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General InformationEdit

Title "Life Among the Gorillas"
Format SubRip
Extension .srt
Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_Among_the_Gorillas

SubtitlesEdit

1
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When your Uncle Marshall was ten years old,

2
00:00:15,958 --> 00:00:18,660
he read a book called Life Among the Gorillas.

3
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It was written by an anthropologist named Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vazquez,

4
00:00:23,618 --> 00:00:28,863
and it told the story of the year she spent living among the Western Lowland Gorillas of Cameroon.

5
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When Dr. Birnholz-Vazquez came to the local community college to give a lecture,

6
00:00:33,751 --> 00:00:37,909
Marshall, the youngest member of the audience, raised his hand with a question.

7
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What advice do you have for a budding anthropologist?

8
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So you want to be an anthropologist?

9
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Yep. When I grow up, I want to go live with the gorillas, just like you did.

10
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What she said next changed his life.

11
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Oh, that's wonderful, but I'm afraid you can't.

12
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They'll all be dead by then.

13
00:00:57,913 --> 00:01:01,087
...and if economic sanctions and trade restrictions aren't enforced,

14
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the destruction of the rainforests will continue and over a million species will be wiped out.

15
00:01:06,091 --> 00:01:07,784
So you don't want coffee?

16
00:01:07,897 --> 00:01:10,689
I'm saying that the coffee industry is causing irreversible...

17
00:01:10,690 --> 00:01:12,806
- All right. I'm pouring it out.
- Okay, one cup.

18
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The kid needs to be alert. First day on the job and everything.

19
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I still can't believe you're going all corporate on us.

20
00:01:18,522 --> 00:01:21,031
"The kid" has become "the man."

21
00:01:21,032 --> 00:01:23,484
Okay, it's just an internship to make a little money.

22
00:01:23,485 --> 00:01:26,154
After law school, I'm going to work for the NRDC.

23
00:01:26,155 --> 00:01:27,945
They're gonna stop global warming.

24
00:01:27,946 --> 00:01:30,486
Well... I mean... they did their best.

25
00:01:31,491 --> 00:01:33,174
Here's your sack lunch.

26
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Okay, I love you because, one, you made me a sack lunch

27
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and two, you laugh every time you say the word "sack".

28
00:01:40,247 --> 00:01:42,803
- I love you, Marshmallow.
- I love you.

29
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I love you too, Marshmallow.

30
00:01:47,265 --> 00:01:48,378
Uh-oh.

31
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Ted?

32
00:01:49,778 --> 00:01:52,573
Oh, no. No, she didn't.

33
00:01:52,574 --> 00:01:54,626
Yeah. Yeah, she did.

34
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Another care package?

35
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Another care package.

36
00:01:58,475 --> 00:02:02,284
I'd been in a long-distance relationship with Victoria for nearly a month.

37
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Long-distance relationships are a bad idea.

38
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How many is that so far?

39
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Three.

40
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,104
And how many have you sent her?

41
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In the mail or in my mind?

42
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Zero. She's up three-zip.

43
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Oh! Cupcakes!

44
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Great. I bet they're delicious, too.

45
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Yup, they're delicious.

46
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Damn it!

47
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I don't deserve these delicious cupcakes.

48
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God, I hate myself right now.

49
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God, that is so me at 15.

50
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Marshall was going to work for a big corporation called Altrucel.

51
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Altrucel was most well-known for making the yellow fuzzy stuff on the surface of tennis balls.

52
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I mean, this was a huge company, so they did other things...

53
00:02:52,947 --> 00:02:56,440
But mostly they wanted the public to focus on the yellow fuzzy stuff.

54
00:02:56,441 --> 00:02:59,677
Anyway, Marshall managed to score an internship in their legal department

55
00:02:59,678 --> 00:03:01,650
because he knew someone who worked there.

56
00:03:03,126 --> 00:03:04,505
Go for Barney.

57
00:03:04,506 --> 00:03:07,037
Mr. Stinson, this is Willis from lobby security.

