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General InformationEdit

Title "Belly Full of Turkey"
Format SubRip
Extension .srt
Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belly_Full_of_Turkey

SubtitlesEdit

1
00:00:13,835 --> 00:00:16,071
Kids, this is a Thanksgiving story.

2
00:00:16,781 --> 00:00:19,075
Thanksgiving in New York is a wonderful time.

3
00:00:20,015 --> 00:00:22,130
It's a time for giving of yourself,

4
00:00:22,289 --> 00:00:24,034
for thinking of your fellow man.

5
00:00:24,272 --> 00:00:27,674
A time when the unforgiving city becomes a little kinder.

6
00:00:27,973 --> 00:00:30,078
Well, I just ralphed.

7
00:00:30,441 --> 00:00:32,276
How much did you guys drink last night?

8
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,436
Not how much...

9
00:00:33,596 --> 00:00:34,374
what?

10
00:00:34,515 --> 00:00:36,089
The Thankstini.

11
00:00:36,389 --> 00:00:39,385
A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented.

12
00:00:39,461 --> 00:00:43,524
Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube.

13
00:00:43,759 --> 00:00:46,368
Tastes just like a turkey dinner.

14
00:00:46,710 --> 00:00:50,249
Mmm, it's like Thanksgiving in my mouth!

15
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:53,871
You want a good holiday drink, 
try his Kwanzaapolitan.

16
00:00:55,917 --> 00:00:57,027
The shuttle's here!

17
00:00:58,762 --> 00:01:01,119
He hasn't been back home 
to Minnesota since Christmas.

18
00:01:01,197 --> 00:01:02,367
He's a little excited.

19
00:01:02,444 --> 00:01:04,441
Lily, we're holding up the shuttle. Do you have everything you need--

20
00:01:04,529 --> 00:01:06,536
toothbrush, pajamas, underpants?

21
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:07,790
Underpants!

22
00:01:09,895 --> 00:01:11,344
So, Lil...

23
00:01:11,550 --> 00:01:13,220
Marshall's family.

24
00:01:13,345 --> 00:01:16,184
A whole weekend with the future in-laws. You excited?

25
00:01:16,282 --> 00:01:18,298
Yeah, no, it'll be fun.

26
00:01:18,390 --> 00:01:20,698
Lily, you just said, "Yeah, no."

27
00:01:21,493 --> 00:01:22,437
Did I?

28
00:01:22,554 --> 00:01:24,943
No. I-I love Marshall's family.

29
00:01:25,450 --> 00:01:27,130
But yeah, no, it'll be great.

30
00:01:27,238 --> 00:01:28,219
You just did it again.

31
00:01:28,361 --> 00:01:29,648
Yeah, no, shut up.

32
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:32,952
So you're not going home for Thanksgiving?

33
00:01:33,056 --> 00:01:34,860
No, I have to work on Friday. You?

34
00:01:34,956 --> 00:01:37,696
I'm Canadian, remember? 
We celebrate Thanksgiving in October.

35
00:01:37,797 --> 00:01:40,133
Oh, right, I forgot. 
You guys are weird.

36
00:01:40,221 --> 00:01:42,601
You pronounce the word "out," "oat."

37
00:01:43,059 --> 00:01:46,853
You guys are the world's leader in handgun violence, your healthcare system is bankrupt,

38
00:01:46,934 --> 00:01:50,871
and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue.

39
00:01:52,056 --> 00:01:54,796
Your cops are called "Mounties."

40
00:01:56,749 --> 00:01:58,796
So probably hanging out with Barney, then?

41
00:01:58,893 --> 00:02:01,229
No. Barney's got his own Thanksgiving tradition.

42
00:02:01,338 --> 00:02:03,714
Thanksgiving in a strip club. Who's in?

43
00:02:03,990 --> 00:02:07,243
The Lusty Leopard has a surprisingly good Thanksgiving buffet.

44
00:02:07,315 --> 00:02:08,432
Plus they do this thing:

45
00:02:08,519 --> 00:02:10,162
Heather dresses up as a pilgrim,

46
00:02:10,239 --> 00:02:12,171
and Misty dresses up as an Indian,

47
00:02:12,258 --> 00:02:14,581
and they share a meal together.

48
00:02:14,669 --> 00:02:16,477
Oh, Barney.

49
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,504
I'm sorry... Native American.

50
00:02:20,577 --> 00:02:23,528
I think I'm going to a homeless shelter, serve food.

51
00:02:23,591 --> 00:02:24,641
That's awesome!

52
00:02:24,716 --> 00:02:28,560
Yeah, I though I'd just spend the day giving back, you know? Doing some good.

53
00:02:28,668 --> 00:02:29,823
Canceling out Barney.

54
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:30,928
Exactly.

