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General InformationEdit

Title "Purple Giraffe"
Format SubRip
Extension .srt
Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Purple_Giraffe

SubtitlesEdit

1
00:00:13,343 --> 00:00:14,954
Okay, where was I?

2
00:00:15,031 --> 00:00:16,433
You were telling us how you met Mom.

3
00:00:16,495 --> 00:00:18,296
In excruciating detail.

4
00:00:18,416 --> 00:00:24,042
Right. So, back in 2005, when I was 27, my two best friends got engaged,

5
00:00:24,129 --> 00:00:26,751
and it got me thinking, maybe I should get married.

6
00:00:26,878 --> 00:00:28,737
And then I saw Robin.

7
00:00:29,064 --> 00:00:30,632
She was incredible.

8
00:00:30,709 --> 00:00:32,459
I just knew I had to meet her.

9
00:00:32,573 --> 00:00:34,504
That's where your Uncle Barney came in.

10
00:00:34,580 --> 00:00:37,968
I suggest we play a little game I like to call "Have you met Ted?"

11
00:00:38,044 --> 00:00:39,770
Wait, no, no, no. We're not playing "Have you met Ted?"

12
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,382
Hi. Have you met Ted?

13
00:00:42,916 --> 00:00:44,297
So I asked her out.

14
00:00:44,375 --> 00:00:47,011
And I know this sound crazy, but after just one date,

15
00:00:47,104 --> 00:00:50,194
I was in love with her which made me say something stupid.

16
00:00:50,287 --> 00:00:51,813
I think I'm in love with you.

17
00:00:51,894 --> 00:00:52,729
What?!

18
00:00:52,822 --> 00:00:53,983
Oh, Dad.

19
00:00:54,859 --> 00:00:56,390
So then what happened?

20
00:00:56,913 --> 00:00:58,000
Nothing.

21
00:00:58,243 --> 00:01:00,616
I mean, I'd made a complete fool of myself.

22
00:01:00,773 --> 00:01:03,839
So, a week went by, and I decided not to call her.

23
00:01:03,907 --> 00:01:05,396
So you're not gonna call her?

24
00:01:05,473 --> 00:01:08,387
You went from, "I think I'm in love with you" to "I'm not gonna call her"?

25
00:01:08,459 --> 00:01:09,723
I wasn't in love with her, okay?

26
00:01:09,789 --> 00:01:13,180
I was briefly in love with the abstract concept of getting married.

27
00:01:13,242 --> 00:01:15,292
It had absolutely nothing to do with Robin.

28
00:01:15,918 --> 00:01:17,209
- Robin.
- Hi.

29
00:01:17,291 --> 00:01:18,636
Look who I ran into.

30
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,225
Since when do you guys know each other?

31
00:01:20,291 --> 00:01:22,543
Oh, since about... here.

32
00:01:23,183 --> 00:01:25,406
Lily recognized me from the news and...

33
00:01:25,615 --> 00:01:26,961
Hello, sailor!

34
00:01:27,079 --> 00:01:28,478
They just got engaged.

35
00:01:29,849 --> 00:01:31,903
Well, I should get back to the station.

36
00:01:32,153 --> 00:01:33,470
See you, guys.

37
00:01:35,168 --> 00:01:37,453
- Nice seeing you, Ted.
- Yeah, you, too.

38
00:01:39,818 --> 00:01:40,940
- Dawn it!
- What?

39
00:01:40,997 --> 00:01:43,459
- I'm in love with her.
- No!

40
00:01:43,811 --> 00:01:46,340
As your sponsor, I will not let you relapse.

41
00:01:46,403 --> 00:01:47,791
You blew it, it's over, move on.

42
00:01:47,877 --> 00:01:52,445
I don't know, I just have this feeling she's the future Mrs. Ted Mosby.

43
00:01:53,890 --> 00:01:55,460
Lily, you squeaked?

44
00:01:55,685 --> 00:01:57,165
She said something about me, didn't she?

45
00:01:57,243 --> 00:01:58,875
Come on, spill it, Red!

46
00:01:59,002 --> 00:02:00,006
Fine.

47
00:02:00,114 --> 00:02:02,208
So, what do we think of Ted?

48
00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:05,751
Ted's something else.

49
00:02:05,848 --> 00:02:06,794
Huh.

50
00:02:06,904 --> 00:02:08,377
I'm gonna spin that as good.

51
00:02:08,471 --> 00:02:11,022
Lots of guys are something, I'm something else.

52
00:02:11,104 --> 00:02:12,750
Comes on a little strong.

53
00:02:12,812 --> 00:02:15,249
But, that's part of my charm.