58
00:03:07,038 --> 00:03:11,058
Sorry to bother you, but we've had reports of a sasquatch loose in the building.

59
00:03:11,087 --> 00:03:12,195
A sasquatch?

60
00:03:12,196 --> 00:03:14,839
That's right, sir, a Bigfoot.

61
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:18,136
We don't want to alarm you, but he's been spotted on your floor.

62
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Yes!

63
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:26,742
Look at you.

64
00:03:26,743 --> 00:03:29,667
You suited in an unmistakably upward direction.

65
00:03:29,668 --> 00:03:33,293
Whoa. That is a butt-load of motivational posters.

66
00:03:33,294 --> 00:03:37,346
Yeah, hell, yeah. I got 'em all: Teamwork, Courage, Awesomeness...

67
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There's one for awesomeness?

68
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Yeah, I had it made.

69
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Sit.

70
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Hey, so, now that I'm working here, are you finally going to tell me exactly what your job is?

71
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Please.

72
00:03:46,765 --> 00:03:48,938
- My dawg!
- My dawg!

73
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Hey, Blauman, Bilson, this is Marshall. These guys are in legal.

74
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You're gonna be working with them.

75
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Marshall Eriksen. Nice to meet you.

76
00:03:53,910 --> 00:03:55,778
Nice tie. Steak sauce.

77
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Oh, steak sauce! For true, though.

78
00:03:58,088 --> 00:03:59,607
Where, I don't, I don't see...

79
00:03:59,608 --> 00:04:01,104
Marshall? Sidebar.

80
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Your tie is steak sauce. It means A-1. A-1? Get it? Try to keep up.

81
00:04:09,035 --> 00:04:12,768
Okay, Eriksen, let's get to work. It's 2:00 a.m. It's raining outside.

82
00:04:12,769 --> 00:04:14,654
Ding dong! What? The doorbell?

83
00:04:14,655 --> 00:04:18,170
Oh, hello, Jessica Alba in a trench coat and nothing else.

84
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But wait-- knock, knock. Somebody's at the back door?

85
00:04:21,095 --> 00:04:21,910
I don't have a back door.

86
00:04:21,911 --> 00:04:25,471
Oh, my gosh, Jessica Simpson? What a surprise.

87
00:04:25,472 --> 00:04:29,852
Two Jessicas, you gotta pick one. What do you do? Go.

88
00:04:30,084 --> 00:04:32,232
Right. Well, uh... I'm engaged, so--

89
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Fiancee's out of town. What do you do? Go.

90
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We're still engaged, even if she's...

91
00:04:37,458 --> 00:04:41,483
Okay, fiancee's dead. Hit by a bus. What do you do? Go.

92
00:04:45,846 --> 00:04:47,072
Sure you don't want one?

93
00:04:47,073 --> 00:04:48,750
How many of those have you eaten?

94
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Four. Teen. No, just four.

95
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And the icing from two more.

96
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So, anyway, here's the problem.

97
00:04:57,378 --> 00:04:59,433
Hey, it's Ted. I guess you're asleep.

98
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Anyway, I got the care package, and it's just great.

99
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Here, listen...

100
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Mmm. Mmm!

101
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So I'm standing there, my mouth full of this delicious relationship-winning cupcake...

102
00:05:14,754 --> 00:05:17,244
And... I said something dumb.

103
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Oh, and, um... don't worry, yours is in the mail.

104
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I sent it a couple days ago.

105
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And it's awesome.

106
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Really, really awesome.

107
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Why did I say that?

108
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I think frosting makes me lie.

109
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Oh, Teddy boy.

110
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Yeah. So now, whatever I send her, she'll know I sent it after I talked to her.

111
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So that's the problem. You work on that. I'm gonna eat this cupcake.

112
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All right, here's what you do:

113
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Put together a care package of stuff from New York--

114
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some H&H bagels, an Empire State Building keychain...

115
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and then, top off the package with a New York Times... Ready?

