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General InformationEdit

Title "Cupcake"
Format SubRip
Extension .srt
Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cupcake_(How_I_Met_Your_Mother)

SubtitlesEdit

1
00:00:13,599 --> 00:00:15,508
Kids, when it comes to love,

2
00:00:15,509 --> 00:00:18,671
the best relationships are the ones that just come naturally.

3
00:00:18,682 --> 00:00:20,510
My first solo batch.

4
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:23,664
Um, I think those need to stay in the oven a while longer.

5
00:00:23,665 --> 00:00:25,012
Here's a professional tip.

6
00:00:25,013 --> 00:00:28,172
If it's still runny, it's not a cupcake.

7
00:00:28,173 --> 00:00:29,461
It's a beverage.

8
00:00:29,462 --> 00:00:31,862
Yeah, well, things with Victoria were fun,

9
00:00:31,863 --> 00:00:34,748
and easy, and uncomplicated.

10
00:00:34,749 --> 00:00:36,258
It was pretty great.

11
00:00:42,160 --> 00:00:45,050
Um, are you coloring in your butt?

12
00:00:45,050 --> 00:00:48,603
I have a big interview coming up, and my suit has holes in it.

13
00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:51,266
I can't sew, I don't own Navy boxers, so,

14
00:00:51,266 --> 00:00:53,878
yeah, I'm coloring in my butt.

15
00:00:54,087 --> 00:00:54,860
So wear another one.

16
00:00:54,861 --> 00:00:55,884
I don't have another one.

17
00:00:55,885 --> 00:01:00,140
I'm flat broke. My only other suit options are track or birthday.

18
00:01:00,597 --> 00:01:02,935
Dude, you show up to an interview in that,

19
00:01:02,936 --> 00:01:05,956
even the hippie lawyers from Granola Mountain Earth Pals

20
00:01:05,957 --> 00:01:07,890
will hackey sack you straight out the door.

21
00:01:07,891 --> 00:01:12,254
Okay, it's the National Resource Defense Council, and it's my dream job.

22
00:01:12,255 --> 00:01:15,175
Except it's only an internship, and I won't be getting paid.

23
00:01:15,176 --> 00:01:16,553
Mostly getting people coffee.

24
00:01:16,554 --> 00:01:18,714
But the people I'm getting coffee for--

25
00:01:18,715 --> 00:01:21,553
their bosses are going to save the world.

26
00:01:22,225 --> 00:01:25,685
Okay, tomorrow-- oh, and I should mention this is going to rock your world--

27
00:01:25,686 --> 00:01:30,073
tomorrow I'm taking you to my personal tailor.

28
00:01:30,074 --> 00:01:30,960
A tailor?

29
00:01:30,961 --> 00:01:33,447
Barney, I make negative $300 a week,

30
00:01:33,448 --> 00:01:35,879
and I need every negative penny of that for my wedding.

31
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:38,204
Relax, my guy does everything for one third the cost.

32
00:01:38,205 --> 00:01:43,840
And there is no way you're getting married in that sarcastic-quotation-marks "suit."

33
00:01:43,841 --> 00:01:47,373
Tomorrow, noon, my tailor.

34
00:01:48,098 --> 00:01:49,724
No thanks, dude.

35
00:01:53,726 --> 00:01:56,050
- Noon?
- Noon. See you then.

36
00:01:59,539 --> 00:02:01,393
- Hey, girls.
- Hey.

37
00:02:01,394 --> 00:02:03,038
Hey. I'm on my way to meet Ted.

38
00:02:03,039 --> 00:02:05,369
It's our two monthiversary, so we're going out to dinner.

39
00:02:05,370 --> 00:02:07,886
Great! Well, that answers all the questions I didn't ask.

40
00:02:07,887 --> 00:02:08,983
Robin!

41
00:02:08,984 --> 00:02:10,807
Oh, come on. We bust on each other.

42
00:02:10,808 --> 00:02:13,105
We're just at that place in our strong friendship.

43
00:02:13,106 --> 00:02:15,320
Really? Oh.

44
00:02:15,321 --> 00:02:16,547
Get off me.

45
00:02:16,965 --> 00:02:19,281
Oh, see? I did it again.

46
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:23,598
What are you guys up to? Oh, dress shopping.

47
00:02:23,599 --> 00:02:26,016
You know, I make wedding cakes for a lot of fancy bridal shops.

48
00:02:26,017 --> 00:02:28,729
If you want, I could take you shopping, maybe get you a discount.

49
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:31,035
- Really? That'd be great.
- Yeah.

50
00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,673
Huh. I should take this.