54
00:02:15,326 --> 00:02:17,092
But, that's part of his charm.

55
00:02:17,164 --> 00:02:19,490
Oh, totally. I mean, he's sweet, he's charming,

56
00:02:19,549 --> 00:02:22,764
he's just looking for something a little bit more serious than I am.

57
00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:25,607
I mean, the most I can handle right now is something casual.

58
00:02:26,278 --> 00:02:28,121
This just stays between us, right?

59
00:02:28,187 --> 00:02:29,330
Are you kidding?

60
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,879
This flapper? Fort Knox.

61
00:02:32,467 --> 00:02:33,497
Oops.

62
00:02:34,208 --> 00:02:35,683
She wants casual.

63
00:02:35,929 --> 00:02:38,060
Okay, I'll be casual.

64
00:02:38,155 --> 00:02:41,121
I'm going to be a mushroom cloud of casual.

65
00:02:41,223 --> 00:02:42,196
You know why?

66
00:02:42,297 --> 00:02:43,450
Cause it's a game--

67
00:02:43,522 --> 00:02:46,195
I want her to skip to the end and do the whole happily-ever-after thing.

68
00:02:46,260 --> 00:02:48,878
But you don't get there unless you play the game.

69
00:02:48,946 --> 00:02:50,245
So, are you going to ask her out?

70
00:02:50,317 --> 00:02:51,718
Yeah... No!

71
00:02:51,806 --> 00:02:55,610
I can't ask her out, because if I ask her out, I'm asking her out.

72
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:59,476
So, how do I ask her out without asking her out?

73
00:03:02,942 --> 00:03:04,781
Did you guys get high?

74
00:03:05,518 --> 00:03:06,377
I got it.

75
00:03:06,449 --> 00:03:07,852
I don't ask her out.

76
00:03:07,981 --> 00:03:11,177
I invite her to our party next Friday.

77
00:03:11,262 --> 00:03:12,701
We're having a party next Friday?

78
00:03:12,762 --> 00:03:13,893
We are now.

79
00:03:14,016 --> 00:03:15,050
Casual.

80
00:03:15,224 --> 00:03:19,387
Yeah, cause nothing says "casual" like inviting a hundred people over just to mack on one girl.

81
00:03:19,444 --> 00:03:21,927
Oh, and Lily, that's my leg.

82
00:03:23,316 --> 00:03:25,999
You waited five minutes to tell me that?

83
00:03:27,093 --> 00:03:28,353
All right, so call her up.

84
00:03:28,430 --> 00:03:30,262
No, calling's not casual.

85
00:03:30,333 --> 00:03:32,122
I just got to bump into her somewhere.

86
00:03:32,188 --> 00:03:35,409
Now, if only I knew her schedule, I could arrange a chance encounter.

87
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:38,998
That's great, Ted-- you'll be the most casual stalker ever.

88
00:03:41,839 --> 00:03:44,359
Ever since Marshall put that ring on her finger,

89
00:03:44,425 --> 00:03:48,668
Lily had been, well, extra affectionate.

90
00:03:48,806 --> 00:03:50,820
Baby, no.

91
00:03:50,896 --> 00:03:54,020
I have a 25-page paper on constitutional law due Monday.

92
00:03:54,077 --> 00:03:55,397
I barely started.

93
00:03:55,463 --> 00:03:57,272
Hey, I'm just sitting here,

94
00:03:57,650 --> 00:03:59,355
wearing my ring,

95
00:03:59,591 --> 00:04:01,869
my beautiful ring.

96
00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:06,139
Kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong.

97
00:04:06,554 --> 00:04:07,982
Like my shirt.

98
00:04:08,562 --> 00:04:11,019
Kind of don't want to wear my shirt anymore.

99
00:04:12,239 --> 00:04:14,520
Or... my underwear.

100
00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:17,511
That's right, I'm not wearing any.

101
00:04:20,164 --> 00:04:21,561
No underwear?

102
00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:23,532
Not even slightly.

103
00:04:23,615 --> 00:04:24,653
Guys.

104
00:04:26,086 --> 00:04:27,644
Boundaries.

105
00:04:29,231 --> 00:04:30,289
There she is.

106
00:04:30,352 --> 00:04:31,187
Thanks, Bill.

107
00:04:31,294 --> 00:04:35,769
I'm reporting from the Razzle Dazzle Supermarket on 75th and Columbus...

108
00:04:35,876 --> 00:04:37,571
75th and Columbus.

109
00:04:38,703 --> 00:04:40,023
Game on!

110
00:04:40,468 --> 00:04:46,188
...where four-year-old Leroy Ellenberg has climbed inside a grab-a-prize machine and gotten stuck.

