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General InformationEdit

Title "Zip, Zip, Zip"
Format SubRip
Extension .srt
Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zip,_Zip,_Zip

SubtitlesEdit

1
00:00:13,542 --> 00:00:15,173
When you meet someone special,

2
00:00:15,219 --> 00:00:17,151
suddenly life is full of firsts.

3
00:00:17,326 --> 00:00:18,551
The first kiss.

4
00:00:18,838 --> 00:00:20,205
The first night together.

5
00:00:20,776 --> 00:00:22,173
The first weekend together.

6
00:00:22,799 --> 00:00:27,720
For me, all those firsts happened within 48 hours of meeting Victoria.

7
00:00:27,879 --> 00:00:31,052
They have to come out soon, it's Monday.

8
00:00:31,220 --> 00:00:33,601
Do you think they've been in there the whole time?

9
00:00:33,691 --> 00:00:36,636
I don't know whether to be proud or concerned.

10
00:00:36,991 --> 00:00:39,067
Maybe they're not even in there.

11
00:00:42,140 --> 00:00:42,972
Good morning.

12
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,143
Hey, guys.

13
00:00:44,413 --> 00:00:45,657
I'm just going to ignore that.

14
00:00:45,765 --> 00:00:46,826
Thank you!

15
00:00:47,611 --> 00:00:48,570
I wish you could stay.

16
00:00:48,669 --> 00:00:49,804
I know, me, too.

17
00:00:49,901 --> 00:00:51,834
But I have to go to work, and you have that meeting.

18
00:00:51,927 --> 00:00:52,721
Call you afterwards?

19
00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:55,156
I'll inappropriately text you during.

20
00:00:56,830 --> 00:00:57,915
- Bye.
- Bye.

21
00:00:58,009 --> 00:00:58,683
Bye.

22
00:00:58,750 --> 00:00:59,946
Oh, Victoria, you're here...

23
00:00:59,978 --> 00:01:01,076
Toot-a-loo!

24
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:02,244
Bye.

25
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,224
Two days straight?!

26
00:01:05,317 --> 00:01:07,915
Wow, your room must smell like a monkey cage!

27
00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:09,947
Come on, give us a number. Lily guessed eight,

28
00:01:09,972 --> 00:01:12,361
but I know my boy got to double digits.

29
00:01:12,537 --> 00:01:13,344
Zero.

30
00:01:13,435 --> 00:01:14,214
- What?
- What?

31
00:01:14,314 --> 00:01:15,976
Guys, we just met.

32
00:01:16,101 --> 00:01:18,752
And we both screwed up relationships in the past by jumping in too quick,

33
00:01:18,838 --> 00:01:21,256
so we talked about it, and we decided to take this one slow.

34
00:01:21,352 --> 00:01:23,324
- Her idea.
- Totally her idea!

35
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,842
But, I don't know, I'm really into this girl,

36
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:30,043
and if going slow is what it takes to make this happen, I say bring it on.

37
00:01:32,417 --> 00:01:34,159
I don't feel so good.

38
00:01:34,265 --> 00:01:37,287
It's like my testicles mixed pop rocks and soda.

39
00:01:37,452 --> 00:01:39,722
I can't believe she's making you wait a whole month.

40
00:01:39,834 --> 00:01:41,338
I would never put up with that.

41
00:01:41,393 --> 00:01:43,075
You've only had sex with one girl in your whole life.

42
00:01:43,180 --> 00:01:44,179
Burn!

43
00:01:44,689 --> 00:01:49,869
Ted, the only reason to wait a month for sex is if the girl is 17 years, 11 months old.

44
00:01:50,242 --> 00:01:52,546
Good news: I don't have to cover the cat show tomorrow night.

45
00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:53,613
Who's up for hanging out?

46
00:01:53,658 --> 00:01:55,822
Oh, I can't, I'm taking Victoria out for dinner.

47
00:01:55,937 --> 00:01:58,898
No, no, we can't, it's our nine-year anniversary.

48
00:01:58,994 --> 00:02:00,818
Wow, nine years?

49
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:03,338
Your relationship's a fourth grader.

50
00:02:03,454 --> 00:02:04,233
Congrats.

51
00:02:04,366 --> 00:02:05,411
Thanks.