51
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:37,482
Hello.

52
00:02:37,483 --> 00:02:39,585
Hey, I thought it was going to be just us tomorrow.

53
00:02:39,586 --> 00:02:41,785
What's with inviting Punky Brewster?

54
00:02:41,973 --> 00:02:45,436
Robin, you've got to get over this Ted and Victoria thing.

55
00:02:45,437 --> 00:02:47,653
You had your chance, and now he's moved on.

56
00:02:47,654 --> 00:02:49,993
Can't you just be happy for them?

57
00:02:50,082 --> 00:02:52,299
The best I can give you is a fake smile and dead eyes.

58
00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,476
Sold.

59
00:02:57,761 --> 00:02:59,344
Victoria, what's wrong?

60
00:02:59,345 --> 00:03:03,997
I've just been offered a fellowship at a culinary institute in Germany.

61
00:03:03,998 --> 00:03:06,164
Wait. Germany, Europe?

62
00:03:06,165 --> 00:03:07,870
It's for two years.

63
00:03:07,871 --> 00:03:12,349
I figured I didn't have much of a chance, 'cause they don't let many Americans in, but...

64
00:03:12,350 --> 00:03:13,689
I'm in.

65
00:03:13,765 --> 00:03:16,027
So, this is the Europe Germany?

66
00:03:16,433 --> 00:03:18,511
What other Germany would it be?

67
00:03:18,512 --> 00:03:20,364
- The one in Epcot?
- Ted.

68
00:03:20,365 --> 00:03:21,428
Sorry.

69
00:03:23,402 --> 00:03:25,658
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.

70
00:03:25,846 --> 00:03:27,387
I don't know if I'm going to go.

71
00:03:27,388 --> 00:03:30,689
Mm-hmm. And if you do, what does that mean for us?

72
00:03:30,690 --> 00:03:32,123
I don't know.

73
00:03:33,194 --> 00:03:36,998
I just... I don't think that long distance really works for anyone.

74
00:03:36,999 --> 00:03:38,137
Oh, God, no.

75
00:03:38,138 --> 00:03:42,844
Long-distance is a lie teenagers tell each other to get laid the summer before college.

76
00:03:43,906 --> 00:03:46,357
So, that leaves us with...

77
00:03:46,779 --> 00:03:48,620
Either you stay here,

78
00:03:48,956 --> 00:03:50,408
or we break up.

79
00:03:51,821 --> 00:03:53,228
Wow.

80
00:03:53,676 --> 00:03:57,097
Um, look, let's just see how things progress, and if by September,

81
00:03:57,098 --> 00:03:59,079
- we still feel...
- I have to leave on Monday.

82
00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:01,616
- Monday, September the...?
- Ted.

83
00:04:04,088 --> 00:04:06,088
Do you have any thoughts?

84
00:04:06,527 --> 00:04:09,706
Maybe we should each take some time to think about what we want.

85
00:04:10,122 --> 00:04:12,500
We'll meet up tomorrow to discuss it.

86
00:04:13,035 --> 00:04:14,397
It's a date.

87
00:04:14,780 --> 00:04:17,451
And that's when things got complicated.

88
00:04:19,325 --> 00:04:20,897
Hey, baby, how's the dress place?

89
00:04:20,898 --> 00:04:23,104
Everything's so fluffy and white.

90
00:04:23,105 --> 00:04:24,939
It's like shopping in a marshmallow.

91
00:04:24,940 --> 00:04:26,805
How's Barney's tailor?

92
00:04:27,414 --> 00:04:32,520
Um, everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal.

93
00:04:32,521 --> 00:04:34,467
It's like shopping in Barney's mind.

94
00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:36,755
- Well, good luck, baby.
- Bye.

95
00:04:38,382 --> 00:04:41,250
Hey, Barney, I'm not sure about this.

96
00:04:41,251 --> 00:04:43,652
A tailor in the back room of a pet store?

97
00:04:43,653 --> 00:04:46,802
Look, do you want a quality suit and a free rabbit or not?

98
00:04:52,098 --> 00:04:54,237
Ted, Sergei says stop moping around.

99
00:04:54,238 --> 00:04:56,116
You're distracting him from his process.

100
00:04:56,117 --> 00:04:57,667
You speak Ukrainian?

101
00:04:59,129 --> 00:05:01,522
Guys, I'm kind of screwed here.

102
00:05:01,523 --> 00:05:05,501
I don't want to lose Victoria, but I can't ask her to stay just for me.

103
00:05:05,502 --> 00:05:07,471
And long distance definitely isn't an option.

