
Go.

183
00:07:56,316 --> 00:07:57,166
Well?

184
00:07:57,786 --> 00:08:01,981
Did I bring it, or... did I bring it?

185
00:08:02,089 --> 00:08:03,484
I think I brought it.

186
00:08:04,909 --> 00:08:06,016
Wow.

187
00:08:06,265 --> 00:08:08,217
That's what I was going for.

188
00:08:08,716 --> 00:08:11,582
I'm so excited about tomorrow. We're going to have so much fun.

189
00:08:11,715 --> 00:08:13,407
Yeah, about that...

190
00:08:15,576 --> 00:08:17,423
I'll pick you up at 5:00.

191
00:08:21,484 --> 00:08:23,828
So? The dress?

192
00:08:24,035 --> 00:08:25,843
I don't have a plus one for the wedding.

193
00:08:25,955 --> 00:08:26,639
What?

194
00:08:26,749 --> 00:08:29,929
I ran into Claudia, and she told me I didn't check "plus one" on the reply card.

195
00:08:30,031 --> 00:08:32,675
- Why didn't you check "plus..."?
- I did check "plus one."

196
00:08:32,851 --> 00:08:35,160
- But Robin is so excited.
- I know.

197
00:08:35,268 --> 00:08:37,531
-  And the dress!
- I know.

198
00:08:38,287 --> 00:08:40,271
Okay, okay. Well, we'll sneak her in.

199
00:08:40,405 --> 00:08:42,790
We can't sneak her in, we're not Ninjas.

200
00:08:42,979 --> 00:08:45,271
- Oh, I wish we were Ninjas.
- I know.

201
00:08:46,879 --> 00:08:48,521
You could always ask Stuart.

202
00:08:48,677 --> 00:08:49,543
Can I do that?

203
00:08:49,646 --> 00:08:50,515
Well,  sure.

204
00:08:50,610 --> 00:08:52,850
You guys have been friends for a long time.

205
00:08:53,089 --> 00:08:55,347
And it's 40% his wedding, too.

206
00:08:56,515 --> 00:08:58,698
I don't know... it's going to be a tough sell.

207
00:08:58,793 --> 00:09:00,696
Dude, no problem whatsoever.

208
00:09:00,878 --> 00:09:01,414
Really?

209
00:09:01,526 --> 00:09:03,147
Sure, the more, the merrier.

210
00:09:03,249 --> 00:09:05,716
Wow! Wow, thanks for being so cool about this,

211
00:09:05,821 --> 00:09:07,135
'cause you know, Claudia said...

212
00:09:07,231 --> 00:09:08,748
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This morning at the rehearsal,

213
00:09:08,845 --> 00:09:12,014
Claudia called our seven-year-old flower girl a whore.

214
00:09:12,484 --> 00:09:14,995
So, don't take it personally, she's just a little stressed.

215
00:09:15,148 --> 00:09:16,750
Yeah, she's not usually like that.

216
00:09:16,870 --> 00:09:17,809
No.

217
00:09:20,377 --> 00:09:21,896
Well, thanks, Stu!

218
00:09:22,044 --> 00:09:24,060
It's going to be a great wedding.

219
00:09:26,739 --> 00:09:29,350
Honey, this magazine says more and more couples are opting

220
00:09:29,441 --> 00:09:31,981
to have non-traditional weddings out in the woods.

221
00:09:32,154 --> 00:09:34,859
Well, if a magazine says so, we should go get married in the woods,

222
00:09:34,959 --> 00:09:36,682
like a couple of squirrels.

223
00:09:37,162 --> 00:09:39,421
Squirrels don't get married, Marshall.

224
00:09:39,992 --> 00:09:42,182
Like you could possibly know that.

225
00:09:43,185 --> 00:09:46,142
I did it. I did it-- I'm taking her to the wedding.

226
00:09:46,251 --> 00:09:47,034
Nice!

227
00:09:47,123 --> 00:09:47,911
What? How?

228
00:09:48,012 --> 00:09:49,138
I talked to Stuart.

229
00:09:50,093 --> 00:09:51,633
You went around the bride.

230
00:09:51,828 --> 00:09:54,258
"Oh, this hornets' nest looks harmless.

231
00:09:54,354 --> 00:09:56,479
Maybe I'll poke it with a stick.

232
00:09:56,598 --> 00:09:59,532
Oh, look, some Gremlins. Let me go feed them after midnight!"

233
00:09:59,621 --> 00:10:01,025
Did you know about this?

234
00:10:01,652 --> 00:10:03,794
It may have been my idea.

235
00:10:04,308 --> 00:10:05,272
What?