52
00:02:05,518 --> 00:02:08,511
We're going to the Berkshires for the maple syrup harvest.

53
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:12,317
It's one of New York Magazine's "Top five romantic getaways on a budget."

54
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:14,382
Who says sexual can't be sensible?

55
00:02:15,515 --> 00:02:18,166
Well, looks like it's going to be just you and me.

56
00:02:18,425 --> 00:02:19,527
Really?

57
00:02:20,121 --> 00:02:22,626
Actually, I was talking to my martini.

58
00:02:25,843 --> 00:02:26,919
Ready to go?

59
00:02:27,032 --> 00:02:28,063
Hell, yeah.

60
00:02:28,172 --> 00:02:30,944
Nothing better than a weekend at a good bed and breakfast.

61
00:02:31,037 --> 00:02:33,635
Yeah. Waking up for breakfast at 7:00 A.M.

62
00:02:33,738 --> 00:02:34,939
Sharp.

63
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:39,082
Complimenting the odors and their collection of needle-point geese.

64
00:02:39,198 --> 00:02:43,362
Awkward conversations with middle-aged couples trying to stave off divorce.

65
00:02:44,834 --> 00:02:48,505
Yeah, well, we'd better get going, it's like a four-hour drive.

66
00:02:48,607 --> 00:02:50,373
And it's supposed to rain tonight.

67
00:02:53,398 --> 00:02:55,786
- Or we could just stay home.
- Maybe watch some TV.

68
00:02:55,823 --> 00:02:58,814
- Order in some Chinese.
- Oh, Sichuan Garden!

69
00:02:59,098 --> 00:03:00,686
- Are we really bailing?
- Hell, yeah.

70
00:03:00,778 --> 00:03:02,137
Good, cause this thing's empty.

71
00:03:08,902 --> 00:03:12,503
Hundred dollars says when you turn around, I say "wow."

72
00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:16,591
Barney, this is the third time you've hit on me by accident.

73
00:03:16,704 --> 00:03:18,968
It's one of the many risks of the blind approach.

74
00:03:19,037 --> 00:03:22,679
It's usually a two-man operation where Ted signals that the target is hot.

75
00:03:22,783 --> 00:03:26,046
But Ted's too busy being in a lesbian relationship.

76
00:03:26,207 --> 00:03:29,874
Why don't you just check out the girl's reflection in the bar mirror?

77
00:03:30,049 --> 00:03:31,248
You can't just...

78
00:03:31,773 --> 00:03:32,832
Wow!

79
00:03:33,073 --> 00:03:33,968
Hey?

80
00:03:34,064 --> 00:03:35,824
What's taking so long?

81
00:03:35,946 --> 00:03:36,726
I have to go.

82
00:03:36,811 --> 00:03:39,207
Not so fast, Scherbotsky.

83
00:03:39,303 --> 00:03:40,986
I like the way you think.

84
00:03:41,114 --> 00:03:42,695
That mirror thing.

85
00:03:42,752 --> 00:03:44,975
Simple. Elegant.

86
00:03:45,420 --> 00:03:47,559
Okay, limited-time offer:

87
00:03:47,638 --> 00:03:50,159
I need a "bro" for my bro-ings on about town.

88
00:03:50,255 --> 00:03:53,192
How would you like to be said bro?

89
00:03:53,297 --> 00:03:57,482
Well, as tempting as that sounds, I'm hanging out with my friend who just got dumped.

90
00:03:57,540 --> 00:03:59,529
She really needs some support...

91
00:03:59,647 --> 00:04:03,312
or a stranger's tongue down her throat.

92
00:04:03,580 --> 00:04:04,994
That seems healthy.

93
00:04:05,941 --> 00:04:06,931
All right.

94
00:04:06,991 --> 00:04:08,093
Guess I'm in.

95
00:04:10,968 --> 00:04:15,120
So... one more week and it'll be a month.

96
00:04:15,221 --> 00:04:16,766
Really? Are you sure?

97
00:04:16,929 --> 00:04:19,454
Wow, that snuck up on me.

98
00:04:19,552 --> 00:04:20,820
Oh, come on.

99
00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:23,586
The 18th can't get here fast enough.

100
00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:25,319
Wait, the 18th?

101
00:04:25,454 --> 00:04:29,653
Oh, crap! I can't believe I forgot this-- I'm going to be out of town on the 18th!