104
00:05:07,482 --> 00:05:09,561
No. No, no, no. No way.

105
00:05:09,562 --> 00:05:11,571
You know who likes long distance? Girls.

106
00:05:11,572 --> 00:05:14,528
It's all talking and no sex. Kill me now.

107
00:05:14,807 --> 00:05:18,607
Don't knock long-distance relationships. I really think they can work.

108
00:05:18,608 --> 00:05:20,531
- Really? You?
- Absolutely.

109
00:05:20,532 --> 00:05:22,217
I'm juggling four right now.

110
00:05:22,218 --> 00:05:25,390
There's Lisa in Madrid, there's Erica in Tokyo,

111
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:29,435
there's Laura in Denmark, and Kelly on 34th Street.

112
00:05:29,979 --> 00:05:33,863
The lass thinks I'm a humble sheep shearer from Killarney.

113
00:05:34,426 --> 00:05:38,636
Ted, do you remember in college when Lily did that summer art program in Paris?

114
00:05:38,637 --> 00:05:39,158
Yeah.

115
00:05:39,159 --> 00:05:42,566
Well, she kept talking about this cheesy French guy, Gabriel.

116
00:05:42,567 --> 00:05:44,799
So, I went out to visit, and there was this party.

117
00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,627
And who shows up but Gabriel.

118
00:05:46,628 --> 00:05:50,081
And he's got this weak-ass, thin French moustache.

119
00:05:50,082 --> 00:05:53,370
I'm not much of a fighter, but I knew I could take this weird little dude.

120
00:05:53,580 --> 00:05:56,798
So, I took him aside, and I got all creepy quiet,

121
00:05:56,799 --> 00:05:59,894
I got the crazy eyes going, and I said,

122
00:06:00,752 --> 00:06:02,827
"You stay away from Lily,

123
00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:09,133
or I swear to God I'll eat that moustache right off of your ugly French face."

124
00:06:09,134 --> 00:06:11,059
Yeah. Yeah, he literally ran away.

125
00:06:11,060 --> 00:06:12,744
I think he was crying.

126
00:06:12,837 --> 00:06:14,692
I never told Lily about it.

127
00:06:14,696 --> 00:06:17,244
To be honest, I'm not very proud of it.

128
00:06:17,867 --> 00:06:21,045
To be even more honest, I am.

129
00:06:21,709 --> 00:06:24,879
Um, other than confirming a lot of European stereotypes about Americans,

130
00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,405
did that little story have a point?

131
00:06:26,406 --> 00:06:29,568
Yeah, the point is that even though Lily is my soul mate,

132
00:06:29,569 --> 00:06:31,783
long distance still almost killed us.

133
00:06:31,784 --> 00:06:35,284
If you think that there's any chance that Victoria is your soul mate,

134
00:06:35,346 --> 00:06:36,722
you should ask her to stay.

135
00:06:36,723 --> 00:06:39,675
Well, I don't know if she is. It's still so early, but yeah, she could be.

136
00:06:39,676 --> 00:06:41,724
Oh, please. You barely know this girl.

137
00:06:41,725 --> 00:06:42,776
What's her favorite color?

138
00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:44,591
Is she a cat person or a dog person?

139
00:06:44,592 --> 00:06:46,584
Is she open to a three-way?

140
00:06:46,585 --> 00:06:49,442
Ted, I do more research than this before buying a cell phone.

141
00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:52,844
And FYI, yes, I have three-way calling.

142
00:06:53,342 --> 00:06:57,927
Look, she can't be a cat person. I'm a dog person, I'm attracted to other dog people.

143
00:06:57,928 --> 00:06:59,619
Are you sure?

144
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:00,682
All right.

145
00:07:03,390 --> 00:07:04,143
Hello.

146
00:07:04,143 --> 00:07:06,477
Hey, random question. How do you feel about cats?

147
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:09,357
Cats. Hated the musical, love the animal.

148
00:07:10,213 --> 00:07:13,371
Good to know. Um, okay. Good-bye.

149
00:07:14,380 --> 00:07:16,074
She's a cat person.

150
00:07:16,528 --> 00:07:18,993
I don't know this girl at all.

151
00:07:19,968 --> 00:07:22,060
- Oh, excellent. We'll take this one.
- Yes.

152
00:07:22,061 --> 00:07:25,342
Whoa. Hey, hey, it's my suit. Shouldn't I be the one to choose?

153
00:07:26,109 --> 00:07:28,040
Here. Play with this pin cushion.

154
00:07:34,999 --> 00:07:36,518
God.

155
00:07:36,685 --> 00:07:38,634
I'm going to look hot.