236
00:10:05,516 --> 00:10:07,281
Stuart doesn't get a say?

237
00:10:07,420 --> 00:10:10,514
Ah! So you admit it-- the groom should have an equal say.

238
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:14,033
Well, yeah, sure, on the stupid stuff, like who comes.

239
00:10:14,515 --> 00:10:16,212
So I can invite whoever I want?

240
00:10:16,293 --> 00:10:18,604
Sure, there's plenty of room in the woods.

241
00:10:21,846 --> 00:10:22,909
It's Claudia.

242
00:10:23,579 --> 00:10:24,678
So it begins.

243
00:10:25,392 --> 00:10:27,318
Come on, it can't be that bad.

244
00:10:28,152 --> 00:10:29,584
Here, Lily, you answer it.

245
00:10:29,809 --> 00:10:30,702
What? Why?

246
00:10:30,821 --> 00:10:32,343
Because this whole thing was your idea.

247
00:10:32,449 --> 00:10:33,556
And... Claudia scares me.

248
00:10:33,653 --> 00:10:35,732
But... but you're the... But I just want to...

249
00:10:37,405 --> 00:10:38,414
Ted's phone.

250
00:10:38,937 --> 00:10:40,373
Oh, hi, Claudia.

251
00:10:41,359 --> 00:10:42,186
What?

252
00:10:42,407 --> 00:10:46,563
Now I wasn't there, but from what I heard, it went something like this...

253
00:10:46,824 --> 00:10:48,665
Oh, by the way, honey, Ted stopped by and I told him

254
00:10:48,751 --> 00:10:50,407
he could bring his date to the wedding.

255
00:10:50,917 --> 00:10:52,001
You what?

256
00:10:55,241 --> 00:10:57,769
...always undermining me at every turn...

257
00:11:00,589 --> 00:11:03,006
...try to show a little flexibility, but no!

258
00:11:03,151 --> 00:11:04,489
It's all about you!

259
00:11:07,561 --> 00:11:09,313
...and your mother...

260
00:11:12,662 --> 00:11:13,739
You know what?

261
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:15,190
The wedding's off!

262
00:11:18,346 --> 00:11:19,803
They broke up!

263
00:11:19,962 --> 00:11:20,881
O w!

264
00:11:22,910 --> 00:11:24,486
It's not because of me, is it?

265
00:11:24,999 --> 00:11:28,374
And my dad already paid for this huge wedding!

266
00:11:28,409 --> 00:11:30,309
Oh, he's going to kill me!

267
00:11:30,509 --> 00:11:32,188
And then he's gonna kill Ted!

268
00:11:32,347 --> 00:11:34,242
Then I'm gonna kill Ted.

269
00:11:34,453 --> 00:11:35,407
It's Robin.

270
00:11:35,516 --> 00:11:36,560
Answer it!

271
00:11:36,928 --> 00:11:38,003
Uh, Lily's phone.

272
00:11:38,106 --> 00:11:41,998
Ted, where's Lily? I need to tell her about these awesome shoes I just bought.

273
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:44,000
Uh, Lily's busy.

274
00:11:44,119 --> 00:11:48,187
Oh, okay, well, I just wanted to say they're gorgeous and Ted's going to love them.

275
00:11:48,286 --> 00:11:50,468
That's great, I'll tell Lily to tell me.

276
00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:53,692
Uh, listen, I really want to keep talking, um, but now's not a good time,

277
00:11:53,779 --> 00:11:56,104
so I'm really excited about tomorrow, okay, bye.

278
00:11:56,109 --> 00:11:56,733
Okay, bye.

279
00:11:56,818 --> 00:12:00,797
Crap, she bought some expensive shoes. She's really looking forward to this.

280
00:12:01,210 --> 00:12:02,853
- Do you think she's into me?
- Ted, focus!

281
00:12:03,395 --> 00:12:06,260
Okay, okay, sweetie, just calm down.

282
00:12:06,362 --> 00:12:07,923
Do you want to go somewhere and talk?

283
00:12:08,043 --> 00:12:10,119
I want to go somewhere and drink!

284
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,073
Okay, meet me at MacLaren's. I'll see you there.

285
00:12:14,087 --> 00:12:15,189
Oh, I feel terrible.

286
00:12:15,294 --> 00:12:17,665
Well, feel terrible later. Right now, we gotta fix this.

287
00:12:17,753 --> 00:12:19,460
Lily, you go down to the bar and comfort Claudia.

288
00:12:19,546 --> 00:12:22,130
Ted and I will go and try to talk some sense into Stuart.

289
00:12:22,252 --> 00:12:23,904
Um, tell Claudia I'm sorry.