55
00:02:31,070 --> 00:02:32,478
Where are all my underpants!

56
00:02:32,566 --> 00:02:33,665
Did you check your suitcase?

57
00:02:36,119 --> 00:02:37,109
Let's go!

58
00:02:37,538 --> 00:02:39,096
And go they went...

59
00:02:39,259 --> 00:02:42,311
all the way to St. Cloud, 
Minnesota, Marshall's hometown.

60
00:02:42,860 --> 00:02:45,913
And as Lily stepped into her fiancé's boyhood home,

61
00:02:46,018 --> 00:02:47,602
she received a big welcome.

62
00:02:47,731 --> 00:02:49,542
Hello, we're home!

63
00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:51,692
Hello... hey...

64
00:02:52,326 --> 00:02:53,831
A very big welcome.

65
00:02:53,921 --> 00:02:58,133
You see, at six-foot-four, Marshall 
was the runt of the Eriksen clan.

66
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:04,072
Wow, I forgot how tall you guys are.

67
00:03:04,577 --> 00:03:06,107
Where's my almost daughter-in-law?

68
00:03:06,181 --> 00:03:07,233
Here I am!

69
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:13,092
Oh, you got yourself 
a great little bride here, son.

70
00:03:13,533 --> 00:03:14,431
All right, now.

71
00:03:14,625 --> 00:03:15,934
No fartin' around!

72
00:03:16,041 --> 00:03:19,286
Put your skates and your pads on, boys! 
Game on in five minutes!

73
00:03:19,377 --> 00:03:20,418
Yeah, all right.

74
00:03:20,511 --> 00:03:21,885
Oh, you're gonna play hockey?

75
00:03:22,844 --> 00:03:24,392
With a basketball?

76
00:03:24,474 --> 00:03:26,310
Well, it's sort of a combination of the two.

77
00:03:26,394 --> 00:03:27,930
We call it bask-ice-ball.

78
00:03:28,230 --> 00:03:29,212
We invented it.

79
00:03:29,285 --> 00:03:31,816
It's the most dangerous 
and awesome sport in the world.

80
00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:33,611
Bask-ice-ball?

81
00:03:33,712 --> 00:03:35,589
Not ice-ketball?

82
00:03:35,690 --> 00:03:37,960
Ice-ketball?

83
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:39,722
That just sounds weird.

84
00:03:40,712 --> 00:03:42,745
It's bask-ice-ball, okay?

85
00:03:42,835 --> 00:03:43,975
And I'm the best.

86
00:03:44,139 --> 00:03:45,169
You wish.

87
00:03:45,621 --> 00:03:48,794
Well, maybe that's just 
'cause you haven't seen me play.

88
00:03:48,885 --> 00:03:51,541
Oh... I don't know, honey.

89
00:03:51,621 --> 00:03:53,164
It's not really a sport for a girl.

90
00:03:53,243 --> 00:03:56,217
Well, that's funny, because 
your brother throws like a girl.

91
00:03:58,910 --> 00:04:00,099
Marcus!

92
00:04:01,536 --> 00:04:02,621
This is going to be great.

93
00:04:02,650 --> 00:04:04,945
I know. I'm so psyched we did this.

94
00:04:05,044 --> 00:04:08,847
Look at all these people, giving up their Thanksgiving to help their fellow man.

95
00:04:08,953 --> 00:04:10,775
These have got to be 
the best people in New York.

96
00:04:10,877 --> 00:04:13,810
...to Grandmother's house... 
'Scuse me, guys. Coming through.

97
00:04:15,021 --> 00:04:15,899
Barney?

98
00:04:16,156 --> 00:04:17,598
Well, hi guys.

99
00:04:17,811 --> 00:04:19,046
What are you doing here?

100
00:04:19,157 --> 00:04:21,201
Oh, just the Lord's work.

101
00:04:21,958 --> 00:04:23,623
But you're Satan.

102
00:04:23,749 --> 00:04:27,638
Guys, okay, look. I don't 
advertise it, but I volunteer here.

103
00:04:27,729 --> 00:04:30,344
I think it's important 
to help the less fortunate.

104
00:04:30,451 --> 00:04:33,295
I'm the Angelina Jolie 
of incredibly hot guys.

105
00:04:34,245 --> 00:04:35,757
This is a joke, right?

106
00:04:35,836 --> 00:04:37,129
You don't actually volunteer here.

107
00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:40,307
Barney, we need you out front. 
There's a logjam on the stuffing line.

108
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:41,213
Can you show them how it's done?

109
00:04:41,294 --> 00:04:42,248
I'm on it.

110
00:04:42,523 --> 00:04:44,674
Wait, so this is real? 
Barney does this?

111
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:46,290
Every Sunday, all year long.