156
00:07:38,676 --> 00:07:41,239
Marshall, I can't let you waste a suit this nice

157
00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,812
fighting a losing battle for our planet's survival.

158
00:07:43,813 --> 00:07:45,239
This is a suit for winners.

159
00:07:45,240 --> 00:07:47,471
I am getting you an interview at my office.

160
00:07:47,472 --> 00:07:49,547
We need good men like you in our legal department.

161
00:07:49,548 --> 00:07:52,442
We get sued a lot.

162
00:07:52,443 --> 00:07:55,047
No way. The Kid does not sell out.

163
00:07:55,048 --> 00:07:57,645
Oh, come on, dude! Three months working with me,

164
00:07:57,646 --> 00:08:00,238
you'll make more than Lily makes in a year.

165
00:08:00,913 --> 00:08:03,388
No. I've made my decision.

166
00:08:03,482 --> 00:08:05,103
So have I.

167
00:08:05,145 --> 00:08:08,252
If I ask this girl to give up her dreams for me, and two weeks later, it's not working out,

168
00:08:08,253 --> 00:08:10,801
I'm, like, the biggest jerk of all time.

169
00:08:10,802 --> 00:08:13,754
It's just too much pressure on a new relationship.

170
00:08:14,870 --> 00:08:16,746
I'm going to tell her to go.

171
00:08:18,113 --> 00:08:21,328
And so I met her that night to tell her my decision.

172
00:08:21,329 --> 00:08:23,818
All right, I've been thinking a lot about this...

173
00:08:23,819 --> 00:08:25,961
Okay, wait, before you say anything,

174
00:08:26,531 --> 00:08:29,925
I wanted to give you this.

175
00:08:30,455 --> 00:08:35,300
This is what happens when you, you know, let them finish baking.

176
00:08:41,896 --> 00:08:43,728
I want you to stay.

177
00:08:48,669 --> 00:08:52,917
Everything here is dark and sketchy and seems illegal.

178
00:08:52,918 --> 00:08:54,894
It's like shopping in Barney's mind.

179
00:08:55,073 --> 00:08:57,270
- Oh, good luck, baby.
- Bye.

180
00:08:57,747 --> 00:09:00,854
Now, what sort of dress did you have in mind, dear?

181
00:09:00,855 --> 00:09:03,090
Nothing too huge or-or poofy.

182
00:09:03,091 --> 00:09:04,619
I'm not really a girlie girl.

183
00:09:04,620 --> 00:09:07,540
But I would like to look like a beautiful princess.

184
00:09:07,541 --> 00:09:09,254
I saw a couple up front that were nice.

185
00:09:09,255 --> 00:09:10,876
By the window?

186
00:09:11,025 --> 00:09:15,490
No offense, dear, but those are a little out of your price range.

187
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:19,837
Where does she get off? She doesn't know how much money I make.

188
00:09:19,838 --> 00:09:21,312
Oh, these women are experts.

189
00:09:21,313 --> 00:09:24,686
They can guess your net annual income just by looking at your underwear.

190
00:09:24,687 --> 00:09:29,039
Damn you Old Navy and your reasonably-priced three-packs!

191
00:09:29,107 --> 00:09:30,816
At least we get free champagne!

192
00:09:30,817 --> 00:09:32,278
- And cake.
- Mm-hmm.

193
00:09:32,279 --> 00:09:34,701
Speaking of which, Victoria, have you decided

194
00:09:34,702 --> 00:09:37,151
what to do about your doughnut fellowship?

195
00:09:37,421 --> 00:09:39,089
You know, I don't know.

196
00:09:39,090 --> 00:09:41,622
I mean, I want to go, but I don't want to lose Ted.

197
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:44,051
I even thought about long distance, as if that ever works.

198
00:09:44,052 --> 00:09:47,584
Ugh. All talking and no sex. Kill me now.

199
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:52,908
I know it sounds lame, but I actually think that Ted might be The One.

200
00:09:52,984 --> 00:09:55,102
That's pretty hard to walk away from.

201
00:09:55,103 --> 00:09:56,286
Well, I don't know.

202
00:09:56,287 --> 00:09:59,090
I'd feel a little Stepford turning down a huge opportunity

203
00:09:59,091 --> 00:10:01,376
to chase some guy I'd only known two months.

204
00:10:01,377 --> 00:10:03,453
But this isn't just some guy.

205
00:10:03,454 --> 00:10:05,059
This is Ted.

206
00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:08,077
He's amazing. He's the best guy I know.

207
00:10:08,078 --> 00:10:11,329
Yeah, in America, but German guys? Whew!