111
00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:52,664
And, all in the pursuit of a stuffed, purple giraffe.

112
00:04:53,034 --> 00:04:56,161
For Metro News 1, I'm Robin Trubotsky.

113
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:57,248
We're clear.

114
00:04:57,434 --> 00:04:58,641
Thanks, Don.

115
00:04:59,725 --> 00:05:00,457
Ted.

116
00:05:01,380 --> 00:05:02,983
Robin, wow!

117
00:05:03,093 --> 00:05:04,114
What are the odds?

118
00:05:04,210 --> 00:05:05,260
What are you doing here?

119
00:05:05,363 --> 00:05:08,830
Oh, you know, just, uh, shopping for, uh, dip.

120
00:05:08,993 --> 00:05:10,162
I love dip.

121
00:05:10,269 --> 00:05:13,325
I mean, I don't love dip, I like dip... as a friend, you know.

122
00:05:14,010 --> 00:05:16,801
So, uh, hey, you, uh, reporting a news story or something?

123
00:05:16,888 --> 00:05:18,552
Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine.

124
00:05:18,619 --> 00:05:20,523
How sweet of you to call it news.

125
00:05:20,602 --> 00:05:23,278
Wow. Kid in a crane machine.

126
00:05:23,451 --> 00:05:25,290
You just had to have that toy, didn't you?

127
00:05:25,356 --> 00:05:27,036
Couldn't play the game like everyone else.

128
00:05:27,113 --> 00:05:28,644
You're all sweaty!

129
00:05:29,269 --> 00:05:30,179
Cute kid.

130
00:05:30,559 --> 00:05:32,231
Um, you know, it's so funny I should run into you.

131
00:05:32,293 --> 00:05:35,673
We're, uh, we're having a party next Friday, if you feel like swinging by.

132
00:05:35,708 --> 00:05:37,705
But, you know, whatever.

133
00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:39,944
Oh, I'm going back home next weekend.

134
00:05:40,021 --> 00:05:41,664
It's too bad it's not tonight.

135
00:05:41,966 --> 00:05:43,436
It is... it's tonight.

136
00:05:43,502 --> 00:05:45,187
This Friday. Did I say next Friday?

137
00:05:45,252 --> 00:05:47,931
Sorry, I guess I've been saying next Friday all week.

138
00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,086
But, yeah, it's tonight, the, uh, the party's tonight.

139
00:05:50,174 --> 00:05:52,534
But, you know, whatever.

140
00:05:58,197 --> 00:05:59,012
Hello?

141
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,012
Hey, am I interrupting anything?

142
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:03,199
No, no, I'm just writing my paper.

143
00:06:03,275 --> 00:06:04,503
Hitting the books.

144
00:06:04,612 --> 00:06:07,698
Yeah, well, you and Lily might want to put some clothes on.

145
00:06:07,893 --> 00:06:09,358
We're throwing a party in two hours.

146
00:06:09,424 --> 00:06:10,545
Okay, bye.

147
00:06:14,881 --> 00:06:17,284
So, Gatsby, what are you gonna do when Robin shows up?

148
00:06:17,340 --> 00:06:20,147
Okay, I got it all planned out.

149
00:06:20,668 --> 00:06:23,638
She steps through the door-- and where's Ted?

150
00:06:23,708 --> 00:06:25,932
Not eagerly waiting by the door.

151
00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:28,354
No, I'm across the room at my drafting table,

152
00:06:28,415 --> 00:06:32,166
showing some foxy young thing all my cool architect stuff.

153
00:06:32,239 --> 00:06:33,913
So, Robin strolls over,

154
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:38,297
and I casually give her one of these: "Hey, what's up?"

155
00:06:38,373 --> 00:06:42,294
She says, "Hey, nice place, et cetera, et cetera."

156
00:06:42,377 --> 00:06:43,847
And then, I say,

157
00:06:43,908 --> 00:06:45,649
"Well, make yourself at home."

158
00:06:45,721 --> 00:06:48,445
And, I casually return to my conversation.

159
00:06:48,634 --> 00:06:50,590
Then, an hour later...

160
00:06:51,505 --> 00:06:54,791
"Oh, you're still here?" I say, 

161
00:06:54,855 --> 00:06:57,799
like I don't really care, but it's a nice surprise.

162
00:06:57,871 --> 00:06:59,620
And then, very casually:

163
00:07:00,313 --> 00:07:02,402
"Want to see the roof?"

164
00:07:03,610 --> 00:07:04,855
The roof!

165
00:07:04,910 --> 00:07:07,608
Get her up to the roof, and the roof takes care of the rest.

166
00:07:07,660 --> 00:07:09,063
What's so special about the roof?