116
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From three days ago.

117
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That's brilliant.

118
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You're brilliant.

119
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You know, it's funny, not so long ago,

120
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I was coming to Marshall and Lily for advice on how to impress you.

121
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That is funny.

122
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And here's why it was funny.

123
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Little did I realize, a few weeks earlier,

124
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here's what Robin was saying to Lily about me.

125
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Okay, fine, I have feelings for him.

126
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Now it's ironic, the girl I used to like is helping me impress the girl I now like.

127
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The irony is clear, Ted.

128
00:06:23,831 --> 00:06:27,074
Hey! How was your first day?

129
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I don't wanna talk about it.

130
00:06:30,846 --> 00:06:33,566
The guys I work with are a bunch of jerks.

131
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- What?
- They're jerks!

132
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What makes them jerks?

133
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Forget it, I don't want to talk about it.

134
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Well, like today at lunch..

135
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What do you got there, Ericksen? Mommy pack your lunch?

136
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For your information, my fiancee did.

137
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Oh... Does she cut the crusts off your sandwich, too?

138
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No.

139
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What's that?

140
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Nothing.

141
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Give it.

142
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"Dear Marshmallow. Good luck today. I love you. Lilypad."

143
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Give it.

144
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P.S. If you've unfolded this note, your kiss already got out. Quick-- catch it."

145
00:07:13,890 --> 00:07:17,223
Give it back. Hey, give it. Gimme... Give it!

146
00:07:17,223 --> 00:07:20,025
Oh, screw those guys! We're adorable.

147
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I know. God.

148
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It's like freshman year all over again.

149
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Only this time, my sweet dance moves aren't going to be enough to win them over.

150
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Not even Old Reliable.

151
00:07:34,035 --> 00:07:37,684
Sweetie... It would be cool to have some extra money,

152
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but, but, if you're unhappy, it's not worth it.

153
00:07:41,769 --> 00:07:42,847
I quit.

154
00:07:42,848 --> 00:07:45,498
What? No. We're having so much fun.

155
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:47,530
You, me, working together. It's great.

156
00:07:47,531 --> 00:07:51,078
We're not even working together, Barney. I'm in the legal department and you're...

157
00:07:51,079 --> 00:07:52,979
Seriously, what is it that you do?

158
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Please.

159
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I'm sorry, dude, this corporate thing, it's just... it's not for me.

160
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Oh, of course it's not for you.

161
00:08:01,804 --> 00:08:03,308
It's for Lily.

162
00:08:04,445 --> 00:08:05,221
What?

163
00:08:05,222 --> 00:08:07,701
Marshall. Lily's a catch.

164
00:08:07,702 --> 00:08:11,172
But do you really think you're going to hang onto a girl that great without the package?

165
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The package?

166
00:08:12,279 --> 00:08:15,747
The package. The house. The car. Sending your kids to a great school.

167
00:08:15,748 --> 00:08:17,096
A vacation once in a while.

168
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,158
Lily doesn't care about that stuff.

169
00:08:19,159 --> 00:08:22,960
Well, no-- now she doesn't, but how's she going to feel in a couple years,

170
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:26,077
when she's supporting you on a kindergarten teacher's salary

171
00:08:26,078 --> 00:08:32,927
while you're off in court defending some... endangered... South American... flying beaver.

172
00:08:36,594 --> 00:08:37,893
She'll be happy.

173
00:08:37,929 --> 00:08:39,051
Okay.

174
00:08:39,636 --> 00:08:44,933
But will you be happy knowing you could have made her a lot happier.

175
00:08:46,715 --> 00:08:52,606
And all four are totally naked. You gotta choose one. What do you do? Go.

176
00:08:53,422 --> 00:08:55,183
I guess, uh...

177
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Bea Arthur.

178
00:08:57,348 --> 00:09:00,517
Ahh! Wrong! Betty White.

179
00:09:01,535 --> 00:09:03,116
Clean this stuff up, Eriksen.