208
00:10:11,330 --> 00:10:15,555
I would let them bread my schnitzel any day, if you know what I mean.

209
00:10:15,850 --> 00:10:17,744
- I really don't...
- Sex.

210
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:21,779
Oh, excuse me, ma'am. This bastard's kicked.

211
00:10:21,780 --> 00:10:22,969
Thanks.

212
00:10:23,505 --> 00:10:26,672
- Oh!
- Oh!

213
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,542
It's okay, guys, I hate it.

214
00:10:28,543 --> 00:10:30,602
- Just horrible.
- It's bad, it's really bad.

215
00:10:30,603 --> 00:10:32,240
Short in front, long in the back?

216
00:10:32,241 --> 00:10:35,423
That is the mullet of wedding dresses.

217
00:10:36,081 --> 00:10:39,654
You know, Victoria, Marshall and I did long distance once.

218
00:10:39,655 --> 00:10:42,716
In college, I did an art course in Paris.

219
00:10:42,717 --> 00:10:44,752
I was the only American there.

220
00:10:44,753 --> 00:10:46,341
It was really lonely.

221
00:10:46,342 --> 00:10:49,173
I only had one friend, Gabrielle.

222
00:10:49,174 --> 00:10:51,737
She was kind of homely and strange-looking,

223
00:10:51,738 --> 00:10:55,576
and she was really self-conscious about this little moustache she had.

224
00:10:55,653 --> 00:10:59,172
Anyway, halfway through the semester, she just stopped talking to me,

225
00:10:59,173 --> 00:11:01,388
and I never figured out why.

226
00:11:02,165 --> 00:11:04,000
And then I had nobody.

227
00:11:04,001 --> 00:11:06,007
The only thing that got me through was knowing

228
00:11:06,008 --> 00:11:09,328
that my soul mate was back at home waiting for me.

229
00:11:09,543 --> 00:11:13,979
If Ted's your soul mate, then it may be worth it to hang onto him.

230
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:16,025
But how am I supposed to know if we're soul mates?

231
00:11:16,026 --> 00:11:17,644
It's too soon.

232
00:11:18,362 --> 00:11:19,938
Ooh. Speak of the devil.

233
00:11:19,939 --> 00:11:20,701
Hello.

234
00:11:20,702 --> 00:11:22,993
Hey, random question: how do you feel cats?

235
00:11:22,994 --> 00:11:25,652
Cats. Hated the musical, love the animal.

236
00:11:25,653 --> 00:11:29,036
A cat person. Why am I not surprised?

237
00:11:30,162 --> 00:11:31,321
Bye.

238
00:11:31,475 --> 00:11:33,750
Why does Ted want to know if I like cats?

239
00:11:33,751 --> 00:11:35,783
Maybe he's going to buy you one.

240
00:11:35,784 --> 00:11:38,243
I did hear barking in the background.

241
00:11:38,244 --> 00:11:39,919
Maybe he was in a pet store.

242
00:11:39,920 --> 00:11:42,086
Does he want us to get a cat together?

243
00:11:42,087 --> 00:11:46,204
Maybe he's using an adorable kitty to guilt you into staying.

244
00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:48,207
That is low.

245
00:11:48,518 --> 00:11:49,990
Do you really think that's what he's doing?

246
00:11:49,991 --> 00:11:51,533
Oh, I wouldn't even wait to find out.

247
00:11:51,534 --> 00:11:53,974
I would be on the next plane to Germany.

248
00:11:55,687 --> 00:11:57,780
- Aw.
- Aw.

249
00:11:57,781 --> 00:12:00,005
Oh, God, you guys are sucky liars.

250
00:12:00,006 --> 00:12:02,608
- Ugly, ugly, ugly.
- I don't know what to say.

251
00:12:03,513 --> 00:12:05,999
You know what? We're doing this all wrong.

252
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:10,712
I am going to get you one of those front window dresses, just for fun.

253
00:12:13,084 --> 00:12:14,504
Are you okay?

254
00:12:14,505 --> 00:12:15,833
I'm fine.

255
00:12:15,834 --> 00:12:16,948
Okay.

256
00:12:16,949 --> 00:12:20,411
Just kind of seemed like you're trying to hustle Victoria out of the country.

257
00:12:20,412 --> 00:12:22,659
I'm not, I'm just trying to support her.

258
00:12:22,660 --> 00:12:25,592
She got a super-important dessert scholarship.

259
00:12:25,593 --> 00:12:29,878
Stop being sarcastic. It is a super-important dessert scholarship.