167
00:07:09,149 --> 00:07:12,821
Oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline.

168
00:07:12,882 --> 00:07:15,626
You can't not fall in love on that roof.

169
00:07:16,714 --> 00:07:18,688
We do it up there, sometimes.

170
00:07:19,017 --> 00:07:20,941
Solid plan, my little friend.

171
00:07:21,001 --> 00:07:21,934
We're the same height.

172
00:07:21,996 --> 00:07:25,267
But, may I suggest one little modification.

173
00:07:25,871 --> 00:07:29,394
That foxy young thing you were chatting up, take her up to the roof and have sex with her.

174
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:31,663
- Crazy monkey style...
- That's not the plan.

175
00:07:31,739 --> 00:07:33,409
Well, it should be the plan. I mean, look at her.

176
00:07:33,464 --> 00:07:36,035
Ted, look at her. She's smoking!

177
00:07:36,101 --> 00:07:37,719
- Thank you!
- Yeah...

178
00:07:37,776 --> 00:07:39,369
But, she's not Robin!

179
00:07:39,424 --> 00:07:40,622
Exactly!

180
00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:42,174
Ted, let's rap.

181
00:07:42,486 --> 00:07:47,161
Statistic: At every New York party, there's always a girl who has no idea whose party she's at.

182
00:07:47,202 --> 00:07:50,238
She knows no one you know, and you will never see her again.

183
00:07:50,285 --> 00:07:54,728
Do you see where I'm going with this?

184
00:07:54,795 --> 00:07:56,469
Barney, I don't think so.

185
00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:57,529
Scoping.

186
00:07:58,173 --> 00:07:59,483
Scoping.

187
00:07:59,818 --> 00:08:01,386
Man, you're a dork.

188
00:08:02,152 --> 00:08:03,873
Target acquired!

189
00:08:03,933 --> 00:08:07,477
Now it's time we play a little game I like to call "Have you met Ted?"

190
00:08:07,564 --> 00:08:08,839
Oh, come on, not this.

191
00:08:08,926 --> 00:08:10,109
Hi. Have you met Ted?

192
00:08:10,186 --> 00:08:10,812
No.

193
00:08:10,898 --> 00:08:12,019
- Hi.
- Hi.

194
00:08:12,095 --> 00:08:13,950
- Do you know Marshall? Lily?
- No.

195
00:08:14,032 --> 00:08:15,905
Hmm. Do you know anyone at this party?

196
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:17,588
I work with Carlos.

197
00:08:17,835 --> 00:08:18,808
Excuse me.

198
00:08:18,940 --> 00:08:20,442
Anyone know a Carlos?

199
00:08:20,686 --> 00:08:21,568
- No.
- No.

200
00:08:21,619 --> 00:08:23,408
On a silver platter.

201
00:08:23,707 --> 00:08:25,514
Bon appétit.

202
00:08:25,607 --> 00:08:26,953
I don't think so.

203
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,058
Your loss, her gain.

204
00:08:29,155 --> 00:08:30,081
Excuse me.

205
00:08:30,242 --> 00:08:32,648
Can I show you the roof? It's magical up there.

206
00:08:32,734 --> 00:08:33,611
- Sure.
- Wait, wait.

207
00:08:33,672 --> 00:08:35,007
Hey, hey, I got that roof reserved.

208
00:08:35,074 --> 00:08:36,488
Dude, Robin's not coming.

209
00:08:36,564 --> 00:08:38,586
Hey, she's going to show up!

210
00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:42,933
She'll show up.

211
00:08:43,297 --> 00:08:44,756
She didn't show up.

212
00:08:45,949 --> 00:08:48,227
At least it was a great party.

213
00:08:48,561 --> 00:08:50,787
I ate, like, four whole cans of dip.

214
00:08:51,633 --> 00:08:53,691
You always know what to say, old friend.

215
00:08:58,259 --> 00:08:59,154
It's Robin.

216
00:08:59,542 --> 00:09:00,376
Answer it.

217
00:09:00,464 --> 00:09:02,733
No, no, not right away-- got to seem casual.

218
00:09:04,791 --> 00:09:05,365
Hello?

219
00:09:05,432 --> 00:09:07,586
I'm so sorry I missed your party.

220
00:09:07,725 --> 00:09:09,107
Who is this? Meredith?

221
00:09:09,757 --> 00:09:10,659
Robin.

222
00:09:10,791 --> 00:09:12,244
Oh, Robin!

223
00:09:12,343 --> 00:09:15,839
Hey! Yeah, I, uh, guess you never showed up, did you?

224
00:09:15,917 --> 00:09:17,042
No, I got stuck at work.