180
00:09:06,853 --> 00:09:09,282
So, did she get the awesome care package yet?

181
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Yep. Yesterday.

182
00:09:10,671 --> 00:09:11,808
Did she love it?

183
00:09:11,809 --> 00:09:13,733
Ooh, she loved it.

184
00:09:13,734 --> 00:09:15,315
So what's the problem?

185
00:09:15,643 --> 00:09:18,549
So I was talking to her last night. And, I should tell you,

186
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we've been talking on the phone every other night for, like, an hour and a half.

187
00:09:21,444 --> 00:09:23,874
Eventually you just run out of stuff to say.

188
00:09:25,755 --> 00:09:27,688
What did you have for lunch today?

189
00:09:29,475 --> 00:09:31,229
Oh. Rye bread.

190
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Yeah.

191
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Oh, Teddy boy.

192
00:09:48,527 --> 00:09:52,734
I'm usually so good at being a boyfriend, but this never-seeing-each-other thing, it's a bitch.

193
00:09:52,735 --> 00:09:54,469
Maybe it just can't be done.

194
00:09:54,867 --> 00:09:56,784
I think it's clear what I have to do.

195
00:09:57,445 --> 00:09:59,188
It's pretty clear.

196
00:09:59,998 --> 00:10:02,547
I have to go to Germany and surprise her.

197
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:05,565
Totally what I was thinking.

198
00:10:05,566 --> 00:10:07,422
Get out of my head, man!

199
00:10:11,333 --> 00:10:14,413
Barney, how do I get these idiots to leave me alone?

200
00:10:15,251 --> 00:10:17,989
Marshall, consider the penguins.

201
00:10:18,408 --> 00:10:19,426
The penguins?

202
00:10:19,427 --> 00:10:20,595
On the wall.

203
00:10:25,897 --> 00:10:30,133
"Conformity. It's the one who's different that gets left out in the cold."

204
00:10:30,134 --> 00:10:31,859
This is a motivational poster?

205
00:10:32,063 --> 00:10:34,235
Look at yourself, Marshall. You're not happy.

206
00:10:34,236 --> 00:10:37,045
And you know why? Because you're different.

207
00:10:37,118 --> 00:10:42,258
Now, I suppose you could learn to love yourself for the unique little snowflake that you are,

208
00:10:42,259 --> 00:10:46,725
or... you could change your entire personality, which is just so much easier.

209
00:10:47,940 --> 00:10:53,014
Change your personality? That is so awful, and not at all motivational.

210
00:10:53,015 --> 00:10:55,842
Not necessarily. Okay, at first, I was appalled,

211
00:10:55,843 --> 00:11:01,099
but then I realized it's just like Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-Vasquez in Life Among the Gorillas.

212
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:05,679
I have to gain the acceptance of the herd by behaving exactly like one of them.

213
00:11:05,680 --> 00:11:08,573
It's an anthropological study. Isn't that cool?

214
00:11:08,574 --> 00:11:10,910
It sounds kinda like peer pressure.

215
00:11:10,911 --> 00:11:14,194
No, no, no. It's totally anthropological

216
00:11:14,195 --> 00:11:16,407
and it's cool and I'm doing it.

217
00:11:16,408 --> 00:11:20,690
Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's peer pressure. We have an assembly every year.

218
00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:24,704
I'm portraying someone who succumbs to peer pressure.

219
00:11:24,705 --> 00:11:30,056
All right, but if those guys try to pressure you to smoke, what do you say?

220
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,514
- Only when I'm drunk.
- Good boy.

221
00:11:33,369 --> 00:11:37,700
And so, to fit in with the gorillas, Marshall had to learn to act like a gorilla,

222
00:11:37,701 --> 00:11:39,994
and that meant gorilla lessons.

223
00:11:39,995 --> 00:11:42,896
Okay, I'm psyched about this.

224
00:11:42,897 --> 00:11:45,798
But if I'm going to mentor you, I need to know you're psyched about this, too.