112
00:04:46,382 --> 00:04:47,488
He's our best volunteer.

113
00:04:47,569 --> 00:04:49,067
That's 'cause I was trained by the best, Kendall.

114
00:04:50,136 --> 00:04:52,530
Anyway, we're psyched to be here, Kendall.

115
00:04:52,605 --> 00:04:53,474
What do you need us to do?

116
00:04:53,564 --> 00:04:55,769
Uh, go home. We're full.

117
00:04:55,856 --> 00:04:56,608
What?

118
00:04:56,711 --> 00:04:58,573
We're volunteers. We're unpaid help.

119
00:04:58,678 --> 00:05:00,625
Can you ever really have enough unpaid help?

120
00:05:00,744 --> 00:05:02,903
On the biggest volunteer day of the year?

121
00:05:02,989 --> 00:05:04,510
Yeah, you can.

122
00:05:04,589 --> 00:05:05,982
Come on, we just want to help out.

123
00:05:06,075 --> 00:05:07,960
Kendall, they're cool.

124
00:05:08,924 --> 00:05:11,240
Fine, but I'm not promising anything.

125
00:05:11,304 --> 00:05:13,601
Wait here-- we'll let you know if we need you.

126
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,212
Okay, well, I'd better get back out there. There's a lot of food to give out.

127
00:05:18,605 --> 00:05:19,914
And a lot of smiles.

128
00:05:22,865 --> 00:05:25,667
Oh, I almost forgot.

129
00:05:25,821 --> 00:05:32,050
I know it's early, but... 
you are a future Mrs. Eriksen.

130
00:05:33,049 --> 00:05:34,449
Thank you!

131
00:05:34,577 --> 00:05:38,647
Well, it'll go great with my, uh... 
I just love it.

132
00:05:39,869 --> 00:05:42,167
Okay, Lily, we're putting you on salad duty.

133
00:05:42,286 --> 00:05:48,385
Oh, I make this great frisee and endive salad with a coriander-lime vinaigrette.

134
00:05:48,683 --> 00:05:51,355
But this is an American holiday.

135
00:05:52,247 --> 00:05:56,075
Lily, now that you're going to be a Mrs. Eriksen,

136
00:05:56,178 --> 00:05:59,860
I'm going to let you in on a secret recipe:

137
00:06:00,132 --> 00:06:03,955
the Eriksen family seven-layer salad.

138
00:06:04,762 --> 00:06:06,809
Seven-layer salad?

139
00:06:08,804 --> 00:06:11,916
"Six cups of mayonnaise"? 
That can't be right.

140
00:06:11,990 --> 00:06:13,974
Oh, no, dear. 16 cups.

141
00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:16,309
Mayo's in that cabinet.

142
00:06:19,550 --> 00:06:20,598
Oh, my God.

143
00:06:20,702 --> 00:06:23,499
There is some serious 
bask-ice-ball going on out there.

144
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,806
Dad totally nailed Marcus 
in the face with a snowball,

145
00:06:25,832 --> 00:06:28,323
which is a foul, 'cause you only get 
one snowball per possession,

146
00:06:28,395 --> 00:06:31,786
so I nailed him in the shin 
with my skate and I totally dunked it!

147
00:06:32,004 --> 00:06:34,833
Yeah, you were sittin' pretty 
till I whacked you with that mallet.

148
00:06:34,928 --> 00:06:35,940
Hey, gorgeous.

149
00:06:36,894 --> 00:06:38,177
You having fun?

150
00:06:38,352 --> 00:06:40,804
Yeah, but... but I kind of miss you.

151
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,693
Could you stay in here for a little bit?

152
00:06:42,779 --> 00:06:44,750
Yeah, yeah, yeah, no problem. It's halftime.

153
00:06:44,853 --> 00:06:47,795
Oh, halftime's over! 
Get your butts out here! Come on.

154
00:06:47,890 --> 00:06:51,211
And I hope you like 
the taste of skate, dorko!

155
00:06:52,754 --> 00:06:53,730
Go.

156
00:06:54,194 --> 00:06:55,594
Thanks, baby.

157
00:06:55,925 --> 00:06:58,107
Aw, isn't this great?

158
00:06:58,193 --> 00:07:01,193
Can't you see why everyone from 
my high school stays in this town?

159
00:07:01,758 --> 00:07:05,061
Hey, Marvin, you're the dorko, dorko.

160
00:07:10,406 --> 00:07:12,357
Man, it's amazing out there.

161
00:07:12,452 --> 00:07:15,697
I've done so much good today, 
I've got like a soul boner.

162
00:07:16,947 --> 00:07:19,503
Man, he way the faces 
of the less fortunate light up

163
00:07:19,577 --> 00:07:23,033
when you give them a hot, nutritious meal. Is there a better feeling on Earth?