225
00:09:17,110 --> 00:09:19,618
But, they finally got that kid out of the crane machine.

226
00:09:19,690 --> 00:09:21,436
Did he get to keep the purple giraffe?

227
00:09:21,513 --> 00:09:23,853
Yeah, they let him keep all the toys.

228
00:09:23,934 --> 00:09:27,550
He was in there a long time, and little kids have small bladders.

229
00:09:28,405 --> 00:09:30,351
I wish your party was tonight.

230
00:09:32,269 --> 00:09:33,970
It is-- the party's tonight.

231
00:09:34,894 --> 00:09:38,624
Yeah, uh... it's a two-day party, 'cause that's just how we roll.

232
00:09:39,709 --> 00:09:43,581
Uh, so, if you want to swing by, you know, it's casual.

233
00:09:43,663 --> 00:09:44,599
See ya.

234
00:09:48,470 --> 00:09:49,591
So, that was Robin.

235
00:09:49,658 --> 00:09:51,828
What are you doing to me, man?! I got a paper to write!

236
00:09:51,932 --> 00:09:53,554
I know! Sorry! It's terrible!

237
00:09:53,918 --> 00:09:56,611
- I'll buy more dip!
- Ted! Ted, wait!

238
00:09:57,559 --> 00:09:59,401
Get French onion!

239
00:10:03,620 --> 00:10:05,892
Can you believe this guy? I got a paper to write.

240
00:10:07,779 --> 00:10:08,808
Okay, fine.

241
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:12,607
But, it's got to be, like, super-quick, and no cuddling after.

242
00:10:12,698 --> 00:10:15,176
I'm the luckiest girl alive.

243
00:10:18,970 --> 00:10:21,479
You were so right about the roof!

244
00:10:21,557 --> 00:10:22,770
The roof!

245
00:10:22,933 --> 00:10:26,250
The roof is on fire, Ted!

246
00:10:26,454 --> 00:10:28,625
That girl from last night-- I took her back to my place,

247
00:10:28,688 --> 00:10:31,017
then this morning, took her outside, spun her around a couple times

248
00:10:31,079 --> 00:10:35,600
and sent her walking. She will never find her way back, and there she is.

249
00:10:36,511 --> 00:10:37,751
How did she get here? Did you invite her?

250
00:10:37,823 --> 00:10:38,887
I have no idea who that is.

251
00:10:38,944 --> 00:10:40,535
She said she works with Carlos. Who's Carlos?

252
00:10:40,597 --> 00:10:42,016
I don't know any Carlos.

253
00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:44,503
Hi, you!

254
00:10:44,575 --> 00:10:45,477
You're back!

255
00:10:45,548 --> 00:10:46,751
I sure am.

256
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,985
Come on, sweetie, I need a drink.

257
00:10:51,077 --> 00:10:52,582
"Sweetie"? Really?

258
00:10:55,891 --> 00:10:57,735
Whoa! Whoa, rabbits!

259
00:10:57,796 --> 00:10:59,868
Come on, I got that roof reserved.

260
00:11:00,024 --> 00:11:00,869
All right.

261
00:11:02,178 --> 00:11:05,615
So, it's over between me and works-with-Carlos girl.

262
00:11:05,686 --> 00:11:06,960
Whoa! That was fast.

263
00:11:07,048 --> 00:11:12,265
Yeah. I was trying to think, what's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met?

264
00:11:12,577 --> 00:11:14,185
I think I'm in love with you.

265
00:11:14,318 --> 00:11:15,065
What?!

266
00:11:15,159 --> 00:11:16,218
Thanks, bro.

267
00:11:16,315 --> 00:11:17,759
Glad I could help.

268
00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:20,477
What the...

269
00:11:20,564 --> 00:11:22,367
No, no, no. Come on.

270
00:11:22,531 --> 00:11:23,851
Sorry, Ted.

271
00:11:25,367 --> 00:11:28,024
Great. What am I going to do when Robin shows up?

272
00:11:28,347 --> 00:11:29,842
She'll show up.

273
00:11:30,139 --> 00:11:31,573
She didn't show up.

274
00:11:32,493 --> 00:11:34,972
All right. We threw two parties.

275
00:11:35,116 --> 00:11:36,722
Everybody had fun.

276
00:11:36,882 --> 00:11:39,652
Everybody wanged, everybody chunged.

277
00:11:40,261 --> 00:11:43,793
Now, the kid has got to get to work, and the kid is not to be disturbed.

278
00:11:43,856 --> 00:11:45,079
Repeat after me.

279
00:11:45,165 --> 00:11:47,383
I will not have sex with Marshall.

280
00:11:47,465 --> 00:11:50,241
I will not have sex with Marshall.