102
00:04:29,861 --> 00:04:30,906
O h.

103
00:04:31,227 --> 00:04:35,018
Well, um, we can just... wait until you get back.

104
00:04:35,056 --> 00:04:37,104
I mean, the whole point was not to rush into this.

105
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:38,749
Yeah.

106
00:04:38,897 --> 00:04:40,152
Or we could do it tonight.

107
00:04:40,275 --> 00:04:42,084
75th and Amsterdam.

108
00:04:47,934 --> 00:04:50,651
I'm  so glad we decided to just stay home.

109
00:04:50,766 --> 00:04:52,467
Oh, I know. Can you imagine if we'd gone?

110
00:04:52,563 --> 00:04:54,894
We'd be just getting there now, all tired and cranky.

111
00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:57,659
And yet we'd feel obligated to have sex.

112
00:04:57,801 --> 00:05:00,235
Yeah, for 89 bucks a night, we're doing it.

113
00:05:03,917 --> 00:05:06,528
I would like to propose a toast.

114
00:05:06,694 --> 00:05:09,889
To the most awesomely mellow anniversary ever.

115
00:05:19,423 --> 00:05:21,192
I'm so glad you have to go to your parents' next weekend.

116
00:05:21,235 --> 00:05:23,464
I'm so glad your roommates are out of town.

117
00:05:24,528 --> 00:05:26,391
Oh, my God, what are they doing home?

118
00:05:26,472 --> 00:05:28,249
They think we went away.

119
00:05:31,018 --> 00:05:33,853
Oh, it is on for my boy, Ted.

120
00:05:34,002 --> 00:05:36,627
But we didn't go away, we're in the bathroom.

121
00:05:36,728 --> 00:05:37,897
They don't know that.

122
00:05:37,996 --> 00:05:42,645
All we have to do is hide out in here until Ted moves his mojo into the bedroom.

123
00:05:42,779 --> 00:05:45,119
But I don't want to hide out in here.

124
00:05:45,190 --> 00:05:48,691
Honey, Ted has been going out of his mind waiting for this.

125
00:05:48,799 --> 00:05:51,090
If we go out there and spoil the mood, it's not going to happen.

126
00:05:51,182 --> 00:05:53,625
Then one of us is going to have to have sex with Ted, and...

127
00:05:53,795 --> 00:05:55,131
not going to be me.

128
00:05:56,143 --> 00:05:57,682
Okay, fine.

129
00:05:59,716 --> 00:06:01,588
I guess I'll actually floss.

130
00:06:08,417 --> 00:06:10,014
You suited up!

131
00:06:10,139 --> 00:06:13,544
Well, I figured if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do this right.

132
00:06:13,973 --> 00:06:15,734
Emilio? The woman will have...

133
00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:20,298
I'll have a Johnny Walker Blue, neat, and a Montecristo No. 2

134
00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:21,285
Thanks.

135
00:06:21,432 --> 00:06:25,341
Ah, the No. 2, a.k.a. "The Torpedo."

136
00:06:25,391 --> 00:06:28,271
Or, as the rollers call it, "Piramide."

137
00:06:29,529 --> 00:06:33,713
My father was a cigar fanatic, it was the only way to get his attention.

138
00:06:33,817 --> 00:06:35,182
Father issues.

139
00:06:35,298 --> 00:06:36,297
Hot.

140
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:40,015
I know-- I was this close to being a huge slut.

141
00:06:40,591 --> 00:06:43,002
Slut would have been better, but I'll settle for bro.

142
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:46,286
Especially now that Ted's with Victoria and can't drink.

143
00:06:47,012 --> 00:06:48,550
Because he's pregnant.

144
00:06:49,580 --> 00:06:50,932
Cause he's the girl.

145
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:54,503
Oh, come on, Ted can't be pregnant.

146
00:06:54,743 --> 00:06:56,937
You need to have sex to get pregnant.

147
00:06:57,082 --> 00:06:58,473
What up!

148
00:06:58,579 --> 00:06:59,947
Freeze frame high five!

149
00:07:03,916 --> 00:07:06,832
I think this may be a perfect moment.

150
00:07:07,485 --> 00:07:09,713
I wish we could hold onto it forever.

151
00:07:09,820 --> 00:07:10,873
No.