290
00:12:23,995 --> 00:12:25,120
Did she seem pissed at me?

291
00:12:25,277 --> 00:12:29,781
She said if there's no wedding tomorrow, you owe her father $400,000.

292
00:12:30,718 --> 00:12:33,112
What say we get these crazy kids back together?

293
00:12:38,351 --> 00:12:39,885
Hi, sad eyes.

294
00:12:40,543 --> 00:12:41,807
What's got you down?

295
00:12:43,475 --> 00:12:46,311
Stuart and I just broke up.

296
00:12:46,676 --> 00:12:50,857
Oh, God, I'm so sorry. That's just, that's...

297
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:52,658
Two vodka cranberries, please.

298
00:12:53,434 --> 00:12:56,254
You remembered I drink vodka cranberries.

299
00:12:56,367 --> 00:12:57,586
Remember?

300
00:12:57,969 --> 00:13:00,283
When it comes to you, how can I forget?

301
00:13:02,925 --> 00:13:04,780
They all drink vodka cranberries.

302
00:13:06,276 --> 00:13:10,546
So... is there anything else you need... sweetie?

303
00:13:11,543 --> 00:13:13,748
You got $400,000?

304
00:13:13,901 --> 00:13:14,900
No.

305
00:13:15,342 --> 00:13:17,052
But I do have a hug.

306
00:13:22,620 --> 00:13:23,762
Thank you.

307
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,843
Stuart, I-I don't know what to say. If I caused this in any way...

308
00:13:29,950 --> 00:13:32,632
Ted, for all I know, you did me the biggest favor anyone's ever done me.

309
00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:34,457
Oh, come on, man, you don't mean that.

310
00:13:34,578 --> 00:13:37,876
No, I do-- this whole thing has made me realize I miss being single.

311
00:13:37,974 --> 00:13:41,155
I miss staying out late, and making messes and not cleaning them up.

312
00:13:41,268 --> 00:13:42,635
I miss owning porn.

313
00:13:42,997 --> 00:13:44,309
Dude, who doesn't?

314
00:13:44,641 --> 00:13:47,584
And you know, I'll see some super-hot model chick, and I'll think,

315
00:13:47,695 --> 00:13:50,400
"Why am I with Claudia? I could be with her."

316
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:51,918
That's just crazy!

317
00:13:53,083 --> 00:13:55,849
I mean... you're the luckiest... You and Claudia both...

318
00:13:55,959 --> 00:13:58,450
The point is I want to get married. I want to settle down,

319
00:13:58,538 --> 00:14:00,251
but right now, that's just not who I am.

320
00:14:00,338 --> 00:14:02,336
I'm not a commitment guy; I'm a single guy.

321
00:14:02,476 --> 00:14:05,023
Stuart, you don't have to be one or the other.

322
00:14:05,264 --> 00:14:07,594
Everybody feels this way sometimes.

323
00:14:07,725 --> 00:14:09,948
Relationships aren't easy; they're hard work.

324
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:13,524
It's about compromise, growing together, all that Dr. Phil crap.

325
00:14:13,618 --> 00:14:15,153
How would you know? You're not even married.

326
00:14:15,325 --> 00:14:18,398
Okay, ask this guy. Nine years he's been with Lily.

327
00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:20,141
He's the pro-- this guy knows relationships.

328
00:14:20,236 --> 00:14:21,230
Tell him, Marshall.

329
00:14:22,895 --> 00:14:24,246
Stuart, don't get married.

330
00:14:24,393 --> 00:14:25,365
- Dude...
- What?

331
00:14:25,406 --> 00:14:26,521
Look, I'm sorry.

332
00:14:26,997 --> 00:14:31,838
Being in a couple is hard. And committing, making sacrifices, it's hard.

333
00:14:31,947 --> 00:14:34,633
But if it's the right person, then it's easy.

334
00:14:34,837 --> 00:14:37,262
Looking at that girl and knowing she's all you really want out of life,

335
00:14:37,357 --> 00:14:40,592
that should be the easiest thing in the world, and if it's not like that,

336
00:14:41,096 --> 00:14:44,163
then she's not the one. I'm sorry.

337
00:14:48,825 --> 00:14:51,079
You  know I don't have $400,000, right?

338
00:14:52,869 --> 00:14:55,488
Maybe we got together too young.

339
00:14:55,645 --> 00:14:58,021
Maybe that's what the problem was.

340
00:14:58,187 --> 00:15:01,809
I mean, I'm 28 years old,

341
00:15:01,931 --> 00:15:05,472
and I've really only ever been with one man.

342
00:15:06,583 --> 00:15:09,548
That's just, that's...