281
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,234
It's Robin.

282
00:11:56,441 --> 00:11:57,213
Hello?

283
00:11:57,295 --> 00:11:58,667
- Hi, Ted.
- Amanda?

284
00:11:58,764 --> 00:12:02,232
Oh, Denise! Sorry, you totally sounded like Amanda.

285
00:12:02,344 --> 00:12:03,090
It's Robin.

286
00:12:03,194 --> 00:12:04,213
Oh, Robin.

287
00:12:04,725 --> 00:12:05,426
Hi.

288
00:12:05,687 --> 00:12:10,116
I totally wanted to come. I got stuck at work again. I feel like I live there.

289
00:12:10,188 --> 00:12:12,128
I'm sorry I missed your party, again.

290
00:12:12,214 --> 00:12:15,416
Hey, ain't no thing but a chicken wing, mamacita.

291
00:12:15,545 --> 00:12:16,987
Who am I?

292
00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:21,232
I guess there's no chance your two-dayer turned into a three-dayer?

293
00:12:21,980 --> 00:12:24,456
It did, indeed. The party continues tonight.

294
00:12:24,617 --> 00:12:29,522
Yeah. Uh, last night, people were like, "Keep it going, bro. Party trifecta."

295
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:32,096
Wow! Okay, well, I'll be there.

296
00:12:32,173 --> 00:12:34,118
Great! See you tonight.

297
00:12:37,130 --> 00:12:38,609
So, that was Robin.

298
00:12:40,503 --> 00:12:43,176
So, I threw a third party for Robin...

299
00:12:43,419 --> 00:12:45,137
on a Sunday night.

300
00:12:45,761 --> 00:12:47,589
Well, this is lame.

301
00:12:47,857 --> 00:12:48,655
Lame...

302
00:12:49,117 --> 00:12:50,460
or casual?

303
00:12:50,867 --> 00:12:51,915
Lame.

304
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,442
Or casual?

305
00:12:54,706 --> 00:12:56,329
Hey, law books.

306
00:12:56,401 --> 00:12:58,638
Ready for a little 15 minute recess?

307
00:12:58,715 --> 00:13:02,386
Sorry, baby, I got to work. I need all my blood up here.

308
00:13:02,498 --> 00:13:09,206
Has anybody seen An Introduction to Contract Tort and Restitution Statutes from 1865-1923?

309
00:13:10,482 --> 00:13:12,293
Anybody seen a big-ass book?

310
00:13:13,132 --> 00:13:13,856
No.

311
00:13:14,608 --> 00:13:15,570
Hello, Barney.

312
00:13:16,743 --> 00:13:18,704
Of course.

313
00:13:20,419 --> 00:13:21,561
You look well.

314
00:13:22,017 --> 00:13:24,083
Is it weird they invited both of us?

315
00:13:24,683 --> 00:13:26,082
Who?

316
00:13:26,845 --> 00:13:30,670
Who invited you? No one even knows who you are!

317
00:13:31,422 --> 00:13:33,388
I understand you're hurt, but

318
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:35,400
you don't have to be cruel.

319
00:13:36,384 --> 00:13:37,991
Carlos was right about you.

320
00:13:39,313 --> 00:13:41,560
Who is Carlos?!

321
00:13:41,667 --> 00:13:43,459
Hey, where the hell is my...?

322
00:13:43,761 --> 00:13:44,954
Oh...!

323
00:13:47,872 --> 00:13:48,861
Okay...

324
00:13:50,161 --> 00:13:55,968
An Introduction to Contract Tort and Restitution Statutes from 1865-1923

325
00:13:56,054 --> 00:13:57,920
is not a coaster!

326
00:13:58,016 --> 00:14:01,631
Ted, I'm jeopardizing my law career so you can throw not one,

327
00:14:01,722 --> 00:14:03,955
not two, but three parties

328
00:14:04,028 --> 00:14:07,293
for some girl that you just met who's probably not even going to show up!

329
00:14:07,369 --> 00:14:08,773
I mean, where is she, Ted, huh?

330
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:10,186
Where's Robin?

331
00:14:12,245 --> 00:14:13,013
Hi.

332
00:14:13,692 --> 00:14:14,712
Hi, Ron.

333
00:14:23,452 --> 00:14:26,866
So, you threw all these parties for me?

334
00:14:27,154 --> 00:14:29,663
No. Oh, you thought that... no!

335
00:14:29,750 --> 00:14:31,726
I... okay, yes. You got me.

336
00:14:31,897 --> 00:14:36,523
One of the reasons I threw these parties was so that I could introduce you

337
00:14:36,611 --> 00:14:38,976
to, um, this guy.