152
00:07:11,484 --> 00:07:15,142
Because the beauty of a moment is that it's fleeting.

153
00:07:15,437 --> 00:07:17,154
By its very nature, it...

154
00:07:17,570 --> 00:07:19,465
slips through our fingers...

155
00:07:20,142 --> 00:07:22,337
making it that much more precious.

156
00:07:24,449 --> 00:07:26,475
Ugh, that is bad.

157
00:07:26,585 --> 00:07:31,115
That is, like, high-school-literary-magazine bad.

158
00:07:31,235 --> 00:07:32,995
And they're not even high.

159
00:07:33,236 --> 00:07:35,320
It's actually working.

160
00:07:35,507 --> 00:07:37,815
Yeah, smooth but slowly.

161
00:07:37,933 --> 00:07:39,898
God, close the deal, already.

162
00:07:40,014 --> 00:07:42,781
It's been, like, 45 minutes-- we could have had sex three times by now.

163
00:07:42,878 --> 00:07:44,687
- Yeah, try five.
- What up!

164
00:07:46,876 --> 00:07:48,778
Maybe we should just go out there.

165
00:07:48,992 --> 00:07:51,462
No way! We can't go out there now.

166
00:07:51,563 --> 00:07:54,459
They'll know that we've been sitting in the bathroom the whole time.

167
00:07:54,556 --> 00:07:56,062
It'll be too weird.

168
00:07:56,189 --> 00:07:57,079
Fine.

169
00:07:58,202 --> 00:07:59,755
But if we're stuck in here...

170
00:07:59,865 --> 00:08:01,273
I'm turning up the volume.

171
00:08:01,378 --> 00:08:02,760
Shh. Shh.

172
00:08:08,411 --> 00:08:10,214
I want to know you.

173
00:08:10,628 --> 00:08:13,890
Like, know your soul.

174
00:08:14,682 --> 00:08:17,303
Ted, what makes you cry?

175
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:21,207
Honey, could you hold my hair back, I think I'm going to hurl.

176
00:08:23,842 --> 00:08:27,215
So. What do you and Ted usually do after the cigar bar?

177
00:08:27,629 --> 00:08:28,885
Are you kidding?

178
00:08:28,999 --> 00:08:30,534
Ted's never been here.

179
00:08:30,681 --> 00:08:33,771
You've already flown higher and faster than he ever did.

180
00:08:34,444 --> 00:08:35,482
Still...

181
00:08:35,647 --> 00:08:36,592
What?

182
00:08:40,026 --> 00:08:42,330
There is one other thing we could do.

183
00:08:43,044 --> 00:08:44,515
If you're up for it.

184
00:08:48,131 --> 00:08:51,117
Oh, I had no idea laser tag still existed!

185
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,157
Yeah, well, enjoy it before it becomes cool again.

186
00:08:53,181 --> 00:08:54,086
I give it two months.

187
00:08:54,119 --> 00:08:55,298
Oh, I believe it-- this is awesome!

188
00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:59,464
Okay, follow my lead, stay low, and never underestimate a 12-year-old with a...

189
00:08:59,819 --> 00:09:02,033
Scherbotsky, you have to focus!

190
00:09:03,512 --> 00:09:04,929
You just saved my life, didn't you?

191
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:06,218
Thank me later.

192
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:07,557
Let's keep moving.

193
00:09:07,727 --> 00:09:10,313
These little bastards are everywhere.

194
00:09:14,807 --> 00:09:17,259
He's just staring into her eyes.

195
00:09:17,482 --> 00:09:22,723
I don't know, we used to be even more nauseatingly into each other than Ted and Victoria.

196
00:09:22,848 --> 00:09:24,206
Now look at us.

197
00:09:24,326 --> 00:09:27,523
Yeah...  now we just make fun of people like that.

198
00:09:27,993 --> 00:09:29,504
It's the circle of life.

199
00:09:30,392 --> 00:09:32,527
No, I'm serious, Marshall.

200
00:09:32,632 --> 00:09:35,677
I mean, we couldn't even get it up to go on our big trip.

201
00:09:35,788 --> 00:09:39,139
And now we're celebrating our anniversary stuck in a bathroom.

202
00:09:39,253 --> 00:09:42,238
Well, it's not fair to compare us to Ted and Victoria.