260
00:12:29,879 --> 00:12:33,061
Wow, that's hard to say without sounding sarcastic.

261
00:12:33,437 --> 00:12:36,946
Look... I know you're not Victoria's biggest fan,

262
00:12:36,947 --> 00:12:40,180
but she seems to make Ted happy.

263
00:12:40,181 --> 00:12:44,504
So think about that before you use your miles to buy her a plane ticket.

264
00:12:44,935 --> 00:12:46,940
Somebody say "beautiful princess."

265
00:12:46,941 --> 00:12:50,182
Oh, my gosh, it's perfect! Oh!

266
00:12:50,183 --> 00:12:53,567
This dress is totally going to get me laid on my wedding night.

267
00:12:55,179 --> 00:12:58,043
Oh, look how happy she is.

268
00:12:58,277 --> 00:13:01,839
You know, I've always thought of myself as one of those independent women

269
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,654
who would never let any guy mess with my career.

270
00:13:04,655 --> 00:13:07,170
And now I'm actually thinking about it.

271
00:13:07,171 --> 00:13:11,483
I feel guilty, like it's un-feminist or something.

272
00:13:12,758 --> 00:13:14,430
I know what you mean.

273
00:13:14,670 --> 00:13:16,049
You do?

274
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:22,584
Well, I'm always putting my career ahead of my relationships, and...

275
00:13:22,667 --> 00:13:26,314
to be honest, there's a lot of lonely nights in that job description.

276
00:13:26,315 --> 00:13:28,571
See, that's what I'm afraid of.

277
00:13:28,572 --> 00:13:33,889
Choosing Ted over your career doesn't make you un-feminist.

278
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:38,319
Maybe it just means that you guys would be happy together.

279
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,513
Robin...

280
00:13:41,248 --> 00:13:45,042
I think that you are the coolest.

281
00:13:45,155 --> 00:13:47,345
I'm so glad that we're friends.

282
00:13:47,346 --> 00:13:48,882
Oh, no way-- you're the coolest.

283
00:13:48,883 --> 00:13:50,994
No, you are.

284
00:13:51,017 --> 00:13:52,643
Okay, I am.

285
00:13:56,905 --> 00:13:58,595
I'm going to stay.

286
00:14:01,771 --> 00:14:03,734
- Aw.
- Aw.

287
00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:09,327
Oh, I am so beautiful!

288
00:14:09,328 --> 00:14:10,721
Oh, don't tell me how much it costs.

289
00:14:10,722 --> 00:14:13,832
Just snap my neck now, so I can die this pretty.

290
00:14:14,123 --> 00:14:16,350
Wow, you look incredible.

291
00:14:16,351 --> 00:14:21,260
Oh. Okay, okay, how much is it, on a scale of never to never ever?

292
00:14:21,269 --> 00:14:25,632
Never ever, ever, ever, ever... times infinity.

293
00:14:27,924 --> 00:14:29,841
Well, it's okay.

294
00:14:29,842 --> 00:14:32,543
You know, what makes a bride beautiful

295
00:14:32,544 --> 00:14:36,074
is that she's just happy to be getting married.

296
00:14:39,196 --> 00:14:41,574
Oh, guys, I know I look amazing,

297
00:14:41,575 --> 00:14:46,067
but the important thing is that Marshall and I love each other, right?

298
00:14:46,068 --> 00:14:48,220
Yes, you're right.

299
00:14:48,301 --> 00:14:52,560
But also... you just sat down in the cake.

300
00:14:54,932 --> 00:14:55,791
But, you know what?

301
00:14:55,792 --> 00:14:59,746
It's going to come out because it's only... chocolate and raspberry.

302
00:15:00,027 --> 00:15:02,871
Okay. Come on, get up, let us see how bad it is.

303
00:15:11,462 --> 00:15:14,015
It was like this when I found it?

304
00:15:14,016 --> 00:15:16,502
And how will you be paying for this?

305
00:15:18,436 --> 00:15:21,134
Credit card... s.

306
00:15:25,273 --> 00:15:28,811
I wanted to give you... this.

307
00:15:29,216 --> 00:15:31,124
This is what happens when you...

308
00:15:31,125 --> 00:15:34,031
you know, let them finish baking.

309
00:15:40,675 --> 00:15:42,544
I want you to stay.

310
00:15:46,089 --> 00:15:48,112
I have to go to Germany.

311
00:15:51,822 --> 00:15:53,242
You're going?

312
00:15:53,356 --> 00:15:55,566
Yes. I have to.

313
00:15:55,567 --> 00:15:56,994
So that's what you decided?