338
00:14:39,058 --> 00:14:42,222
Uh, I figured, you know, since it didn't work out between us

339
00:14:42,288 --> 00:14:44,112
and now we can just laugh about it...

340
00:14:45,521 --> 00:14:47,749
Anyway, Robin, this is...

341
00:14:47,910 --> 00:14:48,924
Carlos.

342
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:51,053
- Oh!
- Oh!

343
00:14:54,541 --> 00:14:56,368
She's still talking to Carlos.

344
00:14:56,850 --> 00:14:59,073
I can still win this. I-it's not over.

345
00:14:59,168 --> 00:15:01,864
Okay, buddy. Time for the tough talk.

346
00:15:02,032 --> 00:15:04,807
Robin seems great, but let's look at the facts.

347
00:15:04,884 --> 00:15:06,322
You want to get married.

348
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:10,869
And right now, there's a million women in New York looking for exactly you.

349
00:15:10,926 --> 00:15:12,430
But Robin ain't one of them.

350
00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:15,159
She's not just one of them. She's the one.

351
00:15:15,241 --> 00:15:18,396
Yeah, well, the one is heading up to the roof.

352
00:15:20,986 --> 00:15:22,424
What are you going to do?

353
00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:24,196
Nothing.

354
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:28,138
It's a game. I got to just keep playing it.

355
00:16:07,001 --> 00:16:07,906
Ted...

356
00:16:07,998 --> 00:16:10,168
Hey, Carlos, can you give us a minute?

357
00:16:10,231 --> 00:16:12,282
Hey, no sweat, hombre.

358
00:16:13,001 --> 00:16:13,865
See ya.

359
00:16:17,691 --> 00:16:18,612
Robin...

360
00:16:18,873 --> 00:16:21,704
look, I didn't throw this party to set you up with Carlos,

361
00:16:21,771 --> 00:16:23,036
or the one before that,

362
00:16:23,425 --> 00:16:24,827
or the one before that.

363
00:16:26,139 --> 00:16:28,841
I threw these parties because I wanted to see you.

364
00:16:29,850 --> 00:16:31,340
Well, here I am.

365
00:16:32,712 --> 00:16:35,728
There's something here, look, unless I'm crazy.

366
00:16:36,239 --> 00:16:37,919
You're not crazy.

367
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,088
I don't know, Ted.

368
00:16:41,141 --> 00:16:43,306
I mean, we barely know each other

369
00:16:43,521 --> 00:16:46,598
and you're looking at me with that look. And, it's like...

370
00:16:46,722 --> 00:16:47,489
Like, like what?

371
00:16:47,602 --> 00:16:50,509
Like, "Let's fall in love and get married

372
00:16:50,566 --> 00:16:52,941
and have kids and drive them to soccer practice."

373
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:55,558
I'm not going to force sports on them unless they're interested.

374
00:16:57,217 --> 00:16:58,569
It's a great look.

375
00:16:59,219 --> 00:17:00,749
But you're looking at the wrong girl.

376
00:17:00,817 --> 00:17:02,473
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.

377
00:17:02,557 --> 00:17:05,168
I don't want to get married right now, maybe ever.

378
00:17:05,234 --> 00:17:11,644
And, if we got together, I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you or break your heart, and...

379
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:15,326
I just couldn't do either of those things.

380
00:17:15,818 --> 00:17:18,399
Just like you can't turn off the way you feel.

381
00:17:21,772 --> 00:17:22,908
Click.

382
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:24,634
Off. Let's make out.

383
00:17:24,799 --> 00:17:25,767
What?

384
00:17:26,559 --> 00:17:28,762
What? That was the off switch.

385
00:17:28,966 --> 00:17:30,353
And I turned it off.

386
00:17:30,559 --> 00:17:34,583
I mean, look, sure, yes, I want to fall in love, get married, blah, blah, blah.

387
00:17:34,650 --> 00:17:38,858
But, on the other hand... you, me,

388
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:40,926
the roof.

389
00:17:42,268 --> 00:17:43,820
There's no off switch.

390
00:17:44,732 --> 00:17:46,322
There is an off switch.

391
00:17:47,136 --> 00:17:48,474
And it's off.

392
00:17:48,975 --> 00:17:50,245
No, it's not.

393
00:17:51,260 --> 00:17:52,805
Yes, it is.

394
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:54,721
No, it's not.

395
00:17:54,781 --> 00:17:57,839
Yes... it is.

396
00:18:12,055 --> 00:18:13,362
No, it's not.

397
00:18:14,170 --> 00:18:16,639
You're right. There's no off switch.

398
00:18:17,995 --> 00:18:20,111
God, I wish there was an off switch!