343
00:15:09,673 --> 00:15:12,562
Two more vodka cranberries, please!

344
00:15:14,196 --> 00:15:17,999
Claudia... it's all gonna be okay.

345
00:15:18,429 --> 00:15:22,038
Oh, thanks for listening, Barney.

346
00:15:22,192 --> 00:15:24,484
It really means a lot to me.

347
00:15:25,216 --> 00:15:29,289
Isn't it weird that we should... run into each other like this?

348
00:15:29,746 --> 00:15:34,580
Two souls, of equal levels of attractiveness,

349
00:15:34,848 --> 00:15:40,949
both fitting together like two pieces of a very attractive puzzle.

350
00:15:41,839 --> 00:15:44,974
- Oh, hell, no!
- Ow! Ow! Ow!

351
00:15:45,628 --> 00:15:47,991
Claudia is getting married tomorrow,

352
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:52,422
and so help me God, if I catch you even so much as breathing the same air as her,

353
00:15:52,501 --> 00:15:55,335
I will take those peanuts you're trying to pass off as testicles,

354
00:15:55,415 --> 00:15:57,956
and I will squeeze them so hard your eyes pop out,

355
00:15:58,055 --> 00:16:00,557
and then I'll feed them to you like grapes!

356
00:16:01,138 --> 00:16:03,074
Wait, my eyes or my testicles?

357
00:16:03,305 --> 00:16:04,448
One of each.

358
00:16:04,551 --> 00:16:06,706
All right! All right!

359
00:16:07,061 --> 00:16:08,000
Claudia?

360
00:16:08,899 --> 00:16:10,114
Stuart.

361
00:16:10,256 --> 00:16:11,324
I'm so sorry.

362
00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:12,742
I'm so sorry, too.

363
00:16:12,851 --> 00:16:13,828
I love you.

364
00:16:13,926 --> 00:16:15,367
I love you too, babe.

365
00:16:15,670 --> 00:16:17,209
Marshall and Ted set me straight.

366
00:16:17,326 --> 00:16:20,259
And when Marshall told me not to marry you, it made me realize I...

367
00:16:20,373 --> 00:16:21,141
Marshall said what?!

368
00:16:21,250 --> 00:16:23,115
It's more complicated than that!

369
00:16:23,202 --> 00:16:24,669
He made me realize how much I love you.

370
00:16:24,756 --> 00:16:26,427
These guys got us back together.

371
00:16:26,659 --> 00:16:28,017
Okay, I'm cool, I'm cool.

372
00:16:42,907 --> 00:16:45,424
So where did we land on the whole plus one thing?

373
00:16:47,057 --> 00:16:48,703
No, no, no, no!

374
00:16:48,755 --> 00:16:51,931
It took three more vodka cranberries to subdue Claudia,

375
00:16:52,357 --> 00:16:55,792
but, eventually, she graciously agreed to let me bring Robin.

376
00:16:58,786 --> 00:17:00,209
Still wow.

377
00:17:00,709 --> 00:17:03,179
Wow yourself. Look who else brought it.

378
00:17:03,303 --> 00:17:06,342
Oh, yeah. I thought about leaving it at home,

379
00:17:06,461 --> 00:17:08,805
but I figured I don't want to get there and realize I need it

380
00:17:08,887 --> 00:17:12,759
and have to go all the way back to get it. So, yeah, I brought it.

381
00:17:13,843 --> 00:17:14,946
Oh, sorry.

382
00:17:18,172 --> 00:17:19,248
Hello?

383
00:17:21,099 --> 00:17:22,507
Oh, my God. Tonight?

384
00:17:22,624 --> 00:17:23,713
You're kidding.

385
00:17:23,858 --> 00:17:25,748
They want me to anchor the news tonight.

386
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:27,391
Really?

387
00:17:27,636 --> 00:17:29,902
Like anchor anchor?

388
00:17:31,195 --> 00:17:33,309
What happened to Sandy?

389
00:17:33,572 --> 00:17:34,707
Okay.

390
00:17:35,128 --> 00:17:37,548
Okay. Sure. What time do you need me to...

391
00:17:37,651 --> 00:17:39,851
Right now?! Oh.

392
00:17:40,994 --> 00:17:41,991
Do it.

393
00:17:44,120 --> 00:17:45,181
Do it.

394
00:17:47,266 --> 00:17:52,206
Okay, I need like five minutes to change, and, um, I'll call you from the cab...

395
00:18:02,023 --> 00:18:03,167
So admit it.

396
00:18:03,523 --> 00:18:06,959
This wedding is both indoors and amazing.

397
00:18:07,115 --> 00:18:09,999
I'll give you the crab puffs. The crab puffs are good.