164
00:07:23,124 --> 00:07:26,723
Yesterday you said the best feeling on Earth was getting your toes sucked.

165
00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:30,285
Then you requested a high-five with your foot.

166
00:07:31,299 --> 00:07:35,700
Hey, Barn, what do you say you let us sub in for you, scoop stuffing for a little bit?

167
00:07:35,959 --> 00:07:38,027
You want to scoop stuffing your first day out?

168
00:07:38,121 --> 00:07:40,758
Hello? NFL? 
Can I be quarterback this Sunday?

169
00:07:40,833 --> 00:07:41,521
Dude.

170
00:07:44,807 --> 00:07:49,054
Okay, I finished the gummi bear layer of the... salad.

171
00:07:49,132 --> 00:07:50,141
What's next?

172
00:07:51,136 --> 00:07:53,299
Potato chips. Of course.

173
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:57,113
So, Lily... when are you gonna start 
thinking about having a baby?

174
00:07:57,782 --> 00:07:58,685
Baby?

175
00:07:58,782 --> 00:08:02,187
Uh, you know, 
I hadn't really thought about it.

176
00:08:02,279 --> 00:08:03,242
At all.

177
00:08:03,422 --> 00:08:05,097
Actually, Aunt Lily was lying.

178
00:08:05,188 --> 00:08:06,812
It was all she'd been thinking about.

179
00:08:06,909 --> 00:08:08,600
You see, remember when she said...

180
00:08:08,830 --> 00:08:10,936
Well, I just ralphed...

181
00:08:11,248 --> 00:08:13,691
At that point, she was five days late.

182
00:08:13,790 --> 00:08:15,434
This was day six.

183
00:08:16,318 --> 00:08:19,444
Yeah, I mean, I'm way too young to have a baby, right?

184
00:08:19,517 --> 00:08:20,944
Oh, are you kidding?

185
00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:22,900
I was younger than you when I had Marcus.

186
00:08:23,005 --> 00:08:25,579
Beautiful 15-pound boy.

187
00:08:26,119 --> 00:08:28,485
Not much bigger than this turkey right here.

188
00:08:32,852 --> 00:08:34,213
Oh, my.

189
00:08:37,653 --> 00:08:41,222
Now, if Lily was already uneasy 
about joining the Eriksen family,

190
00:08:41,303 --> 00:08:46,568
imagine how she felt about possibly having a 15-pound Eriksen growing inside of her.

191
00:08:46,933 --> 00:08:49,490
That's a big baby, Judy.

192
00:08:49,601 --> 00:08:51,407
The doctor thought he was twins.

193
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:52,926
Twins!

194
00:08:54,133 --> 00:08:55,523
Twins!

195
00:08:58,687 --> 00:09:01,862
This is crazy! When did it get 
so hard to do charity work?

196
00:09:01,949 --> 00:09:03,661
I do charity work all the time.

197
00:09:03,753 --> 00:09:05,549
Remember when I said I'd find you a girlfriend?

198
00:09:06,004 --> 00:09:07,305
Delightful.

199
00:09:07,455 --> 00:09:09,166
How's that little project coming along anyway?

200
00:09:09,263 --> 00:09:10,213
I'm working on it.

201
00:09:10,319 --> 00:09:13,012
I'm gonna introduce you 
to that girl you've been staring at.

202
00:09:13,095 --> 00:09:15,076
What? That's crazy, 
I haven't been staring at any girl...

203
00:09:15,191 --> 00:09:16,437
Have you met Ted?

204
00:09:17,052 --> 00:09:19,298
Hi. I'm the afore mentioned Ted.

205
00:09:19,380 --> 00:09:21,452
And this is... um, gone.

206
00:09:21,872 --> 00:09:22,801
I'm Amanda.

207
00:09:22,890 --> 00:09:23,533
Hi.

208
00:09:23,616 --> 00:09:25,285
So, uh, what do you do here, Ted?

209
00:09:25,366 --> 00:09:28,642
Well, I've been... um, nothing. 
I do nothing.

210
00:09:29,725 --> 00:09:30,936
Well, if you want to do something,

211
00:09:31,018 --> 00:09:33,247
you and your girlfriend 
can help sort through these donations.

212
00:09:33,317 --> 00:09:35,488
Oh, um, I'm not his girlfriend.

213
00:09:35,573 --> 00:09:40,448
I used to be, but, um, I just wasn't enough woman for Ted emotionally

214
00:09:40,552 --> 00:09:42,228
or sexually.

215
00:09:42,475 --> 00:09:43,858
Oh, my God.

216
00:09:44,201 --> 00:09:46,442
So, Amanda...

217
00:09:46,861 --> 00:09:48,603
What do you need us to do?