203
00:09:42,331 --> 00:09:44,140
This  is their first time.

204
00:09:44,297 --> 00:09:47,332
Yeah, but we could still have some more romance.

205
00:09:47,444 --> 00:09:50,273
Now, you just say, "Want to do it?" And I say, "Yeah."

206
00:09:52,542 --> 00:09:54,142
- Want to...
- No!

207
00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:59,268
Maybe we're just out of firsts.

208
00:10:09,151 --> 00:10:11,645
Looks like they're about to have theirs.

209
00:10:17,622 --> 00:10:19,211
Should we take this to the bedroom?

210
00:10:19,325 --> 00:10:20,433
- Yes!
- Yes!

211
00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:22,586
Yes.

212
00:10:22,724 --> 00:10:23,956
- Yes!
- Yes!

213
00:10:27,594 --> 00:10:30,057
No. No, don't answer it!

214
00:10:31,475 --> 00:10:32,780
You can answer it.

215
00:10:32,907 --> 00:10:34,021
We have all night.

216
00:10:34,165 --> 00:10:36,229
You're answering it? He's answering it!

217
00:10:36,354 --> 00:10:38,696
No! Do her! Do her now!

218
00:10:39,428 --> 00:10:41,895
Sure. Good luck with that.

219
00:10:43,230 --> 00:10:44,521
Sorry about that.

220
00:10:45,396 --> 00:10:47,123
How about a little more wine?

221
00:10:47,415 --> 00:10:48,976
I'll get another bottle.

222
00:10:51,532 --> 00:10:53,426
I need a drink.

223
00:10:53,589 --> 00:10:55,653
Do we have any cough syrup in here?

224
00:10:56,259 --> 00:10:57,182
Shh...

225
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,719
Oh, God. These brats have us completely surrounded.

226
00:11:07,817 --> 00:11:10,021
I counted nine, maybe ten.

227
00:11:10,144 --> 00:11:12,048
I'll lay down some cover fire, you make a run for it.

228
00:11:12,152 --> 00:11:13,560
No. Leave no man behind.

229
00:11:13,664 --> 00:11:15,444
Either we all get out of here or no one does.

230
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,818
- But I...
- Don't be a hero, Scherbotsky.

231
00:11:18,325 --> 00:11:20,182
See you on the other side.

232
00:11:30,628 --> 00:11:33,119
Damn. Want to go get a soft pretzel?

233
00:11:33,223 --> 00:11:34,226
- Yeah.
- All right.

234
00:11:36,940 --> 00:11:39,275
Marshall, what happened to us?

235
00:11:39,406 --> 00:11:43,327
We used to just stare into each other's eyes all night long.

236
00:11:43,870 --> 00:11:45,218
Have we lost that?

237
00:11:46,752 --> 00:11:47,805
Maybe.

238
00:11:51,831 --> 00:11:53,764
But I think I just found it.

239
00:11:54,694 --> 00:11:56,084
Right here.

240
00:11:57,629 --> 00:12:03,849
Baby, I'm giving you sexy smoldering with just a hint of crazy eyes.

241
00:12:05,448 --> 00:12:10,584
Okay, well, get ready for my sex-ray vision.

242
00:12:15,954 --> 00:12:18,116
Did you remember to pick up the dry cleaning?

243
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,340
- Oh, damn it.
- It's all right. We can do this.

244
00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:21,830
Let's just hold hands.

245
00:12:26,471 --> 00:12:28,067
This is nice.

246
00:12:32,001 --> 00:12:35,621
You love that move. It's a classic Marshall.

247
00:12:35,804 --> 00:12:38,668
All right, we totally suck at this.

248
00:12:38,776 --> 00:12:41,732
We really, really need to get out of here.

249
00:12:41,842 --> 00:12:43,343
Well, we can't.

250
00:12:43,951 --> 00:12:47,380
Baby, there's something I have to do, and if I do it in front of you,

251
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:51,131
it'll change the entire nature of our relationship.

252
00:12:51,236 --> 00:12:52,338
What is it?

253
00:12:52,882 --> 00:12:54,653
I have to pee.

254
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:01,240
- This is bad.
- Yeah.

255
00:13:01,353 --> 00:13:04,303
We've gone nine years without peeing in front of each other.