314
00:15:56,995 --> 00:16:00,081
Well, no-- I mean, I actually came here tonight leaning toward staying,

315
00:16:00,082 --> 00:16:03,904
but when you just told me to stay, it made me realize that I have to go.

316
00:16:03,905 --> 00:16:05,640
What is this, opposite day or something?

317
00:16:05,641 --> 00:16:07,748
- No.
- So it is?

318
00:16:08,949 --> 00:16:11,448
Ted, we've only been dating for two months.

319
00:16:11,449 --> 00:16:13,974
I can't let you make this decision for me.

320
00:16:13,975 --> 00:16:16,712
I was totally going to tell you to go, but then you gave me this cupcake,

321
00:16:16,713 --> 00:16:18,838
and it reminded me how great you are.

322
00:16:18,839 --> 00:16:21,584
Well, is there any chance that you would move to Germany with me?

323
00:16:21,585 --> 00:16:23,604
Well, that's just crazy.

324
00:16:23,605 --> 00:16:25,718
Oh, okay.

325
00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:28,691
So it's fine for me to make sacrifices for you, but for you it's crazy.

326
00:16:28,692 --> 00:16:31,159
But you have a job here and a life; I'd have nothing there.

327
00:16:31,160 --> 00:16:31,918
You'd have me.

328
00:16:31,919 --> 00:16:34,060
We've only been dating two months.

329
00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:38,824
Oh, it's not fair. It's not fair that we have to break up.

330
00:16:38,825 --> 00:16:40,433
I hate this.

331
00:16:43,051 --> 00:16:46,581
So... we're breaking up?

332
00:16:47,944 --> 00:16:49,400
I guess so.

333
00:16:52,833 --> 00:16:54,234
I guess so.

334
00:16:56,623 --> 00:16:58,411
God, that sucks, man.

335
00:16:58,673 --> 00:17:00,164
I'm so sorry.

336
00:17:01,084 --> 00:17:02,874
It was just too much pressure too soon.

337
00:17:02,875 --> 00:17:05,387
I mean, maybe it was silly to even think...

338
00:17:06,162 --> 00:17:09,173
Yes, Marshall, I see your new suit, and it's awesome.

339
00:17:09,174 --> 00:17:11,010
Well, thank you for acknowledging it.

340
00:17:11,011 --> 00:17:12,221
It was weird that you hadn't.

341
00:17:12,222 --> 00:17:16,391
Look, I understand that you guys had to break up eventually, but why today?

342
00:17:16,392 --> 00:17:18,999
- She's leaving tomorrow.
- Yeah, but she's still in town.

343
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,104
Yeah, she... she's still in town.

344
00:17:21,105 --> 00:17:24,697
Yeah, so you spend one more amazing day together.

345
00:17:24,803 --> 00:17:26,418
Ted, think about it this way:

346
00:17:26,419 --> 00:17:28,802
if you knew that you were going to lose your leg tomorrow,

347
00:17:28,803 --> 00:17:31,086
would you sit on the couch and cry about it,

348
00:17:31,087 --> 00:17:33,428
or would you run, and jump,

349
00:17:33,429 --> 00:17:37,177
and do some awesome air kicks while you still could?

350
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:42,079
Awesome air kicks, huh?

351
00:17:43,432 --> 00:17:45,981
- New pajama bottoms?
- You know it.

352
00:17:47,003 --> 00:17:49,338
So we can sit around and cry, or we can run,

353
00:17:49,339 --> 00:17:52,781
and do awesome air kicks before our leg gets chopped off.

354
00:17:52,980 --> 00:17:55,262
Wait, so we're sharing the leg?

355
00:17:55,263 --> 00:17:57,379
No, the leg is a metaphor.

356
00:17:57,380 --> 00:18:00,637
How could the leg be well enough to do awesome air kicks one day,

357
00:18:00,638 --> 00:18:03,895
and yet still so sick it needs to be chopped off the next?

358
00:18:05,682 --> 00:18:07,172
I don't know, Ted.

359
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:10,690
Come on, we've had a good run. Why end on a fight?

360
00:18:10,852 --> 00:18:12,379
Well, what would you want to do?

361
00:18:12,380 --> 00:18:14,982
Let's do all the stuff we talked about doing and never got around to.

362
00:18:14,983 --> 00:18:15,855
Like go to the Mets.

363
00:18:15,856 --> 00:18:17,349
Yeah, we'll walk across the Brooklyn Bridge.

364
00:18:17,350 --> 00:18:19,159
See some monkeys at the zoo?

365
00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:21,807
Go to that French-Vietnamese place we keep passing and say we want to try?