218
00:09:48,781 --> 00:09:50,023
Okay, this is important.

219
00:09:50,098 --> 00:09:52,044
Go through all these boxes of food donations,

220
00:09:52,135 --> 00:09:54,628
take out the really good stuff, 
and put it into this box.

221
00:09:54,725 --> 00:09:55,445
Got it.

222
00:09:55,532 --> 00:09:56,928
Consider it sorted.

223
00:09:58,211 --> 00:09:59,160
Hey, we're in business.

224
00:09:59,209 --> 00:10:01,653
Hey, Barney's not gonna get all the glory today.

225
00:10:06,198 --> 00:10:07,189
Let's start with this one.

226
00:10:07,287 --> 00:10:08,142
Yeah.

227
00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:10,181
Amen.

228
00:10:10,471 --> 00:10:11,623
Amen.

229
00:10:12,267 --> 00:10:14,455
Look who came to say good night.

230
00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:15,870
It's little Martin.

231
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:17,655
Three months old.

232
00:10:17,873 --> 00:10:19,009
Months?

233
00:10:19,144 --> 00:10:20,319
Three months.

234
00:10:20,428 --> 00:10:21,891
He's been drinking his milk.

235
00:10:26,145 --> 00:10:28,310
And she's already pregnant again?

236
00:10:28,401 --> 00:10:31,538
Well, that's 'cause 
those Eriksen boys' boys can swim.

237
00:10:31,639 --> 00:10:34,321
They've got two tails 
and a drill bit for a head.

238
00:10:35,411 --> 00:10:37,287
Dad, you're embarrassing me!

239
00:10:37,385 --> 00:10:39,663
Oh, don't worry about it, son, she's cool.

240
00:10:39,767 --> 00:10:41,491
She's going to be an Eriksen.

241
00:10:41,596 --> 00:10:46,088
Yeah. well, well, not literally, 'cause, you know, I'm keeping my name.

242
00:10:46,919 --> 00:10:49,597
But... the apron.

243
00:10:52,057 --> 00:10:54,770
Well, we haven't actually 
decided anything yet, so we're...

244
00:10:54,851 --> 00:10:58,425
No, I've decided 
and I'm keeping my own name.

245
00:10:58,513 --> 00:11:01,930
But Eriksen is a great last name.

246
00:11:02,196 --> 00:11:04,438
People know the Eriksens.

247
00:11:05,857 --> 00:11:11,324
Well, sure, in St. Cloud, but our kids aren't going to be growing up in St. Cloud.

248
00:11:11,410 --> 00:11:12,787
Right, baby?

249
00:11:15,215 --> 00:11:17,246
Well, why not St. Cloud?

250
00:11:17,362 --> 00:11:18,941
I mean, I loved growing up in St. Cloud.

251
00:11:19,041 --> 00:11:21,520
St. Cloud is a great place to have a childhood.

252
00:11:21,626 --> 00:11:23,535
Well, so is New York.

253
00:11:26,203 --> 00:11:28,764
What? It is. And we grew up just fine.

254
00:11:28,853 --> 00:11:32,080
And we grew to the proper size 
and then we stopped.

255
00:11:38,569 --> 00:11:40,050
Hey, Amanda, what's this box for?

256
00:11:40,146 --> 00:11:41,051
Oh, that's for me.

257
00:11:41,153 --> 00:11:42,443
You can put it in my car.

258
00:11:42,969 --> 00:11:45,692
In your car, um, 
and then you'll take it...?

259
00:11:45,780 --> 00:11:49,295
Home. Yeah, we get so much extra food, 
no one can eat it all.

260
00:11:49,457 --> 00:11:53,119
Ooh, truffle oil. Score!

261
00:11:54,520 --> 00:11:57,062
People donated this food thinking 
it was going to feed the hungry.

262
00:11:57,152 --> 00:11:58,053
I know.

263
00:11:58,161 --> 00:12:00,024
And I'm starving.

264
00:12:03,151 --> 00:12:05,505
But, Marshall, you love New York.

265
00:12:05,601 --> 00:12:07,290
Yes, I do,

266
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:10,634
but you always said that when we have kids, you wanted to move out of Manhattan.

267
00:12:10,738 --> 00:12:12,382
Yeah, to Brooklyn.

268
00:12:13,578 --> 00:12:17,566
Why are we even talking about this? This is like way down the road.

269
00:12:17,665 --> 00:12:22,013
But Lily knew "way down the road" might not be so far down the road.

270
00:12:22,935 --> 00:12:25,033
I need to go to the restroom.

271
00:12:25,206 --> 00:12:26,876
Lily, the restroom's the other way.

272
00:12:26,971 --> 00:12:29,225
So she literally headed down the road.

273
00:12:29,561 --> 00:12:30,641
Lily?!