225
00:11:45,799 --> 00:11:48,326
Oh, I am. I'm, I'm psyched.

226
00:11:48,327 --> 00:11:51,940
Yeah, but it's one thing to say it, it's another thing to show it.

227
00:11:53,801 --> 00:11:54,844
Show it.

228
00:11:58,488 --> 00:11:59,692
I'm psyched!

229
00:12:01,053 --> 00:12:02,252
What was that?

230
00:12:05,508 --> 00:12:11,280
Marshall, I should feel tremors of psychitude rock my body like a seizure.

231
00:12:11,281 --> 00:12:15,658
That was like a declawed pregnant cat on a porch swing idly swatting

232
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at a fly on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

233
00:12:19,552 --> 00:12:21,651
Wow, that was really specific.

234
00:12:21,652 --> 00:12:23,845
Show me you're psyched!

235
00:12:26,535 --> 00:12:28,153
Let's do this!

236
00:12:28,514 --> 00:12:31,082
- Ow! That hurt!
- So badly.

237
00:12:31,718 --> 00:12:36,864
And then you slip it to the guy with a discreet handshake and he'll get it done.

238
00:12:36,888 --> 00:12:38,686
Right. Get what done?

239
00:12:38,687 --> 00:12:39,781
Whatever.

240
00:12:39,782 --> 00:12:40,725
Cool.

241
00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:42,145
And what guy is this?

242
00:12:42,296 --> 00:12:43,723
There's always a guy.

243
00:12:43,724 --> 00:12:47,522
Okay, all right, I, uh, I think I'm ready.

244
00:12:47,523 --> 00:12:50,640
You sure? You want to practice your story one more time?

245
00:12:51,314 --> 00:12:52,603
All right.

246
00:12:55,488 --> 00:12:59,847
So dude, check it. I'm in San Diego with two of my bro-sephs from Kappa,

247
00:12:59,848 --> 00:13:03,891
and they're all, "Yo, Eriksen, let's roll to the strip clubs."

248
00:13:03,892 --> 00:13:06,197
So I'm, like, "Snapadoo!"

249
00:13:06,198 --> 00:13:08,847
So we find this choice nudie nest near the airport...

250
00:13:08,848 --> 00:13:11,851
...and that is when the bouncer kicked us out.

251
00:13:11,852 --> 00:13:18,236
Now, I have no idea if Svetlana ever got her green card, but dudes, fake diamond ring?

252
00:13:18,237 --> 00:13:20,345
Worth every penny, bruh.

253
00:13:21,548 --> 00:13:22,850
Eriksen...

254
00:13:23,554 --> 00:13:27,166
...that was steak sauce!

255
00:13:30,844 --> 00:13:32,279
Great story.

256
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:49,857
The next moning, I was about to buy my ticket to Germany when I got an e-mail.

257
00:13:50,206 --> 00:13:51,397
Uh-oh.

258
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,731
"Hey, Ted, sorry I missed your call last night.

259
00:13:53,732 --> 00:13:56,144
This long-distance thing sucks, huh?

260
00:13:56,145 --> 00:13:59,182
Listen, I've been thinking and I really need to talk to you tonight.

261
00:13:59,183 --> 00:14:01,193
I'll call you at 11:00. Victoria."

262
00:14:01,785 --> 00:14:02,696
So?

263
00:14:02,697 --> 00:14:05,032
So she's going to dump me.

264
00:14:05,033 --> 00:14:06,787
Has anyone ever said, "Listen, I've been thinking,"

265
00:14:06,788 --> 00:14:08,409
and then follow it up with something good?

266
00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:12,900
It's not like: Listen, I've been thinking, Nutter-Butters are an underrated cookie.

267
00:14:13,569 --> 00:14:14,866
What else can it be?

268
00:14:14,867 --> 00:14:18,052
What could she possibly have to say to me that she couldn't write in an e-mail?

269
00:14:18,092 --> 00:14:19,863
I cut off all my fingers?