256
00:13:04,685 --> 00:13:07,162
You always think there'll be more time.

257
00:13:08,145 --> 00:13:09,071
Look at us.

258
00:13:09,184 --> 00:13:13,087
We're basically an old married couple, and we're not even married yet.

259
00:13:13,216 --> 00:13:17,421
The flame of our romance is flickering, and if I pee all over it,

260
00:13:17,518 --> 00:13:19,470
it might go out forever.

261
00:13:19,752 --> 00:13:21,852
How much longer do you think you can hold it?

262
00:13:21,965 --> 00:13:26,035
I drank a Big Gulp of Mountain Dew during that Quantum Leap marathon.

263
00:13:27,362 --> 00:13:28,478
Oh,  boy.

264
00:13:31,562 --> 00:13:34,084
Playing laser tag really takes me back.

265
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:37,313
You know what game I really miss? Battleship.

266
00:13:37,433 --> 00:13:38,534
I've never lost a game.

267
00:13:38,639 --> 00:13:39,925
Neither have I.

268
00:13:40,042 --> 00:13:40,767
Of course I cheat.

269
00:13:40,893 --> 00:13:41,958
Oh, yeah, me, too.

270
00:13:42,064 --> 00:13:44,657
The trick is to bend the aircraft carrier so it makes an L.

271
00:13:44,730 --> 00:13:47,255
Ah. I always just stacked the ships on top of each other.

272
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:48,221
Nice.

273
00:13:48,347 --> 00:13:50,461
You know, we should have a cheaters grudge match.

274
00:13:50,670 --> 00:13:52,379
I think I still have a...

275
00:13:53,028 --> 00:13:55,655
Hello. Target acquired. Hottie by the jukebox.

276
00:13:55,771 --> 00:13:58,228
Ooh, good eye, Scherbotsky.

277
00:13:58,352 --> 00:14:00,923
I got someone for you. Two o'clock, blue shirt.

278
00:14:02,485 --> 00:14:03,815
That's a woman.

279
00:14:04,142 --> 00:14:05,704
Oh, my mistake.

280
00:14:05,922 --> 00:14:07,618
Or is it?

281
00:14:08,617 --> 00:14:10,551
Let's just focus on your target.

282
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:11,626
Right.

283
00:14:12,831 --> 00:14:14,588
Yeah, I got this one.

284
00:14:19,196 --> 00:14:22,317
Oh, my God. I love your jeans.

285
00:14:22,722 --> 00:14:24,960
Okay. Is this a lesbian bar?

286
00:14:25,061 --> 00:14:26,451
Because that girl with the blue shirt just...

287
00:14:26,573 --> 00:14:29,356
Oh, no. I am all about the dudes.

288
00:14:29,462 --> 00:14:31,347
Although pickings are pretty slim tonight.

289
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:35,686
Only hot guy here is blondie in the suit, and he's playing hard to get.

290
00:14:36,195 --> 00:14:39,749
Really? 'Cause he's totally vibing me right now.

291
00:14:41,729 --> 00:14:43,119
Must be the jeans.

292
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:46,365
Well, jeans will only get you so far.

293
00:14:46,508 --> 00:14:47,889
I'm going home with him.

294
00:14:49,376 --> 00:14:50,747
We'll see about that.

295
00:15:02,140 --> 00:15:06,002
Oh, my God, I hate Ted. I hate him so much.

296
00:15:06,125 --> 00:15:08,096
Baby, why don't you just go?

297
00:15:08,204 --> 00:15:10,332
Tons of other couples have peed in front of each other.

298
00:15:10,422 --> 00:15:14,690
No, but we haven't, because I want to keep some of the mystery alive.

299
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:17,136
Well, you have farted in front of me.

300
00:15:17,728 --> 00:15:20,388
Yes, but I always cover it with a cough.

301
00:15:21,230 --> 00:15:22,806
You always do.

302
00:15:29,572 --> 00:15:30,975
- Hey.
- Hey.

303
00:15:31,034 --> 00:15:32,190
Let's get out of here. Let's go somewhere else.

304
00:15:32,284 --> 00:15:33,166
What happened?

305
00:15:33,259 --> 00:15:36,402
Eh, you sometimes like to do a little catch and release.

306
00:15:36,842 --> 00:15:37,984
But why?