274
00:12:31,630 --> 00:12:32,767
Lily!

275
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:39,156
So wait, not only have you not done 
any good for anyone today,

276
00:12:39,237 --> 00:12:42,081
you're actually helping 
someone steal from the homeless?

277
00:12:42,151 --> 00:12:46,405
You know, Ted, it's called 
Thanksgiving, not Thankstaking Damn.

278
00:12:47,182 --> 00:12:49,441
Barney, you needed me 
to sign your time sheet, right?

279
00:12:49,512 --> 00:12:51,914
Oh, yeah, right. Thanks.

280
00:12:52,143 --> 00:12:53,111
Barney.

281
00:12:53,316 --> 00:12:54,375
Yeah, what's up?

282
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:55,908
You have a time sheet?

283
00:12:56,001 --> 00:12:57,549
No one else has a time sheet.

284
00:12:57,689 --> 00:12:58,505
Yeah. So?

285
00:12:58,597 --> 00:12:59,371
All right, let me see that.

286
00:12:59,454 --> 00:13:01,681
That's my private, personal business!

287
00:13:01,783 --> 00:13:04,502
Court-mandated community service?

288
00:13:04,573 --> 00:13:06,690
Oh my God, you're on probation?

289
00:13:06,774 --> 00:13:08,178
What did you do?

290
00:13:08,807 --> 00:13:11,159
That's my private, personal business.

291
00:13:17,819 --> 00:13:22,530
I was unfairly punished because the wall belonged to the judge's church.

292
00:13:22,767 --> 00:13:24,742
You peed on a church?

293
00:13:24,826 --> 00:13:27,522
I peed in an alley, 
which happened to have a church,

294
00:13:27,593 --> 00:13:30,344
which I did not see because I was drunk.

295
00:13:30,607 --> 00:13:33,187
Oh, you are evil.

296
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:35,791
Ah, all's right with the world again.

297
00:13:35,887 --> 00:13:38,483
Okay, fine, so a judge is making me do this.

298
00:13:38,552 --> 00:13:40,099
But I'm still doing it.

299
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:43,438
And kicking ass at it, BTW.

300
00:13:44,435 --> 00:13:46,764
When's the last time 
either of you did something good, huh?

301
00:13:50,765 --> 00:13:52,756
Kendall. Ah, Kendall.

302
00:13:52,918 --> 00:13:57,228
Amanda is stealing portabello 
mushrooms from homeless people.

303
00:13:58,057 --> 00:13:59,717
Amanda.

304
00:13:59,892 --> 00:14:02,710
I called dibs on the portabello mushrooms.

305
00:14:03,562 --> 00:14:04,903
Those are for the hungry.

306
00:14:04,996 --> 00:14:05,978
I know.

307
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,698
And I'm starving.

308
00:14:13,526 --> 00:14:15,175
Those are good mushrooms.

309
00:14:15,283 --> 00:14:16,575
Mushrooms. Mushrooms.

310
00:14:16,699 --> 00:14:18,040
Portabello mushrooms for everyone.

311
00:14:18,187 --> 00:14:19,933
Take them and run!

312
00:14:20,246 --> 00:14:21,527
They're very expensive.

313
00:14:26,278 --> 00:14:27,799
Happy Thanksgiving.

314
00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:29,798
"Happy Thanksgiving." Huh.

315
00:14:29,886 --> 00:14:32,456
As in "check out the chick 
buying the knockup test, everybody.

316
00:14:32,545 --> 00:14:34,438
Wonder what must be going through her head?

317
00:14:34,494 --> 00:14:38,586
Yeah, well, since you asked, a family of mayonnaise-guzzling giants

318
00:14:38,639 --> 00:14:41,609
is trying to suck me 
into their suburban nightmare,

319
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,078
and there's a solid chance 
that I have an Eriksen

320
00:14:44,157 --> 00:14:48,332
the size of a 15-pound turkey 
growing inside of me!

321
00:14:49,477 --> 00:14:51,011
Oh, you know the Eriksens?

322
00:14:51,103 --> 00:14:52,704
You're Marshall's fiancée.

323
00:14:53,431 --> 00:14:54,659
Fantastic.

324
00:14:54,734 --> 00:14:56,106
So nice to meet you.

325
00:14:56,212 --> 00:14:58,111
You are taller than described.

326
00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:02,408
Look, I'm sorry I just yelled at you.

327
00:15:02,593 --> 00:15:04,350
You mind if I use your bathroom?

328
00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:05,723
Don't have one.

329
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,064
What do you do when you have to...?

330
00:15:07,142 --> 00:15:08,285
I hold it.

331
00:15:15,325 --> 00:15:17,769
You can't fire a volunteer.

332
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:19,345
Apparently you can.