270
00:14:21,555 --> 00:14:25,755
Ted, you're a great guy. I know it, you know it, she knows it.

271
00:14:25,756 --> 00:14:29,493
I would bet you a gazillion dollars-- no, I'm even more confident.

272
00:14:29,494 --> 00:14:33,706
I would bet you a floppity jillion dollars that she's not calling to break up with you.

273
00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:36,487
Thanks. You're right. I'm being crazy.

274
00:14:36,488 --> 00:14:38,315
So I should still buy that plane ticket, right?

275
00:14:38,316 --> 00:14:39,587
I'd wait.

276
00:14:41,984 --> 00:14:44,818
'Sup, Blauman? E-bomb here.

277
00:14:44,819 --> 00:14:46,680
We still on for karaoke?

278
00:14:47,027 --> 00:14:52,079
Dope. I'm going to rock you on the mike so hard your hears are going to bleed gravy.

279
00:14:52,353 --> 00:14:55,300
Catch you on the flip, butt puppet.

280
00:14:55,888 --> 00:14:56,952
Okay...

281
00:14:59,021 --> 00:15:00,629
...what do you think?

282
00:15:00,989 --> 00:15:02,467
Steak sauce.

283
00:15:03,109 --> 00:15:04,853
Steak sauce?

284
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:06,270
Yeah.

285
00:15:06,504 --> 00:15:11,138
Look, you know, whatever anthropology you do at work is your business,

286
00:15:11,139 --> 00:15:14,379
but please don't act like that around here.

287
00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:16,961
Lily, when Dr. Aurelia Birnholz-...

288
00:15:16,962 --> 00:15:21,930
No, when Dr. Australia Birdbath-Vaseline came home from the gorillas,

289
00:15:21,931 --> 00:15:27,399
she didn't run around picking nits out of people's hair and-and throwing feces.

290
00:15:27,523 --> 00:15:31,071
I'm begging you just, just leave it at the office.

291
00:15:31,072 --> 00:15:31,983
Why?

292
00:15:31,984 --> 00:15:36,151
Because you're acting like one of those guys, and those guys are lame.

293
00:15:36,152 --> 00:15:39,112
Okay, those guys were mean at first, yes,

294
00:15:39,113 --> 00:15:43,130
but they're actually good guys, and if you got to know them, then you would see that.

295
00:15:43,482 --> 00:15:49,665
Come karaoke with us tonight, and you'll see how totally not that lame they are, okay?

296
00:15:49,872 --> 00:15:51,265
Okay.

297
00:15:51,697 --> 00:15:55,308
But wait, knock-knock, back door, who's there?

298
00:15:55,309 --> 00:15:59,881
Angelina Jolie... wait, in a wheelchair.

299
00:15:59,882 --> 00:16:01,895
What do you do? Go.

300
00:16:01,896 --> 00:16:05,440
Dude, Scarlett Johannsen with no arms, any day of the week.

301
00:16:05,837 --> 00:16:06,864
Yeah.

302
00:16:07,086 --> 00:16:09,824
You're right. They're delightful.

303
00:16:10,994 --> 00:16:12,462
So, Barney, you gonna sing anything?

304
00:16:12,463 --> 00:16:14,910
Nah. I'm so over karaoke.

305
00:16:14,911 --> 00:16:17,372
Really? I thought you'd be totally into it.

306
00:16:17,373 --> 00:16:21,068
Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm good. The best, really.

307
00:16:21,115 --> 00:16:25,920
But it's the greatest samurai who lets his sword rust in its scabbard.

308
00:16:25,939 --> 00:16:27,981
Oh, baby, they have our song.

309
00:16:27,982 --> 00:16:30,185
Let's do "Don't Go Breaking My Heart."

310
00:16:30,254 --> 00:16:31,421
What?

311
00:16:31,422 --> 00:16:34,226
"Don't Go Breaking My Heart." Elton John, Kiki Dee.