307
00:15:38,927 --> 00:15:40,441
Leave no man behind.

308
00:15:40,658 --> 00:15:44,132
Either we all score or no one scores.

309
00:15:44,948 --> 00:15:46,037
Right on.

310
00:15:46,517 --> 00:15:48,285
Hey, you want to go play Battleship?

311
00:15:48,410 --> 00:15:49,453
Hit!

312
00:16:04,292 --> 00:16:07,224
Ted, I can't wait any longer.

313
00:16:07,341 --> 00:16:08,816
Should we move to the bedroom?

314
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:10,548
There's no time for that.

315
00:16:13,341 --> 00:16:15,382
They can suck on each other's fingers for an hour,

316
00:16:15,464 --> 00:16:17,875
but there's no time to take two steps to the bedroom?

317
00:16:17,989 --> 00:16:20,499
Baby, I can't hold it in any longer.

318
00:16:20,603 --> 00:16:21,926
It's time.

319
00:16:22,433 --> 00:16:23,493
I know.

320
00:16:25,263 --> 00:16:26,869
I love you, Marshall.

321
00:16:27,044 --> 00:16:28,597
I love you, Lily.

322
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:39,315
You know, Barney, I had a surprisingly good time bro-ing out tonight.

323
00:16:39,413 --> 00:16:40,731
Well, you make a good bro.

324
00:16:40,981 --> 00:16:42,735
You're a better Ted than Ted.

325
00:16:42,891 --> 00:16:47,543
Hey, in fact, you have just earned yourself an invite to Marshall's bachelor party.

326
00:16:47,654 --> 00:16:49,364
And you don't even have to come out of the cake.

327
00:16:49,454 --> 00:16:50,480
Thanks.

328
00:16:50,726 --> 00:16:54,287
And, um, thanks for sticking around tonight.

329
00:16:54,825 --> 00:16:57,169
I hope you're ready for some hard-core Battleship.

330
00:16:57,259 --> 00:16:58,024
Come on, boys.

331
00:17:00,334 --> 00:17:01,462
Hard-core?

332
00:17:01,975 --> 00:17:03,978
That's the only way I play.

333
00:17:11,397 --> 00:17:13,684
I found it. Are you ready to...

334
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,817
What the hell are you doing?

335
00:17:16,092 --> 00:17:18,113
I'm birthday suiting up.

336
00:17:18,562 --> 00:17:20,906
I'm sorry, did you want to undress me?

337
00:17:21,033 --> 00:17:23,669
No!  I thought we were just hanging out as friends.

338
00:17:23,770 --> 00:17:27,108
Oh, come on, you have been throwing yourself at me all night.

339
00:17:27,223 --> 00:17:30,277
What?! I did the opposite! I threw some other girl at you.

340
00:17:30,371 --> 00:17:34,091
You invited me up to your apartment to "play Battleship."

341
00:17:34,185 --> 00:17:37,163
Is that not an internationally recognized term for sex?

342
00:17:37,269 --> 00:17:38,312
No.

343
00:17:39,802 --> 00:17:40,900
Great.

344
00:17:41,401 --> 00:17:42,654
I hope you're happy.

345
00:17:43,846 --> 00:17:45,591
You sunk my battleship.

346
00:17:49,154 --> 00:17:50,383
I'm okay.

347
00:17:50,561 --> 00:17:51,792
You okay?

348
00:17:54,715 --> 00:17:55,935
I feel the same.

349
00:17:57,709 --> 00:17:59,635
And yet, strangely different.

350
00:18:00,607 --> 00:18:04,889
I'm happy for my bladder, yet sad for us.

351
00:18:05,773 --> 00:18:09,126
You had to do it, sweetie... for Ted.

352
00:18:09,385 --> 00:18:12,935
And, hey, look, at least now we can stay in here as long as it takes.

353
00:18:13,075 --> 00:18:16,630
Yeah. I guess our relationship had to take a hit

354
00:18:16,728 --> 00:18:19,513
so a new one out there could blossom.

355
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:24,976
Oh, crap!

356
00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,897
They must have heard that.

357
00:18:28,389 --> 00:18:30,696
Well, I guess we can come out now.

358
00:18:40,658 --> 00:18:42,679
I don't believe it. They're gone.

359
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:44,103
Good.