333
00:15:19,437 --> 00:15:22,463
And his two non-mushroom-throwing friends.

334
00:15:22,837 --> 00:15:25,924
I can't believe I told Kendall 
you guys were cool.

335
00:15:26,019 --> 00:15:28,577
I have 40 hours left 
on my community service

336
00:15:28,667 --> 00:15:32,744
and now I've gotta spend it spearing trash on a freakin' median strip.

337
00:15:34,129 --> 00:15:37,955
Volunteer of the year!

338
00:15:38,225 --> 00:15:40,192
I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay?

339
00:15:40,289 --> 00:15:44,025
Look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you just tell me. I'll-I'll do it.

340
00:15:44,104 --> 00:15:45,125
Ted, I'm glad you asked.

341
00:15:45,159 --> 00:15:48,223
# Domo arrigato, Mr. Roboto #

342
00:15:48,313 --> 00:15:51,455
# Domo... domo #

343
00:15:51,599 --> 00:15:54,873
# Domo arrigato, Mr. Roboto #

344
00:15:54,976 --> 00:15:55,738
Surprisingly good.

345
00:15:55,827 --> 00:15:57,619
Right? I told you so.

346
00:15:57,841 --> 00:16:01,341
Public urination. 
Who gets arrested for public urination?

347
00:16:01,869 --> 00:16:03,239
Lily's been arrested.

348
00:16:03,317 --> 00:16:05,260
Oh, dear. What for?

349
00:16:06,607 --> 00:16:08,100
Public urination.

350
00:16:15,332 --> 00:16:16,110
Thanks, Pete.

351
00:16:16,196 --> 00:16:17,379
No problemo, Marsh.

352
00:16:19,566 --> 00:16:20,683
You all right?

353
00:16:20,904 --> 00:16:21,925
No.

354
00:16:22,140 --> 00:16:24,887
I embarrassed myself in front of your family,

355
00:16:24,964 --> 00:16:29,391
and now I'm celebrating Thanksgiving in probably the most depressing place ever.

356
00:16:29,476 --> 00:16:32,509
# Domo arrigato, Mr. Roboto #

357
00:16:33,761 --> 00:16:35,678
Well, I'm glad that you're safe.

358
00:16:35,910 --> 00:16:36,898
Hey, weird question.

359
00:16:36,984 --> 00:16:41,265
Why did you drive three miles down Route 23 and take a pee behind a convenience store?

360
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:43,348
Okay, I'll tell you, but before I do,

361
00:16:43,438 --> 00:16:47,037
promise me that we are not gonna move to St. Cloud, Minnesota. Promise.

362
00:16:47,115 --> 00:16:49,256
I'm not suggesting that 
we move here tomorrow, I'm just...

363
00:16:49,372 --> 00:16:50,473
Promise.

364
00:16:50,559 --> 00:16:52,049
Why do you want me to promise you that?

365
00:16:52,132 --> 00:16:53,818
Because. I don't fit in here.

366
00:16:53,912 --> 00:16:58,828
I'm not eight feet tall, and I don't think you could call it a salad if it has Funyuns in it.

367
00:16:59,332 --> 00:17:00,889
I'm Funyuns.

368
00:17:01,137 --> 00:17:03,013
And mayonnaise and gummi bears

369
00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:05,655
and bask-ice-ball, and I love St. Cloud.

370
00:17:05,753 --> 00:17:08,486
And, yes, there is a part of me that would like to move here someday,

371
00:17:08,562 --> 00:17:13,007
and why are we having this discussion in a jail cell on Thanksgiving?

372
00:17:13,484 --> 00:17:15,791
Okay, personal effects.

373
00:17:15,903 --> 00:17:18,324
One wallet. One cell phone.

374
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,414
One... pregnancy test.

375
00:17:28,156 --> 00:17:30,950
Pete arrested me before I could look at it.

376
00:17:38,613 --> 00:17:39,814
Whoa.

377
00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:41,373
Yeah.

378
00:17:42,618 --> 00:17:45,294
Lily, we can't let our kids play bask-ice-ball.

379
00:17:45,430 --> 00:17:48,775
Bask-ice-ball is really dangerous.

380
00:17:49,267 --> 00:17:51,278
Yeah, what are the rules to that game, anyway?

381
00:17:51,364 --> 00:17:54,176
There are no rules. 
We just wail on each other.

382
00:17:59,051 --> 00:18:02,322
Look, I don't want to be 
exactly like my family.

383
00:18:03,597 --> 00:18:05,540
And don't take this the wrong way,

384
00:18:06,604 --> 00:18:09,899
but I don't want to be exactly 
like your family either.

385
00:18:11,502 --> 00:18:13,460
We'll be our own family.

386
00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:19,378
And we'll find our own way to freak out the people our kids bring home.