312
00:16:34,227 --> 00:16:37,300
No way. You got to go with some Black Sabbath.

313
00:16:37,301 --> 00:16:40,022
Well, actually, Marshall and I have this little dance routine.

314
00:16:40,023 --> 00:16:42,769
"Iron Man." I could do "Iron Man."

315
00:16:42,770 --> 00:16:43,798
Steak sauce.

316
00:16:43,799 --> 00:16:45,371
Steak sauce, dude.

317
00:16:46,433 --> 00:16:47,722
Should we tell him?

318
00:16:48,061 --> 00:16:50,463
All right, Eriksen, I've got some good news.

319
00:16:50,464 --> 00:16:54,447
On Monday, Bilson and I are going to talk to Montague in HR.

320
00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:58,428
When you graduate, we want you working with us.

321
00:16:58,541 --> 00:16:59,907
What do you say?

322
00:17:05,464 --> 00:17:07,144
- Yes!
- That's my man!

323
00:17:07,145 --> 00:17:08,438
I told you he would.

324
00:17:09,839 --> 00:17:11,856
Aw, we're gonna own the office.

325
00:17:16,338 --> 00:17:18,321
Okay, that was gross.

326
00:17:18,322 --> 00:17:21,901
When were you going to tell me you changed your entire career path?

327
00:17:21,902 --> 00:17:25,471
Nothing has changed, okay? I still want to help the environment.

328
00:17:25,472 --> 00:17:28,855
I just thought that maybe I could make some money for a few years.

329
00:17:28,856 --> 00:17:32,983
We could buy an apartment, send our kids to good schools.

330
00:17:32,984 --> 00:17:35,175
You could quit your job and focus on your painting.

331
00:17:35,176 --> 00:17:37,375
I know that you say you don't need it, but...

332
00:17:37,376 --> 00:17:40,866
I love you and I want to give it to you anyway.

333
00:17:40,867 --> 00:17:42,956
I want to give you the package.

334
00:17:42,957 --> 00:17:47,133
The package?! You've already given me the package.

335
00:17:47,134 --> 00:17:51,020
You've got a great package, Marshall. I love your package.

336
00:17:51,021 --> 00:17:57,108
Lily, you're the most incredible woman I know, and you deserve a big package.

337
00:17:57,109 --> 00:18:00,458
Your package has always been big enough.

338
00:18:00,993 --> 00:18:03,775
You may not realize this, Marshall Eriksen,

339
00:18:03,776 --> 00:18:06,729
but you've got a huge package.

340
00:18:13,083 --> 00:18:13,841
Yeah.

341
00:18:18,628 --> 00:18:19,596
Hello.

342
00:18:19,597 --> 00:18:20,693
Why hasn't she called yet?

343
00:18:20,694 --> 00:18:23,480
Okay, you're making yourself crazy. It's Saturday night.

344
00:18:23,481 --> 00:18:24,618
Go out and do something.

345
00:18:24,619 --> 00:18:28,602
No, what's the point of going out? I got a girlfriend... for now.

346
00:18:28,645 --> 00:18:31,325
Besides, if I go out, who's going to watch the news? I'm, like, half your viewership.

347
00:18:31,326 --> 00:18:33,880
I'm flattered you think we have two viewers.

348
00:18:34,331 --> 00:18:37,147
She's not going to break up with you, Ted. You're awesome.

349
00:18:37,148 --> 00:18:38,386
Thanks.

350
00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:41,076
Anyway, it's almost 11:00. I should let you go.

351
00:18:41,077 --> 00:18:42,278
Break a leg.

352
00:18:42,279 --> 00:18:47,771
And so I was sitting at home, waiting for the phone to ring, something occurred to me.

353
00:18:47,947 --> 00:18:52,114
I'm actually sitting at home waiting for the phone to ring.

354
00:18:54,421 --> 00:18:57,374
He's giving you the blues

355
00:18:57,887 --> 00:19:01,504
You want to graduate, but not in his bed

356
00:19:01,505 --> 00:19:04,232
Here's what you got to do

357
00:19:04,945 --> 00:19:06,595
Pick up the phone...