360
00:18:44,228 --> 00:18:46,078
'Cause I got to take a whiz.

361
00:18:49,151 --> 00:18:51,837
Okay, you and me, that's insane.

362
00:18:51,961 --> 00:18:53,410
If you even thought about it for one second...

363
00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:56,390
But I have thought about it for three seconds, and it makes a lot of sense.

364
00:18:56,477 --> 00:18:58,548
We both think the marriage commitment thing's a drag.

365
00:18:58,637 --> 00:19:02,466
We both want something casual and fun. And we clearly get along really well.

366
00:19:03,874 --> 00:19:06,292
Wow, that actually did make a lot of sense.

367
00:19:07,106 --> 00:19:08,881
But what about Ted?

368
00:19:09,395 --> 00:19:10,763
I checked with Ted.

369
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:13,287
Ted, so now that things with you and Victoria are going pretty well,

370
00:19:13,309 --> 00:19:15,191
I assume you're over all the girls you were into before, right?

371
00:19:15,224 --> 00:19:18,599
I take your silence as a yes, so say I were to hook up with someone, say Robin,

372
00:19:18,624 --> 00:19:19,902
you'd be cool with that, right?

373
00:19:20,005 --> 00:19:21,831
Sure. Good luck with that.

374
00:19:22,825 --> 00:19:24,356
Totally gave us his blessing.

375
00:19:24,411 --> 00:19:25,419
Really?

376
00:19:25,997 --> 00:19:27,172
Really.

377
00:19:27,754 --> 00:19:30,887
So Ted didn't care that you wanted to make a move on me?

378
00:19:31,055 --> 00:19:32,939
Didn't care at all.

379
00:19:37,854 --> 00:19:38,789
Oh.

380
00:19:39,594 --> 00:19:40,870
Oh...

381
00:19:40,946 --> 00:19:41,760
What?

382
00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:43,597
You like Ted.

383
00:19:43,658 --> 00:19:44,828
I didn't say I liked Ted.

384
00:19:44,944 --> 00:19:47,437
You like Ted.

385
00:19:47,547 --> 00:19:48,793
Wow.

386
00:19:48,917 --> 00:19:50,239
This is huge.

387
00:19:50,351 --> 00:19:52,214
Barney, I don't like Ted.

388
00:19:52,339 --> 00:19:53,977
He's moved on, and I'm really happy for...

389
00:19:54,058 --> 00:19:57,267
Yeah, yeah. Look, are we gonna play Battleship or what?

390
00:20:06,377 --> 00:20:07,992
You're not gonna tell him, are you?

391
00:20:10,658 --> 00:20:11,665
No.

392
00:20:12,899 --> 00:20:14,277
That's the bro code.

393
00:20:15,108 --> 00:20:19,536
A bro doesn't tell a mutual bro that a third bro has a crush on him.

394
00:20:20,259 --> 00:20:22,396
Just like the third bro doesn't tell the mutual bro

395
00:20:22,484 --> 00:20:25,512
that the original bro went bare pickle in front of her.

396
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,335
It's quid pro bro.

397
00:20:30,455 --> 00:20:31,633
- A-7.
- Miss.

398
00:20:31,743 --> 00:20:32,882
Of course.

399
00:20:35,191 --> 00:20:37,563
Well, we still have one frontier left.

400
00:20:37,712 --> 00:20:39,579
Still got the deuce.

401
00:20:40,584 --> 00:20:42,590
Not making me feel better.

402
00:20:44,940 --> 00:20:47,041
Well, it certainly was a first.

403
00:20:49,005 --> 00:20:51,344
It was, wasn't it?

404
00:20:51,892 --> 00:20:53,859
We still have firsts.

405
00:20:53,955 --> 00:20:55,800
Of course we do.

406
00:20:55,936 --> 00:20:58,551
And you know what, I actually feel closer to you now.

407
00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:01,086
I want to know you.

408
00:21:01,527 --> 00:21:05,204
Like, know your soul.

409
00:21:05,460 --> 00:21:09,522
Marshall, what makes you cry?

410
00:21:10,537 --> 00:21:18,520
This moment is fleeting because it's being chased by another moment.

411
00:21:19,262 --> 00:21:22,127
Oh, just grab my boob already.

412
00:21:25,380 --> 00:21:27,454
Come on, guys, get a room.