366
00:18:21,808 --> 00:18:23,836
Wow! We better get going.

367
00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:26,261
Yeah, big day.

368
00:18:26,262 --> 00:18:26,831
Yeah.

369
00:18:26,832 --> 00:18:30,391
And, kids, that's exactly what we did with our last day.

370
00:18:30,392 --> 00:18:34,328
The museum, the bridge, the restaurant,

371
00:18:34,329 --> 00:18:37,081
and all of those nice things.

372
00:18:37,082 --> 00:18:40,187
Lily, you have to tell him. That dress cost a fortune.

373
00:18:40,188 --> 00:18:43,274
No, I'm just gonna wait for the next time Marshall really screws up,

374
00:18:43,275 --> 00:18:47,069
and then, I'll just slip this in, and it won't seem so bad by comparison.

375
00:18:47,070 --> 00:18:48,902
Well, here's hoping he cheats on you.

376
00:18:48,903 --> 00:18:51,917
Yeah, but only, like, second base.

377
00:18:53,565 --> 00:18:56,320
Look at us: two guys in suits.

378
00:18:56,321 --> 00:18:58,008
You feel that slight tingle?

379
00:18:58,009 --> 00:19:02,876
That's every girl in the bar wanting you, and every guy wanting to be you.

380
00:19:03,032 --> 00:19:05,731
Actually, it's mostly me, but you're getting some of the splash.

381
00:19:08,760 --> 00:19:09,791
Hey, babe.

382
00:19:09,792 --> 00:19:13,085
Dollar beer night, so I splurged and got us each our own.

383
00:19:13,584 --> 00:19:16,380
So, have you thought more about coming to work for Barney Corp?

384
00:19:16,381 --> 00:19:19,735
Oh, please-- your company is not called Barney Corp.

385
00:19:19,736 --> 00:19:21,062
Yet.

386
00:19:21,135 --> 00:19:24,109
Oh, I almost forgot. Sergei sent me your bill.

387
00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:29,838
B... Barney, this says $4,000.

388
00:19:29,839 --> 00:19:32,289
I thought you said that it was one-third price.

389
00:19:32,290 --> 00:19:34,096
Yeah, must be a $12,000 suit.

390
00:19:34,097 --> 00:19:36,481
Oh, well, guess you'll have to come work at my company.

391
00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:40,373
You set this up! You set this whole thing up!

392
00:19:40,374 --> 00:19:43,828
I most certainly did...

393
00:19:44,533 --> 00:19:46,263
Well, it won't work.

394
00:19:46,264 --> 00:19:49,698
Even if I have to get two extra night jobs, I'll pay your precious tailor.

395
00:19:49,699 --> 00:19:51,840
I'm not selling my soul.

396
00:19:52,496 --> 00:19:56,767
Baby, I know that this will make things harder, but I will make it work, I promise.

397
00:19:56,768 --> 00:20:00,097
I destroyed an $8,000 wedding dress.

398
00:20:01,681 --> 00:20:02,932
What time is the interview?

399
00:20:02,933 --> 00:20:05,078
9:00 a.m., and you'll need new shoes.

400
00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:07,031
Don't worry, I know a guy.

401
00:20:11,187 --> 00:20:14,364
I'm glad we got to spent the day doing awesome air kicks.

402
00:20:14,365 --> 00:20:17,638
Yeah, I was almost too tired for all the sex.

403
00:20:21,102 --> 00:20:22,731
I'm going to miss you so much.

404
00:20:22,732 --> 00:20:24,450
I'm going to miss you, too.

405
00:20:31,585 --> 00:20:36,128
Hey, you know, I mean, if, when I get back, we're still single, we can...

406
00:20:36,129 --> 00:20:37,981
Even if we're not.

407
00:20:39,750 --> 00:20:40,810
Okay.

408
00:20:58,290 --> 00:21:02,597
Look, I know it never works for anyone, but... do you want to try long distance?

409
00:21:02,598 --> 00:21:04,999
Yes. Yes!

410
00:21:08,017 --> 00:21:10,513
- We can beat the odds.
- Odds, schmodds.

411
00:21:10,514 --> 00:21:11,953
It's gonna work.

412
00:21:11,954 --> 00:21:14,621
We're going to make it work-- it'll work.

413
00:21:15,654 --> 00:21:17,212
It didn't work.

414
00:21:17,213 --> 00:21:20,768
Long-distance was and is a terrible idea,

415
00:21:20,769 --> 00:21:24,616
a really terrible idea, just awful.

416
00:21:24,910 --> 00:21:27,269
But more on that later.