387
00:18:21,963 --> 00:18:23,673
Great, now I'm crying.

388
00:18:24,318 --> 00:18:25,145
Look.

389
00:18:25,839 --> 00:18:29,932
We may have some really big decisions to make in about ten seconds.

390
00:18:30,471 --> 00:18:33,048
But right now, I don't care 
where our kids grow up.

391
00:18:33,135 --> 00:18:35,622
As long as they have you for a father.

392
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,507
Gosh, I hope you're the father.

393
00:18:41,759 --> 00:18:44,881
Just a little joke to lighten up the mood.

394
00:18:49,573 --> 00:18:51,142
What does it say?

395
00:18:52,255 --> 00:18:53,789
I'm afraid to look.

396
00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:55,536
It's negative!

397
00:18:56,439 --> 00:18:57,370
Oh, thank God.

398
00:18:57,467 --> 00:18:58,699
Oh, thank God.

399
00:18:59,987 --> 00:19:01,227
And, hey!

400
00:19:03,940 --> 00:19:06,725
Ted. Are you listening?

401
00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:08,788
You're a good guy.

402
00:19:09,065 --> 00:19:11,013
Want to know why I have to work tomorrow?

403
00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:14,390
My firm's designing an executive 
lounge for a tobacco company.

404
00:19:14,495 --> 00:19:18,135
In the fight against cancer, 
I'm on the side of cancer.

405
00:19:18,243 --> 00:19:20,245
Okay, Ted, I found a way 
for you to help someone.

406
00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:21,222
To do some good.

407
00:19:21,302 --> 00:19:22,359
This is Walter.

408
00:19:22,466 --> 00:19:23,798
Walter is homeless.

409
00:19:23,881 --> 00:19:25,851
And Walter would like a lap dance.

410
00:19:26,409 --> 00:19:27,643
Are you joking?

411
00:19:27,753 --> 00:19:31,775
I never joke about the sublime 
art of burlesque entertainment.

412
00:19:32,408 --> 00:19:34,311
No, Barney, that's insane.

413
00:19:34,395 --> 00:19:37,185
Sir, would you like me 
to buy you a ticket to the buffet?

414
00:19:37,885 --> 00:19:41,014
No, I'm stuffed. 
Just a lap dance will be fine.

415
00:19:41,738 --> 00:19:43,759
Ted, Walter's been to three shelter dinners.

416
00:19:43,824 --> 00:19:44,967
You know where he hasn't been?

417
00:19:45,046 --> 00:19:47,408
To heaven with Samantha.

418
00:19:49,273 --> 00:19:52,517
Look, it's the one chance you've had all day to help someone in need.

419
00:19:52,598 --> 00:19:54,800
Now, buy this man a lap dance.

420
00:19:55,740 --> 00:19:58,589
You said you wanted to see 
the look of joy in someone's eyes.

421
00:19:59,282 --> 00:20:02,509
You know, I don't think I'm going to watch.

422
00:20:03,668 --> 00:20:05,152
Here you go, Walter.

423
00:20:06,190 --> 00:20:07,765
Happy Thanksgiving.

424
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:10,152
Thank you so much.

425
00:20:10,344 --> 00:20:12,314
No, really. Thank you.

426
00:20:15,962 --> 00:20:17,538
Happy Thanksgiving, guys.

427
00:20:20,476 --> 00:20:22,329
Thanksgiving in November.

428
00:20:22,568 --> 00:20:23,489
Weird.

429
00:20:30,081 --> 00:20:32,727
So that was Thanksgiving 2005.

430
00:20:32,824 --> 00:20:34,764
To be honest, it didn't go great.

431
00:20:34,848 --> 00:20:36,880
The life has plenty of good parts.

432
00:20:36,990 --> 00:20:40,731
It's the rough parts that make you thankfull that you have people to share it with.

433
00:20:58,890 --> 00:21:02,818
Hey, I saw what you did 
for that guy. It was really sweet.

434
00:21:04,125 --> 00:21:05,846
Do you want a dance?

435
00:21:05,876 --> 00:21:07,174
Uh, no, thanks.

436
00:21:07,796 --> 00:21:08,954
Do you want some yams?

437
00:21:09,056 --> 00:21:10,451
No, thanks.

438
00:21:11,292 --> 00:21:12,639
I'm Amber.

439
00:21:12,733 --> 00:21:14,101
I'm Ted.

440
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,222
Actually... I'm Tracy.

441
00:21:18,225 --> 00:21:19,667
Still Ted.

442
00:21:19,990 --> 00:21:23,289
And that, kids, is the true story 
of how I met your mother.

443
00:21:23,490 --> 00:21:24,355
- What?!
- What?!

444
00:21:24,455 --> 00:21:25,400
I'm kidding.