399
00:18:20,883 --> 00:18:22,170
Me, too.

400
00:18:27,489 --> 00:18:29,412
So, um...

401
00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:32,244
What do we do now?

402
00:18:34,964 --> 00:18:36,356
We could be friends.

403
00:18:36,627 --> 00:18:37,831
Oh...

404
00:18:39,208 --> 00:18:43,924
Look, I know it sounds insincere when people say that, but...

405
00:18:44,526 --> 00:18:45,638
we could.

406
00:18:46,474 --> 00:18:47,964
I don't know, Robin.

407
00:18:48,133 --> 00:18:49,853
I've made such a jackass of myself here.

408
00:18:49,914 --> 00:18:54,200
We start hanging out, every time I see you it'll be like, "Oh, that's right. I'm a jackass."

409
00:18:54,609 --> 00:18:55,950
You're not a jackass.

410
00:18:56,591 --> 00:18:58,879
Look, I'm sorry. I only moved here in April

411
00:18:58,960 --> 00:19:01,455
and I'm always working and

412
00:19:01,737 --> 00:19:04,864
I just haven't met a lot of good people so far.

413
00:19:06,237 --> 00:19:07,655
But I understand.

414
00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:13,829
Well, uh, maybe in a few months, after it's not so fresh,

415
00:19:13,904 --> 00:19:17,844
we could all, uh, you know, get a beer.

416
00:19:18,376 --> 00:19:19,462
Yeah.

417
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,832
That sounds good.

418
00:19:23,266 --> 00:19:24,731
I'll see you, Ted.

419
00:19:29,933 --> 00:19:31,924
Or, you know, now.

420
00:19:35,621 --> 00:19:38,170
We could all get a beer now.

421
00:19:41,181 --> 00:19:42,493
I'd like that.

422
00:19:44,963 --> 00:19:49,317
My friends are going to love you... like you, you know, as a friend.

423
00:19:50,685 --> 00:19:51,948
Jackass.

424
00:19:54,703 --> 00:19:56,116
Unbelievable.

425
00:19:56,669 --> 00:19:59,773
That's just a recipe for disaster. They work together!

426
00:19:59,849 --> 00:20:00,739
Are you jealous?

427
00:20:00,821 --> 00:20:04,116
Oh, please. What does Carlos have that I don't?

428
00:20:04,123 --> 00:20:06,423
- A date tonight.
- Oh!

429
00:20:06,495 --> 00:20:08,420
Stop the tape. Rewind. Play it again.

430
00:20:08,699 --> 00:20:11,435
- A date tonight.
- Oh!

431
00:20:11,578 --> 00:20:12,895
I'm not sure I like her.

432
00:20:13,779 --> 00:20:15,361
Hey, don't you have a paper to write?

433
00:20:15,435 --> 00:20:17,952
- Dude, you're talking to the kid.
- I know it.

434
00:20:18,020 --> 00:20:19,607
I'm going to knock back this beer.

435
00:20:19,679 --> 00:20:21,552
I'm going to knock back one more beer.

436
00:20:21,615 --> 00:20:24,547
I'm going to go home. I'm going to write a 25-page paper.

437
00:20:24,634 --> 00:20:26,836
I'm going to hand it in and I'm going to get an "A."

438
00:20:26,908 --> 00:20:30,308
My name is Rufus and that's the trufus.

439
00:20:30,742 --> 00:20:32,125
He got a B-minus.

440
00:20:32,202 --> 00:20:35,177
But still, 25 pages in one night, B-minus?

441
00:20:35,228 --> 00:20:36,576
The kid was good.

442
00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:38,855
At least let me buy you a beer.

443
00:20:38,935 --> 00:20:40,532
Come on, I'll buy everyone a beer.

444
00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:41,669
I'll help carry.

445
00:20:46,881 --> 00:20:48,290
- You know something Ted?
- What?

446
00:20:48,335 --> 00:20:49,574
You are a catch.

447
00:20:49,677 --> 00:20:52,195
You're going to make some girl very happy.

448
00:20:52,386 --> 00:20:55,186
And I am going to help you find her.

449
00:20:55,529 --> 00:20:57,188
Well, good luck.

450
00:20:57,470 --> 00:20:59,412
I mean, maybe New York's just too big a town.

451
00:20:59,461 --> 00:21:01,515
I mean, there's millions of people in this city.

452
00:21:01,632 --> 00:21:04,730
How, in all this mess, is a guy supposed to find the love of his life?

453
00:21:04,796 --> 00:21:07,361
I mean, where do you even begin?

454
00:21:09,946 --> 00:21:12,348
Hi. Have you met Ted?