358
00:19:06,596 --> 00:19:07,745
Marshall.

359
00:19:08,034 --> 00:19:09,823
Hey, hey.

360
00:19:09,824 --> 00:19:11,787
Dude, I feel like I haven't seen you in a month.

361
00:19:11,788 --> 00:19:12,758
Yeah.

362
00:19:13,418 --> 00:19:14,482
Yeah.

363
00:19:14,631 --> 00:19:15,915
How you doing?

364
00:19:16,287 --> 00:19:19,020
I think Victoria's about to break up with me.

365
00:19:19,021 --> 00:19:21,255
Oh, God, I'm sorry, man.

366
00:19:21,256 --> 00:19:26,556
Yeah, well, honestly, I'm having trouble remembering what she looks like.

367
00:19:27,217 --> 00:19:29,657
The more I try to picture her, the more I can't.

368
00:19:29,658 --> 00:19:31,301
Like, I remember how she makes me feel.

369
00:19:31,302 --> 00:19:34,663
I just... I don't completely remember her.

370
00:19:34,727 --> 00:19:37,598
It's like I'm trying to preserve something that's already gone.

371
00:19:38,039 --> 00:19:40,002
Preserving something that's already gone.

372
00:19:40,003 --> 00:19:42,067
Sounds like environmental law.

373
00:19:42,995 --> 00:19:44,369
I don't know.

374
00:19:44,528 --> 00:19:47,265
We struggle so hard to hold onto these things

375
00:19:47,266 --> 00:19:49,666
that we know are going to disappear eventually.

376
00:19:49,667 --> 00:19:51,398
And that's really noble,

377
00:19:51,579 --> 00:19:55,130
but even if you save every rainforest from being turned into a parking lot,

378
00:19:55,131 --> 00:19:58,955
well, then where are you going to park your car?

379
00:20:06,899 --> 00:20:08,477
Done dirt cheap!

380
00:20:08,478 --> 00:20:10,167
Dirty deeds

381
00:20:10,168 --> 00:20:11,881
Done dirt cheap!

382
00:20:11,882 --> 00:20:13,787
Dirty deeds

383
00:20:13,788 --> 00:20:15,515
Done dirt cheap!

384
00:20:15,516 --> 00:20:19,199
Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap, ow

385
00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:22,863
Dirty deeds and they're done dirt cheap...

386
00:20:23,333 --> 00:20:26,228
Uh, rockupied. Dude, what...?

387
00:20:30,167 --> 00:20:34,446
Next up, Marshmallow and Lillypad.

388
00:20:47,255 --> 00:20:49,930
Don't go breakin' my heart

389
00:20:50,961 --> 00:20:53,456
I couldn't if I tried

390
00:20:55,052 --> 00:20:58,279
Honey, if I get restless

391
00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:00,758
Baby, you're not that kind...

392
00:21:01,007 --> 00:21:03,657
It turns out some things are worth preserving.

393
00:21:03,658 --> 00:21:05,266
But here's the real question:

394
00:21:05,267 --> 00:21:08,366
It's 2:00 a.m. Your friends are still out singing karaoke,

395
00:21:08,367 --> 00:21:12,645
but you're home early 'cause you're expecting a call from your girlfriend in Germany,

396
00:21:12,646 --> 00:21:15,188
who was supposed to call four hours ago.

397
00:21:15,189 --> 00:21:17,840
And then the phone rings.

398
00:21:21,131 --> 00:21:22,134
Hello.

399
00:21:22,135 --> 00:21:24,378
Hi, Ted. It's Robin.

400
00:21:24,379 --> 00:21:28,065
Um, listen, I know it's late, but, uh,

401
00:21:28,482 --> 00:21:30,323
do you want to come over?

402
00:21:30,863 --> 00:21:33,243
What do you do? Go.