398
00:18:10,134 --> 00:18:11,209
The crab puffs were incredible.

399
00:18:11,325 --> 00:18:12,999
We should totally have them at our wedding.

400
00:18:13,101 --> 00:18:14,046
Definitely...

401
00:18:14,694 --> 00:18:17,424
Hey. We just agreed on something.

402
00:18:17,541 --> 00:18:20,234
Did we just start planning our wedding?

403
00:18:20,328 --> 00:18:21,556
I think that we did.

404
00:18:24,249 --> 00:18:26,566
We totally have to get that brown dipping sauce.

405
00:18:26,645 --> 00:18:29,258
Ooh, I thought the red sauce was, like, awesome.

406
00:18:29,377 --> 00:18:32,401
My God, were you born without taste buds?

407
00:18:33,428 --> 00:18:34,593
What?

408
00:18:35,583 --> 00:18:36,576
I love you.

409
00:18:43,312 --> 00:18:46,137
Coming up, are there snakes living in your walls?

410
00:18:46,242 --> 00:18:49,292
The answer may surprise you... after the break.

411
00:18:56,626 --> 00:18:59,519
Man, you know something? Stuart's my new hero.

412
00:18:59,633 --> 00:19:01,590
If that dude can bag a nine,

413
00:19:01,750 --> 00:19:04,432
I got to be able to bag, like, a 16.

414
00:19:04,544 --> 00:19:05,759
What's a 16?

415
00:19:06,128 --> 00:19:07,766
Those two eights right over there.

416
00:19:08,820 --> 00:19:09,693
Yeah.

417
00:19:10,901 --> 00:19:11,904
Hi, Ted.

418
00:19:12,031 --> 00:19:12,949
Claudia.

419
00:19:13,083 --> 00:19:17,312
We just wanted to get a picture with the woman who almost ended our relationship.

420
00:19:17,415 --> 00:19:18,603
Yeah, where is she?

421
00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:22,479
Um... she couldn't make it.

422
00:19:24,988 --> 00:19:26,562
What's so funny?

423
00:19:26,661 --> 00:19:29,149
Oh, plan a wedding. You'll see.

424
00:19:33,833 --> 00:19:34,885
Look at that.

425
00:19:35,511 --> 00:19:37,797
That's how it's supposed to be. That right there.

426
00:19:38,238 --> 00:19:39,943
Easy, simple.

427
00:19:40,540 --> 00:19:42,601
It's just not like that with Robin.

428
00:19:43,208 --> 00:19:48,732
It's not easy, and on some level, it has to just be easy.

429
00:19:49,380 --> 00:19:54,241
Speaking of easy... bridesmaids, Ted. Bridesmaids.

430
00:19:54,371 --> 00:19:56,496
By the way, I almost forgot.

431
00:19:56,648 --> 00:19:58,173
We found this.

432
00:20:03,420 --> 00:20:05,300
I didn't check "plus one."

433
00:20:05,750 --> 00:20:06,827
You were right.

434
00:20:06,926 --> 00:20:08,394
Of course, I was right.

435
00:20:10,118 --> 00:20:11,315
I'm single.

436
00:20:12,167 --> 00:20:13,935
Maybe that's just who I am.

437
00:20:14,058 --> 00:20:16,254
And you know what? I like being single.

438
00:20:16,369 --> 00:20:17,130
Being single's the best.

439
00:20:17,241 --> 00:20:19,023
Yeah, stay out as late as you want.

440
00:20:19,113 --> 00:20:19,946
Answer to no one.

441
00:20:20,034 --> 00:20:22,550
The whole world full of endless possibilities.

442
00:20:22,662 --> 00:20:24,863
Never having to go to a farmer's market.

443
00:20:29,658 --> 00:20:32,087
Okay. Ah... doing some math here.

444
00:20:32,461 --> 00:20:36,116
Table six has got three bridesmaids: an eight, an eight, and a seven.

445
00:20:36,527 --> 00:20:41,307
I am willing to give you one of the eights, lowering myself to a 15,

446
00:20:41,410 --> 00:20:43,556
which means you owe me...

447
00:20:43,762 --> 00:20:48,765
So there we were, two single guys, doing our usual single-guy thing.

448
00:20:48,993 --> 00:20:53,408
For whatever reason, I had let myself believe that this night would be a turning point,

449
00:20:53,518 --> 00:20:57,869
that this was the night my life-- my real life-- would finally begin.

450
00:20:58,322 --> 00:20:59,785
The funny thing is...

451
00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:01,760
I wasn't totally wrong.

452
00:21:08,788 --> 00:21:11,961
Because that night was